Disclaimer: Garfield and all related characters are the property of Paws Inc. and Paramount Global/Nickelodeon at the time of this story's creation.
Garfield In: A Tail of Two Infatuated Kitties
"I can't believe that little runt!" Garfield growls, grinding his teeth almost to the point of them cracking. "I can accept him making a mess in my kitchen, since I usually make a mess in there and Jon cleans it up for me anyway, BUT CONTAMINATING ALL THE FOOD IN THE REFRIGERATOR IS WHERE I DRAW THE FREAKING LINE!"
"Whoa, take it easy there, Garfield." Arlene said, trying to calm him down. "You wouldn't want to crack open those huge set of chompers of yours, would ya?"
"*Sigh* You're right." Garfield said, stopping his teeth from gnashing each other. "After all, what would be the point of eating food if I can't chew it?"
"Yep, and world hunger would be solved if you couldn't eat all that food anymore." Arlene said sarcastically.
"Very funny, Arlene." The orange cat rolls his eyes. "Well, seeing as how I can't eat my post-lunch snack right now, I might as well do my second favorite activity."
"Let me guess, sleeping?" Arlene asks.
"Close. Falling asleep while watching TV." Garfield replies, grabbing a remote from under his blanket and turning on his miniature television set.
"Figures." The pink cat rolls her eyes. "Scoot over, will ya?"
Outside the house, Floyd and Penelope observe the two cats through the living room window.
"Hey! Watch the tail!" Garfield insists as Arlene tries to squeeze next to him on the bed.
"Just look at those teeth. Yuck!" Penelope mutters to herself. "I should be the one sitting next to him, not that gap-toothed boy stealing swindler!"
"Is that really the best insult you could come up with?" Floyd asks, unimpressed.
"I suppose you have a better one?" Penelope argues.
"Sure I do, toots! Let's see…uhh…how about…uhh…tuna breathed…man pilfering…cheater?" The mouse shrugs, clearly struggling to come up with a better insult.
"Close enough." The white cat rolls her eyes. "So, what's the plan?" She asks, wanting to put an end to their little squabble.
"Alright, here's what we're gonna do…" Floyd leans closer and whispers his plan to her.
Garfield and Arlene eventually manage to find comfortable spots for themselves on the tiny bed. After flipping through a dozen or so channels with his little remote, the orange cat eventually settles for one particular channel.
"And now, it's time for more of our game show, Hit the Buzzer, Win a Cookie" The show's host shouts with excitement.
"Seriously?" Arlene asks, unamused by the show's title.
"Hey, I like this show!" Garfield said. "Besides, it's the only good show on the Educational Channel these days."
"Let me guess, because it has pretty looking cookies to drool over?" She asks.
"Isn't it that obvious?" He replies before focusing his attention back to the miniature screen.
"On your mark, get set, go!" The host shouts as the game begins. "*BUZZ* You win a chocolate chip cookie!"
"Chocolate chiiiiiip." Garfield said in delight as the TV camera zooms in on the delicious treat, his drool dripping all over the bed.
"Oh, brother." Arlene mutters to herself, rolling her eyes.
"*BUZZ* You win a sugar cookie!" The host shouts.
"Sugar cooooookie." Garfield said, his drool pouring out of his mouth again.
"*BUZZ* You win an oatmeal raisin cookie!"
"Raisin cookies!? Yuuuuuuck!" The orange cat shouts, sticking his tongue out in disgust.
Suddenly, the TV and the living room lights suddenly go out.
"Hey! Where's my show!?I want my cookies!" Garfield angrily shouts, kicking the miniature set in frustration.
Jon Arbuckle was busy mopping up the kitchen floor when the power went out.
"Oh, you've got to be KIDDING ME!" The cartoonist angrily shouts, as if his day couldn't possibly get any worse.
"Jon, did you forget to pay the electricity bill again!?" Garfield shouts as he and Arlene enter the kitchen.
"I could've sworn you've paid the electricity bill this month, Arbuckle!" Jon complains to himself. "*SIGH" Well, I better go check the fuse box."
