Because you asked for it (rather, because one of my friends and a reviewer asked for it...)
It's Seamus's Sugar high: The sequel!!
The next day.
A random student walked into the Gryffindor common room this morning, as the clouds shone brightly
through the sun.
Random student: That makes less sense than the last chapter!
Quiet you! Do I have to go through this again?
Random Student: Go through what?
Oh, you weren't there... hmmm... okay... then I'll just turn you into a Bertie Botts Every Flavour Bean!
Random Student: But why?
And so the student became a bean. A purple bean. Frog wart flavoured.
And the bean said, in its non-existent, but still misty voice, "Isn't this supposed to be about Seamus?"
I'm getting to that!
So the sun shone brightly through the clouds again, casting their cloudy rays onto a young Irish lad lying on
the Gryffindor common room floor.
Ah the benefits of skylights.
"Moan" Seamus moaned.
"So Seamus, how are you this fine morning?" Fred asked.
Seamus noticed that Fred and George were reclining in the chairs, getting a strange tan from the sunlight
shining through the clouds. It made their freckles stand out.
"Morning?" Seamus said groggily.
"Yes. Saturday morning." George added, smearing some wizard sun block on himself.
"Oh good, weekend... no class today."
"No, but it is the day of the MAGNIFICENT MID YEAR FEAST!!" Fred stole the sun block. "I
burn easily George, come on..."
A random student then walked into the Gryffindor common room. However it wasn't really a student, but
an omnipotent Every Flavour Bean! A purple one at that.
"I am an Every Flavour Bean!!!" It yelled.
"Yeah, the narrator just pointed that out." George replied.
"I don't care, I'm pointing it out again!" It yelled again.
"Pointing what out?" Fred asked.
"I am an Every Flavour Bean!!!" It yelled.
"Yeah, the narrator just pointed that out." George replied.
ENOUGH!
Fred, George, the Bean, and Seamus stood perfectly still and quiet.
"Isn't this supposed to be about Seamus?" Fred asked.
I'm getting to that!
So the sun shone brightly through the clouds still, casting their cloudy rays upon the bean, the twins, and
Seamus, who seemