Chapter 7
Hell's Bells
"Buffy, it's hideous. Oh my god, Buffy. Look at its arms!" Willow said.
"I know. But it's my duty." Buffy said as she and Willow stared in horror at the dresses they wore. "I'm ... Buffy the bridesmaid."
"Duty-schmuty. I'm supposed to be best man. Shouldn't I be all ... Marlene Dietrich-y in a dashing tuxedo number?"
"No."
"Oh."
"That would be totally unfair. We must share equally in the cosmic joke that is bridesmaids-dom." Buffy sat down on her bed and started to put on her earrings.
"Well, maybe ... if I ask Anya, I can still go with the traditional ... blood larva and burlap. I mean, she was a, a vengeance demon for like a thousand years, she would know all the most flattering ... larvae. What was she thinking?"
"I think she's probably too stressed to be thinking right now. What with Xander's relatives and her ... demons."
"Oh my god, last night, that rehearsal dinner. That was like a, a zoo without the table manners. And I bet it got worse after we left."
"I just can't believe everyone bought that story about Anya's people being circus folk. Did you see the guy with the tentacles? What's he supposed to be? Inky the Squid Boy?"
"And Xander's family. I haven't seen them that bad since my bar mitzvah. Ugh, did you see how much they drank?"
"Kinda. Mr. Harris threw up in my purse."
"Oh!" Anya cried from Buffy's doorway. She and Angel stood there and gazed in at Willow and Buffy. Angel looked almost horrified while Anya was overly excited. "Ohh. You guys look so beautiful! And Buffy, you look so cute with your pudgy stomach! This is the happiest day of my whole life!"
Buffy and Willow exchanged looks as Anya hugged them and Angel tried not to laugh. Anya left the room with one last look back at the girls and Angel. Angel walked over to Buffy and kissed her.
"Angel, we look hideous!" Buffy said.
"I'm not saying a word."
"Traitor!"
"Come on girls, we need to get to the lodge." Angel held his arms out for Willow and Buffy. Each girl slipped her arm through one of Angel's and they walked down the stairs. Buffy looked at Angel and he took off his tux jacket and put it around her. Angel pulled out an oversized umbrella from under the table next to the door and stepped out onto the porch. After a few seconds of hesitation, the girls followed him out to the car under the umbrella.
When they arrived, Buffy and Angel went to find Xander. They found him in his dressing room.
"Hey." Buffy said.
"Help!" Xander said handing her his cummerbund.
Buffy took it while Angel held Xander's jacket. She started to put it on him, but ran into some trouble. "Geez Xander! You're about my size now!"
"Is it too small?" Xander panted.
"Nah!" Angel and Buffy said together.
"It fit when I picked up the tux. How could it not fit now?"
"It'll fit." Buffy said as she pulled.
"Aw, man, what if it doesn't? What if I can't wear my cummerbund, and then the whole world can see the place where my pants meet my shirt? Buffy, that CANNOT happen. I must wear das cummerbund!"
"And so... you... shall!" Buffy strained the words out. Finally, with a little help from Angel, they fastened it.
"Hey! You guys got it!" Xander said, turning around.
"Strength and team work." Buffy took a bow tie from the pocket of Xander's jacket and started to put it on him.
"And I've been meaning to cut back on that habit-forming oxygen."
"Look at you. You look great, Mr. About-To-Get-Married. Glowing." Buffy stopped smiling. "Oh my god! Maybe you're pregnant too!"
"Maybe. I dunno. Maybe I'm just happy."
Buffy just looked at him, tears welling in her eyes.
"Teary." Xander said.
"Oh!" Buffy sniffled. "Good. Good teary."
"Happy teary? Not frustrated with bow-tie teary?"
"Yes. Happy. Happy for you. That makes me happy for me. You and Anya give me hope. It's like ... you two are proof that there's light at the end of this very long, long, nasty tunnel. And, I cannot tie this tie. Where's your best man, isn't she supposed to do this?"
"Well, she said she had something important to do."
"Angel?"
Angel walked up and tied Xander's bow tie. "There. Now here's your jacket."
"Thanks man." Xander said. He looked at the two as Buffy gave Angel his jacket and helped him button it up. "You two."
"What?" Buffy asked.
"I wanna be like you two. You're so happy together. Look at you!"
"You'll be happy too." Angel said. "Anya is a great girl."
"She is, isn't she?"
"Of course."
"Listen, I just wanna say I'm sorry for all the crap I said to you before."
"When?"
