and all my senses are coming unglued...
Jeff awoke in a cold sweat. He opened the tent to look out the garage window and saw that it was just about sunrise. He sighed and knew he'd never get back to sleep. It was too hard to fall asleep in the first place. He changed his clothes quickly and went out into the half late-night half early-morning air.
As the sun was rising, Jeff was walking across the field to the van. Steering clear of the Circle A, for some reason he had the over-whelming feeling that Tim would be here and that he knew everything that happened the night before.
Sliding the van door open, sure enough, there sat Tim, inside against the opposite side, bottle of liquor in one hand, empty, eyes half closed, but half conscious enough to make a barely audible "hey" as Jeff stepped in. He slid the door closed behind him and plopped himself down across from his inebriated friend.
"What's going on?" He said, not in a "what's up" way, but in a "you can tell me what happened now" sort of tone.
Tim just stared at some unknown spot on the floor near Jeff's left side.
"Tim? What's going on? What happened last night? I saw the cops here, I know that—"
"WOULD YOU SHUT YOUR FUCKING MOUTH?" Tim said, somehow turning a half-whisper into a very low volume yell. "God! You're so loud!" Neither said a word for a few minutes. Finally Jeff stared at Tim again, waiting for him to look him in the eyes.
"You're starting to fucking scare me, aright? J-j-just tell me what happened," Jeff said quietly yet with finality, gesturing with his hands.
"I did it." Tim admitted, his eyes still fixed on the spot on the floor that Jeff still wasn't quite sure if it was a real spot or some intangible object off in space.
"Did what?"
"What do you fuckin THINK? I killed her!"
It makes me loose control / I just can't trust myself /
"WHO?" Jeff played along, still not believing Tim was telling the truth.
"The… the fuckin bitch wife. I went in to buy cigarettes, we got into it again, and this time… I shot her."
Jeff started laughing, realizing Tim's believable acting job.
"What are you laughing at?" Tim looked at Jeff finally with an all serious look on his face, and Jeff remained with a smile on his face.
"You expect me to believe that? After all that story about Erica? You think I'm just gonna take your word for it again? No no no, you had me once."
Tim just shook his head and turned his gaze to the floor again.
"Sure have a sick sense a humor though… fuck…" Jeff's smile faded when Tim didn't even respond.
But you turn your head and I end up talking to myself...
"You wanna go see? Go see for yourself. She's dead. She's fucking dead. I can't offer you any better proof than that." He sat, calm and quiet as always. Jeff wrinkled his brow and thought for a moment.
"Fuck…" He whispered, letting it hit him.
They sat in silence, each thinking of everything and nothing at the same time, until a quiet knock at the door made them both jump just a bit. Jeff looked up at Tim for answers, and Tim answered with a little smile and a shrug.
"Dude, you're so fucked, what are we gonna do?" Jeff began to panic, and Tim held up his hand to stop him.
"Hey. I told you no matter where I am, I'll never be satisfied, right? I never did anything that meant shit, but now I've done something. Something big, bigger than any of us ever got. So what if I'm in jail, it's not worse than here! At least I can say I stood up for what I believed in, gave those leeches a taste of their own fucking medicine."
"Tim, we gotta get you outta here…"
"Open the door, Jeff."
"What? NO WAY! Tim, you can get out, if you get out that side—" Jeff pointed to the door and Tim reached out and grabbed him by the wrist.
So I loose my head or I bang it up against the wall...
"Open the door," he pronounced each word slowly gave Jeff the most commanding glare he'd ever gotten in his life. Jeff sighed, and turned to object once more. Making one more silent plea with Tim, he realized he was beaten and sighed, turning to open the door, his thoughts racing of what this could mean.
Both their eyes widened at who stood in front of them.
With quick, whispered commands from both guys, Bee-Bee hopped in the van and they shut the door behind them, quickly and quietly.
"What's going on?" She said inquisitively, looking from Tim to Jeff with her innocent-looking eyes.
"We were just, talking about what happened last night," Tim said non-chalantly, leaning back to his spot by the other side.
"About that dude's wife getting shot? Jesus… what the hell happened?"
"Oh, well, the cops aren't really sure yet, and—" Jeff started to explain, trying to be casual for Tim, before being rudely interrupted by the one he was trying to protect.
"Yeah, they don't know I did it yet." There was dead silence in the van. Tim looked from the half-disgusted look on Jeff's face to the confused look on Bee-Bee's. "Don't worry. They will, soon enough."
And lock myself up in a padded room...
They sat in silence after that. Waiting for the cops to come, waiting for one of them to get fed up and leave, waiting for anything or nothing at all to happen. Finally Tim stood up and moved to the front of the van, getting out the front seat. Jeff and Bee-Bee followed close behind, unwilling to have Tim leave their sights for a second. Tim walked down the road, around the block from the Circle A, avoiding it completely, and going to the local beer store. He walked in and the guy at the front desk didn't even bother to look up from his paper. Jeff and Bee-Bee followed Tim to the back of the store, where he sat in front of the fridge along the back wall. Jeff leaned against the one along the side wall near Tim, and Bee-Bee slid down and sat close to Tim. Uncomfortably close, as far as Jeff was concerned.
"What are you gonna do?" Jeff asked quietly, slowly, not really expecting an answer, and he didn't get one either. They sat there a while before Tim stood up again.
"Don't follow me," he mumbled. Jeff turned to leave and Bee-Bee stood up, but Tim turned around and gave them a serious look. "I said, don't follow me, unless you wanna be another one of my victims." He spun around and walked out. Jeff and Bee-Bee looked at each other as the bell on the door finished ringing from Tim's exit.
No one wants to hear a drunken fool...
"Wanna go back to the van?" Jeff raised his eyebrows.
"Sure, I guess," Bee-Bee said, feigning a slight bit of cheerfulness.
They sat there as the sun continued to rise, talking quietly about Tim and where he was, what he was going to do, and what he was in for if they ever found him. Eventually the two of them had managed to get into a pretty comfortable position together, with Bee-Bee resting against Jeff as he held her a little. Neither of them were really sure where to go or what to do, and they eventually fell asleep, being exhausted from a lack of sleep from the night before.
Jeff also wasn't really sure what to feel. He was worried about Tim, and wanted to try to think of ways to help him, but at the same time he wanted to be happy with the new relationship that was forming in this strange confusing time in his life.
'Cause now it seems I'm too far gone /
I must admit I enjoy myself /
80 please keep taking me away.
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SONG: "80" by Green Day
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