Phase VII.. Ever After.
"Such a pity, you left today From the city of broken ways Although you promised I've been betrayed
For some secret That you needed For some secret She's the girl that you never liked anyway Kill the city, in waterways In the shitty brown golden waves Although you promised I feel betrayed"
-- Grinspoon, 'Secrets'
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~*~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
And they lived, happily ever after.
That's how this story should end. It did in all the stories my mother use to tell me when I was little; in France.
But this isn't a fairy tale. And it has no happily ever after..
'It's better to have loved and lost, that never to have loved at all..'
Whoever said that was obviously never loved anyone. Either that, or they were a complete and utter moron. There is another saying that goes along the lines of:
"Only an idiot feels no grief, and only a fool would forget it" or along the lines of that.
That guy that said the whole loved and lost thing obviously was the fool William Faulkner was referring to when he wrote that.
It was been 1 and a half weeks since we returned from Australia. The CIA tracked down the origin of the intel they received. Realized it was a setup. Ordered us to return. Rather ironic that we were on our way to the airport, to head back to the states when we got the call ordering us to do just that.
Irony.
I hate it. It has been the story of my life. Probably will be till the day I die, continually screwing me round. Never letting me forget that no matter how much I want something, I will never get it. I can hold on as much as a like, but I will eventually loose my grip, along with whatever I wanted.
~*~
"Sir?" Vaughn looked up from his diary, the one he had kept since the day Sydney had walked through the CIA doors, all those years ago. The one place where he could be himself, and allow all his fears and emotions run wild.
"Yes, Andrews?" His voice was weary and worn down. Since arriving back, he had slept less than he had before the Australia Op. While the nightmares of Taipei were slowly becoming a memory, new ones tormented his subconscious as he attempted to sleep. Fresh ones that not only involved Sydney, but her two children as well. His two children. One he did not even meet. He didn't know their name. Even the sex. He had imagined a little girl, identical to Jackie. Though the thought of a boy that resembled himself did make him smile. However, that smile quickly faded, as he reminded himself he would never know. And he would never meet them. He hadn't even toyed with the idea Jack had gotten them out alive. While if anyone could, it would have been Jack, he knew it was false hope.
"Kurtis wants the report by this afternoon, just wanted me to tell you" Thomas informed Vaughn. He turned to exit the room when Vaughn did not respond. Before leaving though, he asked Vaughn one more thing, "You were the handler, weren't you? The emotionally attached one?"
Vaughn slowly raised his head, making eye contact with Thomas, who was regretting asking the question now. He was waiting for Vaughn to rip into him, and was surprised to say the least when he didn't.
"Yes. Yes, I was" Vaughn replied, breaking the eye contact with Thomas.
Thomas turned so he was fully facing Vaughn, "Did you love her?"
"Very much" Thomas could see Vaughn's eyes start to fill with tears again. Something he was not use to seeing, "I left it too late. Didn't say anything until a few nights before she disappeared. Unfortunately, it takes life and death situations to realize that there may not be a tomorrow"
"Do you regret it?" Thomas asked, taking a seat next to Vaughn.
"Regret? Yeah, I regret a lot of things. A lot of things went unsaid, between us" Vaughn said, "You heard Weiss and myself referring to the Taipei op before?"
"Yeah, on occasion"
"That was the life and death scenario Sydney and I found ourselves in, in 2002. We both changed a lot, after Taipei. Things to this day, stayed a secret between us" Vaughn explained.
"Even after everything that happened, do you think it was worth it?" Thomas asked.
"It wasn't worth loosing her, again, Thomas" he stopped and thought for a second, "But, then again, I'd relive Taipei, if it meant I could have her back. Just for one day, I would"
Thomas nodded. This empathic side of Vaughn he had never seen before. Vaughn got up to leave the room, but turned back to Thomas, "It's bullshit, what they say, about it being better to have loved and lost, than never to have loved at all. This, what I feel now. Hurts too much. But when I really think about it - about never having a relationship at all as opposed to the time we did share, I don't think I would want to give that up. So, if this concerns who I think it does, be careful, Thomas. Be very careful - don't end up like I did." Vaughn held out his arm, with his diary in hand, "When I really think about it. It was worth it.all of it" Thomas stood up, taking the diary out of Vaughn's hand, "This. Everything in it, everything you found out after Australia, you never tell anyone. Understood?" and the Vaughn Thomas knew was back. Only now, he knew there was a completely different side to him, and now he would find out exactly what the 'real Vaughn' was like.
He sat down, and opened the royal blue book up..
23rd, February 2002.
We had a nut case walk through the doors today.I mean really insane. Bright red hair and a black cat suit, with blood dripping from her mouth. A run-in with the dentist is China, she claims. Sydney Bristow. I wonder if she is any relation to Jack? God, if she is I can see why she is so bloody crazy. Say's she works for SD-6.
