Disclaimer: Eh, forgot to put one of these on the first phase....*lawyers
and loony bin workers sneak up on her and stuff her in a brown sack* Ack!!
Dammit! I own nothing....NOTHING!!! O.o
A/N: (Who somehow snuck out of the horrible.place.stuff.I won't bore you with the details) Wow.I haven't touched this ficcy in a long time O.o;; Sorry everyone. Now it's finally done! Thank you to everyone who reviewed ^- ^ You each get a purple gopher! Alright, now that I'm done with all my notes and boring stuff you can all read Phase 2 of this insane story! (Grr....ff.net wasn't working at all when I uploaded this.I remove it off and what does it do? Why, it uploads this and claims there's only one chapter! *gets a chainsaw* I have some business to tend to.eh heh.see ya!)
Gir: That's my favorite phase!!
Victoria's Secret of Doom!!! Phase Two
Zim had been up all night to perfect his oh so perfect plan. Gir had messed the entire plan up twice during the night while sleep walking AND sleep eating. "Aha! Finished!" Zim held up his brilliant ingenious invention. Could it be an invention to destroy mankind? Maybe. Is it something to kill the Dib-human? Hope not. It's.It's..Oh my god! It's a bobby pin! (Surprise Surprise!). With a look of accomplishment, Zim pocketed his new fabulous invention, and then collapsed onto the ground from exhaustion. One of the piggies Gir was playing with landed on Zim's head. Zim, too weak to even lift up his iron fist and shake it just laid on the floor and fell asleep.
"Master!!!" A high pitch voice yelled out. "Eh?" Zim slowly awoke from his deep sleep. He had that same dream where he had finally taken over of the filthy ball of filth. "Look at what I found in my pants!" The happy little robot squealed in delight. Zim lifted his head high enough to see what Gir had found now. It was the bobby pin that Zim had placed in his pocket earlier. Zim cocked his head to the side in confusion. "Gir, that's mine. And you don't have any pants." Zim bluntly muttered. ".Ooooh yeah." Gir replied, enlightened for the next five seconds. Zim stared at Gir bugged eyed, then stood up and brushed himself off. "Gir I believe that this 'bobby pin' may have the power to overtake this 'Victoria's Secret' place unit..thing. If we use this hair sticking small black object device then it shall unleash dark pinniness doom!" Gir stuck his tongue out. "Hookie!" Zim narrowed one eye. "Yes.Hookie.Now, we must leave our living quarters! Zim snatched the bobby pin from Gir, who stared gloomily at his now empty hands. Before a tear came out of his eye he apparently was outside on a leash on his way to the mall.
Meanwhile, two silouet loomed next to a window. "I'm sick of all of this." One mumbled. "Putting that idiot on a 'secret mission' is more trouble than it's worth." "Yes," The other shadow replied. "We need another snack, huh?" "Good idea." The first shadow answered. They loomed away from the window to gorge themselves with fattening snacks, and then a treatment of life-o- suction.
Zim pulled on Gir's leash as they neared the mall. "This time you won't be causing any trouble, Gir." Next to the mall was a stop sign pole. Zim tied the leash around the pole. "Make two space bunny ears.pull them around.one space ear under.and.Wait, that's not right." It took ten minutes for Zim to make a real knot. Gir merely sat down and stared gloomily at his master. "But I wanted to see the clowns." Gir sighed. Zim's eyes grew wider. "No, Gir. Not after last time." Gir began to bawl like the baby he was. "But I wanted to show my love to the clowns." Zim glared at Gir and said nothing more. He walked off to complete his mission.