"You know, ever since I met you. I really am sorry. You've made my best friend happier than I've ever seen her. You treat her the way you should be treated. You're family now!" Xander held out his hand to shake Angel's, but at the last second, they hugged.
"Good luck Xander." Angel said.
The two men looked over at Buffy. She was staring at them and crying. "This is the most wonderful day of your life Xander!" she said. Xander went over and hugged her too. Buffy went and sat down in a chair on Angel's lap. Xander went and finished buttoning his jacket.
"Do you know what the baby is yet?" Xander asked.
"It's a boy." Angel and Buffy said together.
"Congratulations! What are you going to name him?"
"Conner Alexander." Buffy said lovingly.
"After me?"
"After his godfather." Angel said.
"His godfather's name is Alexander?"
"Yes silly. We want you to be the godfather." Buffy said.
"Me?"
"Yes."
"I would be honored!"
"Good, cause you were going to be whether you said yes or not. We figured it would be a yes."
Xander smiled. "Ok, how do I look?"
"Well, let's see. Found your shoes ... your fly's zipped. I'd say you look like you're ready to get married." Buffy said. Xander nodded nervously at her. She got up and went to him. "You're one of the decent ones, Xander. I hope I'm as lucky as you guys someday." Buffy joked.
"You wanna get lucky? I've still got, what, fifteen, twenty minutes?"
"Hey!" Angel said standing.
"We're kidding sweetie. Don't worry about it. I got lucky six and a half years ago when you walked into that alley." Buffy said lovingly.
"I know. I got lucky before that."
"Awe!" Xander said. Buffy hugged him again.
"Oh! All right. Into the breach with you." Buffy said.
"Ok, breach me!" Xander said. Buffy took Xander's hand and led him out into the hallway, Angel not far behind them. "Now, let's go over the list one more time. Number one?"
"Don't let your dad near the bar."
"Check. Number Two?"
"Don't let your mom near the bar."
"Check."
Dawn rounded a corner behind them. "Hey guys!" They looked at her and kept walking. She fell into step with them. "Spike's here and he brought Faith."
"Guys, I better go meet and greet." Xander said.
"Uh, just go ahead. We'll be a sec." Buffy told Xander as he started to leave.
"Dawn, why don't you go with Xander and check on presents?" Angel asked.
"Ok." Dawn headed off.
"Angel, will you go check on Anya? I'm going out there to help Xander."
"Ok." Angel kissed her briefly. "I love you."
"I love you."
They headed in separate directions. Just as Buffy got out into the bar area, a demon was ready to pounce on Mr. Harris.
"What'd you call me, you drunken piece of sh." the tentacled demon started.
"Mazel tov!" Buffy called. She swept up and led Mr. Harris away from the fray.
"Hey, what's this?" Mr. Harris asked.
"You must be so happy for Xander on his very special, once-in-a-lifetime day, huh, Mr. Harris?"
"Nice chassis, what's under the hood? Rrowr!"
"You know, I could use a strong cup of coffee. Hey, let's get you one too, what do you say?"
"Did you used to own a little square pinkish purse?"
"I did."
"I thought so. Hey, what do you say we slip in the back room and I show you my."
"You finish that sentence and I guarantee you my HUDBAND will make sure you don't have anything to show." Buffy yanked his arm and led him towards the coffee pot. After she got Mr. Harris to drink a couple of cups, Buffy left to talk to Spike.
"Hello, Buffy." Spike said as she walked up to him.
"Hey." Buffy said.
"It's a happy occasion."
"Yeah."
"Where's Faith?"
"Around. Did I hurt you that night at the restaurant?"
"Yes, you did, but that was a month ago."
"I'm sorry. Or, good!"
Buffy gave him a little smile.
"You want me to go?"
"No. No, I ... you have every right to be here."
"I'll just go. Give 'em my best or whatever. The happy couple."
"I will."
"It's nice to watch you be happy. I don't see it a lot. You, uh... you glow."
"That's because the dress is radioactive."
Spike snorted.
"Oh, I uh.I found out what the baby is going to be."
"Really?"
"Yeah, it's a boy. We're going to name him after his godfather."
"Who?"
"Conner Alexander Summers."
"Oh. I'm happy for you all."
"Well, I should."
"Yeah."
Buffy started to walk past Spike.
"Buffy?"
"Yeah?"
"Congratulations. I am happy for you."
"Thanks." Buffy said as she walked away. She headed towards Anya's dressing room. Opening the door, she poked her head in. "Are you ready to go?" Before anyone could answer her, Buffy was pulled out into the hallway.
"He's gone. Xander disappeared!" Willow said.
