Part II - Things Lost, Things Gained
Crais' concept of time was skewed thanks to the lack of any aperture that allowed one to view the world outside. The only people he had seen since he had arrived had been Officer Sun and the doctor, never being allowed to leave the confinement of his quarters. How they knew when Crais tried to hobble to the door, the Captain didn't know, Aeryn or the doctor usually barging in with a cheerful expression. He had searched for hidden camera devices, finding none behind the nondescript decorations, above the doorjambs, around the bed and the single chair and stand in the room. His sense of unease was growing more and more intense the longer he was there. What he did know, however, was that he was starting to get annoyed with Aeryn. She refused to tell him anything about where they were and what had happened after they had starburst.
And Talyn was also getting annoyed, wanting Crais back on board where he belonged. ~ We have been here a weeken, Crais. When are you going to come and see me? ~
Crais stopped his pacing, pivoting on his good foot so as not to cause any more undue stress to the ankle he had broke, his face dark and brooding as he considered the situation he found himself in. He sighed, controlling his frustration and answering Talyn. "As soon as I can… convince…Officer Sun into letting me out of here," he said curtly and loud enough for her to hear him if she was listening, "…I will come and see you."
It didn't take Aeryn long to respond. "You can go and see Talyn now if you'd like," she remarked as she slipped in the door. She handed Crais a change of clothing. "I brought them from Talyn. I will…" she hesitated, "…wait for you outside."
"You have been spying on me, Aeryn," he simply stated, snatching his clothing out of her hand. It didn't take long for Crais to dress, limping from the room looking like his old self, his uniform crisp and clean, his hair once again pulled into its customary queue. The only exception to his appearance was the crutch tucked under his arm, a necessary evil since he still could not bear all of his weight on his right ankle. They turned to the left, moving slowly up the deserted corridor towards a lift that would take them to the landing bay. A security checkpoint stood empty, no security officer manning it. Crais turned and gazed back down the corridor, the stone walls softly lit by lights every so many denches. He turned back to Aeryn, his eyes narrowing when he realized exactly where they were. "Aeryn, this is a Gammak base," Crais commented softly. "Specifically, Scorpius' old research Gammak base." He rubbed his temple, realizing that the silence in the halls of what was once a bustling community of Peacekeepers was eerie.
"You're right. Now you know why I didn't want you wandering around. I was afraid it might bring back…memories." Aeryn reached out, sliding an iden-chip into the slot. The doors opened and, once inside, she turned to Crais. "I ran into some old friends that brought me here while I was searching for you," she snapped, her eyes flashing in the dim lift lights.
Crais leaned against the wall, his arms crossed over his chest as he studied her, his eyes narrowed in thought. She was hiding something, he was sure of that now. "Who…exactly…are these 'friends'?" Crais asked, his voice lethally quiet.
Aeryn never backed down. "They are ex-Peacekeepers, Crais. They are using this abandoned Gammak base to help others like us get away from the jurisdiction and long ranged reach of the High Council."
Crais wasn't sure if he believed her. If there was a resistance movement going on, why had they not heard about it before? An abandoned Gammak base did make a sensible temporary headquarters for a movement such as the resistance she spoke of, assuming they didn't stay for long, but he still couldn't understand why she was being so secretive. It was not as if he was going to go running to Peacekeeper High Command and turn them in. He would be executed on site as soon he walked off the transport pod. Crais approached Aeryn, closing the distance between them in the small lift until he had backed her against the far wall. He reached out, pushing the stop button on the lift and leaned both hands on either side of Aeryn's shoulders, effectively trapping her, although he knew in his weakened condition, she could still get away. "You…are lying," he simply accused, "…or you are not telling me everything."
Aeryn's eyes narrowed and she laughed. "As if you deserve to know. As I said before Crais, be thankful I came after you." She reached out to push him away, but he simply grabbed her wrist. "Let go, Crais," Aeryn said tiredly.
"Where is Crichton?"
"Gone," she answered, jerking her hand free from his grasp. She set the lift back into motion.
"Where?" Crais insisted, once again stopping the lift. Her reaction to the human's name, one of distress and avoidance, convinced Crais that something happened between Aeryn and Crichton.
"I don't know," she finally yelled. "He tried to persuade me to stay on Moya and when I told him I couldn't, he…he…" Aeryn turned away, fighting the pain in her heart and the tears in her eyes. She was not going to break down in front of Crais again. Once was enough. Aeryn lifted her head, swallowing and taking a deep breath. She had been trained to put her feelings aside, to not let anyone into her heart. But that damn human! If Crichton had not shown up three cycles earlier, her orderly little world would never have been turned upside down. Aeryn turned to face Crais, her cheeks slightly flushed. "He didn't understand," she finished. "We argued and then ignored each other until I left. That was when he finally came and tried to persuade me to stay. I never did tell him what we had planned that day on the carrier, so Crichton and the others have no idea you're still alive."
Crais raised one eyebrow at her confession. "What are you planning on doing then? Talyn has expressed his wish to reunite with his mother so that she doesn't grieve for him."
"They think the two of you are dead, Crais. We found…bits and pieces of Talyn and took them to the Leviathan graveyard for burial," she softly said.
Crais nodded, his mind already set into motion. No matter what Moya thought, she would still be grateful that her son was alive, even though the others would be less than enthused that he himself was still among the living. He stroked his goatee in thought, ignoring the slight twinge in his ribs as he shifted. "Fortuitous for us, then, isn't it, Officer Sun?" he posed, waiting to gauge her reaction.
"How do you mean?" she asked suspiciously, canting her head. She knew the calculating look that had suddenly crossed Crais' face. "No. I'm not joining you, if that is what you are thinking." She paced the small box of a lift, shaking her head, rubbing her arms nervously. "We've been over that ground before and I'm staying here."
"But Talyn and I could…use your help until we are fully recovered," Crais softly commented. "The Peacekeepers also think I am dead. Think of the places we could see."
Aeryn looked up at him. "Crichton is right. You will never change." She reached over for the release button.
Crais suddenly grabbed her wrist and pulled Aeryn against him, his lips meeting hers in a kiss, tasting her as his tongue delved into her mouth, dueling with hers. She was a forbidden fruit to him and he savored her sweet and spicy flavor. He surprised both of them with his action, unsure as to why he chose that particular moment to kiss her, and he stepped back away from her, slapping the lift release in annoyance, staring at her in defiance in an attempt to hide his own embarrassment, realizing that the only thing he had managed to do was alienate himself from Aeryn even more.
Aeryn's chest rose and fell in heavy, angry breaths. "I hope you enjoyed that, Crais," she finally spat, the lift doors opening. "Because that's the one and only chance you'll ever get." She stormed off the lift, her dark hair swinging violently behind her as she walked away.
Crais watched her go, rubbing his lips with his fingers. He slowly moved from the lift, his brown eyes watching her as she turned the corner. Unfortunately, Aeryn was wrong in her assumption that he enjoyed the kiss. He found that nothing sparked within him, no burning ember, no flaming passion, nothing, as if he had just kissed his own mother. All this time he had wanted Aeryn only to find that there was nothing there, that there would never be anything between them, as he had once hoped, except for a precarious friendship. And it was a very sobering thought, leaving the Captain wondering if somewhere within the vastness of the galaxy, or even the universe, there was someone that would light that spark. Someone that would accept him as he was as Crichton had accepted Aeryn.
Talyn's enthusiasm at having Crais on board almost overpowered the ex-Peacekeeper. He had taken his time inspecting the outer hull of the gunship, walking slowly around him as he gazed at the healing burns. His eyes were consistently drawn to the newly repaired tail, the metal still shiny in the hangar's lights. Aeryn assured him that eventually, within a cycle or two, Talyn's living tissue would grow over it, absorbing it into his superstructure. Crais grunted to himself. These refugees, these ex-Peacekeepers, couldn't heal his ribs or knit the bones of his ankle back together, but, by Cholak, they could repair Talyn. His eyes narrowed as he limped up the ramp into his ship.
