Ruminations

Torchbearer was in full gallop under Kate's command. She had gone riding in the early mornings of the last week to learn again all of the paths back to Mayfair. Luckily, no one came upon her as on the day of her arrival.

The Ton do like their sleep.

Kate had been able to keep herself and Alexander away from the curious eyes of society for the moment. It was not the season yet. So, their attendance was not required at any formal functions. However, their lack of appearance, out and about, endured the near-long-decade mystery of the Dorset family.

She came upon a familiar clearing. It was a small one with the trees encircling it; their branches stretching high above making a cathedral-like canopy. She slowed Torchbearer to a stop and dismounted. The clearing had lily-of-the-valley flowers sprinkled within it which had not been there before, a long time ago…when she had pleaded with Anthony to marry her sister…

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Her heart did not want her to do it. SHE loved him! She had not wanted to love him…She did not even like him to begin with! But with a shared laugh here and there; with all the close encounters alone; and with his whispered words on her cheek, her heart had melted. Oh, why did she have to fall in love with Viscount Anthony Bridgerton? Because in the end, she felt and thought that they were of the same mind, of the same heart. However, while he was of the same mind, he was not of the same heart. He did not love her. This fact was solidified by his proposal to Edwina in front of Kate, his family, and anyone of the Ton that had not yet left Aubrey Hall after the Heart and Flowers Ball. Even after the dinner with the Sheffields (when everyone found out about her plans), he spoke of ending the engagement, not only because of her scheme, but because of his strong desire for her. But Kate could not have him break her sister's heart for only of desire!

'Of course, he does not love me, much less want to marry me. Who am I but the daughter of a clerk? Edwina is the granddaughter of a baron. Edwina is the one who deserves a viscount…who deserves Anthony.'

The next day, Kate went on her usual morning ride in hopes that Anthony would do so as well. She came to the small clearing in the trees in the middle of the park. It was there that Anthony found her. Again, he spoke of ending the engagement but, this time adding that, once the engagement is broken, it will be as if they had never met and their paths shall never cross again. This broke Kate's heart as she now could not imagine never having met Anthony Bridgerton. And so, with her sister in mind, Kate put her strong feelings aside and begged Viscount Anthony Bridgerton to marry her sister.

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A flutter of birds brought Kate to the present. She looked around to see if anyone else had come upon her, but the day was still quite early, and she did not see anyone. She pulled out a white, lace kerchief that she had tucked in her dark green bodice and dabbed the slight tears that had formed in her eyes. Kate shook her head to scatter the memories and took a deep breath of fresh air to calm herself. She continued to slowly pace a circle in the clearing.

A lot has changed since then. Edwina was now a countess, wife of Earl William Fyfe. The title was more than if she had married Anthony. Lord Fyfe had tried to court Edwina in the first season. However, because of Anthony's persistence to wed the "Diamond", Lord Fyfe withdrew his interest; not wanting to impede on his friend's efforts. It was not until the next season that Lord Fyfe renewed his interest. With Kate having left London and Anthony withdrawing from society, Lord Fyfe was able to court Edwina for a few weeks and their courtship became a love match. Lady Mary had written back to Kate with this news when Kate had written to her mother and sister that she was settled in India with a family for whom she worked as a governess. Later, Kate asked them to live their lives in England with little thought of her. Kate explained that she would not like to have Edwina's new title tarnished by having the Ton remember of the untitled, half-sister. Kate had not told them of Alexander's birth and, as her life moved on as the wife of Dr. Thomas Dorset, the correspondence dwindled to a stop.

'Now, I am a "lady" myself. It is more than I dreamed of for myself! I will have to write to Mama advising her of my return to England. Oh, but what of Alexander? Not yet…I shall have to contend with Violet Bridgerton before hand. She is determined to have Alexander named as Anthony's son! Now she wants me to have tea with Colin and Penelope this afternoon?! I shall no longer be able to keep my return to Mayfair a secret for very much longer; much less that I have returned with a son!'

Again, Kate shook her head as she did not know what to do about her predicament now. She then heard a horse's neigh in the distance.

O pyaare! I must leave this place before I am seen!

Kate went to mount Torchbearer but her boot slipped out of the stirrups. She fell back and landed on her bottom with her hands splayed out behind her; her kerchief thrown a little distance away. She quickly scurried to her feet and successfully mounted Torchbearer this time. She spurred the horse into a full gallop; away from the direction of the sound. Kate did not look back until she reached Dorset House.

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After that day of finding the Dorset horse in the middle of Windsor Great Park, Anthony took to riding again in the mornings. Albeit some mornings were not as early, but there were little to no other riders, nonetheless. He had enjoyed the fresh dewy air on these rides long before. He should not have stopped the routine. However back then, there were places in the park that pained his heart and he could not bear the memories that would fill his mind upon seeing them. Now, he just took different paths.

This ride, though, was much later than usual. However, since he took up the routine again, he did not want to let it lapse. So, he was in the park but the day was already after noon. He let Thunderbolt lead the way. The horse trotted to a small clearing in the trees. Anthony, slightly recognizing the landscape, slowed his horse to a stop and dismounted. He noticed that the long grass had been walked on by someone recently, but it did not think anything more about it. Anthony tied up the horse to a nearby tree and removed his hat. He was not sure anymore if he should be there. He took a deep breath to calm himself and got a whiff of a familiar scent…a scent that he had not smelled in a long time…or had not allowed himself to smell in a long time.

