"Even looking into my deep brown eyes, you cannot understand how I feel about you, Severus Snape. Because sometimes I can't even understand it.''
Victory, my subconscious roared, seeing how Isobel put her hand to her throat. Her eyes were going to pop out of their sockets, her face turned red and then purple. Professor Snape looked at her very worried. It also seemed that his eyes were going to pop out when he saw my sister in full agony. Isobel took the glass from her and urgently took a large sip of water. My happy smile disappeared as soon as she returned to her normal skin tone. The idiot she had choked on the cherries, but still the "red death" still had no effect on that viper body. How could that be? Exasperated, I snorted when I saw her breathing well.
―Are you all right, Rosenberg? ―Snape asked worriedly.
―Yes, professor. ―she said, taking another sip.
Snape seemed to breathe easy when he saw that his beloved was not in mortal danger, but now it was me. He went from worried frown to murderous glare in a single shake of his head. I raised my eyes little by little to look at him, he knew that I had been the cause. Some of the students at the table had been paying attention to our little meeting since the head of the house had arrived. Heads up to get a better look at what was going on.
―Rosenberg to my office. ―we both looked at him instinctively, not knowing which of us he was referring to. He rolled his eyes impatiently. ―You ―he told me, almost losing his form. He was very angry.
I got up from the seat, tucking my wand into my robes. There was no way my sister could survive such a poisoning, but it might be me, the one who didn't live to tell about it, in a few more minutes. We walked out into the entrance hall, Snape following me at a steady pace, my wavy hair bouncing around my shoulders. We went downstairs quickly, passing by the glass that I had broken running away that fateful day. It was already fixed, as if nothing had happened. We continue down the stairs in silence until we reach the cold corridors of the dungeons. The torches lit my way, but the truth is that I was scared. This time I had tried to commit a murder, my own sister and it was going to cost me dearly. Besides, Severus was in love with her... It hurt me to remember it. He was in love with that evil beast and I wasn't used to it. I couldn't understand it. Maybe it was because I really didn't expect to ever be in this strange and desperate situation. It was a terrible hurricane, which was devastating my very insides.
Almost flying we went through the last corridors, glimpse our destiny to one side of the route. His office door opened violently on its own, hitting the wall with a loud crash. I moved forward trying not to think about anything, but it was impossible. I walked in there remembering all the past times I had been in that room. Had it really been that long? So many scoldings, so many punishments and so many secret kisses... I was going to miss everything, absolutely everything. Snape slammed the heavy black door shut as I turned around. His jaw clenched and his eyes glared at me as he went to sit across from his table. I stood in the middle of his office not knowing what to do.
―You have thirty seconds to explain yourself! ―he exclaimed, causing his lips to twist into a nasty sneer.
He was very serious. His eyebrows were so close they almost touched. At this point, confessing the truth didn't seem like such a bad idea. Regardless, whether I did or not, I already knew imminent expulsion from the castle awaited me.
―I have tried to kill my sister Isobel, but this has been of no avail. I got scammed. When you found me in the alley, sir, I wasn't exactly lost. ―I paused to see his expression, but he was still irritated. ―I went into a store and bought a green Dracumian for...
―Go on, Rosenberg. ―he said scathingly.
―To end the life of that bastard! I hate her with all my might! ―I answered, exploiting all my anxiety, but I ended up crying in my hands in front of him. ―I hate her!
Snape didn't seem to be disturbed at all. His extreme indifference reached points that my mind could not understand. However, I was very sensitive, it was very difficult for me to hide what I felt and much more if it was sorrow or sadness.
―I don't think you understand the seriousness of the situation, miss. ―he said, relaxing his features a little. ―We're talking about an assassination attempt on your own sister. Would you rather end up in Azkaban as a murderer than find any way to protect her? Why are you doing this to her, miss?
―Because I no longer have the strength to continue fighting! I have nothing, Professor Snape, nothing. There is no other way out, I have lost the people I love most in this world.
