Despite the fact that it was midmorning, the office was dark. Sandoval glanced to the virtual glass window—it was opaque, blocking virtually all the light coming into the room. That was a new amenity; when he left there was no way to adjust the light coming into the room. It was kind of a shame…the room got such beautiful morning sun. Amazing he hadn't noticed that before. A stack of papers caught Sandoval's eye. They were scattered across the desk and a few had wandered so far as the floor—as if Liam had been working all night. A strong possibility, the Taelons didn't have much respect for a normal schedule. In that case, he could understand the major's aversion to the sun. Liam was sitting in the chair, his head buried in his arms on top of the desk. Sandoval scoffed, even if he had been working all night…to take a nap right here in the office was bad planning—anyone could walk right in.
Sandoval perched himself on the edge of the desk. "Liam?" The man didn't move. "Liam?" Sandoval asked again. Still no answer. He hesitated, uncertain of what to do next. He really didn't want to wake him up, especially not if it was going to take much effort. But they definitely needed to discuss what had happened. "Wake up, Liam," Sandoval prodded him, reaching out to touch his shoulder.
Blinding white pain flooded his mind, leaving a burning trail behind it. Taking a deep breath, Sandoval recentered himself, resisting being swept up in the tide. So much for Liam being asleep…. He broke his contact with the major's mind; if he intended to have any sort of control he was going to have to start over from the beginning. He knew better than to be caught unprepared like that; Moondance would have given him quite the lecture for making such a careless mistake. Sandoval reached out towards Liam's mind once more.
Out of the corner of his eye, he spotted a Global laying on the desk. Sandoval hesitated, studying it. Technically, he should report this. Liam wasn't his responsibility and if anything happened it would be best if he wasn't the one they blamed. Dr. Belman would be able to care for him just as well…. Before he could change his mind, Sandoval snatched the Global from the desktop.
***
"Where the hell am I?" Liam groaned, opening his eyes. Bright light assaulted his senses, blinding him. He attempted to roll over to escape the light, but tight restraints held him in place. Giving in, he squeezed his eyes shut.
"Liam?" a familiar voice called to him. "Liam, wake up." Reluctantly he opened his eyes again. The lights had been turned away and Dr. Belman now stood at his side. "How are you feeling?"
"I've felt better."
"I can imagine. Do you remember how you ended up here?"
Liam looked around the room, hoping it could give him some clue. It was just like any other room in med sciences. Nothing jumped out to help him remember. "Not really."
Dr. Belman nodded as if she expected as much. "Tell me what you do remember."
"I went to find Sandoval." Liam scoffed to himself. He had certainly found Sandoval. But where he had found him…. That wasn't exactly what he had been expecting. "I found Sandoval, then went back to my office. After that…."
"That's more than I expected." She hesitated. "Simply, Liam, the CVI is attacking your brain."
"What?" Liam stared at her. "I don't understand."
"I told you from the beginning that I didn't know how the CVI would react to the fact that you're part Chimera. Let's just say it didn't go over well."
"It can do that?" he asked, unbelieving. The CVI was designed to enhance the human mind, no one had brought up the fact that I could turn against its host. A minor detail the Companions left out? Or did they know?
"Obviously it can." Dr. Belman shook her head. "The thing is part Taelon virus. We hardly even understand their technology, let alone a bioengineered virus built with that technology. Hell, we don't know much about human viruses."
"But to attack its host…. Isn't it killing itself by doing so?"
"In a way, yes," she answered. "But I don't think that's its main concern. I…I don't know what to say in my report. We've never documented anything like this. And I'm worried it might raise some questions you'd prefer not to answer."
Liam closed his eyes. This was definitely going to raise some questions he didn't want to answer. And he didn't want to think about it right now. Not when the memory of his headache still nagged at his mind. "I take it there's nothing to be done."
"I'm working on it, Liam. I really am. But right now, no. I warned you before we started…."
"I know, I know. You can quit reminding me. I don't hold you responsible. I suppose there's no way to keep this from the Taelons."
"Actually…I already took care of that. They think you overworked yourself. Zo'or's using it as an example of how frail and inferior the human race is—but I think that's better than the alternative."
"Agreed."
Dr. Belman started to turn away from the bed. "Get some sleep. I want to keep you around for observation for a while." Not in much of a position to protest, Liam closed his eyes.
***
"I thought I might find you here," Sunlark said, sitting down beside Sandoval on one of the garden benches.
"I needed to think."
Sunlark nodded. "Heard you had an interesting morning."
"More than interesting…." Sandoval scoffed. "What did Vanyel tell you?"
"Not much. Just that you might need me." Sunlark looked up to the sky. The sun was beginning to set, gilding the clouds with a pink glow. "He was worried when you didn't come back this afternoon." Sandoval didn't answer. Sunlark sighed to himself—this was going to prove to be actual work. Vanyel had been too worried to tell him much this afternoon. And now Sandoval had pretty much withdrawn into himself. "What happened?"
Sandoval shook his head. "Nothing."
"If it was nothing, you would not be sitting out here in the garden—you would have retired to your room with Vanyel long ago. Or is that perhaps part of the problem?"
"Liam walked in on us in bed together this morning," Sandoval said simply.