Anthony looked around and noticed lily-of-the-valley flowers had grown in the little clearing.

Ah, those would be lovely for Mother.

He walked over to where a bunch of them had grown close to one another. He bent down to pick them and noticed that it was not a bunch of the flowers but a white, lace kerchief. He picked it up and, as a slight breeze passed through the cloth, he got a whiff of a familiar scent which had more than just lilies…lilies with notes of a citrus fruit.

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The scent of lilies and tangerine were all over her: her hair, her neck, her shoulders, her arms; right down to her fingertips! He could not get enough of her! He breathed her in deeply as he devoured her lips and she clung onto him. His only thoughts were of her, finally in his arms!

'But I am a gentleman…' his conscious reminded him.

"I will stop," he agonizingly said aloud as he pulled himself out of her embrace.

She looked at him with eyes full of desire and breathed, "Do not stop."

"I will stop…"

"Do not stop!" she demanded and pulled him to her lips.

This was his undoing. There were no more words spoken between them. His hands ran down the back of her; then cupped her buttocks. He squeezed them and lifted her against him. She let out a little squeal in her kiss when he did so. There was no stopping now. They were finally doing something for themselves!

He let out a guttural moan against her lips as he put her back down on her feet. He broke the kiss only to spin her around so that he could undo the buttons on the back of her dress while pressed up behind her. She turned her head and started kissing his jawline. He lifted his head and met her lips once again as his fingers pushed the neckline of her dress off her shoulders. He inhaled her scent once more and broke the kiss to trail kisses down her neck. Her skin glowed from the moonlight. Under his gaze, her skin enticed him like chocolate and, so, he slightly bared his teeth and applied little nibbles onto her shoulders. This caused a gasp to escape from her, not out of pain, but out of the electric current that coursed through her body from the feel of his teeth on her skin. She squeezed her shoulders together, causing her dress to cascade down to encircle her feet in a pool of lavender satin.

He pulled back a little from her as she stepped out of the dress and turned to face him. Her almond-shaped eyes were half closed; and her lips, swollen from their kissing. Her gloved hands reached around his neck to pull him to her, and their lips locked together again. His actions now were unthinking. He deftly removed his jacket and cravat while she hung onto him; her fingers splayed across his shoulder blades. However, he wanted to feel her touch. He grabbed her wrists to untangle her arms from him which caused him to break the kiss once again. Her eyes flew open and stared at him. He stared back and moved to tug on the fingertips of a gloved hand. He slowly pulled the glove and it slowly slid off her arm. When she was free of it, he turned the bare hand upward and bent his head to plant a kiss with his tongue on her upturned wrist. Wrist in hand, he continued with kisses on her arm, all the way up to her shoulders and onto her neck. This caused her to tilt her head opposite to allow access to her earlobe, to her jaw, and, hopefully, to her lips. He then lifted his head to look at her close. Her lids were heavy as she looked at him. But as he continued take in every detail of her face, her brows started to knit together in confusion. He quirked her a small smile and he repeated the removal of the other glove, following the same undertaking. Then at the end, he found her lips in which she sighed in passionate relief.

Once again, he inhaled her scent deeply. His last shred of restraint was now gone. He removed his waistcoat, then his shirt. He knelt in front of her and proceeded to remove her stockings. He followed them with kisses all the way down to her ankles. She bent down and lifted his face to kiss him. He grabbed both her arms and pulled her down on top of him. He let out a sigh as he captured her lips, feeling her body on the length of him. He was in heaven.

The next morning, the heavens opened up above him. He woke up to droplets of rain falling on his face and she was gone; leaving her scent of lilies and tangerine lingering in the air he breathed.

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Anthony had not recollected that night in a long time. Oh, he had dreams of her long after she left; but they eventually dissipated once he banned all floral arrangements in the house altogether. With the help of his brother-in-law, Phillip who was a botanist, the only plants living in Bridgerton House were green house plants. His mother, from time to time, would bring a flower arrangement with her when she visited. However, once she left, the servants immediately removed them.

Anthony lifted the kerchief to his nose and smelled the scent that the breeze had carried when he picked up the kerchief. He did not know what to think of it. He had not smelled it on any other women. Yes, other women wore the lily scent. However, it was just the lily scent. He shook his head to deny any thoughts that may have entered his mind of who's the scent may be…

Because she is gone.

He looked at the kerchief this time and noticed a monogram of the letter D on one of the corners.

Hmmm…D…

He shrugged to himself and decided to find its rightful owner (who obviously was a woman). So, he tucked the kerchief in his outside breast pocket, trying to ignore the scent that wafted to his nostrils.

I shall ask mother if she recognizes the monogram. I shall make an appearance during her afternoon tea today. It is the off week of her standing appointment with Lady Danbury. So, I shall take advantage of not having to raise the curiosity of that old woman when I inquire about the kerchief!

Before leaving the area, Anthony decided to pick a handful of lily-of-the-valleys for his mother. He mounted Thunderbolt and made his way back to Mayfield.