Finally Zim arrived to the mall. Since he hadn't been there for three months because of his bobby pin project Zim had forgotten where the secret store was located. "Hmm.Which way to go." The perfume lady that Zim had met on his last trip walked passed him. With the last of his brain cells, Zim decided to stalk the lady to find the store. The lady stopped, looked around, and entered the infamous Victoria's Secret. "Zim?!?!" A voice called out in disbelief. Zim turned around to see his arch rival." "Dib- human!" Zim scowled. Before Zim could ask anything, Dib began to create reasons why he was stopping by at Victoria's Secret. "I.uhh.had to shop for Dib again! I mean Gaz, yes, good 'ol Gaz." Before Zim could retort Dib sprinted into the store towards the bra section. Confused, Zim shook his head. "I shall keep an eye on that stupid monkey. No one will get in ZIM's way!" A sparkly anime type background appeared behind him. With that, Zim marched into the store and commenced his plan.
"Guards, locate Zim" The pilots began to type on their computers. "Zim lies on coordinates 23,555 my tallest." The green eyed Irken replied. Tallest Red's eyes practically popped out of his head. "555?! Isn't that that evil.number..thing?" "It's 777 I say!" Tallest Purple answered. "777 is better than 555!" The two pilots shared glances at each other. "Well," one of the pilots began. "At least they're not talking about smoke machines and lasers." "Purple, you're always wrong. You KNOW that lasers are better!" "Smoke machines are a lot smokier!" "Lasers are lasery and have lasers!" This fight continued during the last portion of the trip to Earth.
Light years away Zim snatched various lingerie from different racks. "The more Earth uniforms I wear, the more these humans will bow to me." Zim thought. "I will be the ruler of this stink planet!!!" Zim bellowed out. Some of the 'smarter' humans turned around to stare at Zim. "Everyone! He's going to take over the entire Earth!" Everyone turned around to see Dib holding 5 bras in his arms. "And why should we believe you???" Poonchy, drinker of hate yelled out. "Didn't you hear him?" Dib questioned. "He just revealed his plan to all of us! You'll see!" The security guards ran up to Dib and restrained him. "B- But I haven't bought my new bras yet! I just grew to a D cup!" Dib yelled out while covered in a strait jacket. "Guards, the boy apparently wears bras. Make sure he gets an extra padded cell." The perfume lady whispered to one of the guards. He nodded in reply and took Dib out of the mall.
Since the author is near writers block we are finally going to go back to see what Gir is doing.
"Wheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!!!!!!!" Gir screamed at random people, Happy Noodle Boy-ish style. "Gimmie your pants mister taco man woman!" Gir jumped on a random businessman. He was being dragged along the sidewalk until the leash stopped him. "Aww.My monkey was hungry.Yay! Mrs. Mann is here!" Gir hopped up to a little boy who was staring at him. The little kid took some slime out of his pocket and gave it to Gir. In return, Gir wiped some of the slime on the kid's face. The little boy winced at the gooeyness of the slime, then smiled and walked away with his mommy. Moments later Gir felt a little breathing on his back. "Ooh! The fairy pixies are here!" Gir squealed happily. He turned around to meet eyes with the Madness Dog. "Hi pixie! Wachadoin here?" No reply. "Aww.I love you too." Gir hugged the Madness Dog. In reply, the Madness Dog's eyes bugged out.
"Hey! Isn't that Zim's stupid robot?" A voice asked. "Yeah!" Another voice yelled out. "Maybe Zim got ran over by one of these vehicles!" Two tall people loomed over Gir. One of the men was wearing a loose red t-shirt with baggy black jeans. The other one was wearing a ruffled purple dress that went up to the knees. Both of them had regular human colored skin. "Hey! Why did I have to wear a dress?!" Tallest Purple asked his co-leader. Tallest Red rolled his eyes. "Don't you remember? You thought the dress made your thighs look sexy." Red answered. Purple paused for a second. ".Oh yeah. Well, I guess we should act like the humans now." The Tallest stared at other boy and girl couples and noticed that they were holding hands. They stared at each other and gagged. "Eww! I'm not holding hands with you!" Red said, grossed out. "Nor am I.but.I guess we have to." They shuddered in unison. Hesitantly, Red took Purple's clawed hand as they entered the mall.