"What? Xander's gone? Wha.what should we do?" Buffy asked anxiously.
"I'm gonna go look for him ... I'm gonna find him. A.and you're going to stall." With that, Willow rushed off.
Buffy took a deep breath and turned to the door. Angel stood there staring at her. Buffy reached around him and pulled the door shut.
"What's going on?" Angel asked.
"Xander's gone and you're going to help me stall." Buffy said.
"What do you mean Xander's gone?"
"As in he's not here. Willow just told me." Buffy walked past Angel and opened the door. "Uh, heh, sorry about that. Um..." Buffy closed the door once Angel had walked in. "There's just gonna be a little bit of a delay."
"Why? What's wrong?" Anya asked.
"Nothing! Nothing's wrong, it's just.um.it.the.the.minister. He had, uh .to go .and perform an emergency C-section."
Angel looked at her dubiously.
"A C-section?" Anya asked.
"Yeah! You know, he's.uh.not.not just a minister.he's also a.a doctor. You know, he's half-minister, half-doctor. He's a.a mini-tor. Not, of course, to be confused with a Minotaur! Because he's all.you know.man.this doctor minister man.no.no bull parts whatsoever."
"Uh huh." Anya turned back to the mirror.
"So it.it should just be a couple of minutes."
"Ok."
Buffy fidgeted a little then grabbed Angel's arm and hauled him out the door with her.
"Where are we going?" Angel asked.
"To stall." Buffy led him to the main room where the preacher waited by the Alter. Buffy and Angel walked up the aisle and the orchestra started to play the wedding march. Everyone turned to look at them. Buffy turned to them, flustered, and waved at them to stop. "No! No, it isn't ." She looked at the guests nervously. "It's not what you think." Angel grabbed Buffy and pulled her towards the Alter. He covered the microphone so the guests wouldn't hear what Buffy was about to tell the preacher.
"Um.there' going to be a delay." Buffy said.
"What kind of delay?" the preacher asked.
"Well, the groom is sort of.missing."
"What?"
"We're.we're going to find him. So uh.uh.don't go anywhere." Buffy turned back around and she and Angel gave the crowd huge, fake smiles. They started to walk back down the aisle and the orchestra started to play the recession music. As they walked, Buffy glared at them and they stopped mid- note.
Buffy and Angel stood at the back of the room and watched a few of the guests bicker at each other. After a while, Xander's cousin Carol came up to her.
"Buffy, you've gotta do something!" Carol said.
"Ok.um.just take your seat and I'll.we'll figure something out." Buffy said.
Carol nodded and went back to her seat. Buffy looked at Angel who just shrugged.
"Oh fine! You're no help." Buffy said. She headed up towards the Alter and stood in front of the microphone. She looked at Angel who just looked back. Buffy took the mike from the stand. "So ... who here's from out of town?"
They all just stared at her.
"Uh. Hey everyone! I want you all to meet my husband Angel. We've been married for about a week and a half now." Buffy waved at Angel for him to come up on stage. He shook his head, panicking a little. Buffy waved harder at him. He sighed and walked up to the microphone. A few of the guests applauded him. "Hee hee. Um, does anyone have any.um.questions for us?"
A demon raised his hand. "Aren't you Angelus?"
"What? Uh, yeah. I mean, I.I used to be." Angel stammered.
Carol stood up. "Buffy, dear, you haven't told us about your baby yet."
"Yes Buffy." Mrs. Harris stood up too. She was trying to relieve some of the tension in the room. "Do you know what you're having?"
"Yeah." Buffy smiled a genuine smile; happy to be on a subject she was comfortable with. "We were at the doctor's office two days ago. We're having a.a baby boy. He weighs a pound right now. The doctor also said that he is twelve point three inches long." Buffy said. She put her hands over the medium sized bulge on her stomach.
"Awe!" Carol and Mrs. Harris said. "Congratulations!"
"Actually, we asked your son, Mrs. Harris, to be the baby's godfather. We, uh, we named him after Xander actually. Conner Alexander."
"Did he accept?" Mr. Harris asked.
"Yes, yes he accepted. Any more questions?" No one answered. Buffy shook her hands. "Um! I have and idea." She put the mike back in the stand. She held up one finger. Angel looked at her strangely and she looked back with a little shy grin and a small shrug of her shoulder.
"First word..." A few of the guests said, catching on to what she was doing.
Buffy took her index finger from each hand and put one on each side of her head. She moved around as if they were horns.
"Antlers?"
"Animals?"
"Bull!"
Buffy smiled and pointed at the guest that said bull.
