Lord Vetinari, Meet George Dubya

Part of the Second

By: Twist

A/n: Hello my peoples! You were so supportive in your reviews I ran off to school one morning and in History I thought: 'My God, they love me!' and began to scribble furiously. This did cost me a stern look from my teacher and a scolding. But anyway, I got 5 reviews so here we go . . . Please be honest! If you don't like it, please review! I need to know these things . . . J

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George Dubya Bush was sitting very suddenly in a severe wooden chair behind a walnut desk. There was a nervous man standing in front of him. "Sir?" the man asked.

"What, young man?"

The boy gave him an odd look. "It's Drumknott, sir. Er, Commander Vimes is in the lobby waiting for you, sir. Shall I send him in?"

"Could you tell him to come back at a more convenient time, Drumknott? I have some very important work to do." Drumknott nodded and slipped out. Once Bush was absolutely positive the boy was gone, he ripped open every desk drawer and searched frantically for any information that might yield knowledge to Vetinari's schedule.

Lord Vetinari and Carrot both landed on their feet in the Oval Office. There was a woman with short brown hair standing in the doorway. "Oh, Joey! I was so worried!" She rushed forward and gave Vetinari a hug. It was the first time Carrot had ever seen the man look panicked.

"I missed you too – um - Laura?"

"Yes, dear?"

"Nothing, just thinking . . ." He patted her awkwardly. "Maybe this isn't the time? I mean, I've got things to do . . . I hope." Laura Bush now Vetinari looked at him oddly.

"Something wrong, dear?"

"No."

"Good." Laura Vetinari smiled. "I have a convention to attend. I believe you'll be meeting with Tom Daschle in a few minutes, dear. Hello, Vice-President Carrot. How are you today?"

"Fine, ma'am."

"Good, good. Well, I must be going!" Laura Vetinari waved and left.

"I'm married to that," Vetinari said faintly, and collapsed backwards into a chair. "And I think I have children."

"Two daughters, actually, Mr. President."

Vetinari looked at him sourly. "Really? I wasn't paying attention. And don't call me that, either."

"That's what you're called, sir."

"Sir works fine, thank you." He looked up as Tom Daschle, Senate Majority Leader, stepped into the Oval Office. Two bodyguards were standing outside the door, looking serious. "Ah, Mr. Daschle."

"Sir," he nodded to Vetinari. "Mr. President," he said, nodding to Carrot*.

"What is it you wished to discuss?" Vetinari asked, shaking hands gingerly with Lord Rust's evil twin. One was enough, now there were two.

"The matter of the office of Homeland Security in your Cabinet. I am not sure the Senate or the House is very pleased with the way Tom Ridge is managing it." Daschle looked nastily at Vetinari. "We are voting to eject him, unless you have a more suitable solution. Sir."

"Can't do that," Vetinari said, just as nastily. "You approved of him in the first place and after that he's untouchable. Sorry." Vetinari didn't look it at all. Daschle looked dumbstruck.

"But, but . . . But you weren't supposed to be that smart! You're supposed to be a clueless country boy out of Texas that chokes on pretzels!"**

"Am I?" Vetinari asked.

A glazed look came over the Senate Majority leader's face and his eyes unfocused for the briefest of seconds. "No, no. I'm sorry, sir. I can't think of what has come over me."

Carrot was aware of a short, whispered argument. He could faintly see what was quite possibly was the glint of light off of a halo before the voices ended and the reflected light vanished.

"Good," Vetinari said, almost cheerfully. "I'm very glad that whole matter has been sorted out. Go oversee a debate, or something." They both watched as Daschle wandered out of the room, looking rather disturbed.

"A rather interesting way of running things, my lord. Er, sir," Carrot observed. "Two houses of a Congress and a separate branch of government for the courts and other things. I really can't understand how it works."

"Do you understand how Ankh-Morpork works, Carrot?"

"No, sir."

"There you are, then." Vetinari looked around the Oval Office. "It's the same shape, at least." He grinned in a rather evil way. "I think I can handle this."

Dubya realized that Lord Vetinari was a dangerous man and that the bastard was in charge of his country. And now all Georgie had was a measly city-state that would probably be a break compared to the States.

"Sir? The commander is back. He's brought Captain Colon with him, this time."

"Captain Colon and Commander Vimes? Alright, Drumknott, send them in." Bush watched as a thin man that was thinning badly and a fat man who barely fit in his armor sidled into the room. The first man refused to look at his face and the fat one was sweating like a hog in the summer time.

"Sir." The thinner man was still staring at the wall.

"Commander Vimes, is it?" Bush asked. He was looking at the fat man, whose eyes kept darting from the wall, to the Commander, to Bush. "What was it we were going to talk about, again?"

"I wouldn't know, sir. You arranged the meeting," Vimes said woodenly.

"Oh." Bush shifted uncomfortably. "Does the river always smell like this?" he asked, after awhile. Vimes looked at him for the first time. He looked confused.

"Wouldn't you know, sir?"

"No, I – " Bush paused. "Yes, yes I would, wouldn't I? On account of my ruling this city for awhile. Yes. Yes, I can't think of what came over me."

Vimes saluted. "Me neither, sir. Is that all you wished to discuss? Or shall we move on to the weather?"

Dubya glanced at some hardly legible notes in front of him. There was a note about a complaint to Lord Bush concerning the watch. "Oh, yeah, I did get this note here from someone. They're saying you're prejudiced against them, Mr. Vimes." He glanced again at the note. "Says here that you won't hire," he stopped and re-read it. "You won't hire vampires? There're vampires in this city?"

"Yessir, I won't hire the bastards because you can't trust 'em."

"I'll fully back you up there," Bush said. "All that blood-sucking and whatnot." Captain Colon gave him an odd look. "That's all, though, Captain. Nice seeing you." Bush waved a little and read the little scribbled note again. He looked up at Vimes, who gave him a confused look, and left.

"Vampires!" Bush exclaimed, thumping the desk. A side drawer shot out of it. There were knives in that side drawer. He looked at it, shocked, and gingerly pushed it back into place. "Maybe I need to read some more," Lord George Bush said.

*The Vice-pres is the President of the Senate here in the good ol' US of A, for all of you who don't know.

**The author refuses to drop the pretzel thing. Don't even try.

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