Disclaimer 2: This is only built for Cuban lynx. Gundam started in 1979; building up its following through reruns and sequels during the '80s. This is a collection of "joke grenades" dealing with characters from the original Mobile Suit Gundam, Zeta, Double Zeta, 0080 War In The Pocket, 0083 Stardust Memories, The 8th Platoon, Char's Counterattack, Victory Gundam, God Gundam, Wing Gundam / Endless Waltz, and finally Turn-A Gundam. But it leans more to the Universal Calendar than one would believe. At any rate: Here's more of the worst, just like the first.
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GUNDAM WORLD TEXT HUMOR MACH V
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Zechs: Forget it, Heero. You're no match for my superb rapping skills...
Huh?
Heero: Rapping skills? What? You'z a rapper now?
Zechs: No, my script's been written wrong...
Heero: Oh, so you "Biggie" now?
Zechs: (Starts walking away.) Joke's over, Heero. Now leave me alone!
Heero: (Chases after him.) Ooh, you "Pac" now, huh?
Zechs: GET AWAY FROM ME!
-=***=-
Sochie: LET'S GO, LORAN!!
Loran: Uh... Where are we going?
Sochie: To pilot mobile suits! To fight against the Moonrace! I wanna
be seen more!
Loran: Aren't you getting too carried away...?
Sochie: You DO wanna go out with my sister, right?
Loran: ...aiiee... -_-;
The next scene shows Sochie (Turn-A Gundam) chasing a crying Po (Waddom) with a beam sabre.
Kiel: Well... There goes our peace process...
-=***=-
Finding out that the Feds created a Gundam; Char's Zion ship attacks as he flies out in his mobile suit. The injured admiral starts panicking.
Bright: What's wrong, Admiral?
Admiral: That MS! It belongs to the "Multi-Paletted Comet!"
Random Officer: Heh! The way it's been painted, it might as well be
the "Seizure-Inducing Comet."
Bright: Oh, for the love of... You there, in the Gundam! Whatever you
do; DON'T LOOK DIRECTLY AT THAT MOBILE SUIT!! Hey, where are you going...?
Amuro(Gundam): I'm quitting! This is WAY too messed up for me!
Char(Zaku IIs): Well at least I'm not PINK, damn you!
-=***=-
Gateau(Physalis): Don't be so sloppy! I could've struck you down right
there!
Kou(Zephyranthes): Yes, sir!
Gateau(Physalis): I'M YOUR ENEMY, YOU idi... waitaminute...
South(GM Command): Kou! WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING??!!
The two Gundams are siting down around a campfire with the Zephy taking notes.
Gateau: And it's also important to keep your ears open. Computers aren't
always reliable.
Kou: Yes, sir.
-=***=-
Pha: Camille... You'd never punch a woman in the face, would you?
Camille: Of course not. Why would I wanna do something as low as...
Shrike Team: CA~MI~ILLE!!
Oliver: (Finding the Shrikes smacked upside their heads.) Now who would
be as low as to do something like that?
Marvette: (Sweatdropping...) I'll give you three clues...
-=***=-
Bernie(Zaku FZ): All I have to do is defeat the Gundam. Besides... I have a lot of traps set out for it.
The Gundam NT makes its way towards the Zaku FZ. But it trips on a wire... And a cake pan falls on top of its head.
Chris(Gundam NT): ........! Okay, that was stupid. I surrender.
Bernie: YES!
-=***=-
Misha(Kaempfer): I, MIKHAIL KAMINSKY OF ZION, CHALLENGE YOU TO A DUEL!!
Misha then finds someone in a building that has the Gundam inside it. He zooms the picture to find... Treize holding a sword up and ready for said "duel."
Misha: I MEANT TO DUEL IN A GUNDAM, YOU SCENICK!
Treize: What? You can't get out of your MS and have a duel with me?
Misha: Unless you know how to wrestle!
Lady Une: (Standing behind Treize.) I'll take him on!
Treize: Lady Une, I doubt that...
Misha: IT'S A DEAL, WOMAN!!
-=***=-
Gateau: I proclaim this Gundam, and it's nuclear warhead, in the name of Zion!
Everyone else pauses... And there's some fumbling around within the Physalis' cockpit...
Gateau: Uh... Yeah... Um...
Nina: HA-HA!! But guess who has the keys to it, biyatch?!
-=***=-
Zechs makes it to one of OZ's bases; stepping outside and walking towards the building. He passes by a soldier who's near the entrance.
Zechs: You there!
Soldier: Yes, sir?
Zechs: Stay focused. The last thing... ...we need... OH MY GOD YOU'RE
UGLY!!
Director: CUT! CUT!
Zechs: But why?! Why must I be surrounded by such ugly people?!
Soldier: What's wrong, punk? Your boyfriend did you too hard?
Director: How many times do I have to tell you? These guys are Mr Tomino's
"Constants."
-=***=-
Heero: (Pointing his gun at Junko.) I'll kill you, Junko Jenko.
Junko: What?! You're gonna kill me?! Just who the hell do you think
you are, you punk?!
An extremely angered Junko grabs Heero by the ears, headbutts him into submission, and rubs him between her breasts.
Odelo: I guess the commercial had it right when it said that "nobody
doesn't like the bull."
