Chapter 1 – The Crash Landing
"So you see, my Tallest, these test clearly prove that the Cafeteria beasts are trying to kill off all of the planet's young ones with their horrible meats!" Zim was saying. The time was present day. The place was planet Earth. Zim was down in his labs, speaking to Tallests Red and Purple over the video phone on his wall-sized computer screen. On a screen behind him, the tests he'd performed on the Skool's cafeteria food were displayed.
The Tallest blinked. Red looked like he was thinking, 'And I care because???' and Purple's eyes were kind of glazed over, as he'd stopped paying attention the moment Zim had contacted them.
Zim beamed at his results, misunderstanding their reactions completely. He started to continue his report, but his computer interrupted him. "Irken Vessel has entered Earth's Solar System!!" it said loudly.
Zim's antennae perked up. "Eh?" He turned back to his leaders quickly, "Um…I'll call you back!" He quickly pushed a button on the console and the transmission ended. Zim pressed another button and held it down. "GIR!" he yelled, "Get down here!"
Up in the living room, GIR was seated on the couch, watching the Scary Monkey Show and slurping on a chocolate-bubblegum slurpie when his master's message echoed through the house. He stood up, eyes glowing red and blasted off, still holding his slurpie.
He appeared in the lab only moments later. Zim looked up as he came in. "It's about time, GIR," he said, "The satellite's detected an Irken Vessel in our area."
"Ooooooooooohh," GIR said.
Zim turned back to the computer screen, where the satellite's radar was humming away. The bar that spun around the circle was blipping softly as a small red dot approached the asteroid belt.
* * *
Out in space, a Voot Crusier flew silently through the inky blackness. In the cockpit, an Irken female with deep green eyes and curled antennae sat at the controls. She had no SIR of her own, as a Diplomat has no need of an Information Retrieval Unit. Instead, she had an APU (All Purpose Protection Unit). Unlike a SIR, the APU was built of a sturdier material, and was armed with heavier artillery. The APUs were standard Diplomat issue, as negotiators are often in danger of assassination. This APU, like all others, was shiny silver, and had dark blue colored eyes and chest plate.
She leaned back against the seat and sighed. It would be good to return home after such a long journey. She'd been on a diplomatic mission to planet Democracia, delivering important documents to the Irken Representatives. Normally, they could have just been mailed out, but the Tallest had feared they might be intercepted by the enemy…whoever that was…so she had flown all the way there herself.
She had just started to relax, when her computer's voice broke the silence, "Warning! Unknown asteroid belt ahead."
Zia sat up straight, eyes staring out the cockpit window, trying to see what her sensors could already detect. She pressed a button and a small star map appeared on the dash board. "There's no asteroid belt on the route back to Irk," she said to herself.
"Hence the word 'unknown'," the computer said.
She ignored it, watching the radar show more and more signs of approaching danger. Beginning to panic, she grabbed the joy stick and yanked at it hard towards the right. She watched the space in front of her and saw the asteroid belt looming closer. Her eyes narrowed as she checked their coordinates. "We're way off course!" she realized, "Computer, what have you gotten us into!?"
Before the AI chip had a chance to respond, the Cruiser made first contact with the asteroids. The ship was jolted violently and Zia fought for control. Before long, she found herself in the center of the belt, being bombarded on all sides. Her piloting skills were good, but she had been caught off guard – big time. As she finally broke free of the belt, and breathed a sigh of relief, her APU's voice rang out. "Rouge asteroid approaching-"
"What?" Zia cut him off, casting a quick glance around her.
It wasn't fast enough, however, as the 'rouge asteroid' hit the Cruiser at full force from one side!! Nearly the entire top of the Crusier was ripped off in an instant! APU stood in front of her, but was crushed under the force of the meteor. Zia didn't even have time for the situation to register before something struck her forehead and she blacked out.
* * *
Back on Earth, Zim's satellite had lost the signal from the unknown vessel, so he had given up trying to identify it. He was seated in the living room with GIR and they were fighting over the TV remote.
"GIR, I've had it with that monkey!" Zim said as he tugged on the controller, "If you're going to rot what little brain you have with TV, at least watch something worth while!"
"NOOOO!" GIR sobbed, pulling on the other side, "I need to see what happens!!"
