Swiss Cheese and Rice
For the past three years I had been living my life by one motto.
"Never gamble with more then you are willing to lose."
It's a great motto, and not just for when you're dealing with money. It works well with people too, don't get attached to people and you won't get hurt. After that whole thing with Whitney, I pretty much kept my gaurd up all the time, until they came along. These two stupid men with their stupid ship had grown on me, then there was the kid and the dog. They annoyed me to no end, but I couldn't help but feel right at home with them after a while. Maybe it was just because I annoyed them to no end in turn, I'll never be sure, but after Spike came home, things changed. Not drastically, but enough that I noticed, and it made me wonder if gambling with Spike's fate had been a bad decision.
Maybe it's because that's when things really "Hit" him.
....................
"Hit him", it's such an obnoxiously misused term. I remembered when I woke up from my cryogenic sleep the realilty of what happened didn't "hit" me, it knocked me right the hell out.
After what Spike had said to me about wanting to be dead, I didn't taunt him as much as I used to, and even when I tried, he'd rarely taunt me back.
It just wasn't fun anymore...
Spike just wasn't Spike anymore...
-------------------------------
Lots of times I would catch him just staring out into space. He didn't eat alot, and he rarely spoke. I was begining to wonder if this weird guy was even really Spike at all.
One time when I was coming back from the shower, I caught him sitting at the foot of his bed staring at his gun.
His door was open about an inch or so and I hid behind it to watch him.
He was probably thinking about suicide, but I doubted he'd go through with it. I mean, really, who hasn't cotemplated killing themselves at least once in their lives? Although in Spike's mind, he was supposed to be dead. The Grim Reaper had Spike by the hand but he was yanked back into the painful world of the living by a crazy purple haired bitch. Not that he knew it was me that sent the ambulence, but knowing Spike, he probably had his suspitions.
I stepped away from the crack at his door, held my breath and was about to knock on it.
"Well, aren't you going to barge into my room like you always do?" he always knew when I was there. I felt like I just got caught with my hand in the cookie jar.
"I was going to knock." I snapped at him.
"Knocking's not your style Faye,"
"You know that." he flashed me a cold smile then put all his attention back on his gun.
"Well I guess it isn't but I.." his smile made me uneasy.
"It was you, wasn't it Faye?"
"What was me?" Although I knew damn well what he was talking about, and I knew I couldn't hide the guilt on my face.
He gave me his "You know exactly what the hell I'm talking about" face and then put all his attention on back on his gun again.
"Everybody from my past is dead Faye..do you have any idea how lonely that feels?"
Of course I do you asshole! I screamed inside my head. My real answer was less abrassive.
"Of course I do, Spike."
"Then why did you do this to me?" his voice wasn't angry and it wasn't sad, it had an odd tone to it.
*Why did you do this to me?*
The words echoed in my head..i still didn't have an answer..and I blurted out the first thing I could think of.
"Because everybody from your future is still alive." God, that sounded so selfish..
Spike looked up at me with his calm brown eyes and he coughed out a bitter laugh.
"You really are a selfish bitch, Faye." his voice..it sounded just like Vicious' voice, empty and cold.
"Yeah, and you really are a gutless pussy, Spike. Why don't you do us all a favor and pull the trigger already?"
Tears were staring to burn the corners of me eyes and I could feel a lump of only God knows what kind of emotions lodged in my throat. I turned to leave his room, like hell if I would let him see me cry over this. I saved his life, and even if he wasn't happy about it, the least he could be was thankful.
I heard one shot fire out behind me and a bullet zoomed over my head and lodged itself into the wall in the hallway.
"What the hell was the for?" I swung around at him with my fists balled ready to beat the crap out of him. Not like I would really be able to, but I felt confident I could get in a few cheap shots before he started in with his crazy kung-fu or whatever the hell it was that he practiced.
"Well you said do us all a favor." his normal crooked smile came back.
"Looks like my aim's still off a little."
"You really are an asshole, Spike." I glared at him.
He opened his mouth to say something else when Jet started yelling from down the hallway.
"Goddammit!" he barked.
He raged into Spikes room and started yelling at us.
"If you two don't stop shooting up my ship, I'm throwing both your asses out. You can kill each other for all I care, but leave the Bebop out of it!"
It was so hard not to laugh at him because he was wearing his silly apron and shaking his spatula at us causing small grains of rice to fly all over us.
"I'm serious this time...blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah
Faye...blah, blah, blah,
Spike..blah, blah, blah,
and I mean it you two!"
"And clean this mess up, Faye!"
Jet shook his Spatula at us one more time, showering my freshly washed hair with sticky white rice. He stopped to examine the fresh wound in the ship's wall and mumbled something about swiss cheese.
I looked back at Spike. He had put the gun down and was blankly staring up at me. There was rice in his hair too, it looked like maggots. Between that, his lack of color and the huge black bags under his eyes, Spike almost looked like he really was dead.
"What's your problem?"
"You're my problem."
Spike was picking the rice out of his hair and flicking it at me.
"You're lucky you're a cripple Spike, otherwise I'd kick your ass."
"The only way I'm crippled is emotionally because I have to put up with you all the time, Faye."
I attempted to make a cold exit out of the room, but that idea went out the window when I slipped on some rice on the floor and banged my ass on the ground, hard.
"Ouch!" I yelped.
"Jet told you to clean that up Faye," he mused.
I got up and rubbed my bruised bottom.
"Shut-Up, Spike."
I looked at the floor and sighed, there was so much rice and I didn't feel like doing anymore work today, but I also didn't feel like falling on my ass again either.
