Faith's POV
Damn Kennedy! I should have known she was going to be like this. I should have tried to find a way to get B inside without having to talk to her yet. I hope she's not up there freaking out, or even worse, shutting down. If she shuts down, I don't care what evil is after us - I'm getting us the hell out of here.
I will not let her get lost again, even if it kills me.
"Do you love her?" I hear Willow ask as I reach the top of the stairs. Freezing in my tracks, I realize B knows I'm here. It's too late now. All I can do is wait to see what she says.
We should have tried to talk on the way here. I figured we'd have plenty of time once we got here. Of course, I know that's bullshit.
I'm just terrified, and I wanted to avoid the conversation for as long as possible.
I've never been with anyone like her. I've never done relationships or anything even close. I never imagined I would live long enough to get the chance. I don't want to screw this up. I think I've grown out of my self-destructive ways, but I won't know for sure until something stressful happens.
"With all of my heart." She replies, and the air rushes out of my lungs. I can't believe she said that to Willow. I push past my fears and move towards her door, opening it without knocking. Our eyes lock as I walk toward her. I vaguely sense that Willow is saying something, but I don't care. Dropping my bags, I stare at her. She's silhouetted by the large window. It looks like she's surrounded by a heavenly light.
My heart is pounding, and I can tell hers is too. I peel off my jean jacket and watch her eyes roam over my body. I never doubted that she lusted for me. How could she not? Can she love me, though? I could never imagine anyone would love me, never mind someone like her. I have some sense that the door has clicked shut behind me.
I stand a few feet away, deciding if I can believe she meant it. She could have said what she thought I wanted to hear. I move towards her slowly. She's sitting on the bed, looking up with scared eyes. I can guess that she was worried I would reject her, that I wouldn't be able to love her back. With what she knows of my history, that's not surprising. I have to show her that there's nothing to be afraid of. There's nothing to be afraid of… Right?
She rises before me, reaching out for my hands. "I meant it. I love you." I can see her sincerity but also her fear. Fear that I might run screaming from the room or even the country. I'm not afraid of that, though. I know I will never leave her side. Before this moment, I never had any idea what love was or what it should feel like. My heart is racing. The longer I take to say something, the more I can feel her trembling, tightening her grip on my hands.
I pull her closer, staring into her eyes. I know what I feel. I'm just terrified to say it. She's the only one who's ever said it to me before, and I've never said it to anyone. Am I supposed to say it back?
I open my mouth, but no words come out, and I have no idea why.
"You don't have to say anything." It's more than a little terrifying how she seems to always know what I'm thinking.
I have no doubt that I love her. I don't even know what I'm afraid of.
I run my fingertips over her lips, confirming that they're real. I trace over her cheeks, skimming over her soft skin, filled with wonder. Consumed by the fact that I'm allowed to do this, that she wants me to. Her hands move to my arms, gliding over them with her own soft touches.
"Faith." She calls to me, her voice breathy, barely a whisper. I wait for her to say something more. She already knows she has my full attention. But she says nothing. Maybe she knows what it does to me when she says my name. Maybe she knows that it makes me believe that someone really sees me. Tears glide down my cheeks. I don't even know why. I am far from sad, worlds away from sad.
"Faith." She says it again, just as gently. My eyes are closed, and she pulls me closer, kissing away my tears. Kissing her way over my cheek and to my ear, nibbling lightly. "Faith." I shudder with pure emotion rolling through me. She slides her hands under my shirt and traces her fingers over my scar, the scar she put there so many years ago. The brief sadness I see on her face wakes me from my stupor.
I raise her chin and kiss her. Running my tongue over her lips. "That wasn't us. Neither of us is who we were then. We'll never be those people again."
I know it's not that simple. Neither of us can erase who we were. All we can do is accept our mistakes and never make them again. She looks up with such love that a jolt of fear hits me.
Her kisses are getting heated, and it's obvious where this is going. Before I realize what I'm doing - my hands are on her shoulders and pushing her away.
I have no idea why I'm freaking out like this. It's not like we haven't already been naked together.
The first time I barely felt human. It felt like I had been taken over by the slayer. Nothing I was doing had conscious thought.
On the plane, it felt like it was she because she was nervous about coming here, and we needed to feel each other before having to deal with reality. But now, I don't even know. I've been in denial about how I feel for so long, but I can't deny it anymore. It's real, I love her, and she loves me.
That makes this mean something.