Professor Snape got up from his seat as I continued to cry, staring at the floor to avoid the embarrassment and contemptuous looks from him. But as soon as he reached my side, his fingers caressed my chin gently, surprising me. I raised my head wide-eyed, his gaze now soft and compassionate. His anger and dismissive attitude had disappeared, another person was looking at me from those dark black eyes.
―No... don't you dare tell me that there is a reason to spoil everything you want. You have never been a bad person, miss. I didn't think you would go to this extreme, miss, and the truth is that I'm afraid you'll become a murderer. ―he said as he wiped away my tears with his thumb. ―I've tried to stay out of it, day after day. But ever since that moment a year ago, when you helped little Collins, I can't stop thinking about you, miss...
Summer was beginning to make itself felt in the shortened clothing of the students. The sun was shining overhead as class changes were made and students crossed the halls. Isobel and I had just had a fight on the second floor. My arm was bleeding a little from the scratches she had given me, she liked to hit me with her fists while I ran away without rest. I was determined to skip transfiguration class, my arm was in too much pain to last an hour doing silly wand movements. In that area of the garden, I was always alone, free from indiscreet or authoritarian glances that could give me away. But then, on my way to my favorite corner, I saw far down the hall a group of Gryffindor boys surrounding something in its center. That something, it screamed every time one of the others raised their wand. I quickly went towards them, very alarmed by the muffled cries emitted by that cornered boy.
―Hey! What the hell are you doing? Stop!
The group of four ran off before I could identify them, revealing a boy of about eleven. He was pale skinned and brown haired, he seemed to have been crying as he had red eyes. I crouched down to be at his height to see him better, he was scared.
―Hey, what happened to you? What were they doing to you? They were messing with you, right?
The boy tried to vocalize but his lips trembled, about to cry I put a finger over his mouth. I looked at the emblem of my house on his black robe, now I knew why they had messed with him. I wiped away his tears with a handkerchief I had in the inside pocket of my robe, fixed his hair and smiled at him pointing to my emblem from the house of serpents.
―My name is Elinor Rosenberg, I'm a fifth year student. ―I said, shaking his robe, ―What's your name?
Before he could tell me his name, a male voice surprised us. The boy changed his expression as he recognized the man I had behind my back. I could tell right away who it was when I saw his fearful and alarmed eyes.
―Mr. Collins, please return to his class immediately.
It said that voice I recognized as Professor Snape's. The little boy walked around me to leave. Looking at me with regret for not having introduced himself properly, but then again, no one in his right mind would stand up to my potions teacher. I got up slowly waiting patiently for my scolding of the day. I looked at him submissive and helpful, for years I had learned that it was better not to challenge him.
―It's a real shame the hat didn't get you into Gryffindor Rosenberg, because right now, you could have lost more than ten points for not being in your class.
―Professor Snape... I was just helping that kid, some Gryffindor boys were harassing him.
I told him while he further tightened his eyebrows. It was as unyielding as my mother's wand. He crossed his arms at chest height with a certain spectral air, that man truly made himself feared and he knew how to do it with anyone.
―So some cowards, of your same ilk, miss, were harassing the freshman first year. ―he replied, trying to hurt me.
―Not all Gryffindors are good, not all Slytherins are bad... ―I answered, whispering the last thing.
―Silence! To my office, right now, don't think you're going to get away with this, miss.
Wake up Elinor, wake up. It couldn't be real, it wasn't there, it was impossible. He caressed my cheek so gently, there was little chance that he was my real potions teacher. The one who had been relentlessly rejecting me. But it was true that he was there, he was still standing next to me watching the reaction on my face when I confessed his most intimate secrets.
―That day you triggered something inside me and I didn't have enough strength to control it, miss. I blamed you for driving me crazy from head to toe and for that I hated you. Every time I saw your figure in the corridors I looked for any pretext to talk to you, I didn't even mind hurting you if I could see how your beautiful eyes burned with fury, miss. ―Knowing such a sincere revelation, he turned his head ashamed. ―And suddenly one day, without more, you come to my office and ask me to take care of your sister in exchange for anything, anything I wanted. I should have stood firm in my decision and expelled you, to be able to get you out of my mind, miss, but... the temptation I felt for you was so great that it overpowered me, Elinor.