After Zim grabbed everything he could get his grubby little claws on he finally went into the dressing rooms. This time no "lingerie beast" would let him into one of the rooms. When he came up to them their eyes would pop out of their heads and they'd start to convulse with fury and horror. Instead Zim had to use his Invader moves to jump over a door. "Ah! PERVERT!!!" An ugly frowning valley girl screamed at Zim and threw him over the door. Zim landed on his head. "Stupid human!" He yelled. "She should be honored that I, ZIM! Would want to use her dressing room!" After getting back on his feet, Zim jumped over another dressing room. "Janie! I know you and that boyfriend are busy in there, but keep it within your stupid dressing room!" The girl picked up Zim and tossed him over to another dressing room. The narrator won't even describe what the two people were doing because she is too lazy and it would make the rating go up. Zim's eyes grew wide with horror. "AH! Filth! They DO look uglier without their Earth uniforms on!" Zim screeched like a school girl and burst out of the dressing room.
The Tallest walked around in the mall, still holding claws. They were each slurping on their own space soda that they brought from the ship. "You know, I could get used to wearing this dress." Purple said. He let go of Red's hand. Then, he giggled girlishly and spun around, the dress flowing with him. "Yeah, right." Red rolled his eyes. "Lets just stick to our original plan." After spinning happily a few more times Purple noticed the infamous Victoria's Secret. "Those are the coordinates that Zim is at!" Purple said drunkenly. "I'm dizzy, help me!" Red put on some plastic gloves, and then took Purple's claw. They went through the gates of doom! ...I mean, Victoria's Secret.
Zim finally found a room without any stink humans. How he did, we'll never know. "Ah, perfect! Now for my superior transformation!" Zim began to put lingerie on random places on his body. Five minutes later he was a Victoria Secret's billboard from head to boot. "Now.For the final touch!" Zim took the special bobby pin out of his pocket and put it on his hair. Zim's facial expression went from serious to jumping with glee. "I AM ZIIIM!"
Two familiar guards stared at the tv monitors. "Wow, that green kid sure likes Victoria's Secret." One of the guards said. "Yeah, but that other green guy isn't there now. Poor fella. He must have been dumped." The other guard replied. "I know.He was lucky to get this green kid in the dressing room with him." "What?!" "I mean, admit it! He's sexy!" "Uhh." The second guard slowly backed away in his chair with wheels. "I'll just..sit.over here. Yeah." The first guard growled at the computer screen and licked his lips. Slowly, the second guard picked up the phone and dialed a number. ".Loony bin.?"
"Wow! Hey, Purple! Look at this!" Red was fumbling with some of Victoria Secret's many items. "Huh? We're supposed to get Zi-.Oh wow! That's just neat!" Purple walked over to where Red was standing. TONS and TONS of make up of every color were neatly stacked in rows according to the type and color. Red had applied random colors and make up on his face and arms. "Look! You can paint stuff on your face!" Red said. "Wanna put some on?" "Well.Ok! Zim won't cause THAT much trouble in such a short time." Both of the Tallest applied random "paints" to their faces.
After admiring each other's beautiful paint jobs, the tallest began to look around for Zim. Red secretly picked up some of the lingerie to test on, but Purple noticed Red's actions. "Red." Purple nagged. "We're looking for Zim, not these.Earth.things." "I know, but I want to see what I look like in them!" Red whined like a little preschooler. Purple lowered his head in defeat. "Fine, but only two things.one for each of us." Red took put back 5 pieces of clothing on a random rack and they head off to where the other humans were taking their items.
Zim clasped his hands together evilly. He could not wait to become the ruler of a planet. Even though people were waiting to get into dressing rooms, Zim was just too excited to walk out. He waited for the perfect moment to jump out of the room and have people bow to him. Out of the blue Zim heard two familiar voices. "Remember, we have to act like a human couple!" one voice whispered rather loudly. "Yes," The second voice replied. "What are the couples doing in here?" Zim heard footsteps towards the room next to him which contained the vile couple. "Well.they're in a room.together.and.Ahh! Gag! Gross!" Zim now knew who the two voices were. "What what what what???" Tallest Red shoved Purple aside and peaked in. "Gasp! My un-virgin eyes! They burn!" Zim rushed out of the dressing room to greet his leaders. People in the room gasped as some kind of lingerie covered buffoon ran out of one of the dressing rooms. "My tallest! It is I, ZIM!" Zim saluted the Tallest. Purple screamed and jumped into Red's arms. "Oh god not Zim!" Both of the Tallest yelled out in unison. Red ran out of the dressing room carrying Purple. Zim stood all alone, wide eyed. "Eh.Guess they were a bit surprised about my appearance." Zim marched out of the room to greet his Earth slaves.
"Human slaves!" Zim announced. A few humans poked their heads from what they were doing. "It is I, your new leader, ZIM! Now bow!" A few hillbillies and computer nerds bowed to Zim. The Tallest stood in the corner of the store snickering. "Yes.the Earth is finally mine." Zim muttered. "Never!" "Eh? Who said that?! Reveal yourself pitiful human!" Zim searched for the direction where the voice came from. A shadowy figure rest on top of the bra racks. "It is I, Dib!" Dib became non shadowy. He was wearing all orange and a pin that said "Insane" on the side of his shirt. He jumped from the rack and landed on his feet. "You and your non-existent cleavage will be on Mysterious Mysteries tomorrow night!" Zim chuckled. "Oh no Dib-human. It is YOU who is going to be on that human television show." Dib paused. "That, that doesn't make sense! Why would I be on Mysterious Mysteries?" Zim smirked sinisterly. "Next: A Dib-Human is found. His head is all.big.like." Dib glared at his arch rival. "My head's NOT big!" He took out a giant pink and white Victoria Secret shopping bag from his last visit. "I'm going to take you to Mysterious Mysteries and watch them do all these horrible experiments on you!" Before Zim could react, Dib had stuffed Zim into the bag. He closed the bag with little pink ties and walked out of the store. Muffled sounds came from the bag. "Get me outta here! Argh.This substance is too strong for me to break out of!" Dib smiled inwardly and took his bag of gifts to the Mysterious Mysteries Headquarters.
"Um.That was interesting." Purple muttered. "At least Zim was taken care of.sorta." Red replied. "Hey.I'm kind of getting used to this holding of claws." "Me too, and this dress is so comfortable!" Purple replied. "Lets do this more often!" "Okay!" They both walked out of the mall, claw in claw.
"Doom doom doom.doo doo doom." Poor Gir was *still* tied up to the sign pole singing his infamous Doom Song. "Clowns! I love yoooouuuuuu! Can you dance like a monkey for meeee?!" Gir jumped on two painted faces thinking they were clowns. He began to lick their foreheads. "Arrrgh!!!" Purple yelled out, throwing Gir down to the ground. "It's Zim's stupid robot again!" Both of the tallest ran away to their ship and traveled back to Irk. Gir sat back down next to the sign and cried. "I just wanted to eat your piggies." He then noticed a bra that was left by his clowns. "Ooooooo! The clowns left me Big Head's glasses!" Gir tied the bra around his big circular head. "I'm puppy head! WHEEHOOOOOOOO!!!"
"Tonight on Mysteries." Gaz busily colored one of her pictures. She didn't bother to change the channel. "We will uncover the secret of the 'Thong Monster'" A picture of Zim covered in thongs appeared on the screen. "We will dissect him live to see who is behind the thongs.and why did he do it? Is he a human, or a supernatural moose from above? But first, 'Why are his boobs so big?' We will attempt to uncover the biggest mystery of all. Is this abnormally large headed and bulky cleavage boy human.or an alien?? Stay tuned." Gaz rolled her eyes. She reached for the remote and turned off the tv.
