Buffy's POV
"Do you wanna go see Wonder Woman with me tonight?" Faith comes bounding down the stairs calling out to me.
"Haven't you already seen that?" I look up from the magazine I was idly flipping through to watch her practically bouncing around the room. I can feel a smile creep into my face as I watch her.
It still feels strange every time I smile. It has been so long, and it feels like it's someone else using my face when it happens. It always returns to a frown as soon as I realize I'm smiling.
"Twice!"
I can't help but shake my head at how gleeful she is. "Sure, ok."
"I'll set it up." I watch as she skips out of the room.
Seeing her so happy makes me feel even worse about how awful I've treated her. It's been three weeks since I had my freak out and tried to get her to kill me. I feel like a switch has been flipped in my brain.
The past three years are a complete blur, and I feel like it wasn't even me. Though I know that it was, I know it's not something I can just get over. I'm trying, though, trying to focus on the good parts of life again. Things have been better for both of us, but now I realize how much I was hurting her before.
I've apologized countless times, and she always seems to accept my forgiveness, but I still feel terrible.
I still don't understand why she stuck by me all this time. I'm pretty positive I wouldn't have done the same for her. I definitely wouldn't have been as nice about it if I had. I haven't asked her again why she's stayed since that night.
I'm worried now that she'll finally come to her senses and leave if I press her. The only thing I can think to do now is to keep trying to make it up to her.
I know she wants me to figure out how to forgive everyone else. I just don't know where to start. They ganged up on me, kicked me out of my own house, they made me doubt everything about myself. It might seem conceited, but I am the Slayer. I was better than they were, and my judgment was right.
They never even tried to apologize for betraying me. They never even acknowledged that they were wrong. I was able to bury my feelings so we could destroy the first, but once it was over, I just couldn't contain my anger and hurt.
I'm not sure I can ever forgive Giles. His betrayal hurts worse than any other. It wasn't just that once either. He abandoned me, even after knowing I had been torn out of heaven. Then he tried to kill Spike, the only person who had always supported me. The only one I was able to trust. I never would have gotten the Scythe if it weren't for him. Spike sacrificed himself to save the world.
Giles never even once said he was wrong for trying to take him away from me, never.
I know she's right that I can't keep dwelling on it. I'm ready to stop actively hating them. I never really blamed Faith when they turned on me. I know she didn't want to be in charge.
I just blamed her for everything else that was wrong in my life. I know now how completely unfair that was. She was so alone when she first came to Sunnydale. As much as I told myself that I tried to be her friend, it wasn't true. I never took the time to think about why I never gave her a real chance. Seeing what she's become makes me deeply regret my choices.
I'm trying now, though, trying to be a better person. I'm trying to pay more attention to Faith and think about all she's done for me. I'm not sure we'll be best friends and start braiding each other's hair, but I'll never take my anger out on her again.
We spend a lot more time together now, she always asks me to patrol or train, but I'm not ready for that. She doesn't push, just lets me know that she wants me to. I am constantly amazed by her. She's far more thoughtful and kinder than I ever gave her credit for.
If I had been able to see who she was when we first met, so many things in our lives could have been better.
I've tried to talk to her about it, but she tells me we just need to move forward, that she probably would have just pushed me away even if I had done things differently. There's no way to know which small things led to us being here. I'm not always sure where we are now is good, but we are both alive - so that's something.
"What's so great about this movie, anyway?" I ask as we walk over to the theater. The only transportation is her motorcycle, and I'm not about to get on that thing. She didn't even suggest it. I frown as I remember all the terrible things I've said about her and her bike.
"It's awesome to see a super-powered chick kicking ass on the big screen. Plus, the outfits. Makes me wish we had thought of wearing costumes to fight vampires."
"I'm not sure I could have pulled off wearing something so revealing." I look down at myself with a frown.
"You're kidding, right?" She looks at me like I'm being ridiculous, but I'm not sure why.
"What?"
"Please, you know you're wicked hot." She leers at me, and I feel warmth reach my cheeks. I roll my eyes, trying to hide the effect her comment had on me.
I can't help but smile. I never thought I'd enjoy having the carefree and flirty Faith back.
When we first met, things were pretty great for a brief time. I thought I'd found someone who understood me. Someone that I could share everything with.
Then things fell apart, like as apart as things can fall. We both made so many mistakes, and I regret not being able to forgive Faith for hers. Or accept that I made my own mistakes. I have now, though. It took me way too long to figure out that she wasn't evil, and everything wasn't her fault.
Once I did that, I realized how much it weighed me down to carry that hate around.
Wait, she said, " you're wicked hot ," as in the present tense. My cheeks are definitely bright red now. I turn my head away, hoping she can't tell I'm blushing.
I push her flirty words away as we enter the theater. I know she doesn't mean anything by it. It's just who she is.
I can't remember the last time I went to see a movie. The theater sure wasn't like this. Instead of standard theater seats, there are a bunch of couches and pillows. The screen is pretty small, but I guess it's the best this town can do. Sometimes I can't believe I decided to settle in a town even smaller than Sunnydale.
They don't even have a mall.
She picks a couch, and we sit down. I curl against its arm, folding my legs under me and settling in. I guess if nothing else, I'm going to be comfy for the next two hours.
After a stream of ads and previews, the movie finally starts. I don't know much about Wonder Woman, but I'm instantly blown away. Sure the action scenes are kinda over the top, but it's in a fun way.
It's almost believable that this actress knows what she's doing and could kick all these people's asses. Suddenly, I get a weird feeling, and I look over at Faith to see she's staring at me. A big goofy grin on her face.
"What?" I mouth to her. She just shakes her head and keeps smiling before returning her attention to the screen.
The movie ends, and I'm amazed. The positive message really affected me for some reason. I had sometimes thought that humans weren't really worth saving. They're always trying to find new and creative ways to kill each other. Especially when I was attacked by that trio of idiots.
I never understood how humans could be so evil. Diana's message of love and sacrifice meant a lot to me, making me realize that it didn't matter that humans were always trying to hurt each other. I had the power to keep them safe, and I should use it.
I know I'm not ready to start using it again, but it did change the way I thought about my powers, powers that I always considered to be a burden.
We exit the theatre and start heading home. I'm completely lost in my thoughts until I realize that Faith is holding my hand. Which startles me, and I hear that she's been talking, possibly this whole time.
I look down at our hands and remember how touchy-feely she was when we first met. I never really thought much of it at the time. It just seemed so natural. Only when things got bad between us did I start to resist her constant contact. Now, I don't know what to think. It feels different.
"Are you ok?" Faith stops walking and turns to look at me.
"What? Yeah, I'm fine. Just..." Just what? Just caught up feeling like an idiot for how I've been acting all this time?
She doesn't seem concerned over my inability to form a sentence. She only smiles and tugs on my hand, pulling me slightly closer. "I know you always say no, but do you wanna go on patrol with me tonight?"
"I don't know… I haven't been training. I'm not sure what good I'd be." She still hasn't let go of my hand. I wonder if it's getting sweaty and if she can feel that I'm nervous. Then I wonder why I'm nervous, which makes me more nervous. I can't seem to meet her eyes, even though I know she's looking at mine.
"I'm not worried. There's almost never anything to fight. I'm just a little amped up after seeing the movie. Thought it'd be worth checking if any vamps wandered into town."
"Ok, sure." I finally force myself to look at her. Her smile is so bright, dimples showing. I can't help but smile in return.
She starts walking again, and I move with her. We get to the edge of town and enter the woods. I don't know the area at all. I know she does, though.
I often feel guilty about abandoning my duty to keep the world safe, but it sounds like there isn't much I could have been helping with around here anyway. At least that's what Faith tells me. She could be lying to make me feel better. I don't think she'd lead me into anything dangerous. Even being out of practice, I should be able to back her up against some random vampires.
We walk a short way into the woods, and she lets go of my hand. I feel an odd sense of loss when she does. She pauses for a second, and I wonder if she felt it too. No, I think she is just listening, attempting to sense if anything is lurking in the woods. I frown a little, not sure why I'm disappointed when she starts walking again without taking my hand.
She leads me through the woods for several minutes and then stops. I'm not paying attention, and I crash into her. "Sorry," I mumble. She doesn't even seem to have noticed. She must sense something up ahead, but I can't sense anything at all.