"What do you mean Xander's missing?!" Anya said loudly from the back of the room.
All the guests turned around to stare at her. Buffy looked at Angel dismayed. His eyes widened.
"It's a joke. Xander's playing a joke. It's like one time, at one of Carol's weddings, I had this ape suit." Uncle Rory said.
"Oh great!" the tentacled demon said.
".And I put it on."
"Another Harris family joke."
The Harris' looked offended.
"Why don't you have another drink?" Tentacles said to Mr. Harris.
"Drinking ... is the only way I can dull the pain ... of looking at your ugly face." Mr. Harris slurred as he stood up.
Tentacles stood too. "You better think real hard about this, Harris." He smacked Mr. Harris in the chest with his squid-like hands.
"Don't touch me with those nasty circus things!"
Tentacles did it again. Mr. Harris took a swing at him, but missed. "That's it!" Tentacles threw a punch at Mr. Harris and they were on the floor punching and kicking each other. Buffy looked at Angel and rolled her eyes. Suddenly everyone was out of his, her, or its chairs. They were in a full out brawl. Buffy and Angel stood there and watched them in bewilderment.
"Xander? Have you seen Xander? Has anyone seen Xander?" Anya called into the brawl.
Carol pointed to an elderly man in a corner of the room. "Well, I saw him go in the Trophy Room with that guy!"
Anya went to talk to the man.
Buffy and Angel looked at each other hopelessly. Buffy went to the mike and called, "Guys! Will you break it up?"
No one listened. The brawl continued. Angel tried to pull a couple of the guests apart, but one punched him in the jaw. Angel came back up to the stage and looked at Buffy holding his jaw.
"That guy just hit me!" Angel said.
Buffy wasn't listening. Her attention was on Anya and a huge demon that was beating her. "Anya!"
Buffy and Angel took off through the crowd and headed towards Anya. The demon swiped at her again. Anya fell to the floor with a shriek. The demon was just about to club her again, but Buffy ran up with a folding chair she had picked up on the way and slammed the demon in the face. He reeled back in pain. Buffy went to kick him, but her dress wouldn't allow it. With an exasperated sigh, Buffy reached down and ripped a slit in her skirt. When she looked back up, the demon had Anya in a threatening position.
"Come any closer and I'll kill her." The demon said.
Buffy and Angel could only stare in dismay.
"Anya!" Xander burst into the room.
"Xander!" Anya called.
The demon turned to look at Xander and Buffy took the chance to get in there and kick the demon in the leg. He yelped and let Anya go. Angel came in and punched him a few times. Buffy came up and grabbed him, throwing him against the wall. The demon punched her and she went back. Anya ran to Xander. Buffy and Angel continued to fight the demon. Angel grabbed it and slammed its face into the floor. Buffy ran over and cut between Xander and Anya.
"Excuse me." Buffy grabbed a veil off the wall and went back to Angel who was trying to hold the demon down.
The demon threw Angel, who was now in full vamp face, against the wall. Buffy wrapped the veil around the demon's neck and started to strangle him. Suddenly a white pedestal came soaring down onto the demon's head. The demon groaned and went unconscious. Angel stood and went over to Buffy and Xander. Xander slammed the pillar onto the demon's head. There was a splat.
"It's dead." Xander said.
"Yup." Buffy and Angel said.
Willow and Tara came running up as the crowd burst into applause. They all stared at the demon for a little while longer.
"Is anyone else waiting for it to go poof?" Willow asked. They all continued staring at the corpse. "Maybe we can cover it with flowers."
"Should we do something for her?" Dawn asked. She, Willow, Buffy, and Angel were all curled up in the Summers' living room that night. Dawn held a mug of hot tea as she sat in the overstuffed armchair. "Anything?"
"She wants to be alone. That's what she wants." Willow said. Willow sat on the couch next to Buffy. "Oh, god, it just hurts my heart to think of her."
Buffy sat curled up in Angel's arms between his legs. "I know. The whole thing hurts my heart." Angel tightened his grip on Buffy.
"I thought they were happy." Dawn said.
"They were. I know they were. They were supposed to be my light at the end of the hormone tunnel. I guess they were a train."
"Why did this happen?"
"I don't know. I feel like I should be hating Xander. But I can't. I just ... I just hope he's okay." Willow said.
"I wonder where he is." Angel said.
"Wherever he is, I just hope he's ok with his decision." Buffy said.
"It's a hard decision to make. I should know. I once had to make it."
"Yeah. But you didn't leave me at the Alter. I think it would have hurt worse if you had. I can't imagine what she's going through right now."
