Buffy's POV
I listen carefully as I approach her door. I can hear her moving around, so I knock. She doesn't answer, and I knock again. "Faith?" Still nothing, I know she's in there, so I open the door. I'm surprised to find her stuffing clothes into a backpack.
"What are you doing?"
"Gonna go stay with the baby slayers for a little while." She answers without turning to look at me. Her voice is calm. "I'll call someone to fix the door."
"Why?" This can't be happening. Why is she leaving now? Things are finally going so well between us.
"Cause you can't fix it yourself?" I'm not amused at her ignoring the question she knows I'm really asking.
"No, I mean, why are you suddenly running off?"
"Not running off. Willow asked me to come up." Her voice is flat and emotionless.
I frown, folding my arms across my chest and leaning against the doorframe for support. "Can we talk before you go?"
"Nothing to talk about."
I really hate how empty her voice sounds. There has to be a way to get her to talk to me. I don't know what I'll do if she leaves before we can figure things out. "OK, maybe you can just listen then."
She shrugs non-committedly and resumes packing things into her bag. Making sure to keep her face turned away from me as she does.
"I'm a complete ass." Her packing has slowed, but she keeps her head down. I enter her room and start pacing in a circle. "I'm not going to claim to know what happened last night. Or to think I have any idea why you've done any of the things you've done for me these past few years."
Her packing to leave makes me sure that I'm right. "I'll just tell you that I think it meant something to me. Well, I know it meant something. I'm just trying to make sure I know what it meant." I pause to look over at her. She's stopped packing, but she still won't make eye contact. "I'm sorry, maybe I read this all wrong."
I turn to leave but quickly change my mind. "No, I won't let you leave like this. You've stuck with me this whole time. Staying with me even though I was completely awful to you. Maybe neither of us understands what we're feeling, but I do know last night was the most fun I can remember having." It shocks me to think that this might be true.
She finally looks up at me. "You've got it all wrong." Her eyes are fierce.
"Please explain it to me then." I want to look away, but I can't. Her eyes are tearing through me.
"Why should I?" She stands up, her hands on her hips.
"You're right. You don't owe me anything." I frown and return to my room. Carefully I close the door and crawl into bed, burying my head under a pillow, trying to control myself. Waiting for her to leave before I let myself freak out.
My door flies open, and I jump up from under the pillow as she rushes into the room.
"You can't do this to me!"
"What am I doing to you? I'm trying to make sure not to hurt you."
"After all this time, you suddenly care about hurting me?"
She's got me there. "That is why I started by telling you how much of an ass I've been." She huffs at me and returns to her room. She slams her door in my face when I try to chase after her. "Faith!" I push it back open as I call for her.
"Leave me alone." She sounds so unbelievably sad. I can't stand that I'm hurting her again. It's the last thing I want to do.
"I don't want to leave you alone."
"I don't care what you want. Isn't that what you've been saying to me since we've known each other?" She has a smug look on her face. It almost reminds me of how she looked when she told me she didn't care about killing the deputy mayor.
I feel the air suck out of my chest. All this time, all of the awful things I've said and done to her, she's never pushed back, never once stood up for herself. Seeing her standing there, so hurt and angry, made me even more aware of how awful I've been.
I have no argument. No right to ask her for anything. No right to expect her to trust me to have changed. I can't hold the tears back any longer.
"I'm sorry, so sorry for everything." The crushing realization that I might have lost the most important person in my life hits me. I run to my room before I collapse, not even making it to the bed before my legs give out. Curling into a ball and sobbing uncontrollably. After several minutes, exhaustion overwhelms me, and I can no longer cry. I stay curled up, tears silently falling over my cheeks. I'm startled to notice she's standing in the hallway watching me.
I don't blame her for reacting this way. I deserve every bit of it and more. I close my eyes and wait for her to leave. Hiding my face as best I can, unable to move further into the room or shut the door.
She is still watching me, but the anger is gone from her face. "I'm sorry, I shouldn't have said that."
"You have nothing to be sorry for," I mumble into my hands. This was all a terrible mistake. I don't want her to leave, but I need her to go. It's too late to repair everything I've done to her and too late to hope that we can be anything other than enemies.
