Sorting out

Author: Joy

Email: Julianna@ziplip.com

Joy stood at the door watching wearily as Buffy did the same. "He loves my mummy," the child said.

"It appears so," Buffy answered without thinking.

The child's eyes turned up. "You hurt my brother very much. You hurt his father very much. He came here to make peace. Allow him that."

"Excuse me?" the slayer questioned.

"All he ever wanted was to love you. Now he has a son to give his love to. Don't interfere," Joy spoke clipped. Buffy gazed at the child. "Yes Buffy I can read minds. Even vampires. I am older then my years and I do possess great power… I cannot help what I am any more than you can." The child tilted her head considering the slayer. "You had your chance. Your time has past."

"But he got his soul to give me what I deserve," she said quickly.

"And you still did not accept it. Maybe now what you deserve is to be separated from a man who loved you no matter what…that man you had no reason to turn away. Maybe now you deserve to be alone. Maybe now you deserve to watch him be happy without you," the child said icily. Then with big eyes she said, "Or maybe you do deserve to be loved by a man with a soul…but you can't let yourself. Maybe he has sought and gained redemption as a free gift from the Powers. Maybe he is no longer bound to you. Maybe you can be content with his love as a friend."

Buffy was awed, "Maybe."

The child's blue eyes stared deep into Buffy's, "Maybe he won't be gone long."

"Spike loves whole hearted. If he chooses to love her I haven't a prayer."

"You still don't understand him. That is why you haven't a prayer," Joy said quietly. "Your beloved made my mummy and abandoned her to be killed because he felt guilty. Spike found her and took her in. Her soul never bothered him, nor did the fact she didn't hunt. He accepted her as she was, 'flaws' and all. That is what he has always offered you and you have laughed in his face. Mummy will not do that. She has always loved him, more than my daddy. She loved my daddy but not as much, because Will's daddy took care of her until she could care for herself. He cared for you and you hated him for it…I would imagine it is easier to love my mummy than to love you."

"I imagine so too," Buffy answered watching Spike pet and comfort Gabriella kissing her forehead. Joy reached her hand up and led Buffy away from the door.

 "Shhh…" Spike soothed rocking Gabriella back and forth. "You did this when your grandfather died."

"I remember… I wailed on his grave so angry. I beat on your chest all my anger and frustration. I was supposed to be in the ground but I wasn't. It didn't take me long to dissolve in your arms," she sniffled.

"See I let you beat on me too," he whispered.

"Not the same. I hit your chest with human strength only maybe three times. Not the same at all," she answered.

"I guess not," Spike nodded looking Gabriella full in the eyes pushing her long blond hair past her ear. He let his fingers slid through it. She was breath taking and she was alive…at least as alive as a vampire can be. "We made love for the first time that night…You trusted me."

Gabriella looked down. "Don't start something here Spike. I can't take it. I lived in the shadow of another woman the three years I was with you. I really don't feel like doing it again. Besides I have kids to worry about. I am not able just to act blindly."

"You were never in the shadow of anyone. You shone brightly all by yourself. I'm sorry if in your mind you rewrote our history. I'm sorry that things ended the way they did. I never wanted you to believe you weren't important to me or that you were some stop in the road. I can promise you if I had had the choice I would have chosen you."

Ella laughed, "You don't know that. You just think that because of what has happened since then."

Spike gazed at her intently, "I thought you left me. Dru thought I would just fall back into her arms."

"That's exactly what you did!" Gabriella spat.

"No… I didn't take her back. I bitched and moaned and waited for you to come home. Yeah I wanted to hurt you because you left me…but I wanted you more. Dru realized I wasn't coming around in fact despite my anger I started to look for you. That's when she coped to killing you. You hadn't left me; she had killed you… I mourned you then hurt her over and over for what she had supposedly done to you. Things I'm not proud of at all… Eventually I saw the killing of a rival as a sighed of love and commitment from her…I know its psychotic but… I was lonely without you," he spoke softly.

Gabriella took in all he had said. His account did make sense with what she knew of his actions. She worried her lip and gazed at Spike with almost child like innocence. She wanted to believe him.

"One kiss Ella. Just to see if there is still something there," he whispered very close to her mouth.

"You know there is something still there or we wouldn't be here… like this," she responded.

"Please," he pled. "You're alive and real…You have no idea the knots you're tying me in."

Her eyes flitted to his mouth for a second before Spike kissed Gabriella's lips. It was so soft and sweet you would wonder if it even happened. "How do you do this to me? I haven't seen you in nearly twenty years and I'm coming undone."