This must have been the most insane story I've ever written.....Don't forget to R/R!
A/N: (Who somehow snuck out of the horrible.place.stuff.I won't bore you with the details) Wow.I haven't touched this ficcy in a long time O.o;; Sorry everyone. Now it's finally done! Thank you to everyone who reviewed ^- ^ You each get a purple gopher! Alright, now that I'm done with all my notes and boring stuff you can all read Phase 2 of this insane story! (Grr....ff.net wasn't working at all when I uploaded this.I remove it off and what does it do? Why, it uploads this and claims there's only one chapter! *gets a chainsaw* I have some business to tend to.eh heh.see ya!)
Gir: That's my favorite phase!!
Victoria's Secret of Doom!!! Phase Two
Zim had been up all night to perfect his oh so perfect plan. Gir had messed the entire plan up twice during the night while sleep walking AND sleep eating. "Aha! Finished!" Zim held up his brilliant ingenious invention. Could it be an invention to destroy mankind? Maybe. Is it something to kill the Dib-human? Hope not. It's.It's..Oh my god! It's a bobby pin! (Surprise Surprise!). With a look of accomplishment, Zim pocketed his new fabulous invention, and then collapsed onto the ground from exhaustion. One of the piggies Gir was playing with landed on Zim's head. Zim, too weak to even lift up his iron fist and shake it just laid on the floor and fell asleep.
"Master!!!" A high pitch voice yelled out. "Eh?" Zim slowly awoke from his deep sleep. He had that same dream where he had finally taken over of the filthy ball of filth. "Look at what I found in my pants!" The happy little robot squealed in delight. Zim lifted his head high enough to see what Gir had found now. It was the bobby pin that Zim had placed in his pocket earlier. Zim cocked his head to the side in confusion. "Gir, that's mine. And you don't have any pants." Zim bluntly muttered. ".Ooooh yeah." Gir replied, enlightened for the next five seconds. Zim stared at Gir bugged eyed, then stood up and brushed himself off. "Gir I believe that this 'bobby pin' may have the power to overtake this 'Victoria's Secret' place unit..thing. If we use this hair sticking small black object device then it shall unleash dark pinniness doom!" Gir stuck his tongue out. "Hookie!" Zim narrowed one eye. "Yes.Hookie.Now, we must leave our living quarters! Zim snatched the bobby pin from Gir, who stared gloomily at his now empty hands. Before a tear came out of his eye he apparently was outside on a leash on his way to the mall.
Meanwhile, two silouet loomed next to a window. "I'm sick of all of this." One mumbled. "Putting that idiot on a 'secret mission' is more trouble than it's worth." "Yes," The other shadow replied. "We need another snack, huh?" "Good idea." The first shadow answered. They loomed away from the window to gorge themselves with fattening snacks, and then a treatment of life-o- suction.
Zim pulled on Gir's leash as they neared the mall. "This time you won't be causing any trouble, Gir." Next to the mall was a stop sign pole. Zim tied the leash around the pole. "Make two space bunny ears.pull them around.one space ear under.and.Wait, that's not right." It took ten minutes for Zim to make a real knot. Gir merely sat down and stared gloomily at his master. "But I wanted to see the clowns." Gir sighed. Zim's eyes grew wider. "No, Gir. Not after last time." Gir began to bawl like the baby he was. "But I wanted to show my love to the clowns." Zim glared at Gir and said nothing more. He walked off to complete his mission.
