Faith's POV
"I think we have a serious problem." Buffy comes into the kitchen, looking very concerned.
"A more serious problem than we already had?"
She explains the phone call from fake Willow that just came in.
"Damn, and you're sure it wasn't her."
"Very sure, there's no way Willow would have forgotten that. I just hope it really was Dawn I was talking to."
"You called Dawn?" I was expecting that's who she would have called, but I was still nervous about finding out what Dawn might have said. I told Dawn how things have been improving between Buffy and me. I told her that I realized I was having non-friendly feelings towards B - she just laughed and told me she always knew how I felt.
When she still lived here, we would spend a lot of time talking, and she would always tease me for sticking around—hinting that there was a reason why I stayed. I never took it seriously, but it seems like she was right. It's probably a good thing I didn't believe her. I don't even want to think what would have happened if B thought I had feelings for her then.
"Yeah, I wanted her to know I was... Better."
"Did she seem like Dawn?"
"It has been a while, but yeah. I think so. She wasn't all that surprised to hear from me and also seemed to know things…" Her voice trails off, seeming nervous about whatever Dawn might have told her. I can guess what the brat might have said.
"Yeah... I've been keeping in touch with her, and I might have mentioned that things were getting better..." She narrows her eyes at me as if considering whether or not she should be upset that I've been talking to her little sister about whatever it is that's happening between us. She seems to decide against being upset, and her face softens. It's yet another sign that things really have changed. Even a month ago, this same conversation would have ended in yelling and screaming.
"I guess we will have to quiz each other or something whenever we use these phones." B sighs and sits down at the counter.
"It could be that outgoing calls are OK, but incoming ones can be faked somehow." I worry that the call I made to set up the car might have been fake, but I don't see how. There's nothing I can do now if it was.
"You should call Willow and see if she knows anything." She holds the phone out to me, and I shake my head.
"Not yet. We have to try to make sense of this." I have no idea how we can actually do that, but I'm not ready to call Red.
"Should we still leave? Aren't we safer here than on the road? We'll have to stay in hotels, where it would be easy to attack us if it's vampires." She frowns and absentmindedly eats some of the leftover pizza.
"Could Giles be part of this? He was extra ass-y when he was here." It'd be so nice to have some magical explanation for why he acts the way he does. I don't think it's that easy, though.
"Wouldn't he have been nicer if he wanted to lure you into a trap?" She has a point. Though, if he thought things were still bad between us - maybe that's exactly the way to act if he wanted me to leave.
We're getting no where and I know I'm just trying to avoid the inevitable.
"I don't think we can figure this out alone." I groan and pick up the phone to call Willow, putting the call on speaker.
"Faith?"
"Hey Red, did you just call and talk to B?"
"No..."
"Willow - what did you tell Xander to tell me before I had to go fight Angel and stop Acathla." Buffy chimed in. This must be what she asked the fake Willow earlier.
"Buffy?" She pauses, confused for a second. "I told him to let you know I was working on restoring Angel's soul."
I see Buffy smile, and I know that's the right answer. "Do you remember what he actually told me you said?"
"Kick his ass." I frown, thinking how hard that must have been for her. I reach out and put a comforting hand on hers. She smiles back at me. I know that she no longer holds onto the pain of killing her first love, that time anyway. I'm not sure either of us has dealt with him being gone for real now. I wonder how different things could have been for us if I hadn't arrived when I did. None of that matters now. This is where we are.
"OK, now that we've established that everyone is who we think they are… Do you think it's safe for us to travel to you? We'll have to go off the grid since it seems like they've found some way to pretend to be other people on the phone. Maybe they can track us with these things too."
"It's going to be dangerous either way. It seems safer for everyone if you're here. We can't discuss anything important on the phone, just in case they can listen. Try to get here as fast as you can. I wish I could teleport you both here, but I haven't figured that out yet. I can only transport myself, and it takes a ton of energy. My last visit wiped me out." Her voice is scared and tired. She's probably been researching endlessly, trying to find a way to stop whatever Angelus' crew is up to.
I want to be mad at her for not telling us something was wrong sooner. I want to be mad at her for not apologizing to Buffy, but now isn't the time for any of that.
"OK, we'll get there as fast as we can," I say and reach to end the call, but Buffy stops me.
"Willow?" Buffy calls out just before I can hang up.