She licked her lips briefly causing a brief groan from Spike. "I know you are dealing with a lot with the whole soul issue but I don't think I can do this. I'm not rejecting you Spike. God knows I would love to say you have no affect on me, but you do. You were the place I felt safe when it mattered most… I just don't think it's smart to pick whatever we had up when you still are in love with another woman. I've been there and done that with you before. I will always lose. I can't afford to lose this time. I have to think about Joy and Will."

Spike gazed his full at Gabriella before drawing her into another kiss. This time it wasn't as chaste or sweet. It was hungry. His tongue caressed hers in a way that made her quake. "I can wait," he whispered before kissing her nose. On their feet they were about to head into the store. Spike stopped facing her once more. "For the record…that is not what happened last time."

"Alright then what did happen last time?" Gabriella questioned.

Spike loved her spirit. "Man…I've been trying to figure out for two years why I fell for Buffy. I have been trying to put together why I would love my mortal enemy. It didn't make sense… Now its obvious."

"If you don't want me to think you are in love with another woman you are doing a hell of a job!" she snapped.

He smirked. "It was never her… It was you. It was always you… You were dust but I found someone with the same spunk…same passion. I kept trying to make her see me like you did. But it didn't work because she wasn't you… I am a complete prat." Spike shook his head as he began to pace. "I kept trying to convince myself she was in love with me…but it was you that had loved me. I wanted her to accept me because you had… It never occurred to me that I was trying to force her to be you."

They reentered the store. Giles sipped on tea, while Anya and Xander attempted to not look at one another. Willow of course was de-toxing with a group of Wiccas. Buffy snagged Spike as they entered the room. He looked at her suspiciously. They had tried to talk a few times but it always ended badly.

"For what its worth, I'm sorry for the way I treated you last year. I messed up and hurt you because I was afraid. Seeing what my words did to… your son… I had treated you like a person in the past. I should have… I was wrong for what… Oh hell. I'm sorry," Buffy finally snapped frustrated with herself and him.

"We hurt each other…a lot. I am just as much at fault for him as you are… I wasn't listening to what you were telling me. I should have listened when you said being with me was killing you…and before that." He sighed, "I was trying to make you someone you weren't… I know I groveled a lot when I got back so I'm hoping you know how sorry I am about everything."

Buffy heard the underlying finality. "You're going to leave."

He considered her a moment, "I have a promise to fulfill that predates you and Nibblet. I can't turn my back on that… Will seems to like London. Maybe once this is all done I can go home."

"England?" she grimaced at the thought. She came so close to saying she needed him…but not close enough.

"If you need me you can ring me… Besides I haven't a bloody clue if Ella would even let me come with once this is through."

"You love her," Buffy said with a great deal of hurt.

Spike hurt because of the look on his slayer's face, "She was my sunshine before I wanted to stand in the light… I could always be gentle but she was the first and only person that required it. Dru wasn't always weak Buffy. The care I showed her Gabriella brought out in me. Any part of me you have ever regarded as good she nurtured." Buffy's expression didn't change. "I loved her before I met her. I loved while she was learning to stand on her own and when she was in my arms. I loved her after she died…or at least I thought she died."

The slayer nodded slowly,  "She's who you were trying to 'make me be' isn't she?" Spike nodded shamefaced. Buffy looked at Gabriella holding Joy in her arms introducing her to each person. "She seems like someone I should be honored to be like… Tough. Intelligent. Beautiful. Smartass" Spike smiled. Buffy looked at him clearly for the first time since the night she jumped. "Be happy Spike. Love someone who can love you back without guilt or worry."

"Buffy…"

"I know you'll always love me and Dawn. I think you'll probably even love the rest of Scoobies too. Come home occasionally," she said with a smile.

He wrapped his arms around her briefly, "Thank you pet. You have no idea the gift you've given me."

"I think I do," Buffy answered. Gabriella listened to the discussion discreetly. Maybe he hadn't been lying after all.

"Mummy, the great man is getting depressed and angry. We need to find him. Water is leaking in. He's…Mummy," the little girl pled.

"The great man?" Giles inquired.

"That's what she calls him…the man's eyes she sees through or in this case the vampire's eyes she sees through," Gabriella explained. "Joy could you go wake Will up and keep him company." She nodded and left the grown ups.

Gabriella shook her head, "I got a compliant child and a hellion. What a combo?"

"Great man?" Spike asked this time.