"Stay here." She whispers and silently moves forward. She quickly disappears into the trees ahead.
I really am useless. I should have just gone home. Me being here just puts her in more danger.
Suddenly, I hear noises in the distance. I hear the sound of something hitting the ground and then silence. Nervous now, I creep forward slowly. I still can't see or sense anything strange. "Faith?" I call out quietly.
"Over here." I follow her voice and find her sitting on the ground, holding her head.
"What happened?" I move her hand to examine the wound, but I don't see any sign of a bruise.
"Damn vamps, I got one of 'em, but the other managed to hit me from behind and ran off." She motions deeper into the woods with her chin.
I'm shocked. How could she not take out two simple vampires? I help her to stand. "Do you want to chase after the other one?"
"Nah, I'm feeling kinda woozy. I'll get him tomorrow." I can't believe how weak she looks. What the hell is going on? "Guess I'm kinda rusty." She tries to play off what just happened, but maybe it's more than just being rusty. I want to ask her more questions, but I don't know what to ask.
"Ok, let's head home then." I'm still holding her up, and she doesn't seem ready for me to let go, so we walk off slowly together. I have my arm around her waist, and her's is over my shoulder. She's not putting much of her weight on me, though. The areas where our bodies contact are tingling. Can she feel this too? What is happening to me?
We walk much slower than we probably need to. I should just talk to her.
Not talking has led us to so many bad things.
"Faith?"
"Yeah?" She sounds nervous, which almost makes me change my mind. Things are going so well between us. What if me asking her questions ruins everything?
"What's going on?" I decide to push through. If we're going to be friends - we have to be able to talk to each other.
"What do you mean?" She stammers in a very un-Faith-like way. Now I'm even more sure something weird is going on.
"Are you actually hurt?"
I feel her body stiffen as I ask this. "No... not actually." She starts to pull away, but I hold on to her side, keeping her from getting away.
"Were there even any vampires?"
She looks down and sighs. "No… no vampires."
"Ok."
"Ok? What do you mean, ok?"
"I don't know what I mean." I feel like I should probably be mad at her, but I'm not mad at all. I just want to know what happened.
"Ok."
Well, that went well. Everything makes so much sense now that we talked about it. Except, of course, nothing makes sense.
"Were you trying to lure me into wanting to start training again?"
"I... um... Yes?" She grins at me, her words completely unconvincing.
"Now you decide to start trying to lie?" I laugh and poke her ribs a little with the hand I have still wrapped around her waist. She giggles and tries to move away, but I don't let her escape. "You never were a very good liar."
"Hey! No fair!" She tries half-heartedly to push me away.
"Mmm... ticklish?" I tickle her more and laugh as she squirms, finally managing to break free. I'm surprised when she takes off running.
We're not too far from home, and I chase after her. I catch up to her as she's trying to open the front door. I'm out of breath, partly from running but mostly laughing so hard.
I wait until she's entering the house, and I start after her again. She runs into the kitchen, and I chase her around the island. "What's the matter, Faith? Why are you running away?"
"Tickling isn't fair!"
"Tell me why you faked a vampire attack, and I won't tickle you again. Maybe..."
"Maybe!" She shouts as if she's upset, but her eyes are bright, and her dimples are showing again.
"Probably?" I offer as a better option to maybe. I see her eyeing the exit to the kitchen, gauging whether or not she can get to it before I can get to her.
I wait until she darts for it, and I launch myself over the island. Easily catching up to her before she can escape. She had started to turn, looking to see if I would catch her. I was unexpectedly close because of my incredible leap over the counter. I collided with her and crashed us both into the door - knocking it and ourselves to the ground.
"Did you just jump over the counter?"
"Apparently." I'm lying on top of her now, and our bodies are pressed together in a not at all unpleasant way. She's looking up at me, a strange look of confusion on her face. "Are you ok? Or is your fake head trauma making you weak?"
"That depends. Are you going to tickle me again?"
"Are you going to tell me why you made up a vampire attack?" I lean back on my heels, putting my hands near her sides. Not making contact, but the threat is there.
She looks down nervously. "I uh..."