"Yeah?"
"I'm sorry... about... well, everything." She frowns, staring at the phone, waiting for a response while holding her breath.
"I'm sorry too. What Faith said… I'm just so sorry." She sounds like she's on the verge of tears.
"I don't want to be angry with you anymore. You were my best friend." I feel like I'm intruding and move to leave the room, but she holds my hand and nods that she wants me to stay. I can hear Willow crying on the other end.
They've both made so many mistakes. I hope they can find a way to repair it for both their sakes. As angry as I am at Red, I know they need each other.
Willow is sniffling now, trying to regain her composure. "I feel the same way. Once this is over, I hope we can spend some time together."
"Definitely." Her face lights up, and it is such a relief to see. I hope things won't be as bad as she thinks once we get there. If she and Willow can be friends again, dealing with the rest of the slayers shouldn't be a problem.
"We're gonna head out soon, don't expect to hear from us until we're in Cleveland."
"I hope we have answers for you by the time you get here. Stay safe." The call disconnects, and we both stare at the phone.
"So, what are we going to do?" She finally looks up at me. I'm surprised by her asking me what we should do, even after everything I expect her to be in charge.
It's another thing that's different about her now. She sincerely seems to want to know what I think.
"We'll just have to find a way to get there safely." I'm probably not as worried as I should be about driving there. There is another faster option, but I'm looking forward to having that time to ourselves. It would give us a lot of time to talk and figure out what is happening between us.
After our kisses, I find myself not caring about any of this as much as I should be. I'm too busy trying to decide how much of a mistake it was and wondering when it will happen again.
"With Angelus gone, maybe they're disorganized? Maybe they won't be able to come after us." I do my best to push away my naughty thoughts and stay focused on our current problems.
"Maybe." I don't have any idea what the right thing to do is. I can't handle putting her in danger or letting myself be used to destroy the slayer line.
There's a knock at the door. "Maybe the car is early?" I go to answer it, but she stops me.
"Do you sense anything out there?" She looks at the door nervously, clutching my arm protectively.
"No, nothing demonic, plus its day, so can't be a vamp."
She nods, and I open the door.
"Giles? What are you doing here?" I am more startled than angry, though the anger isn't too far behind.
"What do you mean? You called me and said you would come with me after all." Giles looks wicked confused. This phone thing is seriously annoying.
"That wasn't me." I grit my teeth as I reply. I feel Buffy put a calming hand on my arm, and I try to relax.
"Giles, why don't you come in?" Buffy offers, and Giles' face is stern as he agrees. It's taking all I have to move so he can enter. "We'll be right back." She comments to him and pulls me upstairs.
"What are you doing? How could you let him in here?" I frown, confused as to why she trying to play nice with him.
"We need his help. Whatever it is that's going on is more than we can deal with on our own." Her eyes filled with sadness. I can't stand seeing her so upset, and my rage is boiling over again. I turn to leave, but she grabs me and pulls me close. "He might have been awful to me, but I don't believe he ever truly intended to hurt me or anyone else." I turn away, looking downstairs, frowning at him being in our house, sitting on our couch. "Faith, please. After this is over and you are safe - we'll never have to deal with him again." She says my name a lot, something about the way she says it cuts right through me. It makes me want to do anything she says.
"Until the next crisis," I grumble and frown. "Why can't he just admit to what he's done? I don't understand why he treats you this way."
"I don't know, but it doesn't matter anymore. I no longer think of him as a father figure. He doesn't mean anything to me. We have to move forward." She smiles sweetly at me. Echoing what I said to her earlier. I know she's right. I just don't want him in our house.
"Faith? We really should be going now." I see Giles' face appear at the bottom of the stairs. His eyes go wide as he sees us standing here, holding each other tightly, our foreheads pressed together. "Oh, I.. didn't... I..."
I turn from him and hope he'll go away, but I don't care if he does. I don't want to think about him or any of this anymore. I just want a moment of peace, a moment to enjoy the fact that Buffy is in my arms. I lean in and kiss her, giving in to my desires and ignoring everything I'm supposed to be focused on. She reacts immediately, deepening the kiss and pulling me closer. All I can think about is how much I want her. She's running her hands through my hair, gripping my neck tightly. I couldn't back away even if I wanted to. I push her up against the wall, and she wraps her legs around me. The wall cracks under the pressure of our bodies.
A knock at the door pulls me out of this fantasy turned real. We both groan as she relaxes her grip around my neck. I'm still holding her up, pressing her against the wall. I lean my forehead against hers, panting from exertion and desire.
"Do you mind answering that?" I call downstairs. I'm not ready to let this moment end, even though I know it can go no further, at least not right now.
"What if it's a demon?" Buffy asks quietly.
I shrug, "let them take him." Right now, I don't care at all about demons or vampires.
"Uh...Faith? There's a gentleman here with your car, and he wants to speak with you." I groan at the sound of Giles' voice.
"Be right there." I run my fingertips gently over her lips, and she unwraps her legs, lowering slowly to the ground. "To be continued." I smile and kiss her again. Reluctantly, I tear myself away and head downstairs.
Buffy's POV
She's gone to deal with the car, and I'm left standing here, still leaning against the wall, trying to catch my breath. What the hell just happened? No kiss in the history of kisses has felt that amazing. I touch my lips gently. They're still buzzing, as is every other place she touched. I can still feel her lips on mine, her hands on my hips. I've never felt anything like this before. What has she done to me? I can't seem to stop smiling, so it must be good, whatever it is.
Faith is outside, and Giles has returned to the living room. I slowly push myself away from the wall and head downstairs. Maybe I can get through to him, and we can figure out how to get through this.
He's sitting there, looking at the floor. Hands clasped together like a chastised child.
"Giles?" I call gently to him. He looks up, and I can't read his expression. I suddenly have no idea what to say or do.
"I'm glad to see you two are... uh getting along so well." He looks nervous and confused. It's obvious that he's not glad about it at all.
I want to punch his face.
"I'm glad too. It's all pretty new." I move slowly to the chair across from him and sit while I try to remember what I want to say to him. I've imagined this conversation countless times, but somehow no words will come to mind.
"Oh? Since when?" I can tell he's trying not to sound judgemental, and it's not working. As annoying as that is, my relationship with Faith is none of his business and not what I want to say.
"Since - Now-ish." I grin, remembering just moments ago, my body still tingling from her contact. My desire to punch him is slightly less, but only because I know we need his help to keep Faith safe.
Now that the pleasantries are over, I brace myself for what I really want to say to him. "We have to figure out how to cooperate here. We need you, and you need us. Well, Faith, at least, and we're a package deal. Can you figure out how to stop being such a jackass?" OK, maybe that wasn't the best thing to say, but I can't help myself.
"What! What have I done that you would speak to me this way?" I almost laugh at how childish his response seems.
"So - that's a no on the not being a jackass suggestion?" I cross my arms over my chest and lean back in the chair. I'm trying to be the bigger person here. I spent all this time pushing everyone away, and that's what I want to do now. But I know I can't do that anymore. We need their help. I can't let anything happen to her.
"Buffy, you are being unreasonable. I don't know what I've done to you to incur your anger. All I've ever done was to care for you."
Tears build in my eyes at his words, but I push them away. I told Faith I no longer cared what he thinks, but I do despite how much I try not to. I can't help but be demolished by his complete lack of understanding. "I need you to be quiet and let me say everything I want to say. When I'm done, you can do whatever you want. But know that Faith and I will be together in whatever happens next." I take his silence as acceptance of my request. It occurs to me that I just declared that Faith and I will be together, no matter what.
I take a deep breath and stare directly at him, refocusing my thoughts on him as much as I don't want to. I force myself to keep eye contact while I speak. "My own father abandoned me. I haven't seen or talked to him in years. I don't even know if he's alive or dead. For a time, you filled that void for me. I thought you cared for me as if I were your daughter. You were supposed to train me, teach me how to be a slayer. Maybe since slayers aren't meant to live very long, you thought I didn't need to be treated like a person."
"Buffy - I..."
"Still talking," I cut him off, annoyed that he still doesn't get it. "My mother died. Then I died. I made the ultimate sacrifice to save the world, and still, you treat me like a child. You treat me like someone who doesn't matter or have any value. I'm guessing you still believe you were right, that I should have killed Dawn. I should have killed my sister instead of dying myself." I'm disappointed to see him nod, but I'm not even a little surprised. At least he's finally being honest with me.