They all sighed.
Hell's Bells
"Buffy, it's hideous. Oh my god, Buffy. Look at its arms!" Willow said.
"I know. But it's my duty." Buffy said as she and Willow stared in horror at the dresses they wore. "I'm ... Buffy the bridesmaid."
"Duty-schmuty. I'm supposed to be best man. Shouldn't I be all ... Marlene Dietrich-y in a dashing tuxedo number?"
"No."
"Oh."
"That would be totally unfair. We must share equally in the cosmic joke that is bridesmaids-dom." Buffy sat down on her bed and started to put on her earrings.
"Well, maybe ... if I ask Anya, I can still go with the traditional ... blood larva and burlap. I mean, she was a, a vengeance demon for like a thousand years, she would know all the most flattering ... larvae. What was she thinking?"
"I think she's probably too stressed to be thinking right now. What with Xander's relatives and her ... demons."
"Oh my god, last night, that rehearsal dinner. That was like a, a zoo without the table manners. And I bet it got worse after we left."
"I just can't believe everyone bought that story about Anya's people being circus folk. Did you see the guy with the tentacles? What's he supposed to be? Inky the Squid Boy?"
"And Xander's family. I haven't seen them that bad since my bar mitzvah. Ugh, did you see how much they drank?"
"Kinda. Mr. Harris threw up in my purse."
"Oh!" Anya cried from Buffy's doorway. She and Angel stood there and gazed in at Willow and Buffy. Angel looked almost horrified while Anya was overly excited. "Ohh. You guys look so beautiful! And Buffy, you look so cute with your pudgy stomach! This is the happiest day of my whole life!"
Buffy and Willow exchanged looks as Anya hugged them and Angel tried not to laugh. Anya left the room with one last look back at the girls and Angel. Angel walked over to Buffy and kissed her.
"Angel, we look hideous!" Buffy said.
"I'm not saying a word."
"Traitor!"
"Come on girls, we need to get to the lodge." Angel held his arms out for Willow and Buffy. Each girl slipped her arm through one of Angel's and they walked down the stairs. Buffy looked at Angel and he took off his tux jacket and put it around her. Angel pulled out an oversized umbrella from under the table next to the door and stepped out onto the porch. After a few seconds of hesitation, the girls followed him out to the car under the umbrella.
When they arrived, Buffy and Angel went to find Xander. They found him in his dressing room.
"Hey." Buffy said.
"Help!" Xander said handing her his cummerbund.
Buffy took it while Angel held Xander's jacket. She started to put it on him, but ran into some trouble. "Geez Xander! You're about my size now!"
"Is it too small?" Xander panted.
"Nah!" Angel and Buffy said together.
"It fit when I picked up the tux. How could it not fit now?"
"It'll fit." Buffy said as she pulled.
"Aw, man, what if it doesn't? What if I can't wear my cummerbund, and then the whole world can see the place where my pants meet my shirt? Buffy, that CANNOT happen. I must wear das cummerbund!"
"And so... you... shall!" Buffy strained the words out. Finally, with a little help from Angel, they fastened it.
"Hey! You guys got it!" Xander said, turning around.
"Strength and team work." Buffy took a bow tie from the pocket of Xander's jacket and started to put it on him.
"And I've been meaning to cut back on that habit-forming oxygen."
"Look at you. You look great, Mr. About-To-Get-Married. Glowing." Buffy stopped smiling. "Oh my god! Maybe you're pregnant too!"
"Maybe. I dunno. Maybe I'm just happy."
Buffy just looked at him, tears welling in her eyes.
"Teary." Xander said.
"Oh!" Buffy sniffled. "Good. Good teary."
"Happy teary? Not frustrated with bow-tie teary?"
"Yes. Happy. Happy for you. That makes me happy for me. You and Anya give me hope. It's like ... you two are proof that there's light at the end of this very long, long, nasty tunnel. And, I cannot tie this tie. Where's your best man, isn't she supposed to do this?"
"Well, she said she had something important to do."
"Angel?"
Angel walked up and tied Xander's bow tie. "There. Now here's your jacket."
"Thanks man." Xander said. He looked at the two as Buffy gave Angel his jacket and helped him button it up. "You two."
"What?" Buffy asked.
"I wanna be like you two. You're so happy together. Look at you!"
"You'll be happy too." Angel said. "Anya is a great girl."
"She is, isn't she?"
"Of course."
"Listen, I just wanna say I'm sorry for all the crap I said to you before."
"When?"
