Beware of mad pitbulls with jaws powerful enough to rip off your head. ^_^;
Disclaimer 2: This is only built for Cuban lynx. Gundam
started in 1979; building up its following through reruns and sequels
during the '80s. This is a collection of "joke grenades" dealing
with characters from the original Mobile Suit Gundam, Zeta,
Double Zeta, 0080 War In The Pocket, 0083 Stardust Memories, The 8th
Platoon, Char's Counterattack, Victory Gundam,
God Gundam, Wing Gundam / Endless Waltz, and finally Turn-A Gundam.
But it leans more to the Universal Calendar than one would believe.
At any rate: Here's more of the worst, just like the first.
****************
GUNDAM WORLD TEXT HUMOR MACH III
****************
Amuro: I can't believe it! They've taken my face off of the "action
figure" packages.
Char: Do you wish to hear some more bad news? A parody of our movie
is being made.
A picture's shown of Char (wearing headgear that defies even Tomino's laws of masked rivals) and Amuro posing ala "Don't Be A Menace To South Central..." And the title reads: "Char Counterattacks with War in his Pocket, but Amuro sprinkles Stardust Formula 91 onto his hot Wings and Turn-A fish. So now him and his 8th Platoon are screaming for God as their Savior before they X'ed out into a land of ZZZ's!"
Char-Nightingale: I'm going to kill the people behind that movie.
Amuro: (Waving at Char with a hankerchief.) GOOD LUCK!!
-=*=-
Char, Quess, and Gyunei are taking the lightrail back home. The leader of Neo-Zion receives a bouquet of roses; waving at the kid down at the other end before everybody goes "Seig Zion!" And the guy with the accordian starts playing a tune for everyone to sing:
Everyone: Char had slept with my girlfriend! And he'll sleep with your, too...!
An anvil hits Char over the head as soon as _THAT_ song starts. Quess looks at him with a "What the hell?!" look on her face with Gyunei just holding his head in exasperation.
-=*=-
Masai Ungaba is in the seat of her late husband's Gelgoog-S...
Masai: That's it. My decision is made. I will strike back at those Feds. And I will SWAT them!
The next scene showing Masai-Gelgoog with a big, nasty fly-swatter and literally smacking the Gundam Team (Loux-Double Zeta, Elle-Hundred Type, Beecha-Zeta, and Mondo-Mark II) upside their heads.
-=*=-
Gato: Ahh! The magical properties of tarp! With it you can slip through any enclosed property with the ease of a civilized park squirrel.
The next scene shows Gato hiding in Orville's truck when they slid past security at Torrington base in what's left of Australia. Then it shows Warren acting sick as he, Odelo, and Suzy sneak a missile launcher and its armaments past the Bike Team.
Gato: It even does its wonders whilst hiding small munitions from patrols of overzelous dictatoralships like our own! Yes, fellow colons! The tarp shall give new meaning to the phrase: "COVER ME!"
Meanwhile, poor Synapse had finally passed a measure to vehemently update security during a post-war era.
-=*=-
Quatre is found in one of the tents looking at the outside world with his binoculars.
Quatre: The Earth is beautiful... It's just so beautiful... I wanna take off all my clothes and run around naked!
Rommel: (Comes from behind him and bops him over the head with the Raketen Bazooka.) DON'T EVEN THINK ABOUT IT, YOU OVERPOWERED MINERAL BARON!!
-=*=-
At Abowaku; the final stages of the 1YW...
Soldier: Your mobile armor is ready, sir! It's 75% complete but it's
operating at 100%!
Char: Very good! Let's see it!
Char takes a look at his new mobile armor... It's red (his favorite color), the commander's antenna is on it... And it's also just a pair of legs. Nothing else. Just a pair of legs and a Zaku head attacked to the upper parts of the legs.
Soldier: Sir...?!
Char: GELGOOG!! I wanna Gelgoog and I want one NOW!!
Soldier: Uh... Yeah...
-=*=-
Shiden: You know they were gonna use UC mobile suits in Gundam Wing.
Hayato: Well, how come they didn't?
It's basically Trowa's fault. They couldn't find a mobile suit with enough weaponry to match the Heavyarms.
Trowa: ..........
Duo: Don't "............" me, Trowa! Damn! I wanted to pilot the Agguy,
too.
-=*=-
Noin: Damn. There must be some way to get Zechs' attention.
Chein: I got an idea for you.
Zechs walks into the MS repair bay. Noin is calling him and he looks straight up... And ends up looking up Noin's SKIRT while she's on the stairs.
Later on Zechs is crying in Treize's arms...
Zechs: I've been mentally scarred for the rest of my natural life!
Treize: It's okay... Just cry it off... -_-;
And Noin is in the background having a hissy-fit.
-=*=-
Relena: (Giving her speech.) ...And it's important for everyone to understand the need for peace in this new era of humankind. We must work together... Hey! HEY!!
Everyone's either fallen asleep or left to go somewhere else.
Relena: Hey, you people! I'm an important figure who's trying to give
a speech around here! You should lend me your ears with respect, you know!
Maria: (Walking towards her.) You're doing it wrong, Ms. Peacecraft.
Relena: Huh? Maria Pia Armonia of Zanscare BESPA.
Maria: Let me show you how it's done. (Towards the crowd.) HEY!! I'M
WEARING NO UNDERWEAR!!
And with that, the crowd starts waking up and filling itself past the perscribed capacity.
Maria: I KNOW WHAT Y'ALL WANT!! THAT MYSTERY MEAT THEY HAVE IN SCHOOL IS _SO_ LAST MILLENIUM AGO!! WHO'S WITH ME?!!
And the crowd goes wild, leaving poor Relena in an even worse hissy-fit.