She moves into the room to sit beside me, leaning up against the bed frame. "I do, though. It wasn't fair of me." She places a comforting hand on my shoulder. "I... I didn't know." I gasp at the unexpected contact and can't stop myself from leaning into her touch.
"Didn't know what?"
"You kept asking me why I wouldn't leave. I never gave you an answer because I didn't know." She takes her hand away as if she just realized she shouldn't be touching me.
I turn to face her, no longer caring that I must look like a disaster. "But you know now?" She nods, looking into her hands. "Oh." I have a million questions, but I wait patiently for her to say more.
"I spent all last night freaking myself out. Knowing there'd be no way you would understand. Knowing you wouldn't want me around if you knew how I felt. Then when you came to me this morning, I couldn't even hear what you were trying to tell me. I just wanted to hurt you so it would be easier for both of us when I left."
I try not to groan as I move to sit next to her - my body is still aching. "Did Willow really ask you to visit?"
"Yeah... but it's kind of a standing invitation." Faith shrugged, looking ashamed and vulnerable.
I nod, understanding why she would think running away would be the right thing to do. I need to find a way to tell her to stay without leading her on. I don't know exactly how I feel yet, but I want her to stay. "I spent all night realizing that I've been acting like the biggest jerk in the world. I've let you do so much for me, and I've given you nothing in return. Even if you decide to leave, you still saved me. If you hadn't been here this whole time, I don't know what would have happened to me by now. You blame yourself for how hard things have always been between us, but it's not at all true. It's been my fault since the start. I've been so selfish, so unfair." The words spill out of me in a blur. I want to beg her to stay, to tell her that I need her to stay with me. I can't do that, though. I won't pressure her into staying if she wants to leave.
I'm surprised and a little hurt when she stands up and walks out of the room without saying anything. I can hear her go downstairs and talk to someone on the phone.
A few minutes later, she returns with two glasses of juice and some toast. She hands me one and sits back down. We drink and eat in silence. I'm completely spent, and I'm starting to drift off. I can't keep my eyes open between not sleeping and the emotional toll of what just happened. I feel her shift next to me as she moves to pick me up and place me in bed. I try to protest, but I can't find the energy.
She tucks me into the bed and gently brushes the hair away from my face. I'm asleep in seconds. I don't even have time to wonder if she'll still be there when I wake up.
It's dark when I finally open my eyes. I lay quietly, listening to the sounds of the house. I frown and sigh deeply when I don't hear anything. "Guess I can't blame her," I whisper to myself.
"Can't blame me for what?"
I jump at the sound of her voice. I see her standing in the doorway with her arms crossed over her chest. Her face is turned slightly away, so I can't tell if she's upset or not.
"I thought you left." I can't help but smile at my relief, seeing her standing there.
"Nah, just woke up a few minutes ago. Was trying not to wake you up." She tucks her hands into her pockets and shrugs.
I slowly get out of bed, pleased to find my body is no longer aching.
"What?" She asks, and I realize I've been staring at her.
"Oh, sorry. Guess I'm just glad you're still here."
"Afraid if you look away - that I'll disappear?"
"Maybe." Not maybe. That is exactly what I'm afraid of. Suddenly, the thought of her leaving fills me with dread. "Faith, I..."
"No." I'm not even sure what I planned to say, but she stops me before I can finish.
"No?"
"Whatever you were going to say - don't say it. Not until you're sure." Her voice is quiet as she says the last part. I know this is just as hard and confusing for her as it is for me.
I nod in agreement. Faith is right. I can't let my fear decide this for me. I have to figure out how I feel before saying or doing anything I can't take back. Again I wonder how I could have been so wrong about what kind of person she is.
The sound of the doorbell echoes through the house, and I practically jump in surprise.
"I ordered pizza." She turns to answer the door.
I change my clothes, which I've been wearing for over 24 hrs. I consider showering, but the pizza smells good, and my stomach is grumbly, so I head downstairs instead.
Faith is in the kitchen, placing the boxes on the counter. I go to reach for one, and she knocks my hand away. "I didn't say you could have any."
I pout for a second, but I don't blame her for being so mean. I have some memory that I might have done this exact thing to her, possibly several times.
I start to look for something else to eat. I grab a loaf of bread to make a sandwich when I hear her giggling at me. Rolling my eyes, I throw the loaf of bread at her, which she catches easily. "OK, so I deserved that."
She slides one of the boxes towards me with a goofy grin. I'm starting to crave seeing her smile at me.
We sit in comfortable silence eating the pizza. I'm trying but failing miserably at not staring at her. I trace all the features of her face with my eyes, wondering who she is and how things got to this point.
"You're going to have to cut that out."
"Sorry." I finally focus my eyes somewhere else. I have no idea how to convince her to stay, but staring at her like a crazy person will probably not help anything.
She only nods, not looking at me. I want to ask her questions. I want to talk about all the crazy thoughts rolling around in my head. I just don't know where to start.
I'm spared having to figure out what to say by the sound of her phone ringing. She goes into the other room to answer it. I listen to her side of the conversation. I usually try not to listen when she's on the phone, but something about her tone piques my interest.
"Are you sure?" ... "OK, yeah. We'll check it out." ... "That's right. I'll explain later. Bye, Red." She hangs up the phone and returns to the kitchen.
"Are you up for a road trip?"
"Road trip?" That was the last thing I was expecting her to say.
"Yeah, there's something weird going on a few towns over. We will go check it out before Red decides if they need to send anyone else in."
"But... I haven't been training..." I don't mean to whine, but I'm scared and nervous.
"Don't worry. It's just a little recon. There probably isn't even anything there. We'll just scope it out." She smiles at me, and I melt. When did she gain so much power over me?
"When do we leave?" I ask, hoping she'll say in a few hours.
"Now?"
"Can I take a shower first?"
"You do smell kinda ripe. Might be a good idea."
"Hey!" I fold my arms over my chest and pout in what I hope is a cute way.
She shakes her head and laughs. "Ready in 30?"
"Yeah, OK." I head upstairs, and I can't help but be excited about the idea of going on an adventure with her. Hopefully, she's right about it just being recon. I quickly shower and meet her downstairs.
"Wait, how are we getting there? You said it was a few towns over."
"Only one option, B." I am filled with dread as I follow her out the door to the garage. She hands me a helmet and climbs on her motorcycle. Suddenly I'm very nervous and take a step back. "What? You don't trust me?" Her brown eyes are mesmerizing as she watches me try to decide whether or not I can handle riding with her.
I put the helmet on and climb onto the back of the bike. If it were one of those Harley-style bikes, I could relax and sit back, but it's some Japanese crotch-rocket deal. It means I'll have to hold on to her, that our bodies will be pressed together.
At least we won't have to figure out what to talk about. Maybe by the time we get there, I'll have figured out what I can do to get her to stay.
Faith fires it up and turns her head, waiting for me to wrap my arms around her. At least she's wearing a thick leather jacket. I've seen her ride around when the weather is warmer, just wearing a t-shirt. I shake my head, trying not to think too much about that.
This doesn't mean anything. Two friends can ride on a motorcycle together without it meaning anything.
I move forward and tentatively grab the sides of her jacket. She seems satisfied, and we pull out of the garage.
I'm not surprised at how fast she goes once we get out on the open road. Still, I feel safe, and I trust she knows what she's doing. After about two hours, she pulls over to the side of the road. I hop off and wait as she consults her phone. Willow must have sent her coordinates that she's verifying.
"Doing OK?"
"Yeah," I reply, trying to keep the shakiness out of my voice.
"We go on foot from here. Let me just get the bike hidden a little better." She climbs off and rolls it into the trees. She removes her jacket and places it on the bike. She turns to me, holding her hand out, and I'm not sure why until I realize I'm still wearing the helmet. Feeling like a doofus, I take it off and hand it to her.
She consults her phone again, and we head off into the woods. After a few minutes, I see lights through the trees. As we approach, a large fenced-in area becomes visible.
The top is lined with barbed wire. In the center of the fenced-in area, I see a large brick building with all of its windows boarded up. It seems very out of place in the middle of the woods, there is no obvious road, but then again, I can't see the other side.
The lights we can see are spotlights on the roof, sweeping over the area around the building. There are people up there, surveilling the area. Around the building is a random assortment of large boxes, some wooden and some metal.