"Such a pity, you left today From the city of broken ways Although you promised I've been betrayed
For some secret That you needed For some secret She's the girl that you never liked anyway Kill the city, in waterways In the shitty brown golden waves Although you promised I feel betrayed"
-- Grinspoon, 'Secrets'
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~*~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
And they lived, happily ever after.
That's how this story should end. It did in all the stories my mother use to tell me when I was little; in France.
But this isn't a fairy tale. And it has no happily ever after..
'It's better to have loved and lost, that never to have loved at all..'
Whoever said that was obviously never loved anyone. Either that, or they were a complete and utter moron. There is another saying that goes along the lines of:
"Only an idiot feels no grief, and only a fool would forget it" or along the lines of that.
That guy that said the whole loved and lost thing obviously was the fool William Faulkner was referring to when he wrote that.
It was been 1 and a half weeks since we returned from Australia. The CIA tracked down the origin of the intel they received. Realized it was a setup. Ordered us to return. Rather ironic that we were on our way to the airport, to head back to the states when we got the call ordering us to do just that.
Irony.
I hate it. It has been the story of my life. Probably will be till the day I die, continually screwing me round. Never letting me forget that no matter how much I want something, I will never get it. I can hold on as much as a like, but I will eventually loose my grip, along with whatever I wanted.
~*~
"Sir?" Vaughn looked up from his diary, the one he had kept since the day Sydney had walked through the CIA doors, all those years ago. The one place where he could be himself, and allow all his fears and emotions run wild.
"Yes, Andrews?" His voice was weary and worn down. Since arriving back, he had slept less than he had before the Australia Op. While the nightmares of Taipei were slowly becoming a memory, new ones tormented his subconscious as he attempted to sleep. Fresh ones that not only involved Sydney, but her two children as well. His two children. One he did not even meet. He didn't know their name. Even the sex. He had imagined a little girl, identical to Jackie. Though the thought of a boy that resembled himself did make him smile. However, that smile quickly faded, as he reminded himself he would never know. And he would never meet them. He hadn't even toyed with the idea Jack had gotten them out alive. While if anyone could, it would have been Jack, he knew it was false hope.
"Kurtis wants the report by this afternoon, just wanted me to tell you" Thomas informed Vaughn. He turned to exit the room when Vaughn did not respond. Before leaving though, he asked Vaughn one more thing, "You were the handler, weren't you? The emotionally attached one?"
Vaughn slowly raised his head, making eye contact with Thomas, who was regretting asking the question now. He was waiting for Vaughn to rip into him, and was surprised to say the least when he didn't.
"Yes. Yes, I was" Vaughn replied, breaking the eye contact with Thomas.
Thomas turned so he was fully facing Vaughn, "Did you love her?"
"Very much" Thomas could see Vaughn's eyes start to fill with tears again. Something he was not use to seeing, "I left it too late. Didn't say anything until a few nights before she disappeared. Unfortunately, it takes life and death situations to realize that there may not be a tomorrow"
"Do you regret it?" Thomas asked, taking a seat next to Vaughn.
"Regret? Yeah, I regret a lot of things. A lot of things went unsaid, between us" Vaughn said, "You heard Weiss and myself referring to the Taipei op before?"
"Yeah, on occasion"
"That was the life and death scenario Sydney and I found ourselves in, in 2002. We both changed a lot, after Taipei. Things to this day, stayed a secret between us" Vaughn explained.
"Even after everything that happened, do you think it was worth it?" Thomas asked.
"It wasn't worth loosing her, again, Thomas" he stopped and thought for a second, "But, then again, I'd relive Taipei, if it meant I could have her back. Just for one day, I would"
Thomas nodded. This empathic side of Vaughn he had never seen before. Vaughn got up to leave the room, but turned back to Thomas, "It's bullshit, what they say, about it being better to have loved and lost, than never to have loved at all. This, what I feel now. Hurts too much. But when I really think about it - about never having a relationship at all as opposed to the time we did share, I don't think I would want to give that up. So, if this concerns who I think it does, be careful, Thomas. Be very careful - don't end up like I did." Vaughn held out his arm, with his diary in hand, "When I really think about it. It was worth it.all of it" Thomas stood up, taking the diary out of Vaughn's hand, "This. Everything in it, everything you found out after Australia, you never tell anyone. Understood?" and the Vaughn Thomas knew was back. Only now, he knew there was a completely different side to him, and now he would find out exactly what the 'real Vaughn' was like.
He sat down, and opened the royal blue book up..
23rd, February 2002.
We had a nut case walk through the doors today.I mean really insane. Bright red hair and a black cat suit, with blood dripping from her mouth. A run-in with the dentist is China, she claims. Sydney Bristow. I wonder if she is any relation to Jack? God, if she is I can see why she is so bloody crazy. Say's she works for SD-6.