Finally Zim arrived to the mall. Since he hadn't been there for three months because of his bobby pin project Zim had forgotten where the secret store was located. "Hmm.Which way to go." The perfume lady that Zim had met on his last trip walked passed him. With the last of his brain cells, Zim decided to stalk the lady to find the store. The lady stopped, looked around, and entered the infamous Victoria's Secret. "Zim?!?!" A voice called out in disbelief. Zim turned around to see his arch rival." "Dib- human!" Zim scowled. Before Zim could ask anything, Dib began to create reasons why he was stopping by at Victoria's Secret. "I.uhh.had to shop for Dib again! I mean Gaz, yes, good 'ol Gaz." Before Zim could retort Dib sprinted into the store towards the bra section. Confused, Zim shook his head. "I shall keep an eye on that stupid monkey. No one will get in ZIM's way!" A sparkly anime type background appeared behind him. With that, Zim marched into the store and commenced his plan.
"Guards, locate Zim" The pilots began to type on their computers. "Zim lies on coordinates 23,555 my tallest." The green eyed Irken replied. Tallest Red's eyes practically popped out of his head. "555?! Isn't that that evil.number..thing?" "It's 777 I say!" Tallest Purple answered. "777 is better than 555!" The two pilots shared glances at each other. "Well," one of the pilots began. "At least they're not talking about smoke machines and lasers." "Purple, you're always wrong. You KNOW that lasers are better!" "Smoke machines are a lot smokier!" "Lasers are lasery and have lasers!" This fight continued during the last portion of the trip to Earth.
Light years away Zim snatched various lingerie from different racks. "The more Earth uniforms I wear, the more these humans will bow to me." Zim thought. "I will be the ruler of this stink planet!!!" Zim bellowed out. Some of the 'smarter' humans turned around to stare at Zim. "Everyone! He's going to take over the entire Earth!" Everyone turned around to see Dib holding 5 bras in his arms. "And why should we believe you???" Poonchy, drinker of hate yelled out. "Didn't you hear him?" Dib questioned. "He just revealed his plan to all of us! You'll see!" The security guards ran up to Dib and restrained him. "B- But I haven't bought my new bras yet! I just grew to a D cup!" Dib yelled out while covered in a strait jacket. "Guards, the boy apparently wears bras. Make sure he gets an extra padded cell." The perfume lady whispered to one of the guards. He nodded in reply and took Dib out of the mall.
Since the author is near writers block we are finally going to go back to see what Gir is doing.
"Wheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!!!!!!!" Gir screamed at random people, Happy Noodle Boy-ish style. "Gimmie your pants mister taco man woman!" Gir jumped on a random businessman. He was being dragged along the sidewalk until the leash stopped him. "Aww.My monkey was hungry.Yay! Mrs. Mann is here!" Gir hopped up to a little boy who was staring at him. The little kid took some slime out of his pocket and gave it to Gir. In return, Gir wiped some of the slime on the kid's face. The little boy winced at the gooeyness of the slime, then smiled and walked away with his mommy. Moments later Gir felt a little breathing on his back. "Ooh! The fairy pixies are here!" Gir squealed happily. He turned around to meet eyes with the Madness Dog. "Hi pixie! Wachadoin here?" No reply. "Aww.I love you too." Gir hugged the Madness Dog. In reply, the Madness Dog's eyes bugged out.
"Hey! Isn't that Zim's stupid robot?" A voice asked. "Yeah!" Another voice yelled out. "Maybe Zim got ran over by one of these vehicles!" Two tall people loomed over Gir. One of the men was wearing a loose red t-shirt with baggy black jeans. The other one was wearing a ruffled purple dress that went up to the knees. Both of them had regular human colored skin. "Hey! Why did I have to wear a dress?!" Tallest Purple asked his co-leader. Tallest Red rolled his eyes. "Don't you remember? You thought the dress made your thighs look sexy." Red answered. Purple paused for a second. ".Oh yeah. Well, I guess we should act like the humans now." The Tallest stared at other boy and girl couples and noticed that they were holding hands. They stared at each other and gagged. "Eww! I'm not holding hands with you!" Red said, grossed out. "Nor am I.but.I guess we have to." They shuddered in unison. Hesitantly, Red took Purple's clawed hand as they entered the mall.
