Sol Crima descends onto an island in the middle of the Pacific Sea and hovers atop a grid of solar panels placed level on a patch of dirt. The beast lands on the sheets, and Bubsy, along with Inspector Gadget, slips off the creature. Sol Crima continues sniffing aggressively towards the center panel. Gadget looks at Bubsy and remarks, "normally I wouldn't damage property, but John's life is at stake. Go Go Gadget laser cutter!" He screams as his finger meticulously transforms into a small laser device, and cries in pain as he cuts through a square solar panel at the center of a power grid. Bubsy looks away, for Gadget's pain is too much for him to handle right now. However, as soon as the screams dull and the panel's torn, a blinding light shoots through the hole. Gadget looks deep and notices a thick glass wall bordering what appears to be a fancy study hall. "Bobcat, look at this. That's the man whose blood was found at the farm," Gadget whispers. Bubsy peers over and inspects the scene

Bubsy asks, "what are they saying?"

Gadget responds, "dear lord, I must… Go Go Gadget Sonar Amplifier." He screams as his left ear extends into a small microphone. To act incognito, he stretches the amplifier through his legs and presses it softly under his feet. While Gadget stands atop the glass, Bubsy peers through it...

Daris Emmanuel Grouch III, also known as The Rumble, slouches on a lavish throne constructed from human bones placed in the front center of his underground mansion's control room. Dusty books bound every corner of the place except for the right side, which consists of a large IMAX screen surrounded by smaller flat screen TVs. He sips off a limestone chalice filled with Pepsi Max and eloquently burps in front of two nerdy scientists carrying research notes on clipboards. Grouch grumbles, "science bastards, what's new with John?"

One scientist replies, "Rumble, sir-"

Grouch interrupts, "stop pronouncing my name wrong, Mr. Shit."

Mr. Shit corrects himself. He gulps and resumes, "um, sorry, Rumble, well, Wick's blood results confirm that he has mortal DNA. There's nothing special about him aside from his intellect."

"And is there a way to harvest it?"

"No…"

"Damn fuckers."

The second scientist confesses, "well, it's good we kept the body to ourselves. If the world knew John Wick was killed in your hands it could trigger controversy among the United Nations, and god knows we're on thin ice with those non-conformers."

The Rumble cackles, "good point, Mr. Piss. Say I let him sip off the Holy Grail in exchange for compromising his morals, then have him train our legion of soldiers. That will make us a strength too great for the world to ignore."

The second scientist whispers, "I knew I shouldn't have saved his body."

The Rumble slams his chalice into the throne's convenient cup holder and rises; his eyes stare intently at the second scientist, who is now trembling in fear at the sight of two black holes staring directly at him. The Rumble chuckles as his now void eyes hue a faint splatter of pink. Suddenly, the scientist drops dead. The first scientist, unwilling to upset his master, holds a poker face. After a moment of brief silence, Grouch's eyes fade back to normal, and the first scientist remarks, "good you killed him, sir. What an asshole. He bullied me back in middle school and-"

"SILENCE" Grouch demands. He peers up towards the ceiling and cockingly smiles at Bubsy, Sol Crima, and Gadget. He screams, "if you bastards are hearing this, then come inside. Or else, you'll get Pissed on. Speaking of, Mr. Shit, flush this poor bastard down the incinerator, and make it haste!"

Mr. Shit grabs his bully's corpse and drags it away. Meanwhile, Sol Crima, feeling attracted to Grouch's words, creeps through the glass and dribbles onto the mansion floor. Astounded, Bubsy looks around for an entrance. He remarks, "I wish there were arrows around here. Why does hell get so much right?"

Gadget asks faintly, "you've been to hell?"

Bubsy replies, "yeah, who doesn't?"

"These days, I really couldn't tell ya. I wish Penny and Brain could refute your claim, but they're dead, and they aren't in charge of which way the elevator runs."

Bubsy says, "Sorry… wait, elevator? That's it! There must be an elevator somewhere…" He then looks to his right and finds the giant fucking gold-encrusted elevator leading to the mansion. He screams, "PAWSOME" then the two scurry over to it. Bubsy inspects the elevator's interface and rapidly smashes the "DESCEND" button to no avail. He whines, "this button's not working. Gadget, help."

The lanky old inspector peeps at the interface and sticks his finger into the mechanism. He rummages around, attempting to find a manual lock, but alas, his finger gets trapped in between two gears. Gentily, he attempts to fanagle his robotic digit back, but he groans in defeat. Bubsy, frustrated at his coconspirator's impotence, forcefully yanks Gadget back, tearing apart the limb. Gadget screams horrifically, and it reverberates into the mansion. Grouch stops admiring the reformation of Sol Xeima to pull up a walkie-talkie. Through speakers placed atop the elevator's interface, Bubsy hears The Rumble's commands. In a ferocious pout, Rumble explains, "you donkey donut holes sure act like you've never been to Money Island. These elevators are blockchain-crunchin' bitches, they need some dollar to operate, and not just any old coin, but our own proprietary MoneyCoin. Download GrouchMo, transfer your funds, and scan the QR code in order to initiate a transaction. It's super convenient even dipshits like you can do it. Just be quick."

