Chapter 3 – Zia's First Day at Skool
"Class," Ms. Bitters said, "I want you all to sit down, shut up, and pay very close attention." The class sat, quieted, and glued their eyes to their teacher (no not literally – though someone tried). "Now then. In yet another attempt to crowd the Skool as they cut our funding, we have a new student joining us. Zim will be bringing her in any second now. So you can all assume she's doomed."
As she said this, the door to the classroom burst open and in stepped Zim (in his disguise) followed by a green-skinned girl a bit taller than he was, with pretty green eyes and blonde hair pulled back in a 50s-ish ponytail. The pair walked to the front of the room and Zim announced, "Horrible, stinking classmates – I would like to introduce Zia. She is a friend of my family's from…the…uh…old country! Yes! And I want you all to obey her fist, just as you do mine!"
"That's enough, Zim," Ms. Bitters hissed, "Take your seat." Zim took his seat. Ms. Bitters turned to Zia, "You – do you have something to say?"
"Um…no," Zia said.
"Good. Now take the seat next to Dib," Ms. Bitters said, pointing to the desk, where Aki had just been plunged to the "Underground Classroom".
Zia walked over to the desk and sat down. She turned and smiled at Dib, who was leaning as far away from her as possible, gripping his chair and looking petrified. "I don't believe it!! There's TWO of them now!!!" he cried.
"Oh brother," Zita said, "Not this again. Is every new kid an alien now, Dib?"
Zia shot a panicked look at Zim, but he put a hand up to calm her.
She got the hint and turned back to Dib. "I'm sorry if I make you uncomfortable, Dib," she said, "Are all boys in this country this girl- shy?"
"Yeah, pretty much," Zita said, and the rest of the girls giggled.
Dib sulked in his seat, unprepared for this humiliation.
Sara leaned over towards Zia. "Hey – you're pretty cool. But what are you doing hanging out with a freak like Zim?"
Zia's expression turned annoyed and she started to reply, but their teacher interrupted them. "Children! Enough of this! Open your horrible textbooks to the very center and begin reading."
Dib's hand shot up. "Ms. Bitters, all of our text books have an even number of pages – there IS no center page!"
"Silence!" Ms. Bitters yelled, "It doesn't matter anyway. All the pages are blank ever since the funding was cut."
"Then…what's the point?" Dib asked.
"There is no point! You're all just doomed…doomed…doomed…doomed…"
* * *
Back at Zim's house, GIR was just completing the repairs on APU. He'd done everything correctly, and then taken a few extra steps of his own at the end. So now, APU had bubblegum and paper clips in his head, along with all of the proper circuitry.
GIR flicked a button on APU's neck and its triangular eyes lit up. He sat up and looked at GIR. "Who are you?" he asked.
"I'm GIR!"
"You're what?"
"GIR!"
"What's a GIR?"
"I don't know…"
"Oh…me neither. Where's Mistress?"
"At Skool with Master."
APU's eyes narrowed and he did an infrared scan of the town from where he sat. It took him only a short moment to locate the Skool and Zia. Upon seeing it, he hopped off the table and marched out of the base. GIR watched him go and then went to see what was on TV.
* * *
At Skool, the lunch bell had rung, and Zia and Zim were seated at Zim's usual table by themselves. Neither of them was touching the food, looking equally disgusted. Then the door to the cafeteria swung open and in walked APU. He marched right up to their lunch table and stood next to Zia, who hadn't noticed him.
Since his presence was normal to her, it took her a few minutes to even realize he was there. She glanced over casually, nodded at him, and then turned back to her food. Then her eyes bugged out and she turned back to him. "What are you doing here?!?" she whispered frantically.
"It is in my programming not to be more than 50 feet away from you, Mistress," APU replied.
"Well, I know that," she said, "But you're going to have to ignore your program if you really want to keep me safe."
While this conversation was going on, Zim was still making disgusted faces at his food. He poked it with his fork and the mashed potatoes reared up like Jabba the Hutt and ate the fork. Next he poked an odd gray substance with his spoon and the metal dissolved. Finally, he had to fend off the horrible weenie that had sprung to life and attacked him. When at last he had conquered the weenie, he stabbed it with his knife and it squirted meat juice into his eye and he screamed, flinging the speared weenie across the room and writing and smoking on the floor.
And no one in the lunchroom had noticed anything unusual. So APU escorted Zia back to class when the bell rang again. Zim followed behind, still smoking a bit, with one eye swollen shut.
Once in class, APU stationed himself next to Zia's desk, standing like a guard at Buckingham Palace. Ms. Bitters noticed him and yelled, "ZIA!!"
Zia snapped to attention, "Yes, ma'am?"
"No pets or servants allowed on Skool grounds," Ms. Bitters said.
Zia turned to APU. "See? I told you. Now go on."
APU looked at Zia, and then hopped out the window next to Dib, who was watching it, wide-eyed. APU stood outside the window and kept watch over Zia from there.
Halfway through one of Ms. Bitter's lectures, Dib cried out, "I can't take it anymore! That thing is staring at me!!"
"Don't be ridiculous, Dib," Zia said, "He doesn't have any reason to. He's watching me."
The whole class "oooh"ed immaturely.
"I don't mean like THAT!" Zia cried, flailing her arms in frustration.
"I know someone who IS looking at you like that!" Zita said, pointing at Zim, who had been watching Zia the whole time. The class laughed and Zim stared down at his desk, blushing. Zia looked at Zim and her expression softened. Dib looked from one alien to the other suspiciously.
Ms. Bitters had fallen asleep.
* * *
When the bell finally ended class, Zim and Zia started home, with APU following close behind. They walked in silence for the first few blocks, then Zia said, "Zim? Are you as concerned about me as APU is?"
"Huh?" Zim said, "What do you mean?"
"Well, why else would you be watching me?"
Zim blushed again, "Well…I…to be honest…I…still can't get over how…beautiful you've become."
Zia found herself blushing as well. "Well, thank you, Zim," she said, putting a hand on his arm, "I think you've grown very handsome."
Zim turned an even deeper shade of violet (Irken blood is purple, remember?).
Behind them, Dib was watching them through binoculars, sitting up in a tree. He was certain that Zia was Irken too, but he wasn't sure why she was on Earth. But he would find out! Oh, how he would find out! As the two Irkens disappeared into Zim's house, Dib lost his balance and fell out of the tree and into a bush.
* * *
Once safely inside the base, Zim decided he would try contacting the Tallest again. The painting of the green monkey-thing on the living room wall lifted up to reveal another video phone screen. The static faded out and the Tallest appeared on screen.
Zim bowed his head respectfully. "My Tallest, once again, I am contacting you with urgent news!"
"Uh huh…" Red said, "Yeah…what was it you said last night…something about a Diplomat?"
"Yes!" Zim nodded, "Diplomat Zia's Voot Cruiser crashed in my backyard last night. She is stranded here because…well…there's not much my base can do to repair it. It's suitable for only minimal atmospheric travel."
"Right," Purple said, "So…um…yeah. We'll send someone by to pick her up as soon as possible."
"Oh, there's no real hurry," Zim said, waving his hand in the air dismissively, "But she seems to have documents you needed."
"Yeah," Red said, "Zia, do you think you could just maybe download the files to us right now?"
"Of course," Zia said, stepping forward, "One moment." A long thin wire extended from her jet-pack-thing and connected to an outlet below the video phone screen. A small charge of blue energy ran down the wire and into the outlet. On screen, a fax machine behind the Tallest blinked and a large stack of papers popped out.
Purple looked over the papers, then turned back towards the screen. "You didn't tell anyone about these, did you?" he asked nervously.
"Certainly not," Zia said, "Even I haven't read them."
"Oh, that's good," Purple said.
"Well, thank you, Zia," Red said, "We'll call you back as soon as we can find a transport to pick you up."
"There really isn't any hurry," Zia said, "I'm curious to see more of this planet." She smiled at Zim.
"All right then," Red said, "We'll talk to you later." And the transmission ended. Red turned to Purple. "You know she was lying."
"What?" Purple said.
"How could she have made the negotiations if she hadn't read the documents?"
"Oh yeah…"
"You're such a nitwit sometimes."
"Hey!"
Back in Zim's living room, Zim turned to Zia. "What were those documents, anyway?"
"A secret peace agreement with another warrior race," Zia said, "There's a big peace meeting coming up soon and the Tallest plan to choose their allies quickly and declare war on the weaker planets."
"Why didn't you tell them you knew all that?" Zim asked.
"I thought they'd be better off not worrying that it might get out."
"Oh," Zim nodded, "Well…what do you want to do now?"
"I'd love to see more of this world," Zia admitted.
"Ok then. Come on," Zim started out the door again, "But be well warned – out in this world we are surrounded by MADNESS!"
GIR and APU popped up behind them. "I like madness!" they both said.
Zia gave APU a funny look. "Zim, are you sure GIR fixed him correctly?"
"I'm never sure of anything with GIR," Zim says, "But I'm sure he didn't do too much harm. Now let's go."
And the four of them left…out into the world of (well-liked) MADNESS!!
"Class," Ms. Bitters said, "I want you all to sit down, shut up, and pay very close attention." The class sat, quieted, and glued their eyes to their teacher (no not literally – though someone tried). "Now then. In yet another attempt to crowd the Skool as they cut our funding, we have a new student joining us. Zim will be bringing her in any second now. So you can all assume she's doomed."
As she said this, the door to the classroom burst open and in stepped Zim (in his disguise) followed by a green-skinned girl a bit taller than he was, with pretty green eyes and blonde hair pulled back in a 50s-ish ponytail. The pair walked to the front of the room and Zim announced, "Horrible, stinking classmates – I would like to introduce Zia. She is a friend of my family's from…the…uh…old country! Yes! And I want you all to obey her fist, just as you do mine!"
"That's enough, Zim," Ms. Bitters hissed, "Take your seat." Zim took his seat. Ms. Bitters turned to Zia, "You – do you have something to say?"
"Um…no," Zia said.
"Good. Now take the seat next to Dib," Ms. Bitters said, pointing to the desk, where Aki had just been plunged to the "Underground Classroom".
Zia walked over to the desk and sat down. She turned and smiled at Dib, who was leaning as far away from her as possible, gripping his chair and looking petrified. "I don't believe it!! There's TWO of them now!!!" he cried.
"Oh brother," Zita said, "Not this again. Is every new kid an alien now, Dib?"
Zia shot a panicked look at Zim, but he put a hand up to calm her.
She got the hint and turned back to Dib. "I'm sorry if I make you uncomfortable, Dib," she said, "Are all boys in this country this girl- shy?"
"Yeah, pretty much," Zita said, and the rest of the girls giggled.
Dib sulked in his seat, unprepared for this humiliation.
Sara leaned over towards Zia. "Hey – you're pretty cool. But what are you doing hanging out with a freak like Zim?"
Zia's expression turned annoyed and she started to reply, but their teacher interrupted them. "Children! Enough of this! Open your horrible textbooks to the very center and begin reading."
Dib's hand shot up. "Ms. Bitters, all of our text books have an even number of pages – there IS no center page!"
"Silence!" Ms. Bitters yelled, "It doesn't matter anyway. All the pages are blank ever since the funding was cut."
"Then…what's the point?" Dib asked.
"There is no point! You're all just doomed…doomed…doomed…doomed…"
* * *
Back at Zim's house, GIR was just completing the repairs on APU. He'd done everything correctly, and then taken a few extra steps of his own at the end. So now, APU had bubblegum and paper clips in his head, along with all of the proper circuitry.
GIR flicked a button on APU's neck and its triangular eyes lit up. He sat up and looked at GIR. "Who are you?" he asked.
"I'm GIR!"
"You're what?"
"GIR!"
"What's a GIR?"
"I don't know…"
"Oh…me neither. Where's Mistress?"
"At Skool with Master."
APU's eyes narrowed and he did an infrared scan of the town from where he sat. It took him only a short moment to locate the Skool and Zia. Upon seeing it, he hopped off the table and marched out of the base. GIR watched him go and then went to see what was on TV.
* * *
At Skool, the lunch bell had rung, and Zia and Zim were seated at Zim's usual table by themselves. Neither of them was touching the food, looking equally disgusted. Then the door to the cafeteria swung open and in walked APU. He marched right up to their lunch table and stood next to Zia, who hadn't noticed him.
Since his presence was normal to her, it took her a few minutes to even realize he was there. She glanced over casually, nodded at him, and then turned back to her food. Then her eyes bugged out and she turned back to him. "What are you doing here?!?" she whispered frantically.
"It is in my programming not to be more than 50 feet away from you, Mistress," APU replied.
"Well, I know that," she said, "But you're going to have to ignore your program if you really want to keep me safe."
While this conversation was going on, Zim was still making disgusted faces at his food. He poked it with his fork and the mashed potatoes reared up like Jabba the Hutt and ate the fork. Next he poked an odd gray substance with his spoon and the metal dissolved. Finally, he had to fend off the horrible weenie that had sprung to life and attacked him. When at last he had conquered the weenie, he stabbed it with his knife and it squirted meat juice into his eye and he screamed, flinging the speared weenie across the room and writing and smoking on the floor.
And no one in the lunchroom had noticed anything unusual. So APU escorted Zia back to class when the bell rang again. Zim followed behind, still smoking a bit, with one eye swollen shut.
Once in class, APU stationed himself next to Zia's desk, standing like a guard at Buckingham Palace. Ms. Bitters noticed him and yelled, "ZIA!!"