"So that is the problem. I had wondered when this would come up. You have changed much in the last year, but it is still quite early to test you."
Sandoval flinched away from him. "There is nothing to test," he protested. "I love Vanyel."
"I do not suggest otherwise," Sunlark assured him. "But it is difficult to have that tested. You changed very rapidly, Sandoval, and perhaps not under the best of conditions. I am no Healer, but I know that Empathy and Healing are trying Gifts—especially in your case. I can only imagine the turmoil in your mind as you learned things about yourself that you never expected and, I suppose, some things you would prefer not to know." He hesitated. Sandoval was offering him nothing. How far should he push? "I have seen your pain. I wish I could say that it was over. But as you can see, it is not. You will constantly be tested—you will doubt and you will hurt. And it will be hard. But in truth, you have been through the hardest part—you have made decisions as to what is right and wrong for you. Societies as a whole have ethics and morals, yes, but it is the individual that must adopt them and choose to uphold them. You have made those decisions. Now they are being tested."
"What in the hell are you talking about?" Sandoval asked. "Have you ever given a straight answer in your life?"
Sunlark flinched at the hostility radiating off Sandoval. He was obviously not bothering to shield himself or control his emotions—both dangerous scenarios. If Sandoval lashed out…. Sunlark pushed the thought from his mind. It would not be a pleasant outcome—he could not protect himself from as much power as Sandoval could throw at him, even unintentionally. Nor could anyone else in the Embassy and perhaps the surrounding blocks. "In my line of work, Sandoval, there are no straight answers."
"By the Goddess, you are difficult."
"I shall take that as a compliment, though I am not certain that I am the one being difficult. You are the one that has completely withdrawn into yourself in a matter of hours and refuses to explain why."
"I told you…Liam walked in on Vanyel and me in bed. Is that not enough?"
"Enough, perhaps, if the two of you were trying to form some exotic variant of a Tayledras mating circle." Sunlark sighed as Sandoval failed to find his joke amusing. "What difference does it make if he knows?"
Sandoval didn't answer.
"Do you feel guilty about it?"
Sandoval didn't answer.
"Do you think what you have done is wrong?"
Sandoval didn't answer.
"Are you ashamed?"
Still, Sandoval didn't answer.
"Answer me, Sandoval," Sunlark snapped. This was unfair and incredibly harsh, he knew, but he had to force Sandoval to come up with an answer.
His head dropped into his hands. "No." Then barely above a whisper, "Yes."
Sandoval relaxed slightly. One topic down, one more to go. "Why did you leave Liam this morning?"
"He wasn't my responsibility." Sandoval answered without raising his head.
"You are a Healer, are you not? He was hurt. I think that makes him your responsibility."
"The Taelon medial staff can care for him as well as I could."
Sunlark steadied himself, forcing himself not to react. It was as if he had not spent an entire year working with Sandoval, as if the man had forgotten in one afternoon everything his experience had taught him. "Do you truly believe that? Do you not listen during your lessons? Do you think that a simple doctor with a few machines at her disposal could even begin to match a Tayledras trained Healer that has life flowing through his veins?" He paused, collecting his thoughts. "If you want a straight answer from me, then listen, Sandoval, for this is as straight as it comes.
"You are scared, so very scared. You have seen the pain and the darkness, you have been there and you do not want to go back. But you are so blind that you cannot see that in running away you have put yourself exactly where you didn't want to be.
"Liam is dying, I spoke to Dr. Belman myself. But I don't need to tell you that, you already know. Perhaps not consciously, but you know. You can't help but know. How can you forsake your Gift like that? To turn your back on one in so much pain. It is not a right and it is not a choice, Sandoval—it is your duty to help those who are hurt. Yours is the power of life. You have been blessed with compassion and caring and the power to heal wounds of the flesh. These Gifts are not for your benefit, but for the good of others. I know you did not ask for your Gifts and I know you did not want them. But they were given to you nonetheless. The Goddess does not make mistakes, you were meant to use them. To deny that desire inside you…. Why? Because Liam represents what you once were. He's a slave to the Taelons, doing their bidding and taking care of their dirty work. He reminds you too much of when you did the same, of the horrid crimes you committed in their name. But to back away from him is to leave him in the same darkness that entangled you.
"And Vanyel. You have no right to hurt him. Yes, hurt him. You are so afraid of what people will think of you, afraid that they will reject you for being shay'a'chern. How can you be so selfish? Vanyel has never left your side. He has loved you no matter what. It has not been easy for him—to learn to love again after 'Lendel and to put up with you, for you are not always an easy person to get along with. Yet now, when the possibility exists that one person that does not matter to you in the first place might think slightly less of you for being shaych you turn away from him without a second thought. I have seen such happiness in your eyes when you are with him. Do you forget all of that?
"On top of everything else, you spend much of your time focusing on what you have lost. You wish yourself back in the Vale. What, in truth, have you lost? A few waterfalls, some hot soaking springs, well concealed trysting spots. How sad. Vanyel and I lost our homes, our friends, our family….
"You were right, Sandoval—you do need to think. And Vanyel was wrong—you don't need me. I'll tell him not to expect you back." Standing, Sunlark walked off without looking back.
***