After Zim grabbed everything he could get his grubby little claws on he finally went into the dressing rooms. This time no "lingerie beast" would let him into one of the rooms. When he came up to them their eyes would pop out of their heads and they'd start to convulse with fury and horror. Instead Zim had to use his Invader moves to jump over a door. "Ah! PERVERT!!!" An ugly frowning valley girl screamed at Zim and threw him over the door. Zim landed on his head. "Stupid human!" He yelled. "She should be honored that I, ZIM! Would want to use her dressing room!" After getting back on his feet, Zim jumped over another dressing room. "Janie! I know you and that boyfriend are busy in there, but keep it within your stupid dressing room!" The girl picked up Zim and tossed him over to another dressing room. The narrator won't even describe what the two people were doing because she is too lazy and it would make the rating go up. Zim's eyes grew wide with horror. "AH! Filth! They DO look uglier without their Earth uniforms on!" Zim screeched like a school girl and burst out of the dressing room.
The Tallest walked around in the mall, still holding claws. They were each slurping on their own space soda that they brought from the ship. "You know, I could get used to wearing this dress." Purple said. He let go of Red's hand. Then, he giggled girlishly and spun around, the dress flowing with him. "Yeah, right." Red rolled his eyes. "Lets just stick to our original plan." After spinning happily a few more times Purple noticed the infamous Victoria's Secret. "Those are the coordinates that Zim is at!" Purple said drunkenly. "I'm dizzy, help me!" Red put on some plastic gloves, and then took Purple's claw. They went through the gates of doom! ...I mean, Victoria's Secret.
Zim finally found a room without any stink humans. How he did, we'll never know. "Ah, perfect! Now for my superior transformation!" Zim began to put lingerie on random places on his body. Five minutes later he was a Victoria Secret's billboard from head to boot. "Now.For the final touch!" Zim took the special bobby pin out of his pocket and put it on his hair. Zim's facial expression went from serious to jumping with glee. "I AM ZIIIM!"
Two familiar guards stared at the tv monitors. "Wow, that green kid sure likes Victoria's Secret." One of the guards said. "Yeah, but that other green guy isn't there now. Poor fella. He must have been dumped." The other guard replied. "I know.He was lucky to get this green kid in the dressing room with him." "What?!" "I mean, admit it! He's sexy!" "Uhh." The second guard slowly backed away in his chair with wheels. "I'll just..sit.over here. Yeah." The first guard growled at the computer screen and licked his lips. Slowly, the second guard picked up the phone and dialed a number. ".Loony bin.?"
"Wow! Hey, Purple! Look at this!" Red was fumbling with some of Victoria Secret's many items. "Huh? We're supposed to get Zi-.Oh wow! That's just neat!" Purple walked over to where Red was standing. TONS and TONS of make up of every color were neatly stacked in rows according to the type and color. Red had applied random colors and make up on his face and arms. "Look! You can paint stuff on your face!" Red said. "Wanna put some on?" "Well.Ok! Zim won't cause THAT much trouble in such a short time." Both of the Tallest applied random "paints" to their faces.
After admiring each other's beautiful paint jobs, the tallest began to look around for Zim. Red secretly picked up some of the lingerie to test on, but Purple noticed Red's actions. "Red." Purple nagged. "We're looking for Zim, not these.Earth.things." "I know, but I want to see what I look like in them!" Red whined like a little preschooler. Purple lowered his head in defeat. "Fine, but only two things.one for each of us." Red took put back 5 pieces of clothing on a random rack and they head off to where the other humans were taking their items.