He paused briefly, walking away a few steps so I couldn't see the embarrassment he was going through. He stepped in front of the potions rack and took several deep breaths before following his explanation. My face remained unchanged, I wanted to hear everything he had to say. He had taken my breath away. My heart was euphoric, it was going to come out of my chest at any moment, but I kept firm. I would do it until he opened up completely, how long I had longed for this moment. He didn't understand that for me, his words were sweet nectar from the gods.
―I knew that you hated me deeply and believe me when I tell you, it hurt me to see your looks of contempt, miss. I didn't know how to deal with such a complicated situation, so I got carried away and... I abused you in every possible way, physical and psychological. I told you that I loved your sister to hide my true feelings so that I could approach you without fear. I know that I am despicable and mean as you have reminded me on so many occasions, but I was always in your shadow to protect you, miss. When I was investigating Saint Meh's knife, you suddenly appeared here requesting a warrant. You don't know how happy it made me when I heard from your lips that you would let me touch you whenever I wanted.
―Severus… ―I whispered blushing, gasping for breath.
―Please, let me finish. ―he said, tilting his head. ―I knew that what was a joy for me was an ordeal for you, miss. You can't imagine the pleasure I felt when I kissed your lips for the first time. How could I imagine that a few minutes later that thing was going to absorb me completely, causing me to seriously injure you? On more than one occasion I wanted to apologize, but what would I say? How would you react? I was a complete idiot not realizing that you hated me with all your being, I had vain hopes. Even so, I always watched over you from the shadows, trying not to arouse doubts about myself. Trying by all means not to treat you differently from the rest. Until a few days ago I ran into her in Knockturn Alley, fearing she had done something rash, which I have seen tonight... I was so afraid for you, miss, that I didn't hesitate to do anything to get you to talk. Then when you tried to take your body by force, you burst into tears, my soul broke seeing you like this. But what could I do? You hated me like hell and would never sleep with me of your own free will. That was when from your lips I could hear what you really felt, I was very surprised and hope inevitably sprang up in me.
Hope that has kept me unsettled all these days. Praying more than wishing, that my judgment knew how to cross that obstacle that is the heart. I tried not to see you again, or look at you at dinner, but by chance I saw you get up, miss. Seeing how you were going to waste your life, I couldn't take it anymore and here I have brought you to ask you to forgive me for everything I have made you suffer, Elinor. I have kept those words deep inside of me, so inside that I can no longer forget them: I love you, I love you with all my heart... How can you ignore something like that from the person you love? It is impossible. I could talk all night about how I feel about you, Miss, but I don't have the morals left for it. You are just a girl yet...
―I'm seventeen years old, I'm not a girl anymore ―I answered without fear, I was beginning to understand many things between us, I could feel myself floating ―Severus look at me, you know my feelings. They haven't changed all these days, listening to you, sir, they've even grown stronger. I just need to hear two words and I'll be yours forever.
Professor Snape turned around slowly; In his eyes I could see the internal battle that drove him so crazy, but it didn't matter anymore. I wouldn't let him go, not after opening his heart to me and confessing his love. I felt very happy, my smile attested to it.
―It's not that simple, Rosenberg. ―his expression was sad, for the first time I saw him like that. I had to make him change his mind, and fast, or he'd eventually cast me aside.
―You only live once, Professor Snape, and I know what I want in my life ―I said, approaching with a hesitant step. ―I need you to understand that you can't give up now, you've already taken the most important step. I won't let you go. ―Barely inches separated us, I took one of his pale hands and kissed it devotedly. I looked at him in amazement, as if it were the first time and it really was, since I had never imagined that part of him so sensitive. His expression had changed again, I highly doubted that anyone had ever kissed his hand. I thought it was a good way to show what I felt for him.
―Go back to the dining room and make sure your sister is okay. ―he said, turning around again, possibly blushing.
―Can I stay tonight? ―It was a spur of the moment caused by the terrible nerves in my stomach. Snape turned sharply, trying to figure out what I was up to. ―Just to sleep… ―I added uncertainly, but he nodded slowly to my surprise.