"What is this place?" I whisper to her. I have a very bad feeling about whatever is going on in there.
"Don't know. Red didn't tell me much."
I can sense that there are more than just people in the area. There are several vampires and possibly some other demons. I start to regret that we didn't bring any weapons. But this was supposed just to be recon.
"Come on. We have to get closer and see what they're doing." Without waiting for my response, she jumps over the fifteen-foot high fence and moves to hide behind a crate.
I look at the fence, doubting myself for a second. She wasn't even watching to see what I was going to do. I decided to take that as a vote of confidence and leap over the fence myself. I cleared the top easily enough but did not land so gracefully. I rolled a bit and crashed into her. I did my best to moan quietly at the embarrassment I was feeling. It helped that she was looking down and smiling at me.
"Smooth." She whispered and helped me up.
"Any chance no one heard that?" Shouting from the roof and the movement of the spotlights quickly answers my question.
"Can you make it back over the fence?" She looks scared, which makes me nervous. But I just nod. I wasn't physically hurt when I landed. Only my pride was wounded a bit.
We turn together and leap back over the fence. This time I plan my landing more carefully, and we both run deep into the woods as soon as our feet hit the ground. She leads the way, holding my hand and guiding me through the woods.
We run aimlessly for several minutes before stopping to listen for the sounds of anyone chasing us. All seems quiet, so we stop to rest. "I'm sorry, I should never have asked you to come out here with me."
"It's not your fault that I'm a klutz. Plus, you've been asking me to come train with you for ages. If I had, there wouldn't have been a problem."
The sound of a twig breaking freezes us both. We crouch behind a fallen log and silently wait to see if anyone is there. It doesn't take long until we both sense a vampire is approaching.
A vampire familiar to us both. Angel? What could he be doing out here? Maybe he came out here to help too? Something doesn't feel right about that.
I haven't spoken to him in years. After everything with Spike and my self-inflicted exile, I just couldn't bring myself to talk to him.
"Come out, come out wherever you are!" His voice sings through the trees.
"Angelus." Faith hisses and stands up before I can stop her. I rise to stand beside her, surveying for any possible weapons we can use. At least he seems to be alone.
"Ah, there you are, Faithy. I've missed you! We had so much fun last time." He smiles, leering at us, and I try not to cringe away from it. The last thing I want to do is let it show how terrified of him I am. "And Buffy! So glad to see you too."
Faith moves to stand in front of me.
"Isn't that cute! Trying to protect your girlfriend?" he grins at us, showing total confidence.
She growls and launches herself at him. He easily deflects her attacks, laughing like a lunatic the entire time. She's too angry and too out of practice. Again I'm furious with myself for not training with her.
He quickly gains an advantage and lands several blows to her face. The final one sends her stumbling back a few feet. She doesn't relent and moves forward again immediately. Seeing her receive those hits awakens something in me, and I'm finally able to move. I work my way to his side, hoping to at least provide a distraction. Unfortunately, I distract the wrong person.
I see her eyes widen as she notices me, and he takes the opportunity to grab her arm and fling her into a tree. I hear a sickening crunch as she hits, and she slides to the ground, not moving. Her arm hangs at an awkward angle, shoulder dislocated.
My body exploded with fear and rage at the sight of her limp body. Angelus turns away from me to see his handiwork. "Not so tough now, are you, Faithy?"
I make a quick decision. One that I can't believe is so easy to make. But I make it without even a second thought. Grabbing a branch I had identified earlier, I launch myself at him. Covering the ten feet between us in a single bound, I land on him and drive the stick into his back. I'm amazed at how easily it slides through and pierces his heart. I hit the ground, his ashes settling under me.
I quickly move to Faith's side and rotate her arm back into place. Knowing it needs to be done now and hopefully, she won't feel it. Too bad for her, it jolts her awake, and she screams. I hold her tight and cry.
"What happened? Where did he go?" She looks around, wide-eyed and confused.
I back away slightly, still hugging her but moving so I could see her face. "I'm sorry, I didn't even stop to think about it." I glance at the pile Angel left behind and brace myself for her reaction.
Her eyes open wide with shock. "You dusted him?"
I nod. "I know how much Angel meant to you." I'm crying again, and she's looking at me, confused.
