Ties That Break

Pt 2: Shudders

Song: "Island" by Heather Nova

iThey're parts of me he'll never know/i

iMy wild horses and my riverbeds/i

iAnd in my throat/i

iVoices he'll never hear/i

"Move in with me."

Paige blinked. Adrian sat across from her at his dining room table, his torso still bare from when they had she had woken up next to him that morning… with yet another horrid hangover. It had been like this for weeks since her encounter with her sisters, waking up in unfamiliar places, with headaches and nausea, and only small memories of the night before. Paige had tried to stop herself, tried to push away the drinks that were handed to her, but the feeling of being free from all responsibility as she took another sip… it was breathtaking.

"Move in with me," he repeated.

Paige shook her head. It was too much to think about while she had a migraine. "Adrian, I think this is moving a little too fast for me..."

"You didn't say that last night," he grew angry with her, leaning back in his chair. "Besides, you spend all your time here anyway. It'll save me gas money instead of coming to pick you up every time we go out. And I don't want your sisters influencing your thoughts about me."

"Influencing me? What does any of this have to with my sisters? They're my sisters, and I'm going to stay with them. They need me. More than you know." Paige stood and wrapped her thin robe tightly around her body, squeezing it as though it would force the pain from her head.

"Really?" Adrian followed her as she trudged down the hall and into the bathroom. "They're holding you back, Paige. They're keeping us apart, keeping us from being happy together. I love you, but you're sisters and I don't mix. I want you to stop seeing them."

Paige spun on her heel. "Excuse me? 'I love you but you can't see you sisters anymore'. That's rich, you know that? You should get an award for your tremendous sense of humor or something. You know what, Adrian? You can go to hell."

Before she had a chance to turn away again, she was on the ground, her head numb with pain. Her jaw felt like a broken vase; she couldn't move it. She looked up, her eyes watering, and saw Adrian standing above her, his hand raised as though to strike her again. "Don't you ever speak to me like that again," he hissed. "Or I will kill you."

Paige lowered her head, too sick to reply. iI could kill you,/i she thought, iif only you weren't a mortal. /i

iHe pulls at me/i

iLike a cherry tree/i

iAnd I can still move/i

iBut I don't speak about it/i

She stood slowly, wobbling as she reached out to grab something to help her up. She found Adrian's hand waiting for her. He lifted her off the ground as though she were a rag doll and tilted her chin up so she was staring into his eyes. They were cloudy, like there was a storm deep inside him, raging and ready to come out. His lips were firm and set in a straight line, and his cheeks were flushed with anger. He breathed heavily for a moment before the color faded and the storm subsided, and he was calm. "I'm sorry, Paige. I love you, I really do love you with all my heart. I don't want to have to hurt you, but when you speak to me like that... just don't do it again, and we won't have a problem. Okay?"

Paige's head spun. She was dizzy, nauseous, and hung over. Anything was all right as long as he didn't hit her again. "Yeah. Okay."

Adrian's face was fuzzy as he smiled widely and kissed her. "Good. It's off to work for you, missy. We'll talk more about this later. Scoot." He turned her around and smacked her hard on her rear as he gave her a push back into his room, where her clothes hung across a chair, waiting for her to put them on. She sighed and rubbed her cheek again as she dragged her shirt over her head.

***

"San Francisco social services office, Paige Matthews," Paige picked up her phone in her cubicle and answered in her usual fashion, except that today she did it more slowly. Her head still pained her slightly, and her jaw was sore. She ignored it and continued on with her work.

"Paige, it's Phoebe," came the reply, although it seemed hesitant.

Paige sighed with relief as she heard her sister's voice. "Hey. I was going to call you when I got home, but I guess you beat me to it."

"That's just it Paige. That's why I called you. You haven't been to your real home in almost three weeks. Have you officially abandoned us, or can we expect to see you again before we get so old that we can't see at all?"

"Oh come on," Paige joked. "You know you're happy to have me out of the house. You and Cole and Piper and Leo can have your private "couple time" without me dragging you down anymore."