I continue my tirade, "I was ripped out of heaven, and then you abandoned me. I was lost and confused, completely alone, and you just left, I was barely twenty, and you left! You expected me to just figure out how to be an adult. How to take care of myself and my sister with no resources!" My fury is rising at the memories of all I've been through. I'm losing control of what I'm saying. All the pain is falling out of me. I stand and begin pacing in front of him.
"You are beyond unbelievable. Did the council train all the humanity out of you when you became a watcher? I've been in hell these past three years. You never even tried to help me. If you cared about me, you would have seen what you had done. You would know how you betrayed me. And you would have tried!" I'm staring at him now furiously. I'm not making any sense, but I just don't have the right words to explain how much he hurt me. I look at his blank, wide eyes and am only filled with fury. I want him to show remorse, some indication that he gets it.
"Forget it. Trying to explain it to you is pointless. You're just an arrogant prick with no compassion. I hope you aren't a watcher for any of the new slayers. They might not have someone in their lives like Faith to rescue them from your torment." I can see my words finally stung him, and I'm glad.
I head outside to see if Faith is done dealing with the car. I'm surprised to find her standing on the porch. She must have been listening and waiting for me to finish talking to Giles. "I'm so sorry, B."
"It'll be OK. I wish I had better words to explain what he's done to me." I sigh and turn to go back inside. "Let's get this over with. We need to come up with a plan." She grabs me from behind and pulls me close, arms wrapped around my stomach. I cover them with my own and lean into her. I love the feeling of her arms around me and wishing that none of this was happening, that we could have time to ourselves to figure out what's growing between us.
"We will get through this. I promise." I can feel her breath on my ear, sending a shudder through my body. My anger and thoughts of Giles were temporarily gone. I close my eyes and relax into her arms. After a few moments, reality returns to me. I sigh and begin to pull away. She lets me re-enter the house, but she is close behind, holding my hand.
I see Giles in the living room, tears in his eyes. "Buffy, I'm... I'm so sorry." I can tell he means it, that maybe he finally understands how much he hurt me.
"Sorry about what exactly?" Faith wraps her arms around my waist protectively as she speaks.
"Everything you said is true. I did think of you as a daughter. I still do." He frowns, pulling his glasses off and pinching his nose. "I won't try to make excuses for my behavior. That isn't fair to you." Putting his glasses back on, he stands to face me. "I will do better."
I want to believe him, and I want to accept his apology. Not for him, but for me. I need to be free of his hold over me. I don't think we're there yet, but now isn't the time. I give him a slight nod, and he smiles in return. "So, what is the plan? How were you going to get Faith to the compound safely?"
"I was going to drive her back."
"And where were you going to spend the nights?"
"I uh…" He looks away. Obviously, he hadn't thought any of this through.
I had hoped he had some grand plan. I try not to show my irritation, but I doubt it's working. "I guess we'll be a little safer with three of us." Maybe we can drive straight through, though I doubt anyone will be willing to let me drive.
"Don't worry. I have it covered. We'll leave in like an hour." Faith smiles and leads me toward the stairs. "You might want to turn the TV on or something." She smirks at Giles as we head upstairs.
"Faith?" I'm not sure where she's taking me, but she clearly has a plan.
Before I can ask her why we're in her bedroom, she has me pinned against the wall again. I quickly wrap my legs around her and hold on tightly. Loving the feeling of her hands gripping me, holding me up, and our bodies pressed together.
Despite how much I want this, I still have to ask. "Are you sure? What if..." I trail off, not sure what I'm trying to ask.
"What if what? Don't you want me?" I see the hurt and confusion in her eyes. I want to tell her that this is about a lot more than wanting her, that it's about something far more profound. I'm not ready to say it, and I don't think she's ready to hear it. I decide to keep us in the moment and focused on wanting and desire.
"I want you more than I have words for." I've never felt anything even close to this. It feels like I've been in the dark my whole life, and someone finally turned on the lights.
"Then what is the problem?" She grins at me. I find myself lost, staring at her lips, wishing they were on mine, wishing we didn't have doom hanging over our heads.
What if you realize this is a terrible mistake? What if I hurt you?
What if I don't deserve you?
Those are the questions I want to ask, but I don't. I'm too afraid that she'll come to her senses if I ask them out loud. I convince myself that I won't let any of it be true. I will be who I need to be for this to work. "What if I can't handle being around all the slayers, and I lose myself again? What if something happens to you?" I choke out the last part, barely able to handle thinking about her being hurt.