Bubsy facepalms.

Inside the mansion, Sol Crima's finished reforming. Scaling 5 feet tall and 6 feet wide, the monster pants and gives Grouch a goofy smile. In return, the man pats Crima's head. Suddenly, The Rumble's eyes glow pink again, and Sol Crima hisses back. Grouch spontaneously spits out, "but Steven, we don't need to kill it, it could be a weapon. It and Wick both…" After a moment of silence, he timidly nods and confesses, "I understand that, we're still assembling the military, we're at 5k subjects as we speak…" After another moment, he continues, "5k means five thousand…" Then, after a lengthier pause, he states, "you sent the diamonds out to finish the job? Good. Good talk, Steven." After he finished mumbling, his pink eyes retracted, and his normal eyes resurfaced. He smiles and looks at the beast and asks, "you like blood dontcha, lil' monster?" In return, Sol stares blankly. Its body rests on the floor, permanently etching stains on cheap wood gloss vinyl.

After a headache-inducing spiral into blockchain investment, Bubsy and Gadget finally descended down the elevator shaft and arrived in a small metallic hall. Facing the front wall, a hung painting displays the interior blueprints of Rumble's mansion, with a giant arrow designating the duo's current location, and a yellow line guiding them to the main study hall. Bubsy inspects the map and nonchalantly remarks, "wow, this is tourist friendly. But it's inconsistent. Why wasn't there a map guiding me to the elevator?"

"I don't know, the elevator stood out like a zit on the decrepit face of mother earth, I feel like arrows are useless in this scenario," Gadget bemoans passive-aggressively.

Bubsy dismisses the old man's words and starts stomping down the hall and finds a metallic door with the phrase "GROUCH'S THRONE" on it. The bobcat politely asks Gadget, "hey, use your robot arms to help me open this." Together, the two push down on the heavy iron latch and SLAM! The door opens up, revealing a pitch black room lit only by reflections bouncing off of a golden door frame.

Gadget, sensing something's amiss, cautions, "are you sure we should enter?"

Bubsy smiles and professes, "of course, what could possibly go wrong?" Well, once the two step forth, Bubsy feels his feet pushing against the floor at a velocity only remarkable relative to observable standards for stable ground, and two drones dispatch from behind them and gun them down. Together their backs get shredded with lead, with chunks of flesh flying through their innards and dropping on the floor. Their remains dribble like a dense meat sauce pouring into a wide saucer. With exposed spines and retained heads, the two were still conscious enough to feel every second of pain, every bullet in a neverending symphony of carnage, every hit unflinched. And suddenly, as soon as they believed their final visual connection to the real world would be that of rusted metal, the floor underneath them slowly began to pull, and they were dragged to the leftmost side of the room. Finally, after the floor's finished retracting, the two carcusses drop. They fall for 20 seconds and slam onto a ground littered with spikes.

Caught in the crossfire of dueling fates, Bubsy finally felt it appropriate to die. His relationships are wrecked, the world's set for destruction, and he's run out of spare lives. Every feline species on this planet is bound by their nine lives, and suddenly, memories flash of deaths past- radiation poisoning on an alien planet, crashing down into a sewer and slamming his head on a rusty pipe, and most horribly of all, being gunned down by a tall alien reminiscent of a anthropomorphic squid. He felt Sonic holding onto his arms, and he felt his mouth screaming something along the lines of, "none of this would have happened if you controlled your lust!"

He remembered seeing Sonic's frozen expression. It left him vulnerable enough for an alien to shoot a laser sniper blast, but the hedgehog shielded it- by using Bubsy as protection. Before being dragged to hell and spending his seventh life, Bubsy saw Sonic announcing, "his sacrifice was needed. I'll never give up the Rose Quartz!"

