For Your Entertianment

by Child of the Dragon

Alexander Hamilton is putting himself through college by working as an adult film star. John, who follows his work, just so happens to be his new roommate this year. Alex doesn't that John knows what he knows, and Lafayette can't mind his own business. 16/28 in the For Your Entertainment Series, if I can manage to write all of these stories out. Lams slooooooooowburn

11. Chapter 11

CHAPTER 11:

Alex set the pile of clothes on the bathroom counter and shifted through the them, looking for something he could wear. He figured Thomas wanted him to bitch about how absurd it was that he was being made to wear...ugh, the clothes of girls that Thomas probably fucked—wait, were these clean?! He picked up a shirt and sniffed it, surprised that it didn't seem to be dirty, or at the very least not disgustingly gross. None of it looked too bad, actually, tho Alex was probably not going to wear any of the undergarments from woman he didn't know. Those things he sorted carefully into it's own pile.

He almost wished he could just walk out in a lacy thong and nothing else, give Thomas a show he didn't ask for. That would teach him a valuable lesson in not fucking with Alex, but alas! He wasn't about to risk his own health flossing something in his ass that he wasn't sure had been cleaned before being handed to him.

He found a silky pair of leopard print pajama pants with a glittery Bitch written in pink cursive across the back of them and decided that coupled with a small black spaghetti strap shirt would send enough of a message to Thomas about how much he wasn't phased at all to wear feminine things. Besides, Lafayette was rocking leggings and either a long shirt or mini dress today; Thomas really should know better.

After dressing himself, Alex grabbed a towel and ran it through his hair, remembering that he'd have to get another pack of hair ties soon. He didn't mind letting the locks flow free sometimes, but it was a real hassle to keep pushing them out of his face when he was studying. He put the towel back where he found it and made his way out to the living room, where Thomas told him to bring his wet clothes when he was done changing.

"Interesting choice," the man said, a sly ass smirk on his face once Alex emerged.

"Well, I couldn't just let Lafayette have the best looking ass out of all or us," Alex replied nonchalantly. "I mean, mine's a real contender too."

The French man laughed from the adjacent kitchen and called, "my ass works out five days a week to look this good, amie! Thank you for noticing!" Alex handed Thomas his clothes and followed the sound of his voice to find him setting out a mug and filling it with a tea bag. "Allô! Would you like some tea?"

"No More Caffeine!" James yelled from the living room and Lafayette nodded knowingly.

"Would you like some sleepytime tea?" he corrected himself. "There is regular and one with vanilla."

"I think I'm okay," Alex replied. "I've still got like three cups of coffee and half a large Starbucks drink in me that's gotta sort itself out first."

"Fair enough."

"Hey, can I ask you something?" Alex said, lowering his voice in case Thomas was listening. "Would you happen to know why would John need a first aid kit?"

A sudden look of understanding washed over Lafayette's face then. "Oh no, I did not realize that was why he was asking for those words."

Alex nodded but also shrugged. "I mean, I understand if you don't want to tell me, but I'm really worried about him. I get the feeling his home life isn't that great. And he really worried me this morning with what he shared with me; I'm just scared of pushing boundaries with him that he doesn't need pushed, ya know?"

Lafayette nodded sympathetically. "I do not know where even to begin with him. He has known you for two days and he tells you he was raped. It took me almost a year to..." For a moment Lafayette looked perplexed, but shook his head when Alex inquired about it and simply said, "It is of no concern, just a thought of something else. The point is sometimes he can seem very confusing. I know, I have been there. I love him so much but he drive me crazy with how much he either says he cannot do a thing because this reason or that, and then he can turn around the next day and do it—" he snapped his fingers, "—just like that, no problem. 'oh I cannot sleep around, I cannot have a boyfriend,' one moment, but I see him flirting in the back of that truck with you. He likes you," Lafayette narrowed his eyes at Alex. "And if you break his heart just know I am bound to break each bone in your legs one at a time."

"I think Thomas called dibs, but dully noted," Alex replied.

"Non, non, Thomas will be the one to bury you alive when I am done with you. Make no mistake, you must outrun me first and I am very good in Hide and Seek. But no matter, you want to know when John is being close to upset, non? His biggest tell is his mouth. He becomes very sarcastic when he is upset, and say things he does not mean. So if he bites you with his words, he is warning you that he is upset."

"Okay, I think I see what you mean...what do I do when he starts doing that?"

"He does that to try to push people away, so just be calm and patient with him. He says a lot he does not mean, just mind him not to do this, but gently, cuz he does not like being told what to do when he is mad, of course. Or, you do not have to stay. If he really hurts you, tell him so or leave. All I ask is that you do not attack him, it will not end well." Lafayette sighed and rolled his eyes toward the ceiling. "That man would fight a war to protect so many other people less lucky then him but would not even raise a hand to shield himself from the onslaught of an enemy coming for him alone."

"So he doesn't stand up to daddy dearest that much I take it?"

"If it is on behalf of his siblings, he can; I have seen him almost come to blows with that man for his smallest sister, Mary. But for himself? He is too afraid that doing so would send him back to another..." Lafayette's face turned dark and for a moment Alex caught a glimpse of pure hatred in his eyes. The tea kettle started to whistle then and he turned away to take the kettle off the stove. "Please do not ask me anything more about John's father," Lafayette said with his back still turned to Alex. "My thoughts are not the kind I should be admitting to out loud."

"If you mean you want to shove the guy right off a very tall cliff and watch him as he falls to his death, hey, I feel you."

"Killing him is too good for that man," Lafayette said. "I would do far worse then that I am afraid."

"Like what?" Alex asked, slightly bemused, but as Lafayette gave him a glance of that same hatred burning in his eyes a chill ran down his spine. Alex shifted his weight as he tried to look innocent to how much the look scared him. Aaron had said Lafayette wasn't like him, and he certainty seemed to enjoy entertaining with a light and bubbly persona, yet this look of hatred and pure malice was a look Alex had seen in the eyes of men before and he knew far too well that anyone in that mindset was not to be messed with.

