Chapter Fifteen
My mind was awhirl with this strange, new information, and I stared at the boy in front of me with wide eyes, attempting in vain to figure some way it wasn't possible.
"I… You… Impossible," I shook my head furiously, "I wouldn't… Would I?"
Draco smirked, raising his left hand to brush away stray hairs from his eyes, "You would."
"But…" I looked down at my hands, "Why?"
Draco shrugged, "Like I said, it was just experimentation. It was awkward, messy, sloppy… Felt nice though."
"Who… suggested it?" I asked, my voice trembling slightly.
He looked to his right for a moment, as if trying to recall the details, "I don't think anyone suggested it… I think it just sort of happened, really. We were on the topic and you made a side comment about how you were so nervous and really just wanted to get it over with. I agreed, and we were quiet for a moment, I suppose… It just happened, we just ended up getting the same idea at the same time, so we kissed, and that really started everything."
I raised my eyebrows, "Was it fun?"
He chuckled, gazing at me with what almost looked like relief in his eyes, "For the most part. Like I said earlier, the screaming was loud, so I'm going to assume you liked it as much as I did."
I felt my ears turn red at this, and I quickly looked away from my friend, "Does anyone know?"
He shook his head, "Nope. We have a system in the dorms, quite unoriginal, really. A sock on the doorknob means… Well, 'don't come in, someone's getting shagged'."
I snorted, "So other people in the dorm have…?"
"Sure," Draco replied, slightly surprised I wouldn't know that, "Seamus Finnigan and that Pansy Parkinson bird from Slytherin are a couple, and they make that known even if other people are in the dorm as well."
My eyes widened, "Pansy?! I thought she was supposed to be y…" I trailed off, rethinking what I was about to say.
Obviously, if Draco was in Gryffindor, he wasn't in Slytherin and therefore wouldn't have Pansy hanging off of him like some annoying, black-haired growth.
"I know, it was fairly surprising," Draco grinned, "But they're happy… I suppose that's really all that counts."
I nodded, "Anyone else?"
He thought for a moment, "Ron's gotten a few girls up there, considering the status of the Weasley family. He's not a bad guy though, so I suppose…"
"Status of the Weasley family?" I asked carefully, "Last time I checked, they were fairly poor, with seven kids to support."
Draco looked at me strangely, "The Weasleys are one of the most prominent wizarding families in the United Kingdom."
I blinked, confused, "This is probably an extremely stupid question… but how?"
"There are no stupid questions, just stupid people," Draco quoted, smirking, "Mr. Weasley is your father's second-in-command… Didn't he tell you that?"
Vaguely, in my mind, I remembered Dad saying something about Mr. Weasley having no time to take on full Ministership – something to do with Percy's daughter.
"So they're rich?" I asked, my mind buzzing with excitement, "That's awesome."
Draco shrugged, "I've never known it any other way."
I shook my head, "I'm sorry, back on subject. What were we talking about?"
"The night we discovered there are very little differences between us."
Nice way to put it.
I shook my head, "It's so embarrassing to ask for details."
He grinned, "I'll tell you anything you want to know."
I felt as if a barrier had been broken down between us, but I still felt the need to protect myself from his authority between us. With a sly grin, I leaned forward slightly, eyebrow raised in a very un-Harrylike manner.
"So, was I good?"
He threw his head back and just about cackled, and I was glad to know I had gained the upper hand between us, if only for a moment.
"Best I've ever had."
"Which basically means I'm the only one you've ever had," I replied smugly.
He grinned, "I'm glad to see my best friend's still in there, Harry."
"You didn't answer my question, Draco."
"You never asked one," he grinned, "You simply implied one."
"So imply an answer," I grinned back, a sort of complete happiness filling my body as we bantered back and forth.
"Do you think I'm the type to stay a virgin for too long?"
I smirked, "Do you really want me to answer that? A bruised pride may result."
"Wanker," he laughed, "I've never known you to go the entire day without insulting me in some shape or form."
"And I'm sure you do the exact same thing to me," I retorted, grabbing a pillow from my bed and throwing it at him.
"So what if I do?" he replied, feigning offended.
I laughed, "Ha! Told you so."
"Are you sure you don't remember anything?" He asked, tilting his head, "You're starting to sound the same, act the same."
I shrugged, "Sorry, still blank. I was hoping maybe some of this would jog my mem—"
With a sudden burst of light, my mind was no longer in my bedroom, but in the Gryffindor Common Room. I saw myself sitting next to Draco in front of the fire, both of us taking up an entire couch as we spread out.
"You honestly didn't do anything with her?" Draco asked me, eyes widening with surprise, "I would kill to have her in bed, and you gave up the chance, just like that."
I felt myself shrug, and then heard my voice come out of my mouth, felt my lips move, but there was nothing I could do to stop myself – it was a memory.
"I just haven't found the right girl yet."
"Bollocks," Draco replied, "You're afraid."