"Good idea, and bring back some food while you're at it!" Garfield shouts as his owner steps out back through the kitchen door.
"Garfield, he's already got enough problems on his plate." Arlene scolds.
"Yeah, but not enough food on my plate." Garfield complains.
"Look, if you're really that hungry, then maybe we should go out and get something to eat." The female cat suggests.
"Good idea, Arlene." The male cat complements her. "I know, let's go see a movie."
"Really? You'd take me to a movie?" She smiles.
"Sure, people drop a lot of candy and popcorn on the floor while stuffing their faces." He said as they head back to the living room, his face beaming at the thought of such mouthwatering treats.
"I should've guessed." Arlene said to herself, her smile fading away.
"Hey Odie, wanna help me grab some popcorn?" Garfield asks, but receives no answer. "Odie?"
Once again, Odie completely ignores everyone around him as he stares out the window with the most serious look the cat had ever seen on his face.
"Oh, right. I forgot that mister sunshine over here doesn't want to have any fun, or even talk to me for that matter!" Garfield shouts, shooting an angry glare at the pensive dog.
*GRRRRRR* Odie growls ferociously, his face making it explicitly clear to him that he's going to snap if he keeps being interrupted.
"Uhh…I don't think he wants to go, Garfield." Arlene said, urging him to give the dog his space.
"*SIGH* Fine. Let's go." Garfield said as he and his female companion head out the door. "But when we get back, we're going to have a serious talk about this attitude of yours, Odie, whether you like it or not!" He shouts, slamming the door shut behind him.
As the two cats head out into the neighborhood, Jon carefully examines the fuse box outside, and finds that the switches are not in their correct positions.
"That's strange." Jon thought, as he turns the power back on. "Someone must've flipped all these switches and turned off the power, but who would go out of their way to tamper with my fuse box? And why?"
2 Hours Later…
Garfield and Arlene finally arrive at the nearest movie theater. After managing to sneak inside by blending in with the large crowd, they wander around the lobby in search of some food.
"Food. I need food." Garfield wheezes, scraping through the ground to find something that's even remotely edible.
"Oh, quit being so melodramatic." Arlene said. "Besides, you had all that pizza from Vito's earlier*, so how can you still be this hungry?" (*Garfield Quickie #9 - When Girls Collide*)
"Like I said before, I usually don't go without food for more than an hour." The orange cat explains. "And when my blood sugar gets low, I get very cranky."
"And that's your problem, Garfield. You're so used to Jon constantly feeding you meal after meal all the time that you can't handle not having any food in your stomach for even less than an hour." The pink cat explains.
"I just can't help it, Arlene." Garfield admits. "I often eat to forget how miserable life can be most of the time. I travel to other places primarily to try out new exotic foods. And when I'm not eating, I'm usually either watching TV to see other people cook and review food, or on my bed sleeping away hoping to find myself in a dream with giant-sized lasagna and blueberry pancakes. Food is what strives me to keep on going, and without food…life is meaningless to me."
"Garfield, there's so much more to look forward to in life than just eating all the time." Arlene said, closing her eyes. "Look, I know that the world can be a harsh and unforgiving place, but it also has many good things to look forward to, like hanging out at the beach and playing volleyball with your friends, even if that does get old after a while. I mean, have you ever thought of settling down with a girl and…maybe even having a litter of kittens and raising them with her?"
Upon opening her eyes, she notices that her fatter friend is no longer in front of her.
"Garfield!?" Arlene calls out, her eyes gazing all around the lobby for him. "Where'd you go!?"
"CANONBAAAAALL!" A familiar voice echoed from a distance. Turning around, the pink cat spots her orange friend diving headfirst into the concession stand.
"WHOOOO-HOOOO! I'VE HIT THE JACKPOT, BABY!" Garfield exclaims, stuffing his face with popcorn.
"*SIGH* Why do I even bother?" Arlene mutters to herself.
"Now this is what life's all about!" Garfield said. "I mean, who needs love when you have all the popcorn, candy, and snacks that you can eat!? Oh, and all the soda that you can drink too." He adds, chugging his face with the soda machine.