Zia snapped to attention, "Yes, ma'am?"
"No pets or servants allowed on Skool grounds," Ms. Bitters said.
Zia turned to APU. "See? I told you. Now go on."
APU looked at Zia, and then hopped out the window next to Dib, who was watching it, wide-eyed. APU stood outside the window and kept watch over Zia from there.
Halfway through one of Ms. Bitter's lectures, Dib cried out, "I can't take it anymore! That thing is staring at me!!"
"Don't be ridiculous, Dib," Zia said, "He doesn't have any reason to. He's watching me."
The whole class "oooh"ed immaturely.
"I don't mean like THAT!" Zia cried, flailing her arms in frustration.
"I know someone who IS looking at you like that!" Zita said, pointing at Zim, who had been watching Zia the whole time. The class laughed and Zim stared down at his desk, blushing. Zia looked at Zim and her expression softened. Dib looked from one alien to the other suspiciously.
Ms. Bitters had fallen asleep.
* * *
When the bell finally ended class, Zim and Zia started home, with APU following close behind. They walked in silence for the first few blocks, then Zia said, "Zim? Are you as concerned about me as APU is?"
"Huh?" Zim said, "What do you mean?"
"Well, why else would you be watching me?"
Zim blushed again, "Well…I…to be honest…I…still can't get over how…beautiful you've become."
Zia found herself blushing as well. "Well, thank you, Zim," she said, putting a hand on his arm, "I think you've grown very handsome."
Zim turned an even deeper shade of violet (Irken blood is purple, remember?).
Behind them, Dib was watching them through binoculars, sitting up in a tree. He was certain that Zia was Irken too, but he wasn't sure why she was on Earth. But he would find out! Oh, how he would find out! As the two Irkens disappeared into Zim's house, Dib lost his balance and fell out of the tree and into a bush.
* * *
Once safely inside the base, Zim decided he would try contacting the Tallest again. The painting of the green monkey-thing on the living room wall lifted up to reveal another video phone screen. The static faded out and the Tallest appeared on screen.
Zim bowed his head respectfully. "My Tallest, once again, I am contacting you with urgent news!"
"Uh huh…" Red said, "Yeah…what was it you said last night…something about a Diplomat?"
"Yes!" Zim nodded, "Diplomat Zia's Voot Cruiser crashed in my backyard last night. She is stranded here because…well…there's not much my base can do to repair it. It's suitable for only minimal atmospheric travel."
"Right," Purple said, "So…um…yeah. We'll send someone by to pick her up as soon as possible."
"Oh, there's no real hurry," Zim said, waving his hand in the air dismissively, "But she seems to have documents you needed."
"Yeah," Red said, "Zia, do you think you could just maybe download the files to us right now?"
"Of course," Zia said, stepping forward, "One moment." A long thin wire extended from her jet-pack-thing and connected to an outlet below the video phone screen. A small charge of blue energy ran down the wire and into the outlet. On screen, a fax machine behind the Tallest blinked and a large stack of papers popped out.
Purple looked over the papers, then turned back towards the screen. "You didn't tell anyone about these, did you?" he asked nervously.
"Certainly not," Zia said, "Even I haven't read them."
"Oh, that's good," Purple said.
"Well, thank you, Zia," Red said, "We'll call you back as soon as we can find a transport to pick you up."
"There really isn't any hurry," Zia said, "I'm curious to see more of this planet." She smiled at Zim.
"All right then," Red said, "We'll talk to you later." And the transmission ended. Red turned to Purple. "You know she was lying."
"What?" Purple said.
"How could she have made the negotiations if she hadn't read the documents?"
"Oh yeah…"
"You're such a nitwit sometimes."
"Hey!"
Back in Zim's living room, Zim turned to Zia. "What were those documents, anyway?"
"A secret peace agreement with another warrior race," Zia said, "There's a big peace meeting coming up soon and the Tallest plan to choose their allies quickly and declare war on the weaker planets."
"Why didn't you tell them you knew all that?" Zim asked.
"I thought they'd be better off not worrying that it might get out."
"Oh," Zim nodded, "Well…what do you want to do now?"
"I'd love to see more of this world," Zia admitted.
"Ok then. Come on," Zim started out the door again, "But be well warned – out in this world we are surrounded by MADNESS!"
GIR and APU popped up behind them. "I like madness!" they both said.
Zia gave APU a funny look. "Zim, are you sure GIR fixed him correctly?"
"I'm never sure of anything with GIR," Zim says, "But I'm sure he didn't do too much harm. Now let's go."
And the four of them left…out into the world of (well-liked) MADNESS!!