Phoebe huffed. "Paige, I'm serious. I'm really worried about you. You don't call us for weeks on end, we don't know where you are or whom you're with, and you've taken up drinking again. This isn't healthy, and you know it. Why won't you just admit that Adrian is no good and come home? We can help you get your life ba-"

"You can't help me do anything," Paige snapped as her hand flitted to her cheek. "Adrian has given me everything; love, respect, loyalty, and stability. I feel safe with him. I can tell him anything."

She heard Phoebe gasp. "Paige, you didn't."

"Didn't what?"

"You didn't tell him that we're witches… did you?" Phoebe's voice was course, somewhere between hard and soft, trying to be firm without being frightened.

Paige closed her eyes. "I didn't tell him, Phoebe. Don't worry, your secret is safe."

"My secret?" Phoebe asked. "It's your secret, too, Paige. You're our sister, and a fellow Charmed One. You have just as much responsibility as we do here. God, have you forgotten that?"

"How could I forget when you're yelling at me about it?!" Paige cried, probably a little too loudly, as her coworkers glanced over in her direction. She lowered her head and her voice until she was nearly under her desk. "I don't want to talk about this now, Phoebe, or ever. I'm not coming home. If it makes you that upset that I don't call, then I'll be over later to pick up my stuff. I could never leave Adrian. I love him. Besides, he'd probably go ballistic."

Phoebe coughed. "What does that mean?"

"Never mind," Paige replied quickly. "It doesn't matter. It's my problem, and I'm handling it. I'll be by when I get off work. See you then."

"Wait… Paige, what do you mean? Did he hurt you?" Paige faltered as she held the phone to her ear. Her silence prompted Phoebe into a fit of hysterics. "He did, didn't he? I knew it! Paige, you have to get out of there. This isn't something that we can use the power of three on. We can't vanquish a mortal. Paige, please, just come home and we'll work all of it out, I promise."

Paige heard the concern in her sister's voice, but did her best to ignore it. "You don't know what you're talking about," she lied. "Now I have to go… on second thought, I don't think I'll be around later. See you whenever." She slipped the phone back onto its cradle despite protests from Phoebe on the other end.

iPretend it never happened, Paige,/i she thought to herself as she sifted through a pile of papers shakily. iHe's sorry, and he loves you, and you love him. Pretend it never happened. This will all fade away…/i

iPretend I'm crazy/i

iPretend I'm dead/i

iHe's too scared to hit me now/i

iHe'll bring flowers instead/i

"Paige!"

She looked up, her eyes trying to adjust to the quick movement. She didn't see who approached her until it was too late. Leo passed through the crowd of people in the office like Moses through the Red Sea, the group parting for him as he pushed through. iHe got here quick,/i she thought as he neared. iPiper probably sent him the second Phoebe got off the phone. /i

"Paige, we have to talk," he said as he leaned on her desk. "And we have to talk now."

"Does it really have to be now, Leo? I'm kinda swamped." She stacked her thin piles so they looked larger than they were. "Besides, I already told Phoebe-"

"I know what you told Phoebe, and it's all bull," he interrupted. "Nobody has the right to hit you, no matter who they are."

"What are you talking about, Leo?" she hissed through clenched teeth. "Why does everyone suddenly think that someone's hitting me? Why don't you just go back to your wife? I'm sure she needs more attention than I do right now." She stood and began to make her way through to the copy room, stumbling over invisible mail carts and nonexistent swivel chairs.

"Is that what this is about?" he asked quietly as he tried to help her to her feet. "You don't want to be the only single Halliwell, so you shack up with the first reasonable guy that comes along?"
Paige spun on her heel, nearly tripping as she slapped him hard across his jaw. "Who's hitting whom now, Leo?" When he didn't reply, she nodded. "Right. Go home, Leo. I don't need you." She slipped into the empty copy room and watched her brother-in-law as he walked away, his hand cradling his stinging jaw, and his heart bearing his wounded pride. She turned her back to the window and covered her face in her hands, whispering aloud to herself. "What have I done?"

iI need an island/i

iSomewhere to sink a stone/i

iI need an island/i

iSomewhere to bury you/i

iSomewhere to go/i

***

The next week, Phoebe's call was still bothering her. Paige was quiet all during dinner with Adrian one night, but that was to be expected. He talked aimlessly about anything, but most of all how beautiful Paige looked when she was "being free", as he put it. He handed her another drink.