"HEY! WHAT THE HELL DO YOU THINK YOU'RE DOING, CAT!?" The concession worker furiously shouts, stomping his way back to the stand.
"Uhhh…Meow?" Garfield gives the concession worker a sheepish smile. Not amused, the worker angrily grabs both cats and throws them out of the movie theater.
"AND STAY OUT!" The worker shouts, slamming the door shut.
"Dammit! As if this day couldn't get any worse!" Garfield shouts, pounding his fist onto the floor.
"Well, so much for all the snacks that you can eat, and a movie for us to watch." Arlene said, wiping off the dirt all over her fur. "Now what?"
"Well, there's always this great restaurant that I often go to." The orange cat suggests. "You down to try that?"
"Sure, it's not like we've got any other place to go." The pink cat said.
"Great! Let's get going then!" Garfield exclaims, running as fast as he could.
"Wait, since when did Garfield ever run that fast!?" Arlene asks the reader, bewildered by such a sighting.
Meanwhile, Floyd and Penelope take a moment to catch their breath in a nearby alleyway.
"Damn, I really didn't think this plan all the way through." Floyd said, exhausted.
"Oh, really!? As if running around all over town looking for them for hours didn't already tip you off!?" Penelope angrily shouts.
"Hey, don't get all smartass with me, toots!" Floyd argues, leaning his paw on a garbage can. "Besides, those two lovebirds could be anywhere by now!"
"Shhh! I hear something." The white cat whispers, having just heard someone laugh from a distance.
"*GASP* There they are!" The mouse shouts, spotting Garfield and Arlene heading into the alley. "Gee, what a coincidence for them to show up here of all places, wouldn't ya say?"
"Hide, you idiot!" Penelope growls, quickly snatching him while hiding inside an open, yet full garbage bag.
"You're really gonna like this restaurant, Arlene." Garfield insists. "They have some of the finest cuisine you could ever find in this side of town."
"With you, anything is fine cuisine." Arlene said. "You sure this is where your fancy restaurant is?"
"Yep, here we are!" Garfield said, presenting her with a gleaming, silver trash can.
"Garfield, that's a garbage can." Arlene said, not amused or impressed in the slightest.
"It sure is." The orange cat said, bonking the can. "Look, it's galvanized. Not one of those cheap plastic places."
"Now I've seen it all…a three-star garbage can." The pink cat rolls her eyes.
"You're telling me, toots." Floyd whispers, eating a piece of rotting cheese. "At least it's better than this two-star garbage bag."
"Alright, let's see what they have on the menu tonight." Garfield said, opening the lid and shooing away all the flies that surround the can.
"This is so gross!" Penelope whispers, trying her best not to vomit and blow away their cover. "And I thought Brick had the worst eating palette in the world."
"Oh, please." Floyd whispers. "It's not like you have to eat this stuff every single day like I do."
"And I hope that I never have to." The white cat whispers, still holding in her vomit.
"Heh, amateur." The mouse whispers.
"Ah, here we go." Garfield said, using the trash lid as a plate for their supper. "One partially eaten apple, a half-eaten drumstick, and some fishbones."
"Gee, how very appetizing." Arlene said sarcastically. "And if we're lucky, we'll find some sausage scraps." She mutters to the reader.
"Ah, perfect." Garfield said, grabbing two empty glass jars from the can. "I'll be right back, Arlene. I'm gonna go find us some refreshments."
"Take your time. It's not like I have anything better to do." Arlene said.
"Now's our chance!" Penelope whispers. "Get going, mouse!"
"Just a sec, toots. I think I just found some more cheese under this breakfast wrap." Floyd said, prompting the white cat to toss him outside of the bag. "Hmph, see if I find you any leftovers next time." He mutters.
Arlene waits patiently for her friend to return with the refreshments he promised. Knowing Garfield, he's probably also searching for a quick snack for himself before eating their meal. Tapping her fingers, she takes a moment to gaze upon her new surroundings. It was a completely different environment than what she was used to back on the island, and by completely different, she means a completely filthy environment. Seeing all this trash on the ground is starting to make her question all the decisions she's made over the past few days. How in the hell did she wind up from sitting on the lush, beautiful sands that laid right next to the glorious shores of Paradise World, to sitting on top of a smelly cardboard box in a disgusting, fly infested alley!? She was Mai-Tai, the pet cat of a freaking tribal princess, for god's sake! If anything, she should be treated like a queen!"
