"Sure, I'll go for groceries with you."
Steve blinked in surprise. "Really? That's it? I thought I was going to have to drag you kicking and screaming out of the tower."
Bucky casually rubbed a bit of motor oil from the workshop off his hand onto his pant leg before Steve could spot it, cocky smirk belying his nerves. "Stevie, I'm a ghost, remember? Besides, even if we do find trouble- which, let's be honest, you have a talent for- I'm healthy now." And it would be for the best if he were able to say he'd been out of the tower should anyone ask what he'd been up to that morning, once his revenge on Tony was discovered, he reminded himself.
"Well, okay then. I suppose we should buy you some clothes of your own too, at some point."
"Getting tired of your teammates making jokes about us being dating because I wear your clothes all the time?" Bucky quipped, and immediately regretted it. "Or have they not been doing so in front of you?"
"A couple times. I generally try not to dignity teasing from them with a response." Steve looked at him, genuinely concerned. "Are they getting under your skin? They'll stop if I tell them it's really bothering you."
"It's not bothering me." Bucky shot Steve a cheeky grin over his shoulder as he walked down the hall to raid Steve's closet. "If that gets out I'll be the envy of every dame in the world and probably most of the men too." As he turned the corner he heard Steve choke on his protein shake and swear through his coughs. His instinct was to turn around and go -rapidly- in the direction of a coughing Steve, but he held back. Steve was fine. And he needed the moment to compose himself.
Why did that bother him? The teasing didn't bother him. Steve's reaction made him uneasy. Why? Because he couldn't read it, he supposed. He couldn't tell whether Steve was bothered by the teasing himself, or just worried that Bucky would be bothered by it and embarrassed by any sexual reference. Which reminded him-fondue. Oh god, fondue. He filed that memory for later, because right now that wasn't relevant.
But why did he even care whether the teasing was bothering Steve? Was it that picking on Steve was his job?
...Or did he want the jokes to be true? No. That was ridiculous. They were best friends. Who happened to share a bed. And had for years, without anything happening between them. Snap out of it, Barnes. He shook himself and started digging through the dresser for a long sleeved t-shirt. Steve's jeans were too big for him, a button-up shirt would look funny with sweatpants, and he wanted long sleeves for going out in public.
"Here, these should help with the disguise." Steve handed him sunglasses and a ball cap as he emerged.
"Thanks." He raked his hair back and jammed the hat on backwards. "What, punk? Isn't this how all the cool kids wear their hats nowadays?"
Steve rolled his eyes. "Well, yes. But you're 97, not a kid."
"Still look like one. And your disapproval is far too funny not to do it." Bucky put on the sunglasses, and froze as a wave of something washed over him. He didn't have a name for it. Something cold, cruel, aggressive.
Steve (bless the brave little idiot) caught some change in his posture and snatched the sunglasses away. Automatically Bucky's metal hand lashed out and grabbed his wrist. They both froze. Bucky closed his eyes and took a shaky breath, releasing Steve. "Sorry."
Steve squeezed his shoulder. "Don't worry about it. Should've figured you would have a reaction to tinted lenses. You look plenty unrecognizable without them. C'mon. Let's go to the store."
Bucky steeled himself and headed for the door. "Yeah. Let's."
"You're not fooling me, Buck." Steve knocked his shoulder and gave him a quick one-armed hug as they crossed the room. "You don't believe me when I say it's okay, but I promise it is."
The shopping trip was uneventful, although Bucky was horrified by the prices. He was pretty sure he'd never in his life had the amount of money they were spending on a single grocery run.
And then, walking back to the tower, Steve walked straight into a clump of flowers dangling from someone's window box while looking at something on his phone, took off his hat a moment to dust pollen off of it, and that was when it happened.
"Oh my god! It's Captain America!" For fuck's sake. Bucky withdrew to a safe distance, trying to blend into the crowd. This is karma getting me back for that smart remark, isn't it. "Can you make a statement, Captain?"
Steve looked up, surprised, finding Bucky in the crowd before responding. "Oh, yes. Hello. Statement on what?"
"Anything! Your life, issues currently in the news, whatever you want." The crowd all seemed to have smartphones out and pointed at Steve. Bucky glanced down quickly, double-checking that his metal hand was fully hidden in his pocket. Those things took pictures and videos, right? He was pretty sure Steve had shown him that.
Oh no. Steve was puffing himself up with a righteous expression that Bucky knew far too well. He shot him a warning look. Steve appeared not to notice.