Zim clasped his hands together evilly. He could not wait to become the ruler of a planet. Even though people were waiting to get into dressing rooms, Zim was just too excited to walk out. He waited for the perfect moment to jump out of the room and have people bow to him. Out of the blue Zim heard two familiar voices. "Remember, we have to act like a human couple!" one voice whispered rather loudly. "Yes," The second voice replied. "What are the couples doing in here?" Zim heard footsteps towards the room next to him which contained the vile couple. "Well.they're in a room.together.and.Ahh! Gag! Gross!" Zim now knew who the two voices were. "What what what what???" Tallest Red shoved Purple aside and peaked in. "Gasp! My un-virgin eyes! They burn!" Zim rushed out of the dressing room to greet his leaders. People in the room gasped as some kind of lingerie covered buffoon ran out of one of the dressing rooms. "My tallest! It is I, ZIM!" Zim saluted the Tallest. Purple screamed and jumped into Red's arms. "Oh god not Zim!" Both of the Tallest yelled out in unison. Red ran out of the dressing room carrying Purple. Zim stood all alone, wide eyed. "Eh.Guess they were a bit surprised about my appearance." Zim marched out of the room to greet his Earth slaves.
"Human slaves!" Zim announced. A few humans poked their heads from what they were doing. "It is I, your new leader, ZIM! Now bow!" A few hillbillies and computer nerds bowed to Zim. The Tallest stood in the corner of the store snickering. "Yes.the Earth is finally mine." Zim muttered. "Never!" "Eh? Who said that?! Reveal yourself pitiful human!" Zim searched for the direction where the voice came from. A shadowy figure rest on top of the bra racks. "It is I, Dib!" Dib became non shadowy. He was wearing all orange and a pin that said "Insane" on the side of his shirt. He jumped from the rack and landed on his feet. "You and your non-existent cleavage will be on Mysterious Mysteries tomorrow night!" Zim chuckled. "Oh no Dib-human. It is YOU who is going to be on that human television show." Dib paused. "That, that doesn't make sense! Why would I be on Mysterious Mysteries?" Zim smirked sinisterly. "Next: A Dib-Human is found. His head is all.big.like." Dib glared at his arch rival. "My head's NOT big!" He took out a giant pink and white Victoria Secret shopping bag from his last visit. "I'm going to take you to Mysterious Mysteries and watch them do all these horrible experiments on you!" Before Zim could react, Dib had stuffed Zim into the bag. He closed the bag with little pink ties and walked out of the store. Muffled sounds came from the bag. "Get me outta here! Argh.This substance is too strong for me to break out of!" Dib smiled inwardly and took his bag of gifts to the Mysterious Mysteries Headquarters.
"Um.That was interesting." Purple muttered. "At least Zim was taken care of.sorta." Red replied. "Hey.I'm kind of getting used to this holding of claws." "Me too, and this dress is so comfortable!" Purple replied. "Lets do this more often!" "Okay!" They both walked out of the mall, claw in claw.
"Doom doom doom.doo doo doom." Poor Gir was *still* tied up to the sign pole singing his infamous Doom Song. "Clowns! I love yoooouuuuuu! Can you dance like a monkey for meeee?!" Gir jumped on two painted faces thinking they were clowns. He began to lick their foreheads. "Arrrgh!!!" Purple yelled out, throwing Gir down to the ground. "It's Zim's stupid robot again!" Both of the tallest ran away to their ship and traveled back to Irk. Gir sat back down next to the sign and cried. "I just wanted to eat your piggies." He then noticed a bra that was left by his clowns. "Ooooooo! The clowns left me Big Head's glasses!" Gir tied the bra around his big circular head. "I'm puppy head! WHEEHOOOOOOOO!!!"
"Tonight on Mysteries." Gaz busily colored one of her pictures. She didn't bother to change the channel. "We will uncover the secret of the 'Thong Monster'" A picture of Zim covered in thongs appeared on the screen. "We will dissect him live to see who is behind the thongs.and why did he do it? Is he a human, or a supernatural moose from above? But first, 'Why are his boobs so big?' We will attempt to uncover the biggest mystery of all. Is this abnormally large headed and bulky cleavage boy human.or an alien?? Stay tuned." Gaz rolled her eyes. She reached for the remote and turned off the tv.
This must have been the most insane story I've ever written.....Don't forget to R/R!