Then, she remembers why she did it…the sole reason she would ever want to leave such a beautiful island that she used to call home…
…Garfield.
When she first laid her eyes upon him on the island yesterday, she instantly knew he was different from all the other guys she met. Unlike all those other posers, this one stayed true to himself, no matter what time and place he was in. That was a quality that she admires from a man…err…cat.
Yet, something he'd said to her earlier has since put a completely new perspective to his character:
"Food is what strives me to keep on going, and without food…life is meaningless to me."
"*SIGH* Garfield." Arlene said. "Sometimes, I worry about you."
*SQUEAK SQUEAK*
Her thoughts were interrupted upon hearing a loud noise. Gazing around, she spots a mouse in front of the trash can, squeaking as loud as he could to get her attention. She uses all her willpower to resist the urge to pursue him…
*ROWRR!*
…only for her primal instincts to take over. Leaping off the box, the pink cat makes a mad dash towards the mouse as he urges her to follow him out of the alley.
"That takes care of her." Penelope smirks, stepping out of the garbage bag. "And now to reclaim my boyfriend."
Soon after, Garfield returns to the alley with two full jars of orange juice.
"Yo, Arlene!" Garfield calls out. "I swiped some oranges from a nearby fruit stand, so I made us some orange juice!"
Upon returning his attention back to the boxes he set up as a dining table, he realizes that the pink cat is nowhere to be seen.
"Arlene!? Where'd you go, buddy!?" Garfield shouts, his eyes scanning all around the alley for any sign of his female companion. "Eh, she's probably taking a piss or something. Oh well, guess that means more food for me!"
"Hey, Garfield!" A female voice shouts from behind, scaring the crap out of the orange cat and nearly spilling his orange juice. "Arlene, don't scare me like-"
Turning around, he sees that it's not Arlene that's behind him, but rather his other female companion, Penelope.
"Hey, buddy! How's it going!?" Penelope happily greets, waving her paw.
"Penelope!? What are you doing here!?" Garfield asks. "And where's Arlene!?" He demands.
"I don't know, she's probably taking a piss or something." She shrugs. "So, now that it's just the two of us, how's about dinner, huh?"
"But…I made this for-"
"*GASP* For me!? Aww, Garfield. You shouldn't have." Penelope interrupts him, snatching one of his jars and guzzling all the orange juice inside of it.
"Uhh…Penelope…that wasn't for-"
"Wow, that was delicious!" The white cat exclaims, tossing the jar into the trash can. "I gotta hand it to ya, Garfield, you sure know how to squeeze an orange."
"But that wasn't meant-"
"Oh, wow! You've set up this whole place just for us!? How very thoughtful of you!" She compliments him, taking a seat on the box placed next to the trash lid.
"Penelope, I-"
"Oh, an apple! Gotta watch my diet, ya know!"
"Penelope-"
"Isn't this romantic, Garfield?"
"PENELOPE! WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON!?" Garfield furiously yells, fed up with constantly being interrupted.
"I…I just wanted to hang out with you." Penelope admits.
"Look, why are you even here?" Garfield asks. "No, scratch that, how are you even here!? Vito's isn't for like another twenty miles from here!"
"Well…uhhhhh…funny story about that actually…" The white cat chuckles nervously. "You see…what had happened…was…uhh…"
"AAAAARRRRRGGGGGHHHHH! HEEEEELP MEEEEE!" A voice shouts from a distance. Turning around, the two cats spot a mouse running into the alley as fast as he can while being chased by a ferocious pink cat. Garfield quickly grabs the mouse by the tail and stops the feral cat dead in her tracks.
"Floyd?" Garfield asks, recognizing him. "What are you doing here!?"
"Oh…uhh…hey there, Garfield!" Floyd grins sheepishly. "Uhh…fancy meeting you here, eh?"