-=*=-
Bright: Let's bring the Argama around for another attack. That'll show
Neo-Zion that we mean business. Torez, I want... HEY!! YOU'RE NOT TOREZ!!
Treize: Impressive, Noah. You're not labled as the "eternal captain"
just because of your good looks, I assume.
Meanwhile, at OZ Headquarters...
Lady Une: And I don't see why I have to recruit and train her.
Torez: Kycilia's my girlfriend.
Lady Une: Oh...
-=*=-
Kou: I don't care what everyone else says! I must win no matter what!
BAM!! DRAW GAME!!
Kou had been playing a VS. game with Allenby.
Allenby: You've improved, young rookie.
Kou: Don't make fun of me...
-=*=-
Noin finds her students beatened and bloodied up.
Noin: (Holding one student.) Hey! Are you alright?! What happened here!
Student: ...k... Ka...
Noin: It must be the rebels. I can't believe how low they'll stoop
to get back at the Alliance.
Student: Ca~mi~ille...!
And everybody within an earshot bursts out laughing before groaning in pain once again.
Noin: Mental note: Expel Camille Vidan.
-=*=-
Following the popularity of shows like Sakura Wars and Battle Athletes, UC Gundam also tries their hand in casting multi-national characters in their shows.
Enter Pha Yui Li; wearing bottle-cap glasses, a sexy Chinese wardrobe, and talking in Fu-Man-Chu dialect.
Pha: Camille! You never mind those evil Titan soldiers and come spend
time with me!
Camille: DA-HECK??!!
A flusterated Camille picks her up by the waist and runs to the nearest motel.
Jerid: (Looking from afar.) That's funny. Usually it has a negative effect.
-=*=-
In a samurai-era Japanese home...
Gundam: (Holding a sobbing GM in her embrace.) I am so sorry, sir! I
don't have enough money to pay this month's taxes!
Gouf: (Holding a big, nasty heat sword.) Well then! If you can't pay
me with money... Then I'll take the GM as payment instead!
Haman comes in and smacks Minerva over the head. She's been collecting MSiA's and, when it comes to scene recreations, she's just as bad as her father Dozel.
-=*=-
Lady Une: All your favorite straberry-flavored soap has been stolen,
general!
Treize: W... What?!
Aiguille: He's willing to give the Zion Dukedom a lot of independence
for mere bottles of soap.
Gateau: And to think I have it bad.
-=*=-
Camille (Zeta) flies straight toward Jerid (Byarlant) with its beam sword ready to stab. But Maua (Hizack) flies into his way just in time.
Jerid: MAUA!!!
Maua: I will always protect you, Jerid. No matter what happens.
But the actual scene has Camille (who was trying to get the beam sword out of the way) feeling up Maua's chest.
Maua: Kid! What the hell are you doing?!
Jerid: (Carrying off an angered Pha.) Great idea, kid! Let's swap girlfriends!
Maua: SCUSE ME??!!
-=*=-
Sarah: (Holding a box of chocolate to a confused Paptimus.) Nnnnnnnnn! Paptimus-sama!
Flanders: (Wagging his tail.) Nnnnnnnnn!
Frannie: (Petting Flanders as he licks her face.) Now this is something
you don't see everyday.
Paptimus: [I just hope that Sarah doesn't lick MY face.]
-=*=-
Neo-Zion ladies do-NOT make good dates:
Elpe Puru spends WAY too much time taking her bath.
Haman: (Pointing her gun at you.) Now. Let's begin our date.
Chara: I wanna go in there with you. But I CAN'T!! OH, THE PAIN!! I'M GONNA DIE!!
Nanai throw her glass of wine at you if you inadvertantly mention the name of any other woman.
-=*=-
Ranba: (Lighting up a Motolov Coctail.) I guess I don't have a choice,
do I? I'm gonna have to blow that Gundam up myself.
Bright: WAIT!! The wine's not Corning's!
Ranba takes a look at Bright and his armed men... Then he takes a look at his makeshift weapon...
Ranba: Damn. And it's such a waste too...
He tosses it aside; blowing up Bright and most of his men with the blast.
-=*=-
Mashymer: So, dear Gordon, what do you think of the characters from
the new Turn-A Gundam?
Gordon: I don't like 'em. They spend way too much time naked!
Sochie: That's because WE HAVE NO WORKING PLUMBING, DUMB-@$$!!
Rolan: Besides, we Moonies are taught to respect being nakedness.
Mashymer: I believe he's mad because there's no action.
Gordon: No... It just gets in the way of those way-cool MS fights.
-=*=-
A sign that Gundam creator Yoshiyuki Tomino may be losing it:
Diana: LOVE AND PEACE!! AND FULL FRONTAL NUDITY!! Oh, hey you! Let's
switch places, okay?!
Kiel: Excuse me...?
A sign that Gundam creator Yoshiyuki Tomino is REALLY losing it:
Hayato: Enemy mobile suits?! I'll take them like a piss!
Bright: THAT'S IT!! I QUIT!!
-=*=-
Meshie: Frankly, I don't understand how we can defeat the Moonrace with
MS that had been dug up and unused for Tomino knows how long!
Gavane: Ah, but we ain't got to them "best parts" yet, sweety.
And out from the hiding of the trees; a team of Zaku II's, a Zaku I, a team of Doms, a couple of Goufs, and some Zugocks appear.
Char is laying on the couch, with Amuro (wearing an apron) standing above him; watching Turn-A Gundam on TV.
Char: Apparently someone over at Sotsu Agency and Sunrise wanted to
do some real justice with the "mono-eyes."
Amuro: Either that or they wanted to make the old Zion MS popular again.
-_-;