"You're so gorgeous," he whispered into her hair as he leaned over the table in the expensive French restaurant he had taken her to. She hated French food. "You're so gorgeous when you don't have any reservations, Paige. Don't ever let anyone tell you that a little wine is bad for you." He kissed her neck, tracing her jaw line with his lips until he reached her earlobe. He bit down gently, startling her, and she pulled away.

"What?" he asked. "I thought you liked that stuff, Paige. All that romantic, mushy crap. Or is it me? Don't you love me, Paige? Because I love you."

"No, Adrian, it's not you. I just… Phoebe called me last week and-"

"I thought I told you to stay away from them," he hissed. "I thought you and I had an understanding."

"We do," she said quickly, trying to control his temper before it got out of hand. "iShe/i called ime/i. She tried to tell me to leave you, but-"

"She did what? That bitch. Come on, Paige," he threw a fifty dollar bill down on the table, probably not enough to cover even the wine they had ordered, and stood, her upper arm clenched firmly in his large hand. "We're going home to talk about this."

The hostess tried to stop them as Adrian dragged her out the door, but he pushed passed her without pausing. He was perfectly lucid until they reached his car, and then everything hit the fan.

"I told you not to speak to them!" he shouted as he threw her against the side of the car. "I told you not to see them! And you ignored me!" His hand swung around faster than she could see, landing a blow to her temple that left her lightheaded and faint. Her head whipped around, like someone was pulling it on a string and she couldn't make them stop. He grabbed her shoulders and shook her furiously, screaming at her. "Paige, why did you do it?! Why did you make me do this to you? I love you, Paige, I don't want to have to hurt you!" When her head lolled to one side and she didn't answer, he loosened his grip and wrapped his tree trunk-like arms around her. "I'm sorry…let's just get you home."

iAnd the dogwoods shimmer /i

iIn the October sun/i

i"Sweet thing," he sings to me/i

i"You're the only one." /i

Paige drifted off to sleep on the ride home, despite the nagging voice in the back of her head that told her she probably had a concussion and shouldn't be sleeping. Pitch-blackness enveloped her mind, leaving little room for the little voice to argue, and so it was silenced, crouching in the recesses until it was time to come out and warn against her next stupid idea. As the voice quieted, so did the rest of the car. The radio was no longer blaring Dave Matthews Band, and the brakes were no longer squealing as Adrian stopped too quickly at the traffic lights. Her memory of a few moments before was pushed away in a sea of flashed visions, like a premonition that had already happened. She saw her parents death, the fiery wreck embedded in her brain, and she heard screams of the innocents that they hadn't been able to save. She saw Leo and Piper holding each other, crying as a casket is lowered into the ground. Prue, her dream-mind thought. But there, on the headstone, as it was revealed by the passing casket, read a name she hadn't thought about. Phoebe Halliwell. She saw herself standing behind a tree a few yards away, a bottle of booze in her hand. Adrian came up behind her and took her hand, leading her away from her own sister's funeral. She fought him, she wanted to stay, but he picked her up with what seemed like inhuman strength and carried her off. She blinked and the cemetery was gone. Adrian carried her through a house, messy but large and handsome. There were children's toys littering the ground, and Adrian called a name that she didn't recognize. A small boy and a girl who seemed a bit younger dashed out into the hallway, their faces bruised and disfigured with beatings, but she recognized them. They both had her full lips and stubborn chin while their eyes flashed a stormy gray. They were her children. Adrian shouted at them, and kicked the toys out of his way, but he never let her down as he shoved his own children out of his way. He stormed down a never-ending hallway, running faster and faster until he finally gave up and dropped her. Her head smashed against the floor and she heard her own neck snap.

iI need an island/i

iSomewhere to sink a stone/i

iI need an island/i

iSomewhere to bury you/i

iSomewhere to go/i

Her eyes popped open as a car horn blared outside her window. Adrian was shouting at a driver along the road as he weaved in and out of traffic. "Where'd you learn how to drive, asshole? Yeah, you! Fuck you too, you bastard! Paige, we're almost home, wake up."

She grimaced and shielded her eyes from the lights of a car heading in the opposite direction. The dream still felt real in her mind, and she clenched her fists tightly until he pulled into the driveway of his house. He tried to reach for her, but she shied away, her knuckles white.