*ROWRR!* Arlene roars, ready to pounce on her prey.
"Ya guys gotta help me! That bitch is crazy, I tell ya! CRAZY!" The mouse pleads, not wanting to meet his end so soon, let alone meeting it inside a cat's stomach.
*ROWRR!*
"YIKES!" Garfield just barely dodges the pink cat lunging herself directly towards him…
*BAM*
…which causes her to slam her head into the wall.
"*GASP* Arlene, are you alright!?" The orange cat rushes to her aid, gently helping her get back up on her feet.
"Ohhhhhh. W-What happened?" Arlene groans in pain, regaining her sanity.
"You were chasing a mouse and hit your head on the wall. That's what happened." Garfield explains.
"Yeah, and I almost became kitty chow because of it." Floyd shoots a glare at the pink cat before turning his attention to the white cat.
"The deal's off, toots! She's your problem now, cause I ain't helping ya gettin rid of her anymore!" The mouse angrily shouts.
"EXCUSE ME!?" Arlene shouts, having overheard what he'd just said.
"Penelope, what is he talking about!?" Garfield demands an answer.
"Uhh…nothing…uhh…I have no idea what he's talking about." Penelope lies.
"Penelope here is jealous of that new girlfriend of yours, so I made a deal with her that if she helps me get even with ya for throwing me out of your house, I'd help her throw Arlene here out of your life so that she could have ya all to herself." Floyd explains.
"WHAT!?" Garfield and Arlene shout simultaneously.
"No…I…I…" Penelope stammers, sweat pouring all throughout her paws.
"Penelope, is this true?" Garfield asks in a calm, yet very serious tone. After a moment of silence, the white cat finally lets out an answer.
"*SIGH* Yes. It's true…all of it." Penelope confesses.
"Penelope, how could you!?" Arlene asks, feeling betrayed.
"You know damn well why, you son of a bitch!" Penelope angrily shouts, tears welling up in her eyes. "You stole him from me! Garfield was MY boyfriend! He was the apple of MY eye! And no one's gonna stop me from becoming his wife, especially a slut like you!"
"Why, you little…" Arlene growls, ready to claw her face right off.
"ENOUGH!" Garfield shouts, standing between the two girls.
"Garfield?" Penelope calls out.
"Arlene's not my girlfriend, she never was! She's a friend of mine that Jon decided to take in after watching her owner die right in front of her!" Garfield said.
"Garfield." Penelope said. "*SNIFF* I'm so sorry…I didn't mean to-"
"I've told you before, Penleope, I'm not interested in pursuing a romantic relationship with anybody! And now that I've seen your true colors, you've only made it absolutely certain that I will NEVER! EVER! BE YOUR BOYFRIEND!"
Everyone stood silently in shock as Garfield's harsh words echoed through the alley. Penelope felt as if her heart had been stabbed by a knife. With her eyes completely covered in tears, she runs away from the alley, sobbing like she'd never before.
"Smooth one, Garfield. Real smooth." Floyd said, disappointed with him as he walks away from the alley.
Garfield, realizing what he'd just done, tries to run after her, hoping that he could tell her how sorry he was.
"Penelope, wait! PENELOPE!" Garfield calls out to her from outside the alley, but it was too late. She was nowhere to be found.
"Garfield? Are you okay?" Arlene asks, placing a comforting paw on his shoulder.
"Let's…just go home." Garfield said, not even bothering to turn around to look at her as they slowly walk back home.
A few hours later, after the sun has set, the two cats finally make it back home. However, upon reaching the front door, they find their owner Jon anxiously pacing back and forth all around the living room.
"Oh, thank goodness you two are back!" Jon said, sighing in relief.
"Jon, what happened?" Garfield asks, as if his day couldn't possibly get any worse.
"Odie's run away, and no one knows where he is!" Jon explains.
"Odie!? Oh, no!" Garfield starts to panic, now more worried for his canine friend than he ever was before. He knew something was wrong with him all day, but he's only now realizing how truly bad his situation was. They need to find him before he does anything incredibly stupid…AND FAST!
To be continued…