What does she expect from me? Does this mean I have to hold her hand and bring her flowers? I couldn't tell for sure, but she seemed kinda annoyed that I wasn't paying any attention to her on the car ride from the airport.
I have no idea how to be a girlfriend. I'm not even sure I know how to be a friend.
Why am I even worried about this? We've already been living together. We're already each other's entire worlds. Why does the fact that she said she loves me change that? How was I so confident a few minutes ago, and now I'm terrified?
"Faith?" She's staring at me, a concerned look in her eyes. "Are you OK? You kinda froze up." How long have I been standing here, lost in my thoughts?
"Just… thinking."
"I'm sorry about… With Willow… I know this is a lot." I don't know how to respond. Is she sorry she said it, or because I'm freaking out? Since when did I become an over-analyzing crazy person? It all seemed so simple earlier today. I was so worried about her shutting down, and now I'm doing it. "It's OK if you need more time - if this is too much." She's dropped my hands and taken a step back from me. Doubt and fear spread across her face.
Buffy's POV
What happened? Everything seemed so perfect only a few minutes ago. I was so sure of how she felt. But now - now she's so distant and confused. Maybe I shouldn't have said that I loved her, but what could I do? I do love her. I know it completely.
Why did Willow have to ask me that? It's only been one day that we've been whatever it is that we are. We didn't even talk about it. I was so sure of how she felt that I jumped all the way in without thinking.
What if I got it all wrong? What if this was something else to her? She could have stayed by my side all this time out of some sense of duty, not because she actually cared about me. We let our lust take over, and I confused it for something else. I feel like my heart is going to explode. Why won't she say anything?
Maybe I should tell her that I'm OK with casual. Even though I'm not. But if that's the only way I can keep her in my life - what choice do I have? Or maybe I should tell her we can just go back to the way things were.
My legs are shaking, and I have to sit down. I continue to back away, staring at the floor. I sit on the bed with my hands folded in my lap, waiting. I have to find a way to fix this.
I promised myself I wouldn't freak out until I knew what she was thinking. So instead of letting my fear control me, I stay calm and give her a chance to figure out what she wants to say or do.
"Faith? What's going on? You can tell me anything." I swallow hard, staying calm as I prepare for the worst. Maybe I should tell her we can just talk later. It's not like anything has to be decided right now.
"This is all so new to me, I…" A million thoughts collide in my head during her pause. If there even was a pause, my brain might just be malfunctioning. I knew things were going too fast, and now she's had time to realize it was all a mistake. "I think we should slow down a little."
Slow, I can do slow. She looks at me nervously, and I realize I didn't say that aloud. "How slow were you thinking?"
"Like maybe we could go on a date? We sorta skipped the whole, getting to know you phase."
I start to argue that we've known each other for years. Luckily, I stop myself before I do. She probably knows everything there is to know about me, but I know almost nothing about her.
It turns out that I'm still a self-involved jerk.
"Of course, I'll go on a date with you."
She breathes a sigh of relief, which is insanely cute. She pulls me to my feet and kisses me. "Until we do, I don't think we should…" Her eyes flick to the bed behind me.
I frown, but I get it. At least, I think I do. I hope that doesn't mean no contact at all. I know she's going to be busy stopping the evil plot. I'll have to accept that and give her whatever space she needs. At least, I have some hope that when this is all over, we can be together.
"OK." She pulls me close, and I lean into her. "But… are you going to stay with me tonight?" My voice is shaky, and I regret even asking. She has more important things to do than keep me company. "Nevermind, we prob..."
"Do you promise to behave yourself?" She cuts me off with a smile, and I'm glad I kept my insecurities to myself.
"I promise to try." She chuckles at I hope this means we're in a good place again. I need to do better at not always expecting the worst from her.
"I'm gonna grab something to eat. Can I bring you something?"
"Yes, please."
"OK, be right back." She turns to leave, and I'm shaking again. I need to get control of myself. I've grown way too attached since I realized how much I need her. It's not good for either of us. I watch as she saunters out of the room. I know she knows what she's doing to me.
It's not going to be easy keeping my hands to myself tonight.
I track her energy as she heads to the kitchen. Knowing it will be a few minutes until she's back, I get ready for sleep. It has been a fantastic but really long day, and I'm exhausted. Faith returns 20 minutes later with a stack of sandwiches and a few beers. We eat in comfortable silence, and I crawl into bed. Waiting to see what she'll do.
"Gotta turn around."
"Why?"
She raises an eyebrow, and I remember that she always sleeps naked. There were more than a few unpleasant memories of encounters over the years where I rediscovered that fact. And, of course, I acted like the biggest bitch in the world each time. I try not to let remembering how awful I was poison how good things are now. I roll over and bury my head in the pillow, and I don't turn around until I feel her weight next to me.
"Thank you for staying."
"Of course." She sweeps her fingers through my hair. I close my eyes and try to contain the moan that wants to escape me. Even the slightest touch from her ignites my entire body. Unable to resist, I move forward and kiss her.
"Goodnight, Faith."
"G'night." I roll away, my back to her. I know that it will be too hard not to want to touch her if I don't. She doesn't seem offended as she shifts closer, wrapping me in her arms and holding me tight. Now I wish I had flimsier pajamas so I could feel her skin against mine.
I've never tried to sleep like this before, and I always imagined it would be uncomfortable and asphyxiating. But it isn't. It's perfect. Her breathing relaxes, and she's asleep almost instantly. A few minutes later, I am too.
I wake up and stretch, frowning when I discover that I'm alone. Faith's side of the bed is still warm, so at least I know she hasn't been gone long.
Her essence draws me to the window, and I see her stretching in the backfield. She moves so fluidly, and I ache as I remember that perfect body moving against mine. I don't know what she's done to me. She's turned me into a lovesick and very horny teenager. Maybe that's what I always was, but I didn't have the right person to share it with until now.
I'm not too thrilled that she wants to slow things down, but I think I understand it. I need this relationship to be built on more than just sex, and I want to be sure that Faith understands I love her for more than her body.
I consider joining her when I see Kennedy approach with a furious look on her face. Guessing there will be a confrontation, I frown and back away from the window. I decide to shower, then maybe I'll find something to eat.
As I'm showering, I hear noises of someone I know is not Faith in the main room. Whoever it is, seems to have found a hiding spot that they're happy with, so I finish my shower. I take my time drying off and dressing, hoping they'll get annoyed and impatient.
"Gee, I hope no one is hiding in my room, planning to attack me." I melodramatically say as I enter the main room. I hear a grunt from behind the cabinet, and a slayer I vaguely recognize appears.
"Let's go." She has a short sword in her hand and motions towards the door.
"Why would I go anywhere with you?"
She waves the sword menacingly, and I giggle at her implied threat. Even though I haven't been training, I'm not the least bit afraid of her. I can tell she doesn't know what she's doing from the way she's holding the weapon. It makes me wonder what kind of training they've been doing here. Then I remember I helped train her all those years ago and feel a pang of guilt.
"Do you know who I am?" I cross my arms over my chest and wait. I know she knows who I am. I should have asked if she knows what I am.
"Of course I do. You're a tired old slayer who can't keep up with us, so she ran away from her responsibilities." She sneers, showing her teeth. I have to hold back a chuckle at her attempt to intimidate me.
"Is that what they teach you here? Shameful." I shake my head, weighing my options. I could fight her, try to call for help, or go with her. I don't know what kind of distance our slayer bond can cover, but I'm sure Faith will find me. "Alright, I guess I have no choice. Let me finish getting dressed."
She grunts, and I have to resist laughing at her yet again.
"Why are you doing this?" I ask as I slide my jacket on, the one with a concealed stake in the sleeve and a small dagger in the inner pocket.
"I never asked to be a slayer," she seems to have relaxed since I'm cooperating. The sword is hanging at her side. She may be the worst kidnapper ever.
"I can relate to that." She is preaching to the choir here, but I doubt she'd believe me.
"It's all your fault that this happened to me!" She shouts and raises the sword again. I guess my attempt at bonding with her didn't work.
"You're right. I should have let evil take over the world so you wouldn't have to have superpowers. What was I thinking?" I knew it was more complicated than that. Being a slayer is so much more than the superpowers. "You don't have to be here, you know? There are plenty of other slayers to take care of the evil."
"Don't you think I tried that! I tried to stay in my life, be normal and go to school like everyone else." She pauses, "The demons wouldn't stop coming after me, and they killed my friends and family." Her demeanor makes me think she's lying, but I have no proof. Accusing her of lying doesn't seem worth the effort. "Come on. You're dressed enough."
She pushes me out the door at sword point and directs me up a flight of stairs. As soon as I leave the room, I can feel Faith moving toward us. She's only a few flights below us as we reach the roof.