"Not things I should admit to a man who will be a lawyer some day."

Alex nodded. "Right, well, hey I'd just consider it practice for when I am a lawyer. And hey, if you ever need the legal advice and you can't talk to John, I guess you could always come find me, haha." Alex hoped it wouldn't come to that. He was now genuinely scared of Lafayette; if this was a bluff, well shit, it was a damn good one.

The french man turned back to the cup with a little shrug. "I will keep it in mind, but you are a terrible actor, mon amie. I can see the fear in your eyes; if this scares you you might consider another path than law to pursue."

He frowned at that and puffed his chest some. "I'm not scared of shit," Alex lied, even to himself. Lafayette chuckled without turning around. "What?" Alex prompted.

"It is nothing, mignon petit lion. I am sure you are very brave." The sound of a spoon dinging lightly against the inner sides of a mug sounded as the French man stirred in milk and honey into it. "We will continue this talk in the living room in a bit, oui? I have to take this tea to John now, before it gets cold."

"Won't he be joining us?"

"Non; I am sure by now you must have noticed how sensitive he can be sometimes? I think he is already very socially tired for today, he needs to rest some. We had plans to watch movies today and maybe cuddle—"

"Ooo!"

The French man laughed a little as Alex perked up. "I take it then you do not want to go with Thomas and James?"

"Oh, I was supposed to hang out with them, wasn't I?"

"Or," Lafayette supplied, sensing Alex's hesitancy in wanting to leave. "You need to stay here and wait for your clothes to dry, oui?"

"Hmmm...Follow Thomas and embarrass him in front of James...stay and cuddle with new roommate and his cute friend friend. Hmmm...decisions, decisions..."

"Well, that is a very bold outfit to have to walk down the street in." Lafayette said, a flirtatious smile on his lips.

"Said the French man wearing a dress," Alex shot back at him. "But you're right, this outfit doesn't go with my tattered old shoes. I guess I'll just have to stay home with you guys and cuddle. What a shame, cuz I so very much wanted to bother Thomas. Wait, isn't this Thomas's house?"

"Oui, it is."

"And he's just going to leave us here?"

Lafayette shrugged. "I used to live with him the last time I visited the States. I was just that good of a roommate that he doesn't mind. I am happy that you will stay; between you and I, Thomas has been given a task he must complete by a certain time and I know he will not do so if he is around people he is not comfortable with."

"What kind of task?" Alex asked, curious.

"I will tell you in a bit, but first I need to bring John this tea. Perhaps you can keep James some company?"

Alex shrugged and followed Lafayette from the kitchen, but stayed in the living room rather then followings the man down the hallway. He made his way to the couch James was sitting at and plopped on a couch cushion beside him. "Hey James." His former roommate smiled a bit at him.

"Hullo Alex, are you having fun making new friends?"

He held up his hand and wobbled it a bit. "Ehh, it's a lot of work."

"Now you know why I prefer to let people makes friends with me."

"But if I worked like that we would have spent an entire semester never saying anything to each other unless it was absolutely necessary."

"Oh no, what a nightmare."

"So hey, do you like really like Thomas?"

"Blunt as ever, Alexander. Yes, I rather do," James said. "But why do I get the feeling you're about to tell me something I won't like hearing?"

"Probably because I'm gunna tell you something you might not like hearing," Alex replied. "So he threatened me, or tried to anyway. But you know how I am."

"Unfuckwithable."

"Heh, the very inventor of the word."

"I see. So...what did you do to deserve his wrath?"

"Why do you assume I'm the bad one?"

"Because I know Thomas and I know you. You stepped on his toes about something; please tell me you were at least aware of what you did that offended him."

Alex gestured down the hall with a nod of his head. "You know my new roommate, John? Ya boi Thomas is basically pissed we had a minor fight this morning."

"About what?"

"About his personal matters that I probably shouldn't be talking about. The point is I guess he has some mental health issues that I set off and Thomas basically told me not to do that again or I'd wake up in some undisclosed hole somewhere in the middle of nowhere."

"I see, so he's being protective of his friend."

"Glad you see it that way too. But also consider that threats shouldn't be a man's immediate go too when dealing with a problem. Now, I'm not here to tell you not to trust him, but do be careful. And if something happens, I might know a guy who can get rid of a body."

"Not a woman?" Alex looked confused as he shook his head and James let a smile creep onto his face. "Women know better than men about cleaning up bloodstains."

Alex snorted out a laugh and covered his mouth briefly. "That's dirty," he said and pointed at James. "You're dirty. Naughty humor."

James shrugged. "It's true. Just ask any woman."

"And get slapped? Nooooo thank you," Alex laughed, but the mirth of it was ended as someone tapped the back of his head firmly enough to catch his attention but not enough to actually hurt. Alex turned and glared when he caught sight of Thomas coming to join them, pointedly sitting in the middle of the couch between Alex and James.

"What are you two talking about?" Thomas asked, eyeing Alex as if he still didn't trust him.

"Things!" Alex retorted.

"What kind of things?"

"Big private things you're not allowed to know about!"

Thomas turned away from Alex to look at James. "Is he telling you he has a shark for a dick?"

James chuckled but Alex huffed. "I don't have a shark for a dick! That's John."

"Oh does he?" James asked. "What does it mean when one has a shark for a dick?"

"It means you need to be careful with dating them. That they need more time to warm up to the sexy parts."

"Oh," James sighed, then he poked Thomas with a little smile. "Guess what?"

"What?" Thomas asked, thinking James was gunna change the subject so they could stop talking about this nonsense.

"I have a shark for a dick."

"The Fuck?!" Thomas cried as Alex burst out laughing. "No, James, don't play the gremlin's games! It only encourages him to be weirder!"

"As-wop hat-top ou-yop elling-top im-hop ou're-yop hasexualop?" Alex asked in that weird ass language he'd used earlier as he leaned across Thomas to grin at James.

"It-hop ay-mop ave-hop een-bop," James replied with his own smile. "Ow-hop ong-lop o-dop ou-yop ink-thop it-hop ill-wop ake-top im-hop o-top igure-fop hitop houtop?"

"Omas-thop?" James nodded to let Alex know he'd made the right correction and Alex continued on, "Omas-thop rikes-stop e-mop hasop oo-top upid-stop o-top igure-fop hitop houtop or-fop imself-hop, ou-yop ight-mop anna-wop ust-jop ell-top im-hop o-top is-hop ace-fop."

"Ell-wop, hI'llop ive-gop im-hop haop ay-dop o-top ink-thop hitop hoverop. Handop haskop im-hop haboutop hitop hagainnop ater-lop."

"LAAAAAAAFF!" Thomas cried. "I NEED YOUR HELP WITH WOOOOOORDS!"

"What Words, Mon Amie?" the french man called back.

"I DUNNO! THE WORDS THE GREMLIN IS SPEAKING TO MON BÉGUIN! THEY ARE SPEAKING IN TONGUES!"

A moment later Lafayette came back down the hall and into the living room, his own perplexed look on his face. "What tongues?" he asked. "Speak it for me?"

"I have no idea what Thomas is talking about," Alex said. "James and I have been just sitting here having a perfectly normal conversation when Thomas started yelling that he didn't understand us. We've been speaking English this whole time."

"You lie like a rug!" Thomas snapped at him.

"But we have been speaking English," James told him. "Hocop illudop onat-sop atine-lop." While Thomas looked expectantly to Lafayette for a translation, both his and Alex's faces mirrored a perplexed look.

"What," Thomas sneered at Alex, catching sight of his confusion. "You don't know what he said this time?"

"...Latin?" Alex asked and James nodded.

"That does not sound like any Latin I know of," Lafayette replied.

"It's my own spin on it," James offered. He tugged on Thomas's sleeve to get his attention again. "We should get going, if we're going to see our movie."

"You're right," Thomas sighed. "Laf, you remember where everything is, the rules of the house, right?"

"No more then three regular sized ducks in the house at any give moment," Lafayette replied.

"I meant like how to work the TV, and I'd better not find any damned rubber ducks in my house when I get home, you french bastard," Thomas scolded as he stood up. "You," he pointed down at Alex as if he were speaking to a naughty puppy. "Behave."

"I am being have," Alex replied with a smirk. It was worth it to see Thomas's exasperated glower, but James pushed him toward the doorway with his own little, "we're going to be late."

"Adams is in his room, doing lord only knows what, so don't disturb him unless you have to or you want to see some weird ass shit," Thomas said, making his way toward the front door with James. "There's a timer for the washing machine, so when you hear that move the load to the dryer, and keep the lid open so the inside can air out and doesn't get mildew. Jay is at work right now, stay out of his room, he'll be back later but I don't know if he'll be back before or after us. You're welcome to anything in the kitchen, I'll cover it if my roommates bitch. And if Jay is especially pissy, tell him he needs to take his bullshit up with me. I put the first aid kit back under the sink, there's a list of emergency numbers on the fridge next to the house rules, Laf, if you need a refresher and please give Alex a crash course in it. Do not make too much noise and—"

"Yeah, yeah, yeah!" Alex called. "Throw a big house party and trash the place, we got it Thomas! Don't worry, you can count on us demolishing this place in no time flat!"

"Hamilton!"

"He's jerking your leg, Thomas," James minded. "The house will be fine. And if it's not, I know a girl who gets bloodstains out of carpets and will help us bury a body."

Thomas huffed some. "Come lock the door so the damn gypsies don't steal you away!"

Lafayette laughed and he moved to do as Thomas bade, waving him and James off for a moment before closing the door and turning to look at Alex. "Alone at last," he said.

"Usually when that gets said something sexy follows it," Alex laughed.

Lafayette stalked closer to him, a coy smile on his face. "And what do you know about being sexy, mon cher?"

"Eh, enough," Alex replied carefully. Lafayette sat on the couch next to him, scooting in to be close and Alex wasn't sure if he liked that attention but he steeled himself to tolerate it for now. "Why? Do you need some pointers?" he teased.

"I catch enough on my own," Lafayette replied. "So tell me more about yourself, Alex. I am very curious to know you better."

"I thought you already did the google searches to know everything about me?"

"Google does not tell me everything," Lafayette replied. He trailed a hand up Alex's arm and found a lock of hair to play with. "It does not tell me what your favorite food is, or what smell comforts you the most. Tell me things like those."

"And why should I do that?" Alex asked, keeping a playful smile on his face. "Wouldn't it be better to keep an allure of mystery about me? Wouldn't you find that more exciting?"

"But then how can I tell John what you might like for dinner or what perfume he should avoid wearing around you?"

"Oh, I'll eat anything. I'm not picky about stuff like that."

"And your favorite perfume?"

"You got on something nice. Is it...lavender?"

"Do you like it?" Lafayette asked, offering his neck to Alex for a sniff. "It was my mother's; when I was very little I used to sneak into her bedroom and spray myself with my father's cologne, but it made her very mad. She didn't mind me using her perfume as much however, and now I think I just prefer it better."

"Really? Why'd she get upset with you for taking your dad's cologne?"

Lafayette shrugged but looked away from Alex, his face remaining a careful neutral expression. "I suppose because he died when I was very little, and she had a very hard time coming to terms with it. She told me often I look just like him, but I..." He shrugged and put on a smile. "I guess she just wanted me to share things in common with her at the time."