Their argument was cut short when what felt like an earthquake shook the whole house! Zim and GIR were both flung off the couch and onto the floor. As the remote hit the ground, it shut the TV off.
Zim picked himself up. "What was that?" he demanded, and then hurried outside to investigate. GIR followed after him, having completely forgotten their fight.
Out in the front yard, everything looked normal. But the neighbors' lights were on, so Zim new he hadn't been the only one to feel the earthquake. He glanced around, puzzled.
"Master! Look!" GIR said, pointing towards the back of their house. Zim looked and saw flames shooting up from his backyard!
"AHH!" he screamed and dashed back through the house and out into the backyard.
What he found was a shock. The remains of an older model Voot Crusier was burning in the center of the yard, buried a few feet into the dirt. Scattered around the flaming ruins were pieces of the ship, shards of broken glass, what looked like a dismantled, heavy-duty SIR unit, and an unconscious Irken female.
Zim stared in disbelief at the scene before him. GIR tugged on his sleeve. "Master?" he said, "Master?"
"What?" Zim said, snapping out of his wide-eyed state.
"She's got an owie…" GIR said, pointing at the female.
Zim stepped closer to her and grimaced. A fair-sized shard of glass was stuck in her forehead and blood was trickling down her face and over her right eye. Her uniform was torn and she was bleeding from small cuts on her arms and legs as well. Her antennae hung limp in the grass.
"She certainly does, GIR," Zim said, kneeling beside her. He put a hand on her stomach, "Her Squeegily Spooch is still working though. We'd better get her inside." He picked her up gently and carried her back into the house.
GIR followed, carrying the mangled APU and its unattached pieces.
* * *
Down in the lab, Zim placed the girl on a table in the center of the room. "Computer," he said, "Do what you can to heal her."
A group of metallic arms came down from the ceiling. One arm stuck the girl with a needle, to guarantee that she stayed unconscious, then the other began carefully removing the glass shard fro her forehead.
Zim turned away, not really wanting to watch and preoccupied with his own thoughts anyway. "I need to find out who she is and why she's here…that piece of trash we put in the hanger could be the UFO we picked up earlier…GIR!" he called out.
"Yes?" came GIR's reply from across the room. Zim came up beside him, eye-brow raised. GIR had the broken robot on a table of its own and was attempting to put it back together.
"What is that thing?" Zim asked.
GIR read the underside of the robot's opened chest plate. "An 'A…P…U…'"
"A what?" Zim said, "Computer, what is this?"
"An All Purpose Protection Unit," computer said, "Standard Irken Diplomat issue."
"She's a diplomat?" Zim said, "Oh good grief…Well, have you finished the damage report on her…Voot Crusier…I'm thinking it is…?"
"Damage to Crusier is past the critical point," computer said, "Repairs being attempted. Chance of success – minimal."
Zim groaned, "Will it be able to fly again?"
"Not likely. Atmospheric use only, if at all," was computer's reply.
"Hmmm…" Zim said, putting a finger to his chin, "Still…even a damaged vehicle would be useful to my collection of…stuff." Then a thought struck him. "Computer – quickly, download the memory chip of that APU thing. I want to see who it is that's crashed here."
There was a humming sound and a long string of data appeared on the screen. As Zim scanned the information, his gaze stopped on the name of the APU's owner…and he fainted.
* * *
"Master?" came GIR's voice out of a blurry darkness, "Master, wake up!"
"Wha…?" Zim said groggily, sitting up, "What happened?" he asked, putting a hand on his head, trying to clear it.
"You fell down," GIR said, "Why?"
"I don't…wait…yes…I know why…" Zim said, standing up and looking at the computer screen. The name was still the same. "Zia…" he read it aloud to himself, "I don't believe it…"
"What?" GIR said, "What? What? What?"
Zim walked over to the table where the girl was still lying. One metal arm was placing a large band-aid over her newly sewn-up cut, while the others cleaned the minor injuries. "This…girl was…a friend of mine…back at the Nest," Zim said, more to himself than to GIR, "I never thought I'd see her again."
"Oooooh," GIR said, then he grinned and said in a sing-song voice, "Master has a girlfriend!! Hehehehehehehe!"
