Hidden
CHAPTER ELEVEN
Dinner at Dawn's had gone well, Spike knew that what ever had happened before was still playing on Buffy's mind but he knew that she didn't want to talk about it.
He hadn't tried to talk to her on the way home, which made Buffy uncomfortable it was so unlike Spike. When they had gotten to her house she knew that Spike shouldn't stay the night.
"I think I feel like some alone time tonight Spike. Don't mind do you?" She asked not wanting to freak him out.
Yes he did mind, but this was Buffy he couldn't change her mind.
"Fine." He said not wanting to add more knowing his own temper too well.
"Don't be like that, I just want a bit of space tonight. Come over in the morning."
She saw the anger flare in his eyes, she could see the Spike rant brewing.
"That's fine pet. I love you and goodnight." He managed to push out, shocked at his own repression.
With that he turned and stalked off down the street.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Once settled in her home Buffy turned the lights out in the lounge and sat cross legged. She needed to know what the hell those visions were about, and this was the first step.
Giles had always told her that meditation could be very useful in unlocking all sorts of repressed images. If it didn't work she would go to Tara, but for now she didn't want the others involved.
Breathing in and out at a steady pace she cleared her mind of eveything, concentrating only on her breathing. She felt her sub conscience take control of her, she let her self drift for a few minutes. It was peaceful and safe, almost made her forget why she was doing it.
Focusing on the vision of her and Spike in the bathroom her emotions took over, she saw in her mind the whole scene.
Spike had come to her when was taking a bath, he wanted to talk. Then same thing as always happened he had wanted to make her love him. An arguement erupted, there was shouting, he grabbed her, forced her down.
Buffy's body was shaking now, she felt that fear she had felt, she knew this was real. She had never known fear like this, it wasn't phsyical.
He was trying to force himself into her, she managed to get him off, hurt and betrayed she turned to him, she saw his disgust, he saw her disgust, she spoke with contemp. He fled.
Buffy snapped out of the trance she had been in, it was real. She felt it, why she didn't remeber she didn't know but it had happened. She felt those feelings.
She couldn't get up, she was so confused. Spike, her Spike had done that to her. But no rage filled her, she didn't feel the way she had done then. All she did was lie down and cry. Cry because now she knew the truth. It was all there hidden deep inside her, just like the love she felt for him had been hidden for years.
~~~~~~~~~~~~
At some point the crying had stopped and Buffy had slipped into sleep. In her dreams she replayed the bathroom attack over and over. Not only that but every fight they had ever had.
She started to sob in her sleep and it woke her.
"Why? Why, how could that have happened?" she screamed, her voice filling the house. The same house the attack had happened in.
She looked up a the large photograph of the gang which had been taken about two years ago. Spike was included, she remembered that day well it had taken them forever to get Spike to agree to be on the photo. She had wanted him on it, he was part of the gang.
It had taken years for him to be trusted by the other and for some part by herself. He was probably her best friend. Willow was great but something with Spike had clicked, always there to tell it like it is. But now this.
The progress they had all made with Spike had been for nothing, he had betrayed them all. Yet Buffy felt the urge to forgive.
She pushed that idea right out of her mind, forgive him for trying to rape her. No. Tomorrow when he came round he'd find his things on the street.
TBC...............
CHAPTER ELEVEN
Dinner at Dawn's had gone well, Spike knew that what ever had happened before was still playing on Buffy's mind but he knew that she didn't want to talk about it.
He hadn't tried to talk to her on the way home, which made Buffy uncomfortable it was so unlike Spike. When they had gotten to her house she knew that Spike shouldn't stay the night.
"I think I feel like some alone time tonight Spike. Don't mind do you?" She asked not wanting to freak him out.
Yes he did mind, but this was Buffy he couldn't change her mind.
"Fine." He said not wanting to add more knowing his own temper too well.
"Don't be like that, I just want a bit of space tonight. Come over in the morning."
She saw the anger flare in his eyes, she could see the Spike rant brewing.
"That's fine pet. I love you and goodnight." He managed to push out, shocked at his own repression.
With that he turned and stalked off down the street.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Once settled in her home Buffy turned the lights out in the lounge and sat cross legged. She needed to know what the hell those visions were about, and this was the first step.
Giles had always told her that meditation could be very useful in unlocking all sorts of repressed images. If it didn't work she would go to Tara, but for now she didn't want the others involved.
Breathing in and out at a steady pace she cleared her mind of eveything, concentrating only on her breathing. She felt her sub conscience take control of her, she let her self drift for a few minutes. It was peaceful and safe, almost made her forget why she was doing it.
Focusing on the vision of her and Spike in the bathroom her emotions took over, she saw in her mind the whole scene.
Spike had come to her when was taking a bath, he wanted to talk. Then same thing as always happened he had wanted to make her love him. An arguement erupted, there was shouting, he grabbed her, forced her down.
Buffy's body was shaking now, she felt that fear she had felt, she knew this was real. She had never known fear like this, it wasn't phsyical.
He was trying to force himself into her, she managed to get him off, hurt and betrayed she turned to him, she saw his disgust, he saw her disgust, she spoke with contemp. He fled.
Buffy snapped out of the trance she had been in, it was real. She felt it, why she didn't remeber she didn't know but it had happened. She felt those feelings.
She couldn't get up, she was so confused. Spike, her Spike had done that to her. But no rage filled her, she didn't feel the way she had done then. All she did was lie down and cry. Cry because now she knew the truth. It was all there hidden deep inside her, just like the love she felt for him had been hidden for years.
~~~~~~~~~~~~
At some point the crying had stopped and Buffy had slipped into sleep. In her dreams she replayed the bathroom attack over and over. Not only that but every fight they had ever had.
She started to sob in her sleep and it woke her.
"Why? Why, how could that have happened?" she screamed, her voice filling the house. The same house the attack had happened in.
She looked up a the large photograph of the gang which had been taken about two years ago. Spike was included, she remembered that day well it had taken them forever to get Spike to agree to be on the photo. She had wanted him on it, he was part of the gang.
It had taken years for him to be trusted by the other and for some part by herself. He was probably her best friend. Willow was great but something with Spike had clicked, always there to tell it like it is. But now this.
The progress they had all made with Spike had been for nothing, he had betrayed them all. Yet Buffy felt the urge to forgive.
She pushed that idea right out of her mind, forgive him for trying to rape her. No. Tomorrow when he came round he'd find his things on the street.
TBC...............