~ Well, how does it look? ~ Talyn asked confidently. He was feeling more like himself, his inquisitive nature starting to return.
Crais smiled. "It looks fine, Talyn. You have the distinct advantage of being unique, allowing us the…opportunity to help you." He noticed the DRD's skittering about, performing their routine maintenance as well as repairing the damage that had been done during the starburst. He made his way onto the bridge, immediately checking the gunship's power levels. Talyn had regained almost all of his energy and soon they would be able to leave. If they were allowed.
~ Crais? ~
Crais looked up at Talyn's soft call. He could feel the Leviathan's apprehension. "Yes Talyn?" he asked gently, not wanting to worry the gunship.
~ Why did you kiss Aeryn? ~
The question was almost a whisper in the Captain's mind and he sighed. He leaned against the console, closing his eyes. "I…don't know Talyn." He rubbed his temple, trying to figure out how he could explain to Talyn about the sudden, and sometimes, insane impulses that many Sebaceans, and obviously humans, suffered from. He looked up, his dark eyes softening as he moved to the center of the bridge, stroking Talyn's bulkhead. "I have always…wanted Officer Sun for my own. It has been a subject we have discussed in length. You of all…beings know that." He chuckled wryly for a moment, thinking back to the creative vid-chip the other Crichton had found. "Maybe a little too well."
Talyn though about Crais' words. ~ Then, she does not want you? ~
Crais shook his head. "No Talyn. She does not." He took a deep breath, easing himself down to his knees, checking to make sure the crutch was nearby. "Talyn, Officer Sun is very much in…love with Crichton, although I…suspect she does not want to admit it."
~ Why? ~
Crais flexed his fingers, studying them where they lay on his leather-encased thighs. "As Peacekeepers, Officer Sun and I were trained that to fall in love or to show compassion was weak. It is very hard to break that training, Talyn."
~ But what about these other women you had feelings for? ~ Talyn was confused, but slowly sorting it out. His experiences with Stark when they were joined showed the gunship what it meant to be in love, the Bannik slaves emotions over Pa'u Zotoh Zhaan still strong. And then when Aeryn showed him what it meant to be needed… ~ Is it because it is the other Crichton, the one that lived and stayed with the others and my mother, and not the one she spent time with here, with us? ~ he finally asked, forgetting his earlier question.
But Crais had not forgotten. He thought back to the women in question and it dawned on him that he never truly loved any of them. They were all a means to an end at that point in his life. He shook his head sadly, wondering if it would have been better if they had died. What did the Uncharted Territories truly hold for them now? He had no reason to chase Crichton and even though he stood beside the human in support of his crazy scheme to blow Scorpius sky high, the human would never trust him as an ally. He could never return to his home planet and pick up the pieces of his life there, not after all the time he had been away and the certainty that his Father would never forgive him for Tauvo's death. And returning to the Peacekeeper's was not an option.
~ You have me, ~ Talyn reminded gently, listening in on Crais' thoughts.
Crais smiled softly. "Yes, Talyn, I have you." He sighed, never answering Talyn's question about Aeryn and Crichton because he wasn't sure himself. He pulled himself to his feet and turned, limping over to the system's console. "Now, let me see if we continue repairing some of this…other damage," he stated quietly.
The other damage turned out to be something Crais could handle. How Lt. Lorell ever discovered the virus circulating through Talyn's systems, Crais would never know. What he couldn't understand was why the illness had not affected him. Crais knew how Talyn was infected though and he was thankful Stark was nowhere near them. He would have killed the Bannik slave with his own bare hands.