"I'm sorry to hear about your father," Alex replied. "Mine, uhhh...he left our family when I was ten. We don't know where he was or why he left, just...he walked out one day and was gone. So, ya know, I get what it's like, growing up without a dad."

"Ahh, lucky. You had yours for eight more years then I did. I do not mean to pry, but...you have brothers?"

Alex nodded. "James and Peter are older then me, but I only grew up with James. Peter was from my Mom's first marriage. She got a divorce but they granted full custody to his father, so we only ever got to see Pete when his dad allowed it, which wasn't often. The guy was kind of a dick. The most time I ever got to spend with my half brother was just before James and I got shipped here to the States..."

"Did you enjoy spending time with him?" Lafayette asked, a hopeful look on his face.

"Yeah. I mean, there's nearly a six year age difference between us and his dad made sure to remind everyone around that were were literally only being allowed to stay with him because otherwise James and I had literally nowhere else to go; and oh yeah, he was getting us the necessary paperwork to immigrate to the States so we best be suuuuper grateful for that, but like he wasn't doing any of that because he actually cared, he just wanted us out of his hair. And Pete still had to deal with him afterwards, so like, I don't blame him for being standoffish and awkward about the situation...I guess I just wish I wasn't pulled around in secret only to talk about Mom all the time."

"Do you still talk to him?"

"Sometimes yeah."

"Good." Lafayette nodded and Alex noticed his eyes seemed to shine too brightly with the sheen of tears.

"You got any siblings?" Alex asked.

"Two, half siblings," Lafayette said with a little nod. "I have..." He looked for a moment like he wanted to say something else, but finished his sentence lamely with, "I have two half siblings."

"So your mom remarried after your dad died? What was it like growing up with them?"

"I didn't. Mama left me with my bonne-maman when I—"

"I'm sorry, left you with your...banana?"

Lafayette shook his head. "Non, bonne-maman," he repeated. "How you say...la mère du père?"

In turn Alex slowly shook his head, but then asked, "Wait...you mean your father's mother?"

"The woman who birthed my father, oui. What is that word? Grand-mère, non?"

"Grandmother. Grannie. Gram. Grandma."

"Oui, oui, oui," Lafayette said nodding. "I lived with her when I grow up. I have not met my sister and brother." He tried to smile and Alex could tell right away that it was forced. "I hope one day that will change however. I would like a family again."

"I know how that feels," Alex mumbled.

"Oh, that is right. You had another brother. What became of him?"

Alex sighed. "We got separated when I was 14. Long story short, the uncle that we were sent to live with decided life was too hard for him and swallowed a bullet one day before we got home from school. Made for a lovely afternoon with police and Child Protective Services. After that, it was a revolving door of foster homes until James got emancipated, but the courts wouldn't give me to his care, even tho he was my last living family and had been looking after me ever since our dad disappeared. I flitted through a few more homes and was dragged all the way to another state by one case worker who thought putting more distance between me and James was the best thing for me. Shortly after I aged out of the system he told me he was moving out to Puerto Rico and I just got left here. And that's my tragic backstory, hooray." He held up his hands and wiggled his fingers in a jazzy sort of way before flashing Lafayette a sad kind of smile.

"I am sorry to hear that, mon amie," Lafayette said as he reached over to pet Alex's hair. For one moment Alex closed his eyes and leaned into his hand, enjoying the tingles that ran down his back immediately. It was his one weakness and he heard the French man chuckle as he dug his fingers deeper into Alex's locks. "Oh, do you like that?"

"Uh-huh," Alex sighed, bowing his head. Lafayette's other hand pushed up from the other side and Alex actually moaned a little. "You can ask me to do anything right now, and I would."

"Anything?" Lafayette repeated and Alex could hear the teasing smile on his face.

"Five more minutes and I'll gladly suck your dick for you," Alex said, beating him to the sexual joke he knew the man was alluding to. That usually made people pull their hands away and chastise him, but Lafayette's hands kept messaging. Alex gave little grunts of contentment, shifting to be closer to the other man. Fingers worked their way down his scalp and onto his neck and once more Alex shifted, tho this time it was to sit back up. Lafayette's hands did not leave his shoulders.

"Turn around, mon amie," the French man said. "I will rub your back for you."

Alex considered him for a moment but then complied. Most of his back and shoulders were already exposed, the little spaghetti strap shirt not covering nearly as much as his own locks of hair did, but he pulled them down and let Lafayette push the shirt down even further as he slid his hands down Alex's back. Alex pulled his hair our of the way and arched forward as the feeling of thumbs traced his spine down to the small of his back, and fingers guided their way along his sides. He felt little muscle spasms run back up his own back as he straightened up some, then Lafayette's hands came back up to his shoulders. The flats of his palms rubbed up and down Alex's neck and across the top of his shoulders, as if trying to smooth everything out, or maybe just feeling around Alex's skin for the muscle knots he had. Thumbs began to work in circular motions with a little more pressure then before, fingers squeezing at the niche where shoulder and neck met for leverage and worked from pushing up into the base of his skull down to his shoulder blades. Alex felt himself relaxing into the message, until his felt lips kissing one of his shoulders and working their way up to his neck.

"Shit!" he said, standing up and pulling the straps back up to cover himself as much as he could. "Sorry, but my bladder just said one of those coffees is ready to be dumped. Like, NOW. Haha, I'll be right back." And before Lafayette could say anything more, Alex was up and already shooting straight for the bathroom.