"Angelus… He's taller than her daddy. He's taller than Will's daddy," Ella motioned her arms over to Spike. "She saw a cartoon with 'Frankenstein' in it. She pointed at the screen all excited…that was who she saw in her dreams. We settled on the great man because he was the great big man in her visions and I didn't want her to get confused about calling him Angel and the Angels in heaven since he really isn't the most noble fellow."

"Might want to watch what you say," Xander warned.

"It's okay… She's right. She hasn't seen him be noble," Buffy stated.

"Thank you."

"You welcome… Now what was that about water leaking in?"

"You need to sit down for this." Everyone sat as instructed. "Joy was born able to see Angelus's life and through his eyes, I guess since he's my sire. Normally we just let activities pass… Charlie…my husband Charles…" Spike drew into himself as if pained. "He did some research for Wesley on Connor Angel's son. There is a prophecy that Angelus was going to kill the boy. Wes took the child to save it. Everything erupted… Wesley got his throat slashed. This guy Angelus had tortured, killing his whole family, even turning his daughter, whisked Connor away to a demon dimension. Anyway Angelus tried to kill Wes. No one talking to Wesley even though he was trying to protect the baby… Maybe I am just an idiot because of how Angelus treated me…"

Gabriella paused, "Anyway Connor came back as a teenager, completely warped. Hates anything demon without exception or question. No gray at all. The guy that took him came back too. I don't know how or why but someone faked the old guy's death and told the kid Angelus did it. Connor believed it hook, line and sinker. Instead of killing Angelus soldered his limbs to this steel reinforced box. Angelus is basically sealed in a glass box unable to free himself at the bottom of some body of water. I'm guessing the Pacific."

"Why don't his friends find him?" Anya questioned.

"Vision girl is well…transcended. I got that one in a dream. Wesley no one is talking to while his other employees have no idea where he is," Gabriella explained.

"How is this linked to the end of the world?" Xander asked getting a glare from Buffy. "Hey…I'm not saying we wouldn't help Angel I just wanted to know how it connected."

"Connor… He is…He's like the other half to Joy. He was born to two vampire parents. Joy has one. His father is my sire… I don't know how it all works but I do know is truly Connor is the only one that can protect Joy. Joy can destroy the world. He can counter balance her…like she can with him. I can reach out with my mind and get sort of close to Angelus…but with Spike we should be able to go out and get him fairly quickly. Once we have Angelus, he and I should be able to find Connor with a little help from Joy if need be. Once we find Connor we need a way to get him to accept Joy…Beyond that I'm not sure."

"Why was your husband killed?" Buffy asked simply.

"He's the one that uncovered prophecy about Joy. Once he started putting the pieces together it seemed very much like the Council's offer to school Joy was an attempt to control something powerful. He knew if I got Joy to Connor that power was less controllable. Why I'm not sure… Charlie managed to tell me what I needed before he died," Gabriella stated firmly.

"Do you have the prophecy?" Giles inquired.

Gabriella handed over some tattered pieces of paper. "If I can borrow Spike and Buffy from the Hellmouth until we find Angelus I would be so grateful… And if you could keep working on that I think it would help too."

"How long do you think you'll be gone?" Giles asked quickly.

"If we leave now we can be in LA in a few hours. I have a fishing boat on stand by for the next two days. We could have them back by tomorrow evening." Spike looked confused and frustrated at Ella's statement.

"Will and Joy can stay at our house," Dawn suggested. "Whose going to come looking for her with another Watcher in the house? They would assume Giles would squeal."

Gabriella turned to Spike. She spoke to him in a demonic language none of the rest could understand. "Do you think they will be safe?"

"Will, yes. Joy, I'm not sure. Dawn is probably right about the Watchers. Joy also would help supply proof to Angel…though he probably will believe based on the fact we'll find him… We're going to need a whole lot of blood. Especially if Angel has been down there for a while."

"Covered…"

Spike's face went soft for a moment and said, "Let's keep the kids with us." Gabriella swallowed at his seriousness. "I'd like to see if he'll accept me."

Her large blue eyes met his. "I'll ask Will. We've been a team for years now. I do my best to give him choices when I can. There are so many things he has no control over I like giving him some."

"You're a good mum."

"Thank you."

Gabriella walked into the training room leaving the Scoobies staring after her. Will sat with Joy on his lap bouncing her up and down. He looked away ashamed and annoyed. "I'm going to have a bruise," he gripped.