Usso: That's "nobody DOES IT like the bull..." Sheesh...!
-=***=-
The scene where Wufei's out at night, surrounded by hyenas.
Wufei: GE-ET A-WAAAaaaaayyyyaaaaahhhh....!!!
Director: ...Wufei...?
Wufei: (Sneezes...)
Random Hyena: So the guy's alergic to fur after all, huh? Ha-hah!
Flanders: Da, comrade. It is such an empty feeling to deal with these
weak animals. ^_^
-=***=-
Shiro and Terry (from their Gundams on the ground) spot the Gouf Flight Type being tested in the air.
Shiro(Gundam Ez8): So THIS is the Flying Gouf?! How the hell does Zion
think they'll win with a junk heep like that?!
Terry(Gundam Ground Type): I don't know... But I think we better move
out of the way before...
Just then, the GFT crashes right on top of the two Feds.
Ginias: YES!! Ain't that the hit or ain't THAT the HIT!!
Aina: That's it. Where's my parachute?
-=***=-
Usso helps out a couple of stranded Zanscare troopers by giving them some extra oxygen tanks.
Godwald: I'm so ashamed... Being helped out by the enemy... By the way,
my name is Godwald Hein. I'm known as Zanscare's "Look Out, There's A Tiger
Behind You."
Usso: "Look out, there's a tiger behind you?!"
Godwald: WHERE??!!
Meanwhile, at Zanscare's base...
Maria: So, brother, shall we shoot them now or wait until they get back?
Chronicle: No, that's for later on.
-=***=-
Aiguille Delaz is televizing to the world his loyal soldier's recent capture of the GP02 Physalis.
Aiguille: Friends, foes, and those I don't know! Lend me your eyes and ears for I have captured from the Federation... What the HELL DID YOU DO TO IT??!!
Said Gundam is merely a super-imposed image of the recently built MG Physalis model... Posed to flip gang signs like some deranged Blood/Crip member.
Karius: Shall I proceed to kick the ass of that moron who did this,
sir?
Aiguille: Yeah, sure.
-=***=-
Relena Peacecraft is holding "Pacifist Lectures" over at her school in the Sanq Kingdom. Her class is composed of characters from other Gundam shows, of course...
Relena: Now class, it's time we learned about how to spread the message of peace during times of war. (Sees Chuck raise his hand.) ...which has NOTHING to do with women flinging their clothes off and surrendering their bodies!
Chuck: Aww crap!
Soshie: (Standing up from her seat.) And what's wrong with it, princess?! Just because we're "flat" doesn't mean you can exclude that as an option!
Soshie proceeds to fling her clothes off at an instant and showing her nakedness in from of the bewildered class. And Chuck proceeds to do the dirty deed with her.
Relena: (Silently cursing...) The least you can do is use a condom, people...
-=***=-
Amuro (in his Re-GZ) flies around the Axis asteroid, under a heavy rain of bullets and laser fire, in search of Char. He finds him, piloting... Whatever the hell piece of crap MS it is.
Amuro: What's up with you, speedball?! The mecha designers forgotten
who your real alias is?!
Char: Yeah, sure! Make fun of my MS! You're STILL no match for me!
And besides, I got this on sale!
Amuro: "You got that on sale!" And from where, I'm afraid to ask, did
you get it?! On sale?!
Kelly: CRAZY KELLY'S AMAZING EMPORIUM OF TOTAL BARGAIN MOBILE SUIT MADNESS!!
(Starts laughing uncontrollably.)
Lateura: (Reading the script.) Okay, where's the part where _I'M_ put
out of my misery?
-=***=-
Heero: (Pointing his gun at Ino.) This is the end, Ino Abbav.
Ino: Huh? YIKES!!
But Elle comes in with a flying kick to Heero's head.
Elle: NO YOU WILL NOT BE KILLING INO ABBAV OR ANYBODY ELSE MISTER HOMOCIDAL
PSYCHOPATH!!
Heero: But it's the only line in my script.
Relena: (Looking over the main script.) He's right, you know...
-=***=-
Bosque: (In his Hizack as he starts pumping gas into Side 1's 30 Branch.) HAH!! I'll show these Colons a thing or two! This'll be the last time they start preaching their propaganda about Newtypes!
The Titans had managed to hush up their dreaded works on an official level. But word spreads rapidly about what had happened over at the 30th Branch of Side 1...
...where everyone woke up around twelve hours later and wondered why sleeping gas had been pumped into their home colony.
-=***=-
Rakan: So you're going to be Minerva Zabi's regent, huh? I doubt such
a young, nubile woman can be capable of handling such a large task.
Haman: Don't get me wrong, Dakaran. Age has nothing to do with my talents.
I'll show you the reaches of my power when it comes to the political world.
Yazan: (Suddenly busts in with his trademark angered look on his face.)
ALRIGHT!! I'D LIKE TO FIND THE [censored] [censored] WHO DECIDED TO [oh,
you get the idea] MY ZETA GUNDAM DVD SET!!
Haman: (Instantly reverting to her little-girl personality.) Ya~za~n!
Plea~ze buy me ice crea~m!
Yazan: ...oooohhhh crap...!
Rakan: And so our "lady" says...