It wasn't a lie, necessarily. He did drink a lot that morning so, it needed to go somewhere, but Alex's bladder honestly wasn't that full yet and he knew it as a poor excuse to just hit a full stop on Lafayette. As he stood in front of the mirror pretending to wash his hands and looking at himself in the mirror, Alex cursed his stupid lack of a hair tie. Pavlov conditioning at it's finest he supposed, but Alex found it far to easy to flirt and charm other people when he let his hair down then when he tied it back. He always left it down when he was Lin, and Lin would have had no problem letting Lafayette kiss and fondle him, but damnit, he wasn't Lin right now. That was life from one box crossing into life in another box and that was NOT okay. Lin needed to go back into his box and stay there. He held his hair back with his hands, reminding himself that it was time for Alex to be on control, he was supposed to be living his normal life right now. Of course he'd look stupid as fuck just walking around holding his hair back, so with a sigh he let it go and watched it spill back around his face in the mirror. The unhappy look staring back at him made him feel like Lin didn't want to go sit in time out, but he told himself that was a ridiculous thought to have and shook his head to get it out.

Alex peeked out from the bathroom, relieved to see Lafayette had turned on the TV and was flipping through channels. At least he wasn't just waiting for Alex to come back so they could jump back into...whatever he seemed like he was gunna do. Alex pushed his hair from his face and was about to step back out into the living room when a soft voice sang from the room John had disappeared into. Turning instead toward that, Alex found the door ajar and decided to investigate it instead. He could almost see John, sitting on a bed and with his face pressed against a windowpane. "Are You listenin'? Are You there?" his voice sang softly, "I keep falling, do You care? Is it all, a part of Your plan?" John closed his eyes and the next words seemed almost too faint for Alex to hear but he could still feel the heartbreak that came with them as John continued, "Or is it me? Did I lose it? Have I ruined my own beauty? Is it too late to recover from these bruises?"

Alex didn't know the door would creek as he pushed it open and of course once it did John stopped singing and whipped his head around to see who was coming in. Alex tried on his best 'nothing is wrong, everybody just stay calm' smile as he was caught red handed standing in the doorway. "Hi, sorry, I didn't mean to disturb you,: He said, hoping he wasn't embarrassing John by being there.

John's eyes narrowed on him nevertheless. "How much did you hear?" he asked.

"Uhhh, that depends," Alex replied, stepping tentatively into the room. "How dead am I if I said I heard you singing?"

"Depends on how much you liked it," John responded.

"A lot?""

"Hmm. Okay, c'mere." Alex smiled and started to step forward before John added, "Gotta just snap your neck and we'll be golden."

"What? Hey, why do I get death just because I liked your singing?"

"Because if you liked it, you're gunna ask to hear more of it, and then you're gunna tell people about it and I am not about to be put on a stage for anyone's amusement. So c'mere, give me your neck, let's get this over with so I can get back to what I was doing."

"That's no fair," Alex pretended to pout as he came and sat on the bed next to John. "What if I pinkie promised not to tell anyone?"

"You can ask Lafayette why I don't hold stock in that," John said, holding his hands on either side of Alex's head without actually touching him. He made a sharp clicking noise with his mouth as he twisted his hands to mimic, poorly, snapping Alex's neck, and so Alex made a show of dying dramatically for him as he sprawled out on the bed. John laughed lightly, until Alex grabbed his arm and pretended to be a zombie eating him, effectively pulling him down to lay beside him.

He waited until John had shifted into a comfortable position before asking, "so, what was that song you were singing?"

"Oh, it's nothing," John said, hiding his face as he nuzzled into a pillow.

"It didn't sound like a song I've heard before," Alex replied. "Is it your own lyrics?"

"Sorta," John replied. "I don't really want to talk about it tho."

"Ahh, so asking for a private performance is off the table then? Got it."

John's cheek blushed a reddish tint. "That...I thought I was in private, Alex...you really weren't supposed to hear any of that."

"Oh," Alex said his face looking worried as he pushed himself up. "Am I bothering you then? Should I go? I'm sorry, I really didn't mean to be a bother—"

"It's okay," John cut him off. "I—I like you, Alex. You can stay...if you want."

"Heh, you want me to stay?"

"If you don't mind...I like hearing you talk...it's...kind of comforting..."

"Okay, I'll stay," Alex said, a little grin pulling at his lips. The mug of tea he'd watched Lafayette make for John caught his eye on the bedside table, still full of the liquid inside. "Hey, are you gunna drink this?" he asked reaching for it.

"Knock yourself out," John told him. Alex carefully picked the mug up and took a sip of the tea in his hands. There was too much honey and it had a weird grainy kind of taste to it, but otherwise it was...well, Alex had swallowed things far more disgusting. "So, you gotta understand that you can't kick me out of our dorm, unless you're doing the sexy times with some hot lover boy, alright? So you be careful how much time you spend with me outside of there, deal?"

"Sounds fair enough. But you can't kick me out of the dorm period. If you do the sexy times, me and the shark want front row seats to watch."

Alex laughed. "Oh, how is that fair? I give you privacy and you want tickets to a show?!"

John shrugged with his own smirk. "The shark wants what it wants, man. I don't make the rules. I just listen to it tell me what it wants."

"And it wants me?" Alex seductively purred and leaned closer.

"Maaaybe," John replied, feeling his face blush. "Maybe not. You never know."

Alex sipped more of the god awful tea. "So basically, I have to kiss someone else to see if it makes you jealous enough to want to kiss me for real then?"

"You can...probably just go ahead and kiss someone else..." John said. An onset of depression started to settle over him, thoughts that he wouldn't be interesting enough for a guy like Alex settling over him in tiny little waves. "I wouldn't mind..."

Alex eyed him for a moment, seeming to calculate something in his head. "So, here's the thing...it's not fair if you can kick me out of the dorm for sex, but I can't kick you out for the same reason, so how about a compromise? Neither party can kick the other party out of the dorm when sex is about to take place if, and only if, the party that would otherwise be booted agrees to participate if they stay in the dorm. No standing around eating popcorn, take your pants off and jump on the bed!"

"Are you asking me to have a threesome with you?"