"Where are we going anyway?" I ask casually. I hope that Faith gets the hint that I don't want to be rescued right now. This might not be the best idea. Maybe we should capture this slayer and get her to tell us what the plan is. There's no way I could torture another slayer for information, though, and I wouldn't let anyone else do that either.
Going with her seems like the best way to figure out who's behind this without anyone having to do anything unpleasant.
"Like I'd tell you." She scoffs like I'm the idiot here.
"Could you tell me your name, at least?"
"I knew you wouldn't recognize me, even though I lived with you for months. I fought side by side with you, and you couldn't even be bothered to learn my name!"
Her words stung, but only a little. I had my reasons for keeping my distance, I regret some of the choices I made, but that wasn't one of them. "Whatever, let's just get this over with."
She motions to the corner of the building, where there is a ladder. She looks over the edge to verify no one is down there. Seeming satisfied, she shoves me towards it. I climb down, and she follows. It occurs to me how stupid this plan is. I could easily pull her off the ladder or simply escape. I'm starting to think that whoever is behind this evil conspiracy might be complete morons.
She drags me, running to the edge of the property. There's a 12-foot wall, which we both jump over. It was meant to keep people out, not to keep slayers in. I'm not sure what she would have done to get me over if I wasn't cooperating. There's a van idling on the street just outside the wall. The door slides open, and she shoves me in. Two vampires are waiting inside. They sit on either side of me as if they could stop me if I wanted to leave.
I don't know how long we drive. The back of the van is completely blacked out. I know we're going in circles because I keep my attention focused on Faith's energy. I am relieved when the van finally stops, and I can still tell exactly where she is. I'm unnerved that she isn't getting any closer yet, but I trust that it means she's coming up with a plan.
We're in an old industrial area, and it looks long abandoned. I am guided towards a large building with boarded-up windows. Bracing for who I'm going to find inside.
"You've made mummy cross."
I recognize the voice and try to hide my reaction, knowing she thrives on her ability to creep people out. "Hello, Drusilla," I reply calmly.
"You took my Angel from me."
Grinning, "I did. It was easy too." I stare into her crazed eyes. I know she has some kind of psychic powers, but I'm not worried. I am eerily confident about so many things now. For the first time in my life, I feel complete. I always rejected the slayer as something other than myself. I no longer feel that way. I completely accept that I am the slayer.
I hear a high-pitched sound from behind me, and I can't help but tense up. I turn and growl at the man I see. "That's mine." I choke my words out through a clenched jaw.
"Come and get it." He replies, and I finally look up from the weapon he holds to see his face. It takes a few moments to realize I recognize him.
"Connor? But… how.. why?"
"My father's greatest gift to me." He grins, showing his horrid vamp face. I cringe, knowing how upset Angel would be to see his son like this. He wields the Scythe beautifully, spinning it around with practiced ease. I am furious to see a vampire holding it. I should never have let them convince me to keep it with the rest of the slayers.
It belongs to me.
"Now, now. Settle down, kiddies. This isn't the time for that." Connor grins and holds the Scythe at his side.
"So, now what? Are you planning to bore me to death in the hopes that it somehow ends the slayers?"
"Such a rude girl!" Drusilla giggled maniacally. "Don't worry, little one. It will all be over soon."
I crossed my arms and glared at her, hoping to portray the epitome of slayer confidence. Faith is moving in our direction now, and I relax. I just need to keep them talking.
I try to look disinterested as I survey the warehouse. There is an altar surrounded by candles and strange symbols that I don't recognize. There is also a table in the center. The table has straps set up for restraining a person. I cringe, picturing Faith on the table, struggling for her life.
"How did you do the thing with the phones?" I hope I can get someone here to do the whole villain monologue thing and buy Faith some more time.
Drusilla giggled again, running her fingers over her cheeks, her large eyes staring vacantly into the distance. Holy shit, she is insane. I almost feel bad for her. What Angelus did to her was evil beyond comprehension.
"Faith, I have a place I need you guys to check out." I hear Willow's voice behind me, and I turn in shock to see the treacherous slayer standing there sneering.
"Seriously? You impersonated Willow's voice?" We thought they were advanced and tracking us with our phones, but it was just a stupid trick. "What about that stuff with Giles? Why send him back to us?"