"You know, ever since I met you. I really am sorry. You've made my best friend happier than I've ever seen her. You treat her the way you should be treated. You're family now!" Xander held out his hand to shake Angel's, but at the last second, they hugged.
"Good luck Xander." Angel said.
The two men looked over at Buffy. She was staring at them and crying. "This is the most wonderful day of your life Xander!" she said. Xander went over and hugged her too. Buffy went and sat down in a chair on Angel's lap. Xander went and finished buttoning his jacket.
"Do you know what the baby is yet?" Xander asked.
"It's a boy." Angel and Buffy said together.
"Congratulations! What are you going to name him?"
"Conner Alexander." Buffy said lovingly.
"After me?"
"After his godfather." Angel said.
"His godfather's name is Alexander?"
"Yes silly. We want you to be the godfather." Buffy said.
"Me?"
"Yes."
"I would be honored!"
"Good, cause you were going to be whether you said yes or not. We figured it would be a yes."
Xander smiled. "Ok, how do I look?"
"Well, let's see. Found your shoes ... your fly's zipped. I'd say you look like you're ready to get married." Buffy said. Xander nodded nervously at her. She got up and went to him. "You're one of the decent ones, Xander. I hope I'm as lucky as you guys someday." Buffy joked.
"You wanna get lucky? I've still got, what, fifteen, twenty minutes?"
"Hey!" Angel said standing.
"We're kidding sweetie. Don't worry about it. I got lucky six and a half years ago when you walked into that alley." Buffy said lovingly.
"I know. I got lucky before that."
"Awe!" Xander said. Buffy hugged him again.
"Oh! All right. Into the breach with you." Buffy said.
"Ok, breach me!" Xander said. Buffy took Xander's hand and led him out into the hallway, Angel not far behind them. "Now, let's go over the list one more time. Number one?"
"Don't let your dad near the bar."
"Check. Number Two?"
"Don't let your mom near the bar."
"Check."
Dawn rounded a corner behind them. "Hey guys!" They looked at her and kept walking. She fell into step with them. "Spike's here and he brought Faith."
"Guys, I better go meet and greet." Xander said.
"Uh, just go ahead. We'll be a sec." Buffy told Xander as he started to leave.
"Dawn, why don't you go with Xander and check on presents?" Angel asked.
"Ok." Dawn headed off.
"Angel, will you go check on Anya? I'm going out there to help Xander."
"Ok." Angel kissed her briefly. "I love you."
"I love you."
They headed in separate directions. Just as Buffy got out into the bar area, a demon was ready to pounce on Mr. Harris.
"What'd you call me, you drunken piece of sh." the tentacled demon started.
"Mazel tov!" Buffy called. She swept up and led Mr. Harris away from the fray.
"Hey, what's this?" Mr. Harris asked.
"You must be so happy for Xander on his very special, once-in-a-lifetime day, huh, Mr. Harris?"
"Nice chassis, what's under the hood? Rrowr!"
"You know, I could use a strong cup of coffee. Hey, let's get you one too, what do you say?"
"Did you used to own a little square pinkish purse?"
"I did."
"I thought so. Hey, what do you say we slip in the back room and I show you my."
"You finish that sentence and I guarantee you my HUDBAND will make sure you don't have anything to show." Buffy yanked his arm and led him towards the coffee pot. After she got Mr. Harris to drink a couple of cups, Buffy left to talk to Spike.
"Hello, Buffy." Spike said as she walked up to him.
"Hey." Buffy said.
"It's a happy occasion."
"Yeah."
"Where's Faith?"
"Around. Did I hurt you that night at the restaurant?"
"Yes, you did, but that was a month ago."
"I'm sorry. Or, good!"
Buffy gave him a little smile.
"You want me to go?"
"No. No, I ... you have every right to be here."
"I'll just go. Give 'em my best or whatever. The happy couple."
"I will."
"It's nice to watch you be happy. I don't see it a lot. You, uh... you glow."
"That's because the dress is radioactive."
Spike snorted.
"Oh, I uh.I found out what the baby is going to be."
"Really?"
"Yeah, it's a boy. We're going to name him after his godfather."
"Who?"
"Conner Alexander Summers."
"Oh. I'm happy for you all."
"Well, I should."
"Yeah."
Buffy started to walk past Spike.
"Buffy?"
"Yeah?"
"Congratulations. I am happy for you."
"Thanks." Buffy said as she walked away. She headed towards Anya's dressing room. Opening the door, she poked her head in. "Are you ready to go?" Before anyone could answer her, Buffy was pulled out into the hallway.
"He's gone. Xander disappeared!" Willow said.