"Don't do this again, Paige. I said I was sorry, now let's go in the house." He took her arm and she struggled against him, the vision of the battered children fresh in her head. Once he realized that she wasn't going to go quietly, his face hardened and he took both her wrists in one hand, while he used the other to bloody her nose and split her lip. "I'll tell you one more time, Paige. Don't fight me. How can I protect you from yourself if you won't cooperate?" She relaxed instantly in his grip, stunned from the blow. He unfastened her seat belt and carried her into the house. She whined for a second, afraid to be dropped as in her dream, but he held her tightly to his chest as though he was carrying a baby. He laid her gently on his bed and removed her shoes, then let her roll onto her side. He pressed a tissue to her face to stop the bleeding, and sat with her while she tried to regain a bit of sense. Once she realized that she had no idea what was going on, she let herself drift away again, only this time she didn't allow herself to dream. Just senseless dark for a few hours her body worked away the alcohol in her system.

She woke up in the morning, while it was still dark, feeling sick. She rolled out of the bed onto the floor and turned to make sure that Adrian hadn't woken up. Sure enough, he was snoring softly with just a thin sheet wrapped around his hips. She took slow steps to the bathroom, covering her eyes as she flicked on the light switch. She lowered her hand and stared into the mirror. The woman standing before her wasn't someone she recognized. Her eyes, what she could see of them through the bruises, were bloodshot and empty. Her lower lip stuck out at an odd angle, and blood was caked to the entire right side of her face from her nose and the cut on her mouth. From her left temple all the way down to her chin was a giant purple welt; the remnants of their first battle covered up nicely by new black and blue marks from the night before. She squinted. Her cheekbones were drawn and frail. She looked down, and saw that she could count her ribs through her lace-thin shirt.

"This isn't me," she whispered. "This can't be me." She touched her fingers to her face and grimaced. It was her after all. And there was nothing to be done about what was in the past. Her future, however was an entirely different matter. She set her chin, determined, and snuck back into his room. She grabbed her shoes and her bag from the corner, watching where she stepped as she crept out of the room and down the hall. The door was so close, she almost touch it. But beneath her feet the floorboards groaned, and she froze. There was a loud grunt from the other room, and then a cry.

"Paige?!"

iAnd I know why I can't tell my sisters/i

iHe spat in my face again/i

iAnd I don't want to die here/i

iYou that dream where your feet won't /i

iYou want to, but you can't/i

He had heard her. She forced open the door and took off down the front yard. She heard him screaming behind her, and saw that he was following. He had his boxers sagging low, so it was harder for him to run, but he still had the advantage: he knew the neighborhood, she didn't. She sprinted hard, her lungs burning, towards the largest amount of noise, a busy street just a few blocks away. She could hear him calling for her, pleading, begging, screaming for her to stop.

"Paige, don't do this! I said I was sorry! Stop, God damn it, stop!" He was like a bull charging after her, an unstoppable force driven by the red that oozed from her wounds. The street was in sight, and she could see cars whizzing past, probably faster than they ought to be going. She dropped her bag, her shoes, but held onto her purse. iJust one more block, /i she told herself as she heard her heart pounding in her ears. iAlmost there…/i Time seemed to slow down around her as she threw herself into the street, trying to put traffic between herself and Adrian. She looked up as a high-pitched squeal invaded her mind. The car that came at her was going too fast to stop, and she didn't have the strength to move out of the way. It tried to skid around her, but the sudden impact of the mass of steel against her body sent her flying, back onto the sidewalk. She couldn't see, she couldn't move, but she heard Adrian cursing as he came up to her. The driver of the car stopped and spun around, driving back to see if she was all right. Paige heard whispers, quiet voices in her head that told her that her sisters needed her, she couldn't die. She couldn't die, she couldn't die…

iHe steals it from me/i

iHe steals it from me/i

iIt shines like sweat, like jewels/i

iLike something's died too soon/i

iAnd he fucks with the beauty/i

iI need and island/i

iSomewhere to sink a stone/i

iI need and island/i

iSomewhere to bury you/i

iSomewhere to go/i

iTo go/i