"No, I'm telling you'll have a threesome with me!" Alex laughed for moment, then stopped abruptly. "I mean—if you'd like. I wouldn't, like, force you or anything—That's not what I—"

"I've had a threesome before, Alex."

"You...you have?"

John nodded. "Almost had a second one too, but..." He shrugged and shook his head. "It didn't come to pass."

"John Laurens, you sexy minx!" Alex teased, his smile coming back as he nudged John playfully with his elbow.

"Neither of them were my idea," John confessed. "I was just there to be a third body for it. That's all..."

And just as fast, John had wiped the smile away again. "Did you have...any fun at all?"

John shrugged and pulled the pillow down to his chest to hug. "I...didn't hate it..." He'd hardly been mentally present for it really. "How many have you had? Threesomes, that is?"

Alex tried not to outwardly cringe or roll his eyes. He honestly couldn't say how many threesomes or foursomes or even flat out orgies he'd been a part of now. They all blended together in a haze of sex and work and things he didn't want to confess too for fear of being seen in a light that he didn't want shined on him all the time, so he shrugged and said, "oh, a few actually. Like, I can't knock anything til I try it once, ya know? College is meant for that kind of thing. Exploring yourself, trying new experiences."

"Here my parents told me college was for learning."

"Yeah, learning. You can't learn everything from books alone, John. You gotta experience life sometimes. And it sounds like you do, I mean, I almost can't believe you've had a threesome before!"

"And what exactly should I have learned from that?"

"Depends on your experience. You said you didn't hate it. Do you want to talk about it?"

John shrugged. "Lafayette likes to have sex with multiple partners. So when we were together it just kinda...happened..."

"Were you okay with it? Like, you wanted to be there?"

"...I wanted to be with Laf..."

"Did you want to be with the other person?"

John shrugged for a moment, then slowly shook his head. "I...I'm sure she was a nice person, I just...I'm just gay..."

"Was that the first time you slept with a woman?" Alex asked gently. He could tell from the way John was clamming up that they were skating on some thin ice now and, as a troubled look crossed his roommate's face, he knew he had to tread carefully. "It's okay if you don't want to answer. I'm probably prying into some really personal stuff here, right? Do you want to talk about something else?" As John nodded Alex shuffled through his mind for another topic that would lighten the mood. "So, did you do anything fun over the summer?"

"I went fishing with my dad," John replied and Alex felt alarm bells go off in his head for just a moment before he smiled and added, "I caught a 40 pound stripped bass, biggest one I ever caught."

"Oh shit, what'd you do with it?"

"We cook 'em and eat 'em. Dad takes me and my brothers camping out on Lake Murray every summer, we spend a day fishing and then cook our catch that night on an open fire. Little lemon juice, some seasoning and serve it over rice with some vegetables, pair it with a white wine and you're golden. I mean, my younger brother's can't drink yet so they just get soda, but Dad and I share a bottle now."

"And..." Alex wanted to ask more about John's father, but chickened out. "What's your favorite part about camping?"

"About camping? Probably tending to the fire."

"Just cuz you get to play with fire?" Alex asked with a smile.

"Because I get a glimpse of what it's gunna be like when I die and go to hell, and once I'm there I know it's gunna be painful so I wanna appreciate how beautiful fire is now before I'm made to hate it."

"C'mon John, you don't actually believe in that stuff, right?"

"You don't?" As Alex shook his head John sighed and sat up. "There's a church nearby, if you want to come with me on Sunday, we can talk to the pastor, he knows my father—"

"John, I'm not going to church. It's a load of bullshit."

"Please don't say that."

"Why? It is."

"It's my religion, Alex," John said as he turned to look at the other male.

Alex shrugged. "It was mine too, before I had a good hard look around at the world and my life in it and realized, there is no god. That's just a lie people tell themselves to feel better about things like their mother dying when their family is too poor to afford medicine to make her better, or their uncle blowing his brains out because he had mental health issues and just couldn't be bothered to keep living. It's all just part of some greater plan when a hurricane tears through your little island town and abolishes houses and contaminates the drinking water, and kills hundreds of your friends and neighbors. Yeah, I know god is really looking out for me when I survive an accidental house fire in the only decent foster home I was placed in, only to be moved to one where I was treated like just another dumb kid to babysit, or the one after that that would starve me and my little foster brother when we misbehaved. Guess I just wasn't praying hard enough that god could hear how badly I really wanted to be kept with James when they told him he was old enough to leave but that I had to stay in the system, dealing with all the shit it kept piling on my door. So excuse me if I think this all-knowing, supposedly ever-loving god everyone always talks about isn't real because I can't fathom why they would spend so much time making the world just so and then turn around and punish people for things they can't help like being in love with another person who has the same genitalia as you do, or who doesn't identify with the genitalia they were born with, or who because they worship in a different way then what one religion says or because their skin is too dark or too light, or too red or too yellow. 'God made you perfect! He loves you just the way you are! He has a plan for you!' but then 'No wait, that's not how God wants you to be! Your a sinner! Oh no! Why are you being a horrible human being? If you're not careful, you'll wind up in hell!' How do they even know we're not already in hell, huh? Sure feels like it, when you live in a world where the concept of an all knowing god who does nothing to ease the pain of human suffering and let's us all rot here in our own filth and torment, excuse me if I think they aren't worth my time and energy to worry about how they might punish me when I finally shed this mortal coil and escape this terrible fucking place!"

Alex sighed as he finished his rant, but as he glanced over to John he regretted every word he'd said. Tears welled in John's eyes and for a moment Alex thought they were going to have another dispute like that morning. "I'm sorry," Alex started to say as he moved to get up, "I'll just...take my negativity and leave you alone now." But John reached for his hand and clasped it between his own.

"Wait, please," John nearly begged and the desperation in his voice stilled Alex. John swallowed around the lump in his throat, the fear he had over saying his next words, but he knew he had to or else...or else... "I'm sorry you feel that way...but please, please let me just pray for you." He squeezed his eyes shut again and held on to Alex a little tighter, scared he would pull away and become cross with him for even asking.