"What? Xander's gone? Wha.what should we do?" Buffy asked anxiously.
"I'm gonna go look for him ... I'm gonna find him. A.and you're going to stall." With that, Willow rushed off.
Buffy took a deep breath and turned to the door. Angel stood there staring at her. Buffy reached around him and pulled the door shut.
"What's going on?" Angel asked.
"Xander's gone and you're going to help me stall." Buffy said.
"What do you mean Xander's gone?"
"As in he's not here. Willow just told me." Buffy walked past Angel and opened the door. "Uh, heh, sorry about that. Um..." Buffy closed the door once Angel had walked in. "There's just gonna be a little bit of a delay."
"Why? What's wrong?" Anya asked.
"Nothing! Nothing's wrong, it's just.um.it.the.the.minister. He had, uh .to go .and perform an emergency C-section."
Angel looked at her dubiously.
"A C-section?" Anya asked.
"Yeah! You know, he's.uh.not.not just a minister.he's also a.a doctor. You know, he's half-minister, half-doctor. He's a.a mini-tor. Not, of course, to be confused with a Minotaur! Because he's all.you know.man.this doctor minister man.no.no bull parts whatsoever."
"Uh huh." Anya turned back to the mirror.
"So it.it should just be a couple of minutes."
"Ok."
Buffy fidgeted a little then grabbed Angel's arm and hauled him out the door with her.
"Where are we going?" Angel asked.
"To stall." Buffy led him to the main room where the preacher waited by the Alter. Buffy and Angel walked up the aisle and the orchestra started to play the wedding march. Everyone turned to look at them. Buffy turned to them, flustered, and waved at them to stop. "No! No, it isn't ." She looked at the guests nervously. "It's not what you think." Angel grabbed Buffy and pulled her towards the Alter. He covered the microphone so the guests wouldn't hear what Buffy was about to tell the preacher.
"Um.there' going to be a delay." Buffy said.
"What kind of delay?" the preacher asked.
"Well, the groom is sort of.missing."
"What?"
"We're.we're going to find him. So uh.uh.don't go anywhere." Buffy turned back around and she and Angel gave the crowd huge, fake smiles. They started to walk back down the aisle and the orchestra started to play the recession music. As they walked, Buffy glared at them and they stopped mid- note.
Buffy and Angel stood at the back of the room and watched a few of the guests bicker at each other. After a while, Xander's cousin Carol came up to her.
"Buffy, you've gotta do something!" Carol said.
"Ok.um.just take your seat and I'll.we'll figure something out." Buffy said.
Carol nodded and went back to her seat. Buffy looked at Angel who just shrugged.
"Oh fine! You're no help." Buffy said. She headed up towards the Alter and stood in front of the microphone. She looked at Angel who just looked back. Buffy took the mike from the stand. "So ... who here's from out of town?"
They all just stared at her.
"Uh. Hey everyone! I want you all to meet my husband Angel. We've been married for about a week and a half now." Buffy waved at Angel for him to come up on stage. He shook his head, panicking a little. Buffy waved harder at him. He sighed and walked up to the microphone. A few of the guests applauded him. "Hee hee. Um, does anyone have any.um.questions for us?"
A demon raised his hand. "Aren't you Angelus?"
"What? Uh, yeah. I mean, I.I used to be." Angel stammered.
Carol stood up. "Buffy, dear, you haven't told us about your baby yet."
"Yes Buffy." Mrs. Harris stood up too. She was trying to relieve some of the tension in the room. "Do you know what you're having?"
"Yeah." Buffy smiled a genuine smile; happy to be on a subject she was comfortable with. "We were at the doctor's office two days ago. We're having a.a baby boy. He weighs a pound right now. The doctor also said that he is twelve point three inches long." Buffy said. She put her hands over the medium sized bulge on her stomach.
"Awe!" Carol and Mrs. Harris said. "Congratulations!"
"Actually, we asked your son, Mrs. Harris, to be the baby's godfather. We, uh, we named him after Xander actually. Conner Alexander."
"Did he accept?" Mr. Harris asked.
"Yes, yes he accepted. Any more questions?" No one answered. Buffy shook her hands. "Um! I have and idea." She put the mike back in the stand. She held up one finger. Angel looked at her strangely and she looked back with a little shy grin and a small shrug of her shoulder.
"First word..." A few of the guests said, catching on to what she was doing.
Buffy took her index finger from each hand and put one on each side of her head. She moved around as if they were horns.
"Antlers?"
"Animals?"
"Bull!"
Buffy smiled and pointed at the guest that said bull.