The bobcat's mind delved deeper into that moment, when he saw no more than black, and only screams could serve his senses. He remembered chatting with a mysterious figure who handed him the Angel's Key as pity after hearing of his seven deaths past. Now he lies, staring at Inspector Gadget, feeling a bitter resentment towards Sonic and the horrible domino spill that led to where he is now, facing a shared permanent death not with the hedgehog he once loved but rather a cynical hollow shell of a hero masquerading as a grit-teethed inspector. He then thought about it for a second, and realized this distinction, not just between Gadget and Sonic, is a charade at best. Stuck in the pit of death, Bubsy attempted to move anything but felt resistance at every waking moment. However, after an intense period of concentration, he inhaled one last time, and in his dying breath, the bobcat attempts to point at his spine, which dims a slight holy spirit. After exhaling, Bubsy's eyes recenter. Gadget sees Bubsy attempting to communicate, which sparks a bit of life back into him. He looks at where Bubsy pointed- the spine, which glows faintly. Finally, he thought, an answer to the question if there truly was a God out there. He remembered studying a cult eons ago focusing on obtaining a key trapped in a chosen one's spine. He thought it was bullshit, but here he is, staring at a glowing, shrinking spine. The old man attempts to breathe but feels the air pass through a hole directly in his chest. He stretches out one of his hands and pushes a finger in, hoping to block any precious scraps of oxygen from escaping his lung's grasp. For a second, it works. It grants him enough time to stretch out his other arm towards Bubsy's spine. He timidly grabs the key from his partner's chest, and in his last moments, he tears off a scrap piece of his own spine and replaces it with the key. He takes one last look up above and feels the light dimming as the trapdoor reassembles itself. He laughs, knowing he will once again rest with his loved ones.

Grouch, sitting on his throne of eternal suffering, cackles maniacally at the security feeds showing Gadget's final moments in the spike pit. He bursts out in laughter as he notices the inspector desperately jamming the key into his spine. Panting ferociously, Grouch declares, "dumb dipshit doesn't realize that impure humans like himself don't get a free ride to heaven, it violates Ordinance 72!" He then looks at Sol Crima, lying in place, and grabs a holographic harness. He straps it on the beast, entrapping him in the hall. Then, he stomps out of the room, whips out his receiver, and commands, "Mr. Shit, Mr. Cum, you're wanted in the Chamber Bridge."

The three Islanders stand in front of the Chamber Bridge. Mr. Cum stares at the bloodstained platform and remarks, "The Rumble, what happened here?"

The Rumble explains, "well, Mr. Shit's trapdoor was put to good use, we disposed of a broken robot and a bobcat. Any further questions?"

"How does a cat and a robot produce this much blood?"

"Fuck you, that's why. Avoid the pressure plate and enter through the golden door. Vaminos, or as the Englishman would put it, let's go."

Together, the three approached the golden door and Grouch swung it wide open to find a clean, sanitized hospital-style room with white tile floor and various mysterious machines scattered around haphazardly. A grid of LED lights brightened the room with an intense luminosity, and in the back center, John Wick's corpse hung upright, encased in a machine filled with liquid. Grouch looks at Mr. Cum and directs, "Cum-"

The scientist interrupts, "that's Mr. Cum, sir."

This reply was enough to send shivers down Mr. Shit's spine. Grouch aggressively swings his head towards Mr. Shit, and after letting out a soft sigh, he asks the nervous scientist, "Shit, do you know how to operate these machines?" The scientist nods in response. With a creepy smile on his face, Grouch intensely stares back at Cum. His head instantly explodes, splattering guts over the floor. Grouch, feeling relieved, announces, "there will be no more Cum to worry about. All that's important is John. Shit, man the electronic repulsator, jog some electchodes into this assassin's brain, but not too much to make him breathe. Just enough to make his aura visible. Got it?"

Mr. Shit timidly replies, "yes, sir. Anything for The Rumble." The scientist starts mashing buttons, and Rumble approaches John's vat. He presses his hands against the glass exterior, and his eyes channel his master Steven's essence. After a few seconds, an aural connection initializes.

In the eternal void of darkness, the pink consciousness of Steven Universe floats, searching for John's neural network. Finally, a door reveals itself. Without a second to spare, Steven's translucent consciousness barges through and enters a very oddly organized library. The soundscape is illuminated with tender sips of freshly-brewed tea. Steven stalks deeper into the library, witnessing as it infinitely expands. No matter which way the being runs towards, sounds of papers being flipped and tea being sipped filled the room with a constant level of ambiance. With no hearts to follow, no stench to discern, and no soul in sight, Steven grows insecure. After all, in the realms of mind, he could not harness the natural lifeforce needed to recall the might of his victims' combined ability. Without his absorbing techniques, nor his pink quartz he donned as a preteen, he was only left with what he within him all along- an intermediate knowledge of pink matter displacement techniques. After strutting around for a few seconds, he feels a drop of hot tea splashing on his shoulder. He looks up and spots two long books placed far off the edge of a super tall bookshelf. These books are just barely being supported by less than half a centimeter of shelf space. A slow wobble stabilizes. Instinctively, Steven shoots a pink laser at the books, and they burn to ash. Knowing this moment was coming a mile away, John Wick, who stood atop the books, jumps in the nick of time. In a split-second, he kicks the wood shelf in and uses the gained velocity to jump off the shelf. Steven wills homing spike blocks into existence and hurls them up towards John. The first one misses, smashing one of the bookshelves. Loose texts scatter about in the air as Steven instantaneously hurls out another block, this time pointed directly upward where John's presently located. Steven screams, "hey, John, I just wanna talk."