Zim found himself blushing and snapped, "Don't be absurd, GIR! I'm sure she doesn't even remember me – that was a long time ago." But as he said it, the anesthetic began to wear off and she stirred. Zim looked at her, suddenly nervous, "Quiet, GIR. She's waking up."
Zia's eyes fluttered open and she looked around, trying to get a grip on where she was. She found no answers in the room that was slowly coming into focus before her. "Huh…? Where…?"
"Shh," Zim said, "You've had a bad night. Just relax."
She turned towards his voice. "Who…?" she began, and then his face became clear and she gave a confused smile, "…Zim…? Is that you?" She tried to sit up, but a sharp pain ran through her forehead and she lay still again.
"Um…yes, it's me," Zim said, "But you shouldn't strain yourself just yet. Your injuries-"
"You haven't grown at all, have you?" she cut him off.
Zim found himself blushing again. "No, not much," he muttered.
"I'm sorry," she said, "That didn't come out the way I wanted it to." Then she glanced around and changed the subject, "Where am I?"
"A planet called Earth," Zim said, "The Almighty Tallest have put me in charge of this planet's doom!"
"I've never heard of it," she said.
"I know," Zim said dejectedly, "No one has. But it doesn't matter anyway. What are you doing here?"
Zia wracked her brain. "I'm not sure. Something went wrong with the Navacomputer of my Crusier. We got knocked way off course and ran into the asteroid belt surrounding the inner rim of planets here. I don't remember much else."
"Well, your ship is in pieces in my hanger," Zim said, "And GIR is repairing you APU. But you really should rest now. That cut on your head won't heal unless you let it."
"Do you have someplace a little more comfortable I could sleep?" she asked, "An operating table doesn't make a very good bed."
Zim nodded, "Computer – take Zia to the spare sleep chamber."
"Um…we don't have one…" computer said.
Zim growled. "Fine. Up to the living room, then. The couch should do for now."
The metallic arms then lifted Zia up and through an opening in the ceiling. They brought her to the living room and carefully set her down on the couch. She was asleep by the time Zim got there.
He stood by her side for a minute. "I guess I'll worry about what to do with her in the morning. Maybe I can find her a disguise…" He walked off, going to his own sleep chamber, still musing over how to handle this new predicament.
"So you see, my Tallest, these test clearly prove that the Cafeteria beasts are trying to kill off all of the planet's young ones with their horrible meats!" Zim was saying. The time was present day. The place was planet Earth. Zim was down in his labs, speaking to Tallests Red and Purple over the video phone on his wall-sized computer screen. On a screen behind him, the tests he'd performed on the Skool's cafeteria food were displayed.
The Tallest blinked. Red looked like he was thinking, 'And I care because???' and Purple's eyes were kind of glazed over, as he'd stopped paying attention the moment Zim had contacted them.
Zim beamed at his results, misunderstanding their reactions completely. He started to continue his report, but his computer interrupted him. "Irken Vessel has entered Earth's Solar System!!" it said loudly.
Zim's antennae perked up. "Eh?" He turned back to his leaders quickly, "Um…I'll call you back!" He quickly pushed a button on the console and the transmission ended. Zim pressed another button and held it down. "GIR!" he yelled, "Get down here!"
Up in the living room, GIR was seated on the couch, watching the Scary Monkey Show and slurping on a chocolate-bubblegum slurpie when his master's message echoed through the house. He stood up, eyes glowing red and blasted off, still holding his slurpie.
He appeared in the lab only moments later. Zim looked up as he came in. "It's about time, GIR," he said, "The satellite's detected an Irken Vessel in our area."
"Ooooooooooohh," GIR said.
Zim turned back to the computer screen, where the satellite's radar was humming away. The bar that spun around the circle was blipping softly as a small red dot approached the asteroid belt.
* * *
Out in space, a Voot Crusier flew silently through the inky blackness. In the cockpit, an Irken female with deep green eyes and curled antennae sat at the controls. She had no SIR of her own, as a Diplomat has no need of an Information Retrieval Unit. Instead, she had an APU (All Purpose Protection Unit). Unlike a SIR, the APU was built of a sturdier material, and was armed with heavier artillery. The APUs were standard Diplomat issue, as negotiators are often in danger of assassination. This APU, like all others, was shiny silver, and had dark blue colored eyes and chest plate.