"Why?" Alex asked, his voice returning to it's own gentleness.

"Because I'm scared for your soul now."

"No, I mean...why do you need to do this? It's not gunna change anything John, and you can't be dumb enough to believe it would, right?"

"I know it won't change your mind," John replied, looking up at Alex. "But I really need to believe in my faith Alex, so please...please..."

Alex stared down at the cup of tea in his hand, watching his own reflection in it's opaque liquid dance from the jostling it took a moment ago as he moved to get off the bed. He sighed and chugged what was left in the mug, then set it down on the night side table and settled back onto the bed next to John. "Okay, fine; but I'm only doing this because it will help you more then me, understand? If you need help looking for Jesus or Allah or Kali or whomever I'll help you look, but once you find them that's your responsibility to look after them, okay? I'm not interested and I don't want to be guilted about it either."

"Okay," John said nodding. "That's fine, I understand. Thank you, Alex." He squeezed his roommate's hand once more and turned to face him more comfortably, removing one of his hands clasping Alex's to lay it on his shoulder instead. He bowed his head and Alex did the same, feeling awkward otherwise. "Dear Lord, please forgive Alexander's words that he used to speak against You—"

"I'm not sorry," Alex interjected, "especially because, supposedly, you're the one who made me like this, so I really don't know what else you expected from me. But my intent was not to lead John away from you, I guess I'm just bitter he still believes in you and I don't. That's all."

"Eheh...Lord, I ask that You please look after Alexander as he faces the challenges You set before him, even if his faith in You is..."

"Non-existent?"

"...less then what You might wish of him." John took a deep breath, steadying his nerves and pressing on. "Please comfort him for the trials he has faced already and help him to fulfill the plan You have for him, that he may still serve Your call for the greater good, Lord, and help the people who's lives he was meant to touch—" Alex snickered and John ignored him. "—and guide as they in turn make their way through this gift of life You have given us."

"And hey yo, if you could just get on with setting John up with a good-looking lover-boy he'd enjoy snuggling up with, that'd be greeeaaaaat," Alex added.

"Alex!"

"What?" he replied with a sheepish little grin. "Don't you want a sweet-talking boy to make love to you on a bed of fine silk or something?"

"That's not how prayer works," John sighed. He bowed his head once more and went on. "Lord, I ask that You look after Alexander's brothers, and one day bring them together again. And I pray, Lord, that You have taken Alexander's mother and his uncle into Your care, that You shelter them in Your kingdom and loving embrace, keep them safe for Alexander until he can be reunited with them when his troubles at last are put to rest at the end of a very long journey." He peeked up a little at Alex. "Did you have anything else you'd like to add, respectfully?"

Alex looked thoughtful a moment then reached his free hand up to rest on John's shoulder as well. "I imagine death so much it feels more like a memory, You've pushed me through so many trials and tribulations that I wonder what You have in store for me, and I don't believe in how You could conceive that the suffering of humankind could be good for anybody; I see my friend John bleed in torment, reliving a moment I would not wish on my worst enemy, suffering for Your name and still he would ask You to forgive me for transgressions I speak against You so freely. I want for nothing in this life but I'll ask You to treat him kindly, keep him safe for me and allow him to see clearly how good he is just as You've made him to be. Love him completely for his loyalty, shower him in blessing beyond his wildest fantasy; no Lord, I will ask for nothing else for me, for tho I walk in the valley of the shadow of Death she is far more my friend and I call her not an enemy. You know me Lord, I am not afraid to die, and I am more then willing to die if it would mean telling You off to Your face for the challenges you place on shoulders such as ours. Amen."

A hush fell over them. Alex let go of John's shoulder to wipe away the tears that rolled down John's face that he hadn't even realized were there until just then. The other male sniffled and pulled away some, letting Alex go to wipe at his face. "Thank you," he said. "For taking me seriously..."

"Is it too personal a question to ask you why you still choose to believe in a religion that damns you for being gay?" Alex asked.

John shook his head, trying to dry his eyes on the inner collar of the shirt he wore. "You're gunna think I'm stupid..."

"Hey, between you and me, which one of us has bitch written in pink glitter on their ass?" Alex smiled as John cracked a small smile. "And you really think you'll look like the stupid one? C'mon. Try me."

"I believe that I'll get one shot when I die to ask Him what the fuck He thought He was doing when He handed me this life, but only if I can make it through everything He's set before me without...giving in to weakness..."

"You mean, like loving another man?"

"No...I mean like suicide. If I kill myself, I throw away the gift of life He gave me. That's a sin, I go straight to hell, do not pass Go, do not collect $200. If I try to live the best life I can, maybe before I get sent to hell anyway for being gay I might get to see Him and just ask Him why he put me through all of this. What greater good did any of it do? What higher purpose? My religion was turned against me and is used to put me down because of the kind of people I'm attracted to, it's completely understandable that I would forsake it, and don't get me wrong Alex, I have my doubts to be sure. But faith is believing in something greater then you even in the face of everything telling you it's not real. And if I deny my God simply because of the things I've been through, then I've let the people who...hurt, me...take away another part of me, a sacred part of me. I'm scared that you and Lafayette are right, that there is no God and that I'm just a fool who puts his faith in something that doesn't even matter; but if that's true, then everything I've been through really was for nothing and I've got no reason left to keep myself alive anymore. So I need to believe in that, Alex. Because without it, I don't have a reason at all to keep going. Because that's what my faith in God really is, the only reason I can find to stay alive anymore."

Alex stayed quiet for a moment, processing that. He breathed deeply, heaving a sigh and asked "What's your favorite thing to do in the world? What gives you joy?"