Talyn's madness, his periods of intense anger that mad him destroy the hospital ship, had been caused by a virus he picked up from Stark. When Stark joined with Talyn in the residual pilot's chamber and saved them from the siren star, he left Talyn with a virus, one that was slowly driving the young Leviathan mad. That was all Crais needed. The thing that turned the Bannik into a frelnik was infecting his ship and Crais hoped that the effects were short lived once the virus was completely purged from his system. The removal of Talyn's automatic firing mechanism did absolutely nothing to help the ship. But Crais' decision to shut down all but his autonomic functions had. If the Captain had realized what had happened, he would've been able to help Talyn sooner. He checked the stores of anti-toxin Lorell had hidden all over the ship instructing the DRD's to administer a dose, knowing Talyn was long overdue. Lorell had tried to help, keeping this information from Scorpius even though she stabbed Crais in the back with everything else, leaking their plans to the scientist, forcing Crais to steal the gunship for a second time. He pushed the thought of Lorell from his mind, still bristling from her betrayal.
~ Crais? ~
Crais gazed up, staring at the living bulkhead before him. "Yes Talyn."
~ Are you going to repair the automatic firing mechanism? ~ he asked softly.
"Possibly, Talyn. It will…depend on you." Crais turned and began to pace the bridge, his hands clasped behind his back as he limped back and forth. "If we…work together and you…obey my commands, I will consider it." Crais knew if he replaced the firing mechanism, he would be giving Talyn the ability to inflict pain on him again, forcing Crais to endure the effects of cybernetic bleed back. It was a decision he would have to consider very carefully.
Talyn remained silent, debating Crais' words. He watched the Captain pace his bridge, observed the Sebaceans around him packing up the equipment in the hangar. He didn't disturb Crais' thoughts, just watched, suspecting that the people on this abandoned Gammak base were preparing to leave it exactly the way they found it, deserted and abandoned. And leave it very soon.
Aeryn found Crais deep within one of Talyn's central chambers, surrounded by a plethora of wires. A DRD scooted past her foot, beeping irritably at her as it headed towards the Captain. She folded her arms and watched, leaning against the bulkhead as Crais silently communicated with his ship, inserting one wire and then another in a preset sequence. She waited for him to acknowledge her, knowing that he was already aware of her presence aboard the gunship.
"Officer Sun," he greeted sharply, reaching down for a control chip. He slipped back into the large node, visible only from his waist down as he worked.
It had been three solar days since she marched away from him in anger. Aeryn had had time to think about what had passed between them. In retrospect, she couldn't blame Crais for trying, knowing that had things transpired differently that day three cycles earlier, she might have been handsomely rewarded for Crichton's capture, assuming she has capitulated to Crais' demands. She realized that maybe she hadn't been fair to her former superior, wondering if that was why she still stuck up for him, one of the only people who did. Aeryn had no idea what it must have been like growing up with a family and siblings. But she did finally understand what it was like to lose someone you loved. "Crais, have you ever wondered what your life would've been like if you hadn't been conscripted?" she asked quietly.
Crais turned his head and looked at her, peering over his shoulder sideways with dark eyes. He freed himself from the node, dusting his hands off as he approached her. "Why would you ask?" he remarked, his voice tinged with annoyance. He took a deep draught of water from the container he had hung off the bulkhead, watching her carefully. Had she changed her mind about traveling with them?
She shifted her position, staring past Crais. "What you did the other day…"
"I kissed you," he bluntly stated.
Aeryn nodded. "If things had been different, maybe, in time…" She shook her head. "Now…" Aeryn shrugged. "I sometimes wonder what it would be like to find a planet and settle down. Would I be bored? Would I enjoy it? Children?" She stared at him and sighed. "I don't think that life was ever meant for either of us."
Crais tilted his head. "Aeryn, I am sure you did not come here to…ponder what our lives could have been."
"No." She licked her lips. "I came here to tell you that I am flying out with a Prowler group in an arn. We are serving as an escort to a frigate that has defected. And I am not planning on returning with them." She turned and started to walk away, stopping at Crais' gentle touch on her arm.