There's one thing I'm surprised that I'm not afraid of, and that is that she's going to revert to her old ways. Her whole 'get some, get gone' philosophy. If that was who she still was, there's no way that she would have stayed with me all this time.
She's still holding me up, but she's backed away slightly. A look of concern in her eyes. "Can't we just enjoy each other? Our whole lives are about what if. Every day we wake up wondering if this will be our last. I don't want to worry anymore. I just want to share something wonderful with you. Can you do that?" Her eyes are mesmerizing, dark, and dreamy. She shifts slightly, leaning harder against me. My body is on fire, and my brain is deactivated. My hands act on their own, sliding under her shirt and over her smooth skin.
I smile and pull her closer. "I can do that," I whisper and press my lips to hers.
Giles' POV
How could I have been so wrong all this time? I cared so deeply for her that I had to cut myself off. I worked so hard to keep her safe that I forgot that she is a person with feelings. She might be right about the council training the humanity out of me. We were always taught not to care for our wards. They were disposable soldiers in the war against evil.
I told myself I never really felt that way, but maybe I was deceiving myself.
When we found out she had been in heaven, part of me shut down completely. I haven't even let myself think about that since. I couldn't bear to watch her continue to suffer. Instead of trying to ease her suffering, I just added to it. I should have stayed and fought for her, helped her take care of herself and Dawn. I should have put aside my own pain.
I was utterly selfish.
When I did return to Sunnydale, she was different. She didn't need me anymore. I didn't know how to be around her and was too arrogant to admit I had made a mistake. I wasn't her watcher, was I supposed to be her friend? We appeared to get along well enough, but when things got hard, I got harder.
Instead of realizing she had grown into the adult I had encouraged her to be, I could only see her as a child. I was petty and jealous when I saw her taking command, realizing that she no longer needed me to guide her. If she ever did. Did I ever really help guide her? Or did she guide me?
She didn't even mention Spike. Perhaps I still held resentment for Angel. Angelus tortured me and killed the love of my life. She killed him to save the world but then lied when he returned. Continued to defend him despite how dangerous he was. Now I hear she killed him without a second thought. How might our lives have been different if I had never let her spend time with him? Though I suppose it's egotistical of me to think that I could have kept them apart.
She was just a child, I treated her like an adult when I should have been trying to teach her, and I treated her like a child when she had figured out on her own how to be an adult.
And she and Faith appear to be in a relationship? Last I heard, they were not getting along at all. I wonder what changed? I was utterly shocked when Willow told me what Faith had said to her.
I immediately dismissed it as irrational and unfair, but upon reflection, every word was true. I see now that Faith is not what I always assumed her to be. I never gave her much chance to prove she was anything beyond what she appeared. I should have seen through her act and realized there was much more to her. So many things could have been different if I had tried with her. I can blame Wesley, but it's not his fault. I gave up on Faith before he was even involved.
After we destroyed the Hellmouth, I was relieved that Buffy didn't want me around. Though I was not happy about the manner in which she told me to leave, it was quite a shock how quickly her demeanor changed after the Hellmouth was destroyed.
Before the battle, it appeared that we were all getting along fine. It was foolish of me not to realize there would be long-lasting effects from the way I treated her. How could I have doubted her leadership and decision-making after everything we had been through together? Her judgment and actions kept the world from ending countless times before.
I've spent all these years engrossed in my work, focusing on preparing the new slayers. I do avoid direct contact with them as much as possible. I never really thought about why, but truthfully I can't bring myself to become attached to another slayer. Many of them will die, and all involved know it.
I barged in here, expecting Faith to just return with me. It didn't even occur to me that she wouldn't want to come. By all accounts, these two were never close. I should have known they wouldn't have been living together after all this time if they hadn't had some kind of connection.
Even if Faith had been willing to come with me, how could I think it would have been a good idea to leave Buffy alone here? Just because we assume Faith is their target, it doesn't mean Buffy wouldn't also be in danger. I didn't even consider her in all this.
I always believed I was right, that I was just making the hard choices that a leader has to make. It turns out that I am just an arrogant jackass, after all.
I don't know if we'll ever be close again, but I will treat her with the respect she deserves.
Now how do you turn the volume up on this blasted thing?