John bit his bottom lip, the determined look in his roommate's eyes new and slightly intimidating. "Cooking," he answered quietly.

Alex nodded solemnly. "You ever cook for other people?"

"Yeah. So?"

"So, that's what god must want you to do then! I mean, maybe it's not all they want you to do, maybe they want you to do something else or have some bigger plan then that, fuck if I know what the hell anything like that has got going on in their brain, But! Think of all the people you won't get to feed if you ended your life. I've never had your cooking! You have to cook for me! And you have to cook for, maybe your younger brother, it's his first year at college, right? He's probably gunna miss home and you should be around to cook for him sometimes, right? Or the homeless, or just those less fortunate then us. You gotta cook for people who are sick, or disabled; you gotta cook for little kids that couldn't feed themselves otherwise, ya know? You gotta cook for people when they're celebrating and you gotta cook to bring them comfort when they're sad. You gotta feed as many different mouths as you can, you gotta share that with as many different people as you can, ya know? There's like billions of people on this planet and you gotta cook for as many of them as you can, okay? You gotta, you gotta, teach people to cook, and show them how they can make food delicious like only you know how! You gotta swap recipes, you gotta learn about food things you've never tried before. You gotta bring people together over meals! You gotta—"

"Do you cook?" John asked quietly, expecting to get talked over.

"Me?" Alex replied, surprising John. "Oh no, I've survived on peanut butter sandwiches and and like, pickles most of my life. I can, maybe, cook some basic ass ramen, that's all."

"You just speak so passionately about cooking, I thought you cooked too."

"I just have no chill, that's all," Alex said around a yawn. "Oh, excuse me. But listen, this isn't about me, it's about you and your life's calling or whatever. If you love to cook, then make that the reason god put you on earth. Don't sit around on your ass feeling sorry for yourself and waiting to die just so you can ask god what the hell they were thinking! Say 'This is the reason god put me here and this is what I'm gunna do with my life!' And then go do that! Because you know what, John? You're right, life is a gift! And everyone has a talent or a gift they were meant to give back to the world. And some people go their whole lives never knowing what that is, and other people have a good idea that it's one thing, but then maybe it becomes another thing later, or maybe some people have multiple talents. And some people do big things with their gifts or their talents, they touch hundreds of lives, they impact people hundreds, maybe thousands of years into the future. And some people only every touch the lives of their family, or their closest friends, and that's okay! Because you're right, your god gave you that gift for a reason and they want you to use it to do good in the world. And I know you're gunna do good in this world, you're—"

A knock on the door interrupted Alex just before Lafayette poked his head in. "Oh, I thought I heard you in here. You disappeared on me, Alex."

"Sorry," John said as his roommate yawned again. "I think my talking to myself distracted him."

"John was singing," Alex supplied and laughed at the slight glare he got form John. But Lafayette's face lit up with a smile.

"Really? You are singing again mon amour? That is wonderful."

"It wasn't," John said, looking clearly uncomfortable. "It wasn't that. Anyways, Alex, you were telling me something about talents and gifts from God?

"What? Oh." Alex tried to wave dismissively but his hand barely came up off his lap. "Sorry, I fell off that train of thought, John." He yawned again. "But cooking, you need to do that for many other people, okay? Promise me? That's what you'll make your life about? Or it can be something else, it's okay if you want to choose something else to be good at and do for people. You're good people."

"Alex, are you...tired?" John asked.

"Hmm? Ummm..." Alex noticed for the first time then that his body felt heavy like lead and that he had the strangest feeling he should curl up somewhere and take a nap. "Yeah, a little?

"What time did you get up this morning?"

"I dunno," Alex said, trying to wave dismissively once more. His hand uncoordinately almost slapped John in the face. "It was dark out still tho." His eye lids didn't want to stay open.

"How long did you sleep?" John questioned. Alex tried to shrug and then his body went slack a little and John instinctively grabbed him before he fell off the bed. "Alex?"

"I'm fine!" Alex said, seeming to jerk awake for a moment. His head lulled to the side and found John's shoulder. "Just...tired..."

"Okay, here," John said, easing Alex down to the mattress. "Lay down for a bit." He looked up at Lafayette and caught the worried look on the man's face, but then John figured Alex would be alright after a nap. "I think we need to let him rest."

"You needed to rest a bit too," Lafayette said softly. "He should not have been disturbing you."

"It's fine," John said with a shrug. "We talked about sharing space, no big deal. Is Thomas gone yet? I'll come out if I don't have to deal with Thomas anymore."

"Thomas is gone," Lafayette confirmed. "But you can stay laying down if you want."

"Heh, yeah," Alex said around yet another yawn. "You can sleep with me John, I don't mind."

"Aha," John replied, exchanging a look with Lafayette and putting on a nervous smile. "No, if you need to sleep, we'll let you sleep. Ah!" He was pulled down into Alex's arms and a moment later Lafayette was crawling onto the bed as well behind him. They became a mess of legs and arms and bodies smooshed together and for a moment John felt his heart beating almost too fast in his head as he was cuddled from in front and behind by the two men he dreamed about. As their moving and squirming stopped and they each lay still in the comfort of each others embrace, John cracked an eye open and peeked over his shoulder. Lafayette's eyes looked up at him but the rest of his face was too obscured by John's shoulder. He kissed at John's ear and murmured softly, "you are safe here, mon amour." It was comforting to hear.

He decided not to fight it, not to struggle free and move somewhere where he couldn't be touched. He could feel the all to familiar sensation of disassociation trying to settle over him, and John mentally pushed it away. His hands ran up to Alex's shoulders, fidgeting with the hair there and giving him something to play with. Lafayette kissed John's shoulder and he didn't tell the French man to stop. He grounded himself in the feeling of being here, loved by his best friend and cuddled by his roommate. He took a deep breath and his last thought was that Alex's hair smelled better then his pillow.

END CHAPTER