She leaned back against the seat and sighed. It would be good to return home after such a long journey. She'd been on a diplomatic mission to planet Democracia, delivering important documents to the Irken Representatives. Normally, they could have just been mailed out, but the Tallest had feared they might be intercepted by the enemy…whoever that was…so she had flown all the way there herself.
She had just started to relax, when her computer's voice broke the silence, "Warning! Unknown asteroid belt ahead."
Zia sat up straight, eyes staring out the cockpit window, trying to see what her sensors could already detect. She pressed a button and a small star map appeared on the dash board. "There's no asteroid belt on the route back to Irk," she said to herself.
"Hence the word 'unknown'," the computer said.
She ignored it, watching the radar show more and more signs of approaching danger. Beginning to panic, she grabbed the joy stick and yanked at it hard towards the right. She watched the space in front of her and saw the asteroid belt looming closer. Her eyes narrowed as she checked their coordinates. "We're way off course!" she realized, "Computer, what have you gotten us into!?"
Before the AI chip had a chance to respond, the Cruiser made first contact with the asteroids. The ship was jolted violently and Zia fought for control. Before long, she found herself in the center of the belt, being bombarded on all sides. Her piloting skills were good, but she had been caught off guard – big time. As she finally broke free of the belt, and breathed a sigh of relief, her APU's voice rang out. "Rouge asteroid approaching-"
"What?" Zia cut him off, casting a quick glance around her.
It wasn't fast enough, however, as the 'rouge asteroid' hit the Cruiser at full force from one side!! Nearly the entire top of the Crusier was ripped off in an instant! APU stood in front of her, but was crushed under the force of the meteor. Zia didn't even have time for the situation to register before something struck her forehead and she blacked out.
* * *
Back on Earth, Zim's satellite had lost the signal from the unknown vessel, so he had given up trying to identify it. He was seated in the living room with GIR and they were fighting over the TV remote.
"GIR, I've had it with that monkey!" Zim said as he tugged on the controller, "If you're going to rot what little brain you have with TV, at least watch something worth while!"
"NOOOO!" GIR sobbed, pulling on the other side, "I need to see what happens!!"
Their argument was cut short when what felt like an earthquake shook the whole house! Zim and GIR were both flung off the couch and onto the floor. As the remote hit the ground, it shut the TV off.
Zim picked himself up. "What was that?" he demanded, and then hurried outside to investigate. GIR followed after him, having completely forgotten their fight.
Out in the front yard, everything looked normal. But the neighbors' lights were on, so Zim new he hadn't been the only one to feel the earthquake. He glanced around, puzzled.
"Master! Look!" GIR said, pointing towards the back of their house. Zim looked and saw flames shooting up from his backyard!
"AHH!" he screamed and dashed back through the house and out into the backyard.
What he found was a shock. The remains of an older model Voot Crusier was burning in the center of the yard, buried a few feet into the dirt. Scattered around the flaming ruins were pieces of the ship, shards of broken glass, what looked like a dismantled, heavy-duty SIR unit, and an unconscious Irken female.
Zim stared in disbelief at the scene before him. GIR tugged on his sleeve. "Master?" he said, "Master?"
"What?" Zim said, snapping out of his wide-eyed state.
"She's got an owie…" GIR said, pointing at the female.
Zim stepped closer to her and grimaced. A fair-sized shard of glass was stuck in her forehead and blood was trickling down her face and over her right eye. Her uniform was torn and she was bleeding from small cuts on her arms and legs as well. Her antennae hung limp in the grass.
"She certainly does, GIR," Zim said, kneeling beside her. He put a hand on her stomach, "Her Squeegily Spooch is still working though. We'd better get her inside." He picked her up gently and carried her back into the house.
GIR followed, carrying the mangled APU and its unattached pieces.
* * *
Down in the lab, Zim placed the girl on a table in the center of the room. "Computer," he said, "Do what you can to heal her."
A group of metallic arms came down from the ceiling. One arm stuck the girl with a needle, to guarantee that she stayed unconscious, then the other began carefully removing the glass shard fro her forehead.
Zim turned away, not really wanting to watch and preoccupied with his own thoughts anyway. "I need to find out who she is and why she's here…that piece of trash we put in the hanger could be the UFO we picked up earlier…GIR!" he called out.