I didn't know what else to say, it had been so much information at one point. To make matters worse, my heart kept asking me to hug him or kiss him, but he was reluctant, he turned his back on me fearfully. He still wasn't ready to face his feelings and I understood that. Still, I felt happy and wanted to pass it all on to him completely. I approached him silently. I gently placed a tender kiss on the shoulder of his black robe. He didn't smile but it caused his dark eyes to spark and grow warmer.
―I'll be back soon.
I said as I walked away from him with a painted smile on my lips. We had taken a step in our relationship or rather the first step: the declaration of feelings by both parties. I left his office happier than ever, it seemed that time had stopped. The world no longer existed, nor the stone walls, nor the green gardens, nor the people who hurt me, nor even those who loved me. Because I had found the center of my universe and that center was him.
As soon as I got back to the dining room a barrage of questions rained down on me from Sarah Harris. Her curiosity seemed boundless; I had to lie to her and made up that Snape had punished me for getting up from the table to go gossip. I felt sorry to do it, but I had no choice. Isobel for her part was fine, she didn't seem to have suffered any damage, but it was strange. Perhaps Severus knew why the plant hadn't worked on her. Tonight I could ask him anything I wanted and he would have no choice but to answer.
Sarah was looking at me with one of her raised eyebrows as I toyed with my dessert. Surely I would have a stupid smile of a girl in love while I looked at her sideways. Surely she would wonder what was happening to me, because after a punishment nobody would have that happy face.
After finishing dinner, each house returned to their common rooms. The Slytherin group went down to the dungeons, Fiona Lee had been chosen as the new prefect and the truth is that I liked her. All my roommates (finally all) changed their clothes and got into their usual beds; my trunk was already in front of mine. One by one, they all stopped whispering and collapsed from exhaustion and the grueling journey back to the castle. Making sure they were sleeping soundly, I got out of bed very carefully so as not to wake any of them. If I woke up Vanessa or Gisselle there would be hell.
I crossed the common room quickly, my desire to see him increasing with each step. Nerves ate at my stomach. This time I had opted for white short-sleeved pajamas. That way if I was cold I would have the perfect excuse to get close to his body. I quickly walked down the hall that separated us, standing in front of his door not knowing what to do. It was completely contradictory, because although I wanted to be with him (even more so knowing how he felt about me), I didn't know what mood he was in or how he would react. How would things be from now on? I breathed deeply and confidently, I closed my eyes waiting to hear the voice inside me. When I opened them I was certain that everything from now on would be much easier, much better. He had only to ask me and I would give him everything I had.
I knocked twice on the door, listening to the rapid beating of my heart. I heard his answer and fearlessly entered the room, I would never again feel the fear of the past. Severus was sitting in front of his desk looking at some parchments, I'd bet anything he was preparing for tomorrow's classes. He glanced up at me for a second, then flipped through the scrolls again, unconcerned.
―Come into the bedroom, you know where it is. ―that phrase made me blush, he seemed to have said that I already knew myself from several nights of lust. I ignored the ravings of my sick mind and walked through his office until I grabbed the doorknob behind his desk. He seemed to have a lot of paperwork even though it was the first night in the castle for the students.
―Aren't you coming, Professor Snape? ―I asked timidly. Just as he had received me, so cold and indifferent, I was ashamed now to call him by his first name.
―Give me a few minutes, Rosenberg. ―his voice didn't have the same tone as before, now it was soft and that reassured me.
I opened the door without further ado and walked into his bedroom. Nothing had changed since the last time I was there. The fire burned constantly spoiling my plans to approach his body asking for heat. I closed it behind me carefully, the oranges and yellows lighting up the dark room. The black bed was waiting for me in the center, the sheets were pulled back, ready to welcome a tired body. Our bodies exhausted.