"Yes, actually. There is an issue in the news that I would like to comment on. It seems that there is now an outbreak of measles, which I was told when I was unfrozen had been all but eradicated in this country, because some parents have decided to not vaccinate their children. What possesses someone to do something as boneheaded as that? Do you not realize that those diseases that you're supposed to vaccinate against actually kill people?" Bucky was torn between they're doing what? and oh god, Steve, shut up, you're picking a fight with a bunch of clearly insane people. "Especially children! Have any of you had any of the diseases you've decided not to vaccinate against? Because I have! Quite a few of them! And I almost died! Repeatedly!" Memories were rushing back. Bucky was going to have nightmares tonight about tiny Steve almost dying from things. "I've seen my schoolmates die from all of those things or become permanently disabled. Do you want all those diseases to come back? Because I don't!" Bucky tried to catch Steve's eye. This was not going to end well. "Nothing I've seen as a soldier ever scared me as much as when my best friend caught measles from me because that was the sickest I had ever seen him and I thought he was going to die and it felt like my fault for unknowingly infecting him." The last sentence seemed to take the wind out of his sails slightly as he remembered that that same friend had been sicker than that quite recently and was standing mere yards away giving him his best goddamnit-Steve-why-can't-you-stay-out-of-trouble glare.
Some members of the crowd took advantage of the loss of momentum to jump in and start trying to argue with him, answered by others in the crowd who had agreed with him, such that everyone was yelling and it was impossible to make out what anyone was saying. Steve was trying to argue back, because goddamnit that boy still couldn't seem to stay out of fights, but he wasn't any more audible than anyone else, and now someone had stepped up and grabbed him by the shirt and was screaming in his face, and he didn't seem to know how to handle an angry civilian woman.
Enough was enough. The din around him was doing Bucky no favors, and Steve had gotten himself into quite enough trouble for one day. Bucky resettled his backpack of groceries, took a deep breath, and waded in.
Bucky grabbed the wrist of the woman currently shaking his best friend, grip tight enough to get her attention even with his flesh hand. "Ma'am, you are physically assaulting an officer of the armed forces and an American icon to boot. I really advise you release him immediately."
Shocked, she did so. Bucky let go of her and grabbed Steve by the elbow, regretting that he couldn't make his grip any more painful without pulling his metal hand out of his pocket. "We are leaving. Now."
"I think I heard them speculating that you're my undercover secret service bodyguard." Steve said once they were about a block away, just to break the silence and gauge how mad Bucky was. Because oh boy, Bucky did not look pleased with him.
"Yeah, I heard them too. And I am your bodyguard. Have been since I was seven. Babysitter might be a better term though." Oh. That was how mad he was.
"You can release me now. I'm going to behave myself, I promise. And that actually kind of hurts."
"Good. Suck it up soldier."
"Bucky, I... Gah. I'm sorry. I'm not going to pull rank or size on you, because you're right. I could have handled that better. I should have remembered that I am a public figure and chosen my words carefully instead of recklessly blurting out my unfiltered thoughts on a controversial issue. And I shouldn't have made a statement on a controversial issue with people packed closely all around me. I'm the nightmare of press and security departments everywhere and we're lucky I didn't start a full-blown riot. I'm sorry and I'll try to keep my temper in the future." Why was Bucky always able to reduce him to a sheepish little chastised schoolboy? It wasn't fair. Anyone else, and he'd still be back there arguing and escalating the situation.
Bucky released his bruising grip and swatted the back of Steve's head. "You're still just as much of a reckless little punk as you always were. Can't even go grocery shopping without starting a brawl. Problem is, now you're probably too big for me to just toss you over my shoulder and haul your dumb ass away from a fight."
"You were actually worried about me back there." Steve almost teased as they stepped into the lobby of Avengers Tower.
"You'd probably let them beat you to death with their purses before you'd fight back against a bunch irate housewives. Please tell me I actually did sling you over my shoulder and haul you away from someone you were trying to start a fight with at some point while you were little enough."
Steve blushed lightly. "Ah, no. I don't think you usually got to me before the fights actually started. You just showed up and finished them."
"Probably got the stuffing beat out of me doing it a few times, too."
"Yeah. A couple times when I was especially stupid in my choice of who to piss off."
Thor stepped onto the elevator with them as they passed the gym floor. "Friend Captain and comrade! I have just been summoned upstairs to view a video of you! Will you be joining us?"
Steve paled slightly. It just figured that someone's cell phone video was already online and the team had found it. "Hi Thor, welcome back. This is my best friend Bucky. I don't think we will. We have groceries to put away."
"It is an honor to meet you Friend Bucky! We have heard much about how valiant a warrior you are!"
"I, uh, wow. I'm flattered. It's an honor to meet you too, Thor." Bucky's glare in Steve's general direction turned into a flustered blush. Holy shit. The Norse god. In the flesh. And Steve's got him convinced that I'm such a "valiant warrior" that he's honored to meet me. Whoa.
As the elevator stopped at the common area floor, Bucky relieved Steve of his shopping bags and gave him a push toward the door after Thor. "I'll put away the groceries..." He gave Steve, who was giving him a betrayed look like he'd figured out what Bucky was doing, a wicked grin, "...while you go face the music."
Temper, Steven! No starting riots! Bad super soldier! *snicker* I so so so approve of his sentiment though.