"How much he meant to me? But.. you... You love him."
"Loved. A long time ago. I saw him hurt you, and I didn't even think about any of that. I couldn't take the chance that he would come after you again."
She grimaces, moving to a more upright position.
"What are we going to do now?" I sit back, giving her room to maneuver and evaluate her injuries.
"We need to call for reinforcements." She slides her phone out and groans when she sees that it's smashed. "Or not." She pushes the broken phone back into her pocket and frowns. I wish there was something I could do to take that frown away.
"More of them could be on the way. Let's get out of here." She nods her agreement, and I help her stand up. I try to wrap my arm around her waist to help her walk, but she gently pushes me away.
"I'm OK. I can walk on my own."
Is she mad at me for killing him? Why won't she let me help her? She takes a step and stumbles. I catch her before she can hit the ground. "Please let me help you." She looks up at me with tears in her eyes, and I crumble to the ground next to her.
I examine her legs and see that her right ankle is severely sprained or possibly broken. It's already begun to swell to twice its normal size.
"I can't believe you did that."
"I'm so sorry." I frown and look at the ground, and it's killing me to see how sad she is. I know he did so much for her. She'd probably be dead if it weren't for him. And I just killed him without even thinking about it.
She gently grabs my chin and raises it so I have to look in her eyes. "That's not what I mean. I can't believe you chose me over him."
"It wasn't even a choice. I'll never let anyone hurt you again. Not even me." I can't read her expression. This is all too confusing. "Come on. We have to get out of here."
We stand up again, and she lets me help her this time. We make our way to the edge of the woods as quickly as possible. I hold as much of her weight as she'll let me, and it only takes a few minutes to get to where her bike was. Except it's not there. "Are we in the right place? Where did your bike go?"
"They must have taken it, didn't want us to get away so easily. Not that I could have driven it right now, even if it was here." Between her ankle and shoulder, I'm sure she's right.
Frowning, I look in each direction down the road, looking for any sign of civilization. "Do you remember how far back the closest town was? Or maybe a gas station?"
"I think there was something about 5 miles back. You should run there and call for help." She says and hops back into the woods like she plans to hide.
I shake my head and look at her. "There's no way I'm leaving you alone out here."
"I can just hide in the trees until you get back."
"Faith." I move closer, looking her in the eyes. "I'm not leaving you alone out here."
She shrinks from my gaze, and I'm not sure why. There was nothing harsh about my words. I think she's just embarrassed. At least, I hope that's what this is. I don't know what I'll do if she can't forgive me.
I sigh and stare up at the sky, hoping to find some inspiration. "I could carry you."
She raises an eyebrow at me and almost smiles. "Piggy-back ride? Are you sure?"
"I'm sure." I move closer and crouch down, turning my back to her. "Climb on." I know we look ridiculous. Her long legs are dangling in front of me, and I try to keep her injured ankle as stable as possible. It has to be hurting her, but she doesn't complain. "Let me know if it gets too uncomfortable, and we'll take a break." I feel her nod, and I take off as quickly as I can down the road.
"B?"
"Need me to stop?" It's been about ten minutes, and I hope we've covered three miles of road. I think I could run faster, but I'm worried about shaking her too much.
"Can you hear that?" I stop and listen. There's a car coming from behind us. I move into the woods on the other side of the street, hoping they won't expect us to be there. I move in about 100 yards and look back. It's impossible to see the road, but we can still hear the car coming. I carefully crouch and put her down, resting her against a tree.
The car is moving slowly and shining a bright light into the woods. I quickly turn, scoop her up bridle style, and run as fast as possible away from the road.
"I think you can stop now."
I stop, don't hear anything, and breathe a sigh of relief.
"Um, you can probably put me down."
I start to, but I notice a house up ahead. I move towards it slowly, sensing for any signs of life, demonic or otherwise.
Once we're close, I place her carefully against a tree and move closer. I believe one person in the house seems to be human and asleep. "I don't suppose you know how to hotwire a car?"
"What do you think I am, some kind of criminal?" Her tone is playful, so I don't think I've offended her.
"I think you are a woman of many talents." I can feel a ridiculous grin forming on my face. This night has been beyond bizarre, and it's not over yet.