Crais looked down at her. "Aeryn, I am…sorry for my actions. I know now that I never truly wanted you in that way." He smiled softly, his eyes full of regret. "I think I wanted you more as a companion and a friend because you know how I think. You know what I wanted." He cupped her cheek in his hand. "The Crichton on Moya?" Crais shook his head. "He is the same man you fell in love with here on Talyn. And you were happy. I see that now."
"No, Crais. He's different," Aeryn whispered.
"Why? Because he does not hold those particular memories?" He leaned forward slightly, taking her face in both of his hands, his eyes fervent in the light of the chamber. "Aeryn, you have an opportunity most of us do not get. You have the opportunity to be happy and to give all of yourself to another. You have shown Talyn and I both that there can be more to our life. Don't throw that chance away, Aeryn." He placed a gentle kiss on her forehead and stepped back, turning away to continue his work on the node. "Good health to you Officer Aeryn Sun."
Aeryn licked her lips, contemplating his words before she turned away. She stopped, one hand on Talyn's bulkhead, one on the doorframe. "Good health to you as well, Captain Bialar Crais."
Crais froze momentarily as he listened to her footsteps on Talyn's steelskin deck fade. With a curt nod, he returned to his work. He would give her two days. If she did not return, Crais and Talyn would leave the base without her and set off to find Moya by themselves.
Talyn burst from the confines of the hidden Gammak base with fervor, causing Crais to chuckle to himself. The gunship rolled, knowing that his Captain would never feel the gravitational flux caused by his playfulness. He couldn't help himself. He was alive, he was free and he was happy.
Crais allowed the Leviathan his moments of glee, removing the transponder as he walked into his quarters, laying down on his own bed and closing his eyes. He still hurt all over, but the doctor assured him that his recovery was almost complete, cautioning him not to overdo it. That had been three days ago when the members of this hidden refugee help group left. Crais still wondered if that was what they were doing, if they were really helping ex-Peacekeepers like him start a new life far away from the regime that had turned their backs on them. He let the thought drift from his mind as he slipped into sleep.
Only to be brought out of the doze he had fallen into by Talyn's intruder alert klaxon. Crais grabbed the transponder from the side of the bed, sliding it into its home at the base of his neck. "Talyn! Report!" he yelled.
~ I've picked up a Prowler. A single ship, damaged. ~
"Life signs?" Crais asked, making his way to the bridge.
~ One. ~ He paused. ~ Crais, it's Officer Sun. ~
"Release the docking web," he replied calmly, making his way to the landing bay. The Prowler settled to the deck with a hiss of maneuvering jets, its side scored and pocked, one engine leaking coolant. The canopy popped open with a hiss of air. Crais stood there in perfect military form, chin high in arrogance, hands at his side, his right one propped on the butt of his pulse pistol as a precaution. His eyebrows rose as he gazed at Aeryn as she removed her helmet and he waited, curious as to why she had returned to the deserted base.
She was pale, a light sheen of sweat on her forehead, dark circles under her eyes. But the resigned expression on her face was what made Crais tilt his head. "You know, I've been thinking about what you have said, Crais."
"About what?" He noticed that her voice was lighter, the strain gone from it as if a great weight had been lifted from her shoulders.
Aeryn landed on the steelskin deck and tossed her flight gloves and helmet back into the cockpit. She had flown straight back to the base, hoping that Talyn and Crais had stayed on the chance she would show up. She was hungry, tired and filthy, but determined. Determined to take Crais' advice, whether or not it was the right thing to do. If she didn't, she would never know what life with the strange human could've been like, regretting her decision for the rest of her existence. "About not giving up the opportunity I have been given." She pursed her lips. "Are you still going after Moya? Does your offer still stand?"
Crais smiled slightly. "Yes, it does."
Blue-grey eyes met brown in understanding. "Good. Because you're right. I do love Crichton and he does deserve that chance."
Crais nodded, motioning for her to precede him from the landing bay. "Talyn, begin a wide band search for Moya," he commanded as he headed for the bridge.