"No you won't… We can't afford to have you in the hospital for burns again," Brie stated. "Here's the deal guys, Buffy and Spike are going to come with me to get…the great man. You can stay here or you can come with. Your choice." Will looked at Joy. "Your father would like you to come with us."

"Don't call him that!" Will snapped.

Gabriella got close to her son. "Charlie knew how much you loved him. Trying to be closer to Spike isn't going to change that. I know this isn't the way you wanted to meet him but we're here now… He's not going to try to take Charlie's place or be your dad. If he ever tells you not to do something it will be a safety issue."

"You still love him don't you?"

Ella smiled, "How could I not? I love you. You have a lot of him in you."

"He hasn't been there. He never tried to find us," Will pled.

Gabriella sighed, "The woman that chased me around while I was pregnant, she told your dad she killed me. He had no reason to come looking… He did wait for me to return at the beginning and then he did start to look. Dru didn't want him to find me and possibly believe me when I said you were his. So therefore I died in her account."

"You believe him?!" the teen snapped. "He is just using…"

"Will… I believe him. You didn't see his face when he first saw me. You didn't see the way he held me to himself to make sure I was real."

Spike stood close enough to the door to listen to the conversation. "What's he doing?" Dawn asked Buffy.

The slayer sighed, "He's finding out if his son is going to give him a chance." She swallowed. "Maybe before we leave or if he stays you could tell Will about all the time you spent together."

"He's not coming back, is he?" the teen asked quietly.

"Maybe not."

"Mummy," Joy said quietly. "He has a pretty soul. He loves you a lot."

Gabriella closed her eyes. "What do you think baby? Should we trust him?" Joy's opinion was the only one that would matter to Will.

"I think we can trust him… I think he'll need to make peace with some things here." She looked at her big brother. "He wants to love me, Will. Do you understand?"

"No."

The child's eyes held her brother's, "He loves mummy. He's loved her from the moment he saw her. He fell in love with you as his son as you lay sleeping. He looks at me and wants to raise me to be his baby girl. He wants the chance to be my daddy and raise his own Nibblet… Now do you understand?"

"But Dad just died!" Will sniffled.

Little hands held his cheeks, "Daddy loved us and we loved him. But he's not coming back. William you always wanted to know your dad. Now you can… I'm going to give him a chance and I'm not his little girl. Let's go on the trip and see what happens."

Will swallowed and nodded. Joy hugged him close. Gabriella let a couple tears fall. "Alright… now what about Buffy? How are you going to handle that?" Will squeezed his eyes shut. "It might help you to put it behind you."

"She's not allowed to talk to me," Will said stiffly. "Not unless its something nice."

"That's fair under the circumstances," Gabriella said. "Okay get yourselves together while I get things in order." Both children nodded.

Spike rejoined the group before Ella came in. "I saw that," she snickered in a demonic language. Spike looked at her as if to say, 'What? Me?' "Will and Joy are going to come with us. Thank you for the offer Dawn. We may need to take you up on it on the return trip."

"Um…I should get a change of clothes. Water has a tendency to like me," Buffy commented.

"Fine…Joy needs to eat and so do I. Is there a place we can get blood?" Gabriella asked.

"I'll take care of you luv," Spike insisted. "I need to get stuff from my crypt anyway."

Brie nodded slightly, "My car's in the back."

"It's not a long walk."

"In the cemetery… with my five 1/2 year old daughter?" Gabriella questioned. "I think not. We're driving."

Spike smirked, "Yes Ma'am!" In the language they were speaking earlier he said, "God I love you." She faced him a little stunned. "I missed you too."

Brie rolled her eyes and shook her head. "Car!" the mom called to her children who scrambled out the door.

"Be back soon," Spike said to the Scoobies. Buffy and Dawn walked to the back door to exit as well.

Spike ran up behind Joy and picked her up tickling her sides. "You're silly," the little girl cooed at him as she touched both sides of his face with her little hands.

"Can be," he responded.

"You're pretty," she said scrunching her nose up. "You look like Will."

Will stood at the shotgun door. "I…am not pretty," he insisted.

"See pet, for boys you say they're handsome," Spike instructed opening the side door of the minivan.

Dawn looked at Buffy, "Did you ever think you would see the day when Spike would be playing with a little girl and get into a minivan without a complaint?"

Buffy's heart hurt. "No… I never did. Then again I never thought I'd see the day when the thought of Spike leaving Sunnydale would hurt me."

Dawn put her arm around her sister. "Let's get your things."

TBC…