"That was just a bit of fun. I heard from Willow about how much you hated him. I thought it would rile you up, get you to do something stupid, like coming here." She grins, supremely confident in her chances of surviving this encounter. I take a step toward her. It's OK to throttle evil slayers, right? How can that not be OK? Connor moves between us before I get close enough to attack.
"I thought you wanted Faith? Why am I here? They all hate me. No one will bother to rescue me." I know I walked into a trap, but the more I learn of their plan - the better the chance of keeping Faith safe.
The traitorous slayer scoffs and sneers. "We're not expecting them to rescue you. We're expecting them to come to kill you. After..."
"After what?"
"After we turn you," Connor replies, grinning. "Then you'll happily help us end the slayers and kill all your friends."
"What!"
"You took my Angelus from me. And what you did to Spike, making him soft, tricking him into getting his filthy soul back. You can't just expect to get away with that." Drusilla's giggling has stopped, and now she looks fierce. Just as insane, but less happy about it.
"Where is Spike anyway?" Trying to buy more time, Faith is almost here. I push away how vile the idea of being turned into a vampire is. I need to stay focused if we're going to survive this.
Drusilla grins again, "he's close by, don't you worry. We'll get that pesky soul out of him yet!"
"Is that what this is all about? You want your Spike back?" I start to wonder what has been happening with Spike and Angel. I had heard they were working together in LA. Spike somehow was trapped there after sacrificing himself to destroy the Hellmouth. I'm again disappointed in myself for not caring enough about anything to stay in touch with them. At one time, I believed that I loved him. Maybe I did, he was always so supportive of me, and he tried so hard to be a good man. I shudder as I can't help but draw parallels to my current situation with Faith.
My feelings for Faith are different than they were for Spike. I am sure of that. I was completely lost when I gave myself over to Spike. I knew how he felt, and I took advantage. I wanted to love him, but it wasn't possible then. I knew I was hurting him, and I didn't care. He always supported me and tried to tell me I was better than I thought I was. I'll always have love for him because of that. It's not the same with Faith at all. Being with Spike made me feel dirty and ruined. Being with Faith makes me feel alive and whole.
Faith has arrived, and there is some kind of commotion just outside. Drusilla and Connor don't seem to have heard it, so I have time to prepare. There are at least twenty vampires and other demons in this building, but I can only see five of them. I hope Faith brought all of the slayers with her. If she gets hurt because I thought I could handle this on my own, I'll never forgive myself.
I slide closer to Connor, trying to be inconspicuous. He doesn't seem worried about me or what I'm doing. I remember Faith telling stories about Connor and what an arrogant shit he was. I hope there's some way we can get through this. Maybe he can be saved if we get him away from Drusilla's influence.
I know he needs to be taken out first once the fighting starts. Besides having MY Scythe, he was already super-powered as a human. It is not going to be an easy fight. More regret for not keeping up with my training assaults me. I will not let my guilt take control right now. I am the slayer - no vampire will beat me.
Glass breaks all around us, sunlight shines onto the warehouse floor, and Drusilla hissed, backing into a darkened hallway. Connor doesn't react, he only smiles when the sun hits him, and nothing happens.
"How?"
"Who knows? I've always been special." He grins, twirling the Scythe again. He circles me, teeth bared in an almost comical way. He lunges, and I barely dodge his attack. He is faster than anyone I have ever faced. I punch out at him as he moves past me, and I clip the side of his head with my fist. It does not affect him, but I think my hand is broken.
Any thoughts of trying to rescue him are gone. He is far too powerful and deranged. As long as he's still alive - we'll always be in danger.
He laughs again. Taking an overhead swipe, I step back, dodging it again. I didn't step back far enough, though. I can feel warm blood sliding down my body and into my shoes. I don't have time to assess the damage—the Scythe embedded in the floor from the power of his strike. The stake end is sticking up at a sharp angle.
I form a terrible plan and circle to the other side of him before I can come to my senses.
I don't have much time to make my move. Blood is pooling on the ground at my feet, and my vision is starting to narrow.
He didn't even try to retrieve the weapon, only stood there laughing. "I thought you'd be a challenge. You're a joke."
This kid is so obnoxious. I wish I had been there to see Faith kick his ass. I try not to be too annoyed that he's giving me so much more trouble than he gave her.
"Buffy!" I hear Faith scream from across the room. The sound distracts Connor and gives me the chance to lunge at him. I tackle him with all my strength, shoving him onto the Scythe. It pierces his heart, and he turns to dust beneath me.
I don't have the chance to celebrate the victory, though.