"What do you mean Xander's missing?!" Anya said loudly from the back of the room.
All the guests turned around to stare at her. Buffy looked at Angel dismayed. His eyes widened.
"It's a joke. Xander's playing a joke. It's like one time, at one of Carol's weddings, I had this ape suit." Uncle Rory said.
"Oh great!" the tentacled demon said.
".And I put it on."
"Another Harris family joke."
The Harris' looked offended.
"Why don't you have another drink?" Tentacles said to Mr. Harris.
"Drinking ... is the only way I can dull the pain ... of looking at your ugly face." Mr. Harris slurred as he stood up.
Tentacles stood too. "You better think real hard about this, Harris." He smacked Mr. Harris in the chest with his squid-like hands.
"Don't touch me with those nasty circus things!"
Tentacles did it again. Mr. Harris took a swing at him, but missed. "That's it!" Tentacles threw a punch at Mr. Harris and they were on the floor punching and kicking each other. Buffy looked at Angel and rolled her eyes. Suddenly everyone was out of his, her, or its chairs. They were in a full out brawl. Buffy and Angel stood there and watched them in bewilderment.
"Xander? Have you seen Xander? Has anyone seen Xander?" Anya called into the brawl.
Carol pointed to an elderly man in a corner of the room. "Well, I saw him go in the Trophy Room with that guy!"
Anya went to talk to the man.
Buffy and Angel looked at each other hopelessly. Buffy went to the mike and called, "Guys! Will you break it up?"
No one listened. The brawl continued. Angel tried to pull a couple of the guests apart, but one punched him in the jaw. Angel came back up to the stage and looked at Buffy holding his jaw.
"That guy just hit me!" Angel said.
Buffy wasn't listening. Her attention was on Anya and a huge demon that was beating her. "Anya!"
Buffy and Angel took off through the crowd and headed towards Anya. The demon swiped at her again. Anya fell to the floor with a shriek. The demon was just about to club her again, but Buffy ran up with a folding chair she had picked up on the way and slammed the demon in the face. He reeled back in pain. Buffy went to kick him, but her dress wouldn't allow it. With an exasperated sigh, Buffy reached down and ripped a slit in her skirt. When she looked back up, the demon had Anya in a threatening position.
"Come any closer and I'll kill her." The demon said.
Buffy and Angel could only stare in dismay.
"Anya!" Xander burst into the room.
"Xander!" Anya called.
The demon turned to look at Xander and Buffy took the chance to get in there and kick the demon in the leg. He yelped and let Anya go. Angel came in and punched him a few times. Buffy came up and grabbed him, throwing him against the wall. The demon punched her and she went back. Anya ran to Xander. Buffy and Angel continued to fight the demon. Angel grabbed it and slammed its face into the floor. Buffy ran over and cut between Xander and Anya.
"Excuse me." Buffy grabbed a veil off the wall and went back to Angel who was trying to hold the demon down.
The demon threw Angel, who was now in full vamp face, against the wall. Buffy wrapped the veil around the demon's neck and started to strangle him. Suddenly a white pedestal came soaring down onto the demon's head. The demon groaned and went unconscious. Angel stood and went over to Buffy and Xander. Xander slammed the pillar onto the demon's head. There was a splat.
"It's dead." Xander said.
"Yup." Buffy and Angel said.
Willow and Tara came running up as the crowd burst into applause. They all stared at the demon for a little while longer.
"Is anyone else waiting for it to go poof?" Willow asked. They all continued staring at the corpse. "Maybe we can cover it with flowers."
"Should we do something for her?" Dawn asked. She, Willow, Buffy, and Angel were all curled up in the Summers' living room that night. Dawn held a mug of hot tea as she sat in the overstuffed armchair. "Anything?"
"She wants to be alone. That's what she wants." Willow said. Willow sat on the couch next to Buffy. "Oh, god, it just hurts my heart to think of her."
Buffy sat curled up in Angel's arms between his legs. "I know. The whole thing hurts my heart." Angel tightened his grip on Buffy.
"I thought they were happy." Dawn said.
"They were. I know they were. They were supposed to be my light at the end of the hormone tunnel. I guess they were a train."
"Why did this happen?"
"I don't know. I feel like I should be hating Xander. But I can't. I just ... I just hope he's okay." Willow said.
"I wonder where he is." Angel said.
"Wherever he is, I just hope he's ok with his decision." Buffy said.
"It's a hard decision to make. I should know. I once had to make it."
"Yeah. But you didn't leave me at the Alter. I think it would have hurt worse if you had. I can't imagine what she's going through right now."
They all sighed.