John, dangerously close to the fast-approaching block, quickly reacts by grabbing two thick textbooks in the air and slamming them onto the projectile, thus providing a safe place for him to rest his feet. From below, Steven could hear the slams, and he grows slightly scared. Maybe he acted too soon and blew his opportunity to weaponize John. He mumbles, "hey, sorry, that was supposed to be a warning shot. I really did just want to talk." Steven frowns and tilts his head down in shame, but what he doesn't know is that from above the projectile, John forcefully jumps up and latches onto a chandelier. He tears it down dramatically and slams it back into the projectile, shattering it to pieces. Shocked and intimidated, Steven forms a pink shield around him, and allows the chandelier to fall directly onto it. The glass shatters over John's suit, and flames start scattering along the floor of his mind palace.

John slides down from Steven's shield, flooding the surface with his blood. He does a sick backflip off the bubble and lands on his feet. The fires begin spreading to all sides of the mind palace, and Steven looks up, grunting like an athlete downing a sports drink after tripping on a rock halfway through thoroughly losing a marathon race to a herd of handicapped ostriches. The assassin dashes towards him, silent like the ostrich who took home the grand prize. Steven shakes his head everywhere and screams as the fires rise and engulf some lower shelves. John freezes in place as he feels a searing headache pressing violently against his skull. But it's all worth it, he thinks. He stammers, he recovers, and he announces, "Steven, if you want to kill me, you're doing a horrible job at it. I will scorch every single neuron in my mind palace before you get to me."

Steven laughs as his hands release a pink web across the entirety of the library. Slowly, the webs phase into the books, providing a flameproof seal. The fires stall, and eventually die out. John doesn't give a flying fuck about it, though. He stands there and claps. Steven grows frustrated at John and screams, "why are you just standing there? You act like you know everything, why not help me out here? The Diamonds are using me as a middleman to get to Thanos, dipshit! I just need your help to train our military!"

John nonchalantly confirms, "yes, I know. TriGro lended me the plane, they're a shady corporation known for working with scum like the Diamonds. Of course they would trap me just to funnel resources towards your corrupt operations." The assassin then spontaneously wall-jumps off two parallel bookshelves, then pushes a button on his watch. Suddenly, the pink webs detach from the book, as if they're rejected from the annual Special Ostrich Olympics. They bounce off the leather-bound material. John does a sick dolphin dive through the two holes his shoes created when he bounced off the facing surfaces, and the web slices through Steven, tearing apart his consciousness. Pink auras envelop the wounds, and soon, the teen's metaphysical flesh restitches. The assassin stalks up to the punk and threatens, "you don't scare me, Steven. You're pathetic. Just raw evil with no plan, no order. Just… chaos…" The monster's flesh gets swallowed in pink, but his face still reveals nothing but a whimpering, insecure buffoon. John seizes his moment. He decides to grab Steven's hands and fuse with him while the teen is busy attempting to internally combust a large explosion. However, Steven launches the explosion, scorching a considerable part of the library. John lunges out of the monster's body and kicks the bookshelf. As Steven rebounds from the explosion, he looks at the scorching layer of the library. John feels another jolt of pain coming, and he trips off a shelf. He just barely grabs onto an empty platform just below the shelf.

Steven screams, "just how high does this library reach?"

John quips, "If I jumped up for five minutes straight and you scorched every book I passed along the way, you would have burned just enough muscle memory to render left ring finger unreliable for battle." He then holds out his hand to the teen and displays a tiny stub of mass which once resembled an operational finger, then he continues bouncing off wall to wall. Steven drops to the floor. John leaps off the bookshelf and dives right into Steven, and the intense velocity of the fall smashed both of them through the floor and back to their perspective realities.

The assassin wakes up in a half-filled vat of acid, feeling a carbonated beverage run through his digestive tract. The upper half of the machine is open like a pill capsule. The first thing he sees is The Rumble retreating a chalice back towards his chest, then he places it on a counter next to a bunch of spare organs. The Rumble laughs, with his eyes turning pink. He then forcefully shoves his thumbs into John's eyes and tears apart his skull. With his brain exposed, Grouch's fingers, which appear lanky and dripping with pink blood, snatches the muscle and slams it into his expanding mouth whole. Finally, all of John's intelligence, not trained to a military, but assimilated into their leader. Steven leaves the Grouch's body, and in the aftermath, the grumpy surrealist horror stomps off, back to his throne, sipping on his chalice, awaiting for another ostrich to enter a race that exists only for the masses to cynically bet money on.