Where was Ein when you needed him?
For the past three years I had been living my life by one motto.
"Never gamble with more then you are willing to lose."
It's a great motto, and not just for when you're dealing with money. It works well with people too, don't get attached to people and you won't get hurt. After that whole thing with Whitney, I pretty much kept my gaurd up all the time, until they came along. These two stupid men with their stupid ship had grown on me, then there was the kid and the dog. They annoyed me to no end, but I couldn't help but feel right at home with them after a while. Maybe it was just because I annoyed them to no end in turn, I'll never be sure, but after Spike came home, things changed. Not drastically, but enough that I noticed, and it made me wonder if gambling with Spike's fate had been a bad decision.
Maybe it's because that's when things really "Hit" him.
....................
"Hit him", it's such an obnoxiously misused term. I remembered when I woke up from my cryogenic sleep the realilty of what happened didn't "hit" me, it knocked me right the hell out.
After what Spike had said to me about wanting to be dead, I didn't taunt him as much as I used to, and even when I tried, he'd rarely taunt me back.
It just wasn't fun anymore...
Spike just wasn't Spike anymore...
-------------------------------
Lots of times I would catch him just staring out into space. He didn't eat alot, and he rarely spoke. I was begining to wonder if this weird guy was even really Spike at all.
One time when I was coming back from the shower, I caught him sitting at the foot of his bed staring at his gun.
His door was open about an inch or so and I hid behind it to watch him.
He was probably thinking about suicide, but I doubted he'd go through with it. I mean, really, who hasn't cotemplated killing themselves at least once in their lives? Although in Spike's mind, he was supposed to be dead. The Grim Reaper had Spike by the hand but he was yanked back into the painful world of the living by a crazy purple haired bitch. Not that he knew it was me that sent the ambulence, but knowing Spike, he probably had his suspitions.
I stepped away from the crack at his door, held my breath and was about to knock on it.
"Well, aren't you going to barge into my room like you always do?" he always knew when I was there. I felt like I just got caught with my hand in the cookie jar.
"I was going to knock." I snapped at him.
"Knocking's not your style Faye,"
"You know that." he flashed me a cold smile then put all his attention back on his gun.
"Well I guess it isn't but I.." his smile made me uneasy.
"It was you, wasn't it Faye?"
"What was me?" Although I knew damn well what he was talking about, and I knew I couldn't hide the guilt on my face.
He gave me his "You know exactly what the hell I'm talking about" face and then put all his attention on back on his gun again.
"Everybody from my past is dead Faye..do you have any idea how lonely that feels?"
Of course I do you asshole! I screamed inside my head. My real answer was less abrassive.
"Of course I do, Spike."
"Then why did you do this to me?" his voice wasn't angry and it wasn't sad, it had an odd tone to it.
*Why did you do this to me?*
The words echoed in my head..i still didn't have an answer..and I blurted out the first thing I could think of.
"Because everybody from your future is still alive." God, that sounded so selfish..
Spike looked up at me with his calm brown eyes and he coughed out a bitter laugh.
"You really are a selfish bitch, Faye." his voice..it sounded just like Vicious' voice, empty and cold.
"Yeah, and you really are a gutless pussy, Spike. Why don't you do us all a favor and pull the trigger already?"
Tears were staring to burn the corners of me eyes and I could feel a lump of only God knows what kind of emotions lodged in my throat. I turned to leave his room, like hell if I would let him see me cry over this. I saved his life, and even if he wasn't happy about it, the least he could be was thankful.
I heard one shot fire out behind me and a bullet zoomed over my head and lodged itself into the wall in the hallway.
"What the hell was the for?" I swung around at him with my fists balled ready to beat the crap out of him. Not like I would really be able to, but I felt confident I could get in a few cheap shots before he started in with his crazy kung-fu or whatever the hell it was that he practiced.
"Well you said do us all a favor." his normal crooked smile came back.
"Looks like my aim's still off a little."
"You really are an asshole, Spike." I glared at him.
He opened his mouth to say something else when Jet started yelling from down the hallway.
"Goddammit!" he barked.
He raged into Spikes room and started yelling at us.
"If you two don't stop shooting up my ship, I'm throwing both your asses out. You can kill each other for all I care, but leave the Bebop out of it!"
It was so hard not to laugh at him because he was wearing his silly apron and shaking his spatula at us causing small grains of rice to fly all over us.
"I'm serious this time...blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah
Faye...blah, blah, blah,
Spike..blah, blah, blah,
and I mean it you two!"
"And clean this mess up, Faye!"
Jet shook his Spatula at us one more time, showering my freshly washed hair with sticky white rice. He stopped to examine the fresh wound in the ship's wall and mumbled something about swiss cheese.
I looked back at Spike. He had put the gun down and was blankly staring up at me. There was rice in his hair too, it looked like maggots. Between that, his lack of color and the huge black bags under his eyes, Spike almost looked like he really was dead.
"What's your problem?"
"You're my problem."
Spike was picking the rice out of his hair and flicking it at me.
"You're lucky you're a cripple Spike, otherwise I'd kick your ass."
"The only way I'm crippled is emotionally because I have to put up with you all the time, Faye."
I attempted to make a cold exit out of the room, but that idea went out the window when I slipped on some rice on the floor and banged my ass on the ground, hard.
"Ouch!" I yelped.
"Jet told you to clean that up Faye," he mused.
I got up and rubbed my bruised bottom.
"Shut-Up, Spike."
I looked at the floor and sighed, there was so much rice and I didn't feel like doing anymore work today, but I also didn't feel like falling on my ass again either.
Where was Ein when you needed him?