"Yes?" came GIR's reply from across the room. Zim came up beside him, eye-brow raised. GIR had the broken robot on a table of its own and was attempting to put it back together.
"What is that thing?" Zim asked.
GIR read the underside of the robot's opened chest plate. "An 'A…P…U…'"
"A what?" Zim said, "Computer, what is this?"
"An All Purpose Protection Unit," computer said, "Standard Irken Diplomat issue."
"She's a diplomat?" Zim said, "Oh good grief…Well, have you finished the damage report on her…Voot Crusier…I'm thinking it is…?"
"Damage to Crusier is past the critical point," computer said, "Repairs being attempted. Chance of success – minimal."
Zim groaned, "Will it be able to fly again?"
"Not likely. Atmospheric use only, if at all," was computer's reply.
"Hmmm…" Zim said, putting a finger to his chin, "Still…even a damaged vehicle would be useful to my collection of…stuff." Then a thought struck him. "Computer – quickly, download the memory chip of that APU thing. I want to see who it is that's crashed here."
There was a humming sound and a long string of data appeared on the screen. As Zim scanned the information, his gaze stopped on the name of the APU's owner…and he fainted.
* * *
"Master?" came GIR's voice out of a blurry darkness, "Master, wake up!"
"Wha…?" Zim said groggily, sitting up, "What happened?" he asked, putting a hand on his head, trying to clear it.
"You fell down," GIR said, "Why?"
"I don't…wait…yes…I know why…" Zim said, standing up and looking at the computer screen. The name was still the same. "Zia…" he read it aloud to himself, "I don't believe it…"
"What?" GIR said, "What? What? What?"
Zim walked over to the table where the girl was still lying. One metal arm was placing a large band-aid over her newly sewn-up cut, while the others cleaned the minor injuries. "This…girl was…a friend of mine…back at the Nest," Zim said, more to himself than to GIR, "I never thought I'd see her again."
"Oooooh," GIR said, then he grinned and said in a sing-song voice, "Master has a girlfriend!! Hehehehehehehe!"
Zim found himself blushing and snapped, "Don't be absurd, GIR! I'm sure she doesn't even remember me – that was a long time ago." But as he said it, the anesthetic began to wear off and she stirred. Zim looked at her, suddenly nervous, "Quiet, GIR. She's waking up."
Zia's eyes fluttered open and she looked around, trying to get a grip on where she was. She found no answers in the room that was slowly coming into focus before her. "Huh…? Where…?"
"Shh," Zim said, "You've had a bad night. Just relax."
She turned towards his voice. "Who…?" she began, and then his face became clear and she gave a confused smile, "…Zim…? Is that you?" She tried to sit up, but a sharp pain ran through her forehead and she lay still again.
"Um…yes, it's me," Zim said, "But you shouldn't strain yourself just yet. Your injuries-"
"You haven't grown at all, have you?" she cut him off.
Zim found himself blushing again. "No, not much," he muttered.
"I'm sorry," she said, "That didn't come out the way I wanted it to." Then she glanced around and changed the subject, "Where am I?"
"A planet called Earth," Zim said, "The Almighty Tallest have put me in charge of this planet's doom!"
"I've never heard of it," she said.
"I know," Zim said dejectedly, "No one has. But it doesn't matter anyway. What are you doing here?"
Zia wracked her brain. "I'm not sure. Something went wrong with the Navacomputer of my Crusier. We got knocked way off course and ran into the asteroid belt surrounding the inner rim of planets here. I don't remember much else."
"Well, your ship is in pieces in my hanger," Zim said, "And GIR is repairing you APU. But you really should rest now. That cut on your head won't heal unless you let it."
"Do you have someplace a little more comfortable I could sleep?" she asked, "An operating table doesn't make a very good bed."
Zim nodded, "Computer – take Zia to the spare sleep chamber."
"Um…we don't have one…" computer said.
Zim growled. "Fine. Up to the living room, then. The couch should do for now."
The metallic arms then lifted Zia up and through an opening in the ceiling. They brought her to the living room and carefully set her down on the couch. She was asleep by the time Zim got there.
He stood by her side for a minute. "I guess I'll worry about what to do with her in the morning. Maybe I can find her a disguise…" He walked off, going to his own sleep chamber, still musing over how to handle this new predicament.