I move my hands a little closer, and her eyes widen. I was so confident that I didn't notice what she was doing. It turns out I'm not nearly as ticklish as she is. That doesn't mean her hands on my sides didn't affect me. I quickly jump to my feet, trying to understand the strange sensations coursing through my body.
"Aha." She shouts triumphantly as she stands up herself and backs away.
We stare at each other for a few moments, breathing heavily. "You broke the door." I don't know what else to say. I don't understand anything that's happened tonight, and I'm not sure she does either.
" I broke the door?" She replies incredulously. "You're the one who crashed into me!"
"If you weren't trying to get away, I wouldn't have crashed into you."
"That's some interesting logic." She smiles at me. I can't seem to take my eyes off her dimples. Before today I had forgotten she even had them.
It had been so long since I noticed her smile.
"Truce?" I see a brief flicker of disappointment cross her face as she nods her agreement. She reaches down to lift the door up and examine the damage.
"Looks like I broke these hinges." She emphasizes the I and smirks at me.
"You are kind of off your game tonight. Between all the vampires you didn't fight and the head wounds you didn't get, it's a wonder you didn't break the door in half."
She sticks her tongue out at me. I feel heat starting to rise in my cheeks. Am I blushing? What the hell is going on?
"Well, I'll just leave you to fix this door you broke."
"Gee, thanks." She either doesn't notice or decides not to comment on the redness I am sure is evident on my cheeks. I walk past her to head upstairs.
"Faith?"
She turns from her work to look at me.
"Thanks for taking me out tonight. It was... Fun."
"Anytime, B." Her voice is low and husky. Sending shivers through my body, shivers I don't think I concealed very well. I feel something shift inside me, something I don't understand at all.
I quickly enter my room and lean my back against the wall. Trying to slow my breathing and calm myself down. I must have been standing there for several minutes when I heard a light knock.
"Yeah?" I answer without moving, hoping I don't sound as weird as I feel.
"I won't be able to fix the door tonight. Need some parts from the store."
"Ok. Goodnight." I turn my head, putting my ear to the door.
"Goodnight." I don't hear that she's moved. She's just standing in the hallway, there is a faint noise, and I realize she has her hand on the door, and she's running her fingertips down it slowly. I put my forehead to the door and close my eyes. After a few more moments, I hear her sigh and walk away.
I sigh and slide to the ground, listening as she enters her room. I'm not sure how long I sit there. My mind is frantically going over tonight's events, trying to make sense of any of it.
Why did she fake a vampire attack? Why did I chase after her and find myself lost in her dimples? Why did it feel so amazing to touch her? Is this the same as what happened with Spike? Have I been closed off for so long that I just want to feel something?
That doesn't seem right. I've been feeling plenty this whole time, mostly a lot of anger and resentment.
Overall, it was a fantastic night, even if it was very confusing. I can't remember the last time I laughed so much. It felt incredible to be out tonight to enjoy another person's company. It occurred to me that I wasn't sure how Faith was spending her nights.
When we first met, she always made a big deal about how sexual she was. I never really knew if any of that was real, but if it was... What has she been doing all this time?
I'm sure she hasn't brought anyone home since we've lived here, not that that was proof of anything. I didn't pay attention to what happened between her and Robin. I vaguely remember them fighting and him leaving.
It's not any of my business. Right? Why am I even thinking about this? There's no way Faith could feel that way about me. It's not like it matters if she does... right?
I mean... she has always been kinda flirty with me, but she's only ever mentioned liking guys. Maybe it would explain some things.
Replaying all the conversations we've had recently, remembering what it felt like when she held my hand - when my arm was wrapped around her, and our bodies were pressed together.
Did she stick around all this time because she has feelings for me? How can that be? She never said anything, though I guess how could she.
Most of the time we've known each other, I've enjoyed telling her how much I hated her and thought she was evil. Am I still being unfair to her? Making her believe there could ever be something between us? Could there be something between us? Am I just being a self-involved bitch again?
This is crazy. I don't even know if I'm right.
After everything she's done for me, I won't hurt her. I need to figure out what I'm feeling, and she can tell me what she's feeling. I finally stand up, pleased with myself for coming to some kind of decision. I groan as my entire body screams at me as I stand up. This is when I notice sunlight pouring through the window. I sat against the door all night, and now my body was furious with me.
When did I get so old?