I threw myself on the black bed expecting Severus to come through the door in a few moments. I thought about the questions I would ask him, almost all of them were incoherent, obscene or absurd. My mind was beginning to weigh me down, as if I were drunk. I was sleepy, my vision was clouding more and more while my arms fell heavily on the bed and then I heard the door open very slowly. My eyes opened just as slowly. Snape appeared in the doorway, noticing me as soon as I entered. I wanted to sit up but I didn't have enough strength, so I just smiled when I saw him arrive. If he was nervous it didn't seem so, for he strode purposefully past the bed to the other side of the room. He undressed with his back to me, slowly. I enjoyed in silence, but mostly nervous, watching him calmly undress. His back was incredibly pale and he had some dark moles scattered across his shoulders, but I could also vaguely see scars. They were deep and appeared to have been severely wounded, dark silver in color. He opened the closet and took out his black pajamas, depriving me of such a delicious sight.
His pajamas were long-sleeved despite the fact that it was almost summer, but of course after years of cold humidity anyone would be cold at this time. It could even be custom. Quickly pulling on his pants, he turned around buttoning the last button on his pajama top. He looked at me with a certain air of insecurity, not knowing whether to go to bed or ask me something. Finally he ran a hand through his hair and pulled back the covers to tuck in his weary body. He sat on the bed, careful not to disturb me. He pulled his skinny legs up to his hips and linked his fingers together over his flat belly. Taking my last strength I turned to his side to look at him, my body was lying next to him. The particular aroma of spices filled my nostrils.
―Are you comfortable, miss? ―He said, staring at the fire in front of us.
―Very comfortable, Professor Snape. ―I said smiling, he didn't look me in the eye and that made me think that he was possibly nervous.
―Good. I advise you to sleep, classes start tomorrow and I won't tolerate failures, miss. ―he said, looking at me slightly askance.
―May I ask you something before bed, sir?
―You've already done it, Rosenberg ―I suppressed the nervous smile. ―But you can ask a second question. ―he said, sighing more calmly as he broke the ice.
―Why didn't the "red death" have an effect on Isobel? ―I yawned trying not to close my eyes, Snape clenched his jaw and seemed to frown slightly thoughtfully, he crossed his arms tightly and looked at me as if the answer was more than obvious.
―The green Dracumiana prepares its poison from the blood it obtains, in this case yours, on the fourth day it will bear a red fruit that is poisonous to anyone except you, miss. The toxins do not affect your system since your blood was used to make the poison. In this special case, you are twins, you have the same blood in your veins, that's why the poison didn't affect her, miss. ―he concluded, looking at the fire again.
So Isobel had been saved by sheer luck. I shrank my legs, placing myself in a fetal position, I felt that fatigue was winning me at times. I closed my eyes about to fall asleep next to him when he spoke to me again.
―Promise me you won't do anything like that again, Elinor. ―he whispered in my direction.
―I would promise you the world if you wanted, sir. ―my heart declared.
―It's enough for me that you don't threaten your safety, miss.
Saying this I could hear how he leaned back on the mattress. With my eyes still closed I stealthily approached my dear professor, I stretched out my arm to cross his body and hugged him affectionately. I didn't know if his strong character would tolerate my daring, but nothing happened. In fact, very cautiously and slowly from him I felt his arm wrap around me and place his hand on my waist. Our relationship seemed to be on the right track, he just had to get used to my affection and I would just have to put up with his bad temper, although I doubted that I could last long without fighting with him. I placed my head on his chest, going up and down regularly. The sound of his heart was a lullaby to my ears, I was too comfortable, I might even get used to it.
―I promise you, Severus.
Saying his name made his heart beat faster causing me to smile big. I couldn't help loving him even more when these things happened. I stuck a little closer to his body, so much so that he had to turn around so as not to be uncomfortable, but he kept holding me tightly by the waist. We were face to face, his eyes would be scrutinizing my face calmly, that's why I didn't open mine, I didn't want to deprive him of that pleasure, he had waited too long already. Suddenly I felt his breath on my face, his lips met mine for just an instant. It had been the sweetest kiss he had given me so far. I smiled sweetly, pleased at his gift and rested my head under his chin. His heart was beating wildly and his breathing had accelerated just like mine.
At that moment everything began to fade from my mind, the thoughts were confused and his caresses in my hair I barely felt them. I could only feel that I was in his arms and that all this time he had been taking care of me, even if sometimes he hadn't done it the right way. But really, his love belonged to me.