"Of what?" I heard myself reply, "I've got another to be afraid of."
"You're afraid of doing something you'll regret later on in life. Probably afraid of getting someone pregnant, or self conscious – is that is, Harry? Are you self conscious enough to let that get in the way of having a good lay?"
I felt myself blushing furiously, "Yes… I'm not sure if I'd be good enough or… well… I just don't want to be laughed at."
I met Draco's gaze shyly as he leaned forward, placing his hand on my knee, "Nonsense, Harry. I don't see any reason in the world why you wouldn't be good enough – and we've seen each other in the shower, so don't you dare give me that excuse."
I shrugged, "It's not that… It's just… You're right. I don't want to regret anything afterwards, do it with the wrong person, I don't know. Pregnancy also scares the shit out of me – what if that does happen? I don't want to take any risks… but I also want to know that maybe the girl enjoyed it as much as me, you know?"
"She would," he said softly, "There's no one in the world crazy enough to think you weren't good enough."
"What if I'm laughed at? The butt of gossip? What if the girl tells all her friends? I want to get the whole virgin thing over with; I just don't want the entire school knowing. You know how that sort of thing always gets back to Dad."
"I wouldn't laugh," he said gently, "Nor would I tell anyone. I'll kill anyone who thinks of you as a trophy, with my bare hands if I have to."
"Thanks," I smiled, and somewhere in my mind I noticed all of the barriers I felt existed between he and I were completely gone. He was someone I could talk to without consequence, and somewhere in my brain, I was comfortable with that.
He and I sat there for a moment, eyes locked, never noticing any other student in the Common Room. Within the memory, I truly had no idea if there was anyone else there – all that existed was the couch, the fire to my right, and Draco.
I felt a tightening of my chest from a feeling I didn't recognize as we sat there, time having no place in a memory. His eyes bore into mine as mine into his, a connection establishing between us that I now recognized from my room – somewhere that seemed so far away.
A new emotion filled this memory – a wanting. Wanting what, I had an idea, but I didn't know for sure. My suspicions were confirmed, however, as I felt myself smile slightly and nod up towards the staircase leading to the 5th Year Boy Dorms. Draco blinked, obviously curious, and mimicked my actions for confirmation. I nodded, and in what seemed like a fraction of a second, we had gotten up off the couch and up the staircase, into the dorms. I felt myself pull off one of my shoes and socks, taking the grubby thing and placing it carefully on the handle on the outside of the door, closing it and locking it with a single word.
And then I kissed him.
My mind was awhirl with this strange, new information, and I stared at the boy in front of me with wide eyes, attempting in vain to figure some way it wasn't possible.
"I… You… Impossible," I shook my head furiously, "I wouldn't… Would I?"
Draco smirked, raising his left hand to brush away stray hairs from his eyes, "You would."
"But…" I looked down at my hands, "Why?"
Draco shrugged, "Like I said, it was just experimentation. It was awkward, messy, sloppy… Felt nice though."
"Who… suggested it?" I asked, my voice trembling slightly.
He looked to his right for a moment, as if trying to recall the details, "I don't think anyone suggested it… I think it just sort of happened, really. We were on the topic and you made a side comment about how you were so nervous and really just wanted to get it over with. I agreed, and we were quiet for a moment, I suppose… It just happened, we just ended up getting the same idea at the same time, so we kissed, and that really started everything."
I raised my eyebrows, "Was it fun?"
He chuckled, gazing at me with what almost looked like relief in his eyes, "For the most part. Like I said earlier, the screaming was loud, so I'm going to assume you liked it as much as I did."
I felt my ears turn red at this, and I quickly looked away from my friend, "Does anyone know?"
He shook his head, "Nope. We have a system in the dorms, quite unoriginal, really. A sock on the doorknob means… Well, 'don't come in, someone's getting shagged'."
I snorted, "So other people in the dorm have…?"
"Sure," Draco replied, slightly surprised I wouldn't know that, "Seamus Finnigan and that Pansy Parkinson bird from Slytherin are a couple, and they make that known even if other people are in the dorm as well."
My eyes widened, "Pansy?! I thought she was supposed to be y…" I trailed off, rethinking what I was about to say.
Obviously, if Draco was in Gryffindor, he wasn't in Slytherin and therefore wouldn't have Pansy hanging off of him like some annoying, black-haired growth.
"I know, it was fairly surprising," Draco grinned, "But they're happy… I suppose that's really all that counts."
I nodded, "Anyone else?"
He thought for a moment, "Ron's gotten a few girls up there, considering the status of the Weasley family. He's not a bad guy though, so I suppose…"
"Status of the Weasley family?" I asked carefully, "Last time I checked, they were fairly poor, with seven kids to support."
Draco looked at me strangely, "The Weasleys are one of the most prominent wizarding families in the United Kingdom."
I blinked, confused, "This is probably an extremely stupid question… but how?"
"There are no stupid questions, just stupid people," Draco quoted, smirking, "Mr. Weasley is your father's second-in-command… Didn't he tell you that?"
Vaguely, in my mind, I remembered Dad saying something about Mr. Weasley having no time to take on full Ministership – something to do with Percy's daughter.
"So they're rich?" I asked, my mind buzzing with excitement, "That's awesome."
Draco shrugged, "I've never known it any other way."
I shook my head, "I'm sorry, back on subject. What were we talking about?"
"The night we discovered there are very little differences between us."
Nice way to put it.
I shook my head, "It's so embarrassing to ask for details."
He grinned, "I'll tell you anything you want to know."
I felt as if a barrier had been broken down between us, but I still felt the need to protect myself from his authority between us. With a sly grin, I leaned forward slightly, eyebrow raised in a very un-Harrylike manner.
"So, was I good?"
He threw his head back and just about cackled, and I was glad to know I had gained the upper hand between us, if only for a moment.
"Best I've ever had."
"Which basically means I'm the only one you've ever had," I replied smugly.
He grinned, "I'm glad to see my best friend's still in there, Harry."
"You didn't answer my question, Draco."
"You never asked one," he grinned, "You simply implied one."
"So imply an answer," I grinned back, a sort of complete happiness filling my body as we bantered back and forth.
"Do you think I'm the type to stay a virgin for too long?"
I smirked, "Do you really want me to answer that? A bruised pride may result."
"Wanker," he laughed, "I've never known you to go the entire day without insulting me in some shape or form."
"And I'm sure you do the exact same thing to me," I retorted, grabbing a pillow from my bed and throwing it at him.
"So what if I do?" he replied, feigning offended.
I laughed, "Ha! Told you so."
"Are you sure you don't remember anything?" He asked, tilting his head, "You're starting to sound the same, act the same."
I shrugged, "Sorry, still blank. I was hoping maybe some of this would jog my mem—"
With a sudden burst of light, my mind was no longer in my bedroom, but in the Gryffindor Common Room. I saw myself sitting next to Draco in front of the fire, both of us taking up an entire couch as we spread out.
"You honestly didn't do anything with her?" Draco asked me, eyes widening with surprise, "I would kill to have her in bed, and you gave up the chance, just like that."
I felt myself shrug, and then heard my voice come out of my mouth, felt my lips move, but there was nothing I could do to stop myself – it was a memory.
"I just haven't found the right girl yet."
"Bollocks," Draco replied, "You're afraid."
"Of what?" I heard myself reply, "I've got another to be afraid of."
"You're afraid of doing something you'll regret later on in life. Probably afraid of getting someone pregnant, or self conscious – is that is, Harry? Are you self conscious enough to let that get in the way of having a good lay?"
I felt myself blushing furiously, "Yes… I'm not sure if I'd be good enough or… well… I just don't want to be laughed at."
I met Draco's gaze shyly as he leaned forward, placing his hand on my knee, "Nonsense, Harry. I don't see any reason in the world why you wouldn't be good enough – and we've seen each other in the shower, so don't you dare give me that excuse."
I shrugged, "It's not that… It's just… You're right. I don't want to regret anything afterwards, do it with the wrong person, I don't know. Pregnancy also scares the shit out of me – what if that does happen? I don't want to take any risks… but I also want to know that maybe the girl enjoyed it as much as me, you know?"
"She would," he said softly, "There's no one in the world crazy enough to think you weren't good enough."
"What if I'm laughed at? The butt of gossip? What if the girl tells all her friends? I want to get the whole virgin thing over with; I just don't want the entire school knowing. You know how that sort of thing always gets back to Dad."
"I wouldn't laugh," he said gently, "Nor would I tell anyone. I'll kill anyone who thinks of you as a trophy, with my bare hands if I have to."
"Thanks," I smiled, and somewhere in my mind I noticed all of the barriers I felt existed between he and I were completely gone. He was someone I could talk to without consequence, and somewhere in my brain, I was comfortable with that.
He and I sat there for a moment, eyes locked, never noticing any other student in the Common Room. Within the memory, I truly had no idea if there was anyone else there – all that existed was the couch, the fire to my right, and Draco.
I felt a tightening of my chest from a feeling I didn't recognize as we sat there, time having no place in a memory. His eyes bore into mine as mine into his, a connection establishing between us that I now recognized from my room – somewhere that seemed so far away.
A new emotion filled this memory – a wanting. Wanting what, I had an idea, but I didn't know for sure. My suspicions were confirmed, however, as I felt myself smile slightly and nod up towards the staircase leading to the 5th Year Boy Dorms. Draco blinked, obviously curious, and mimicked my actions for confirmation. I nodded, and in what seemed like a fraction of a second, we had gotten up off the couch and up the staircase, into the dorms. I felt myself pull off one of my shoes and socks, taking the grubby thing and placing it carefully on the handle on the outside of the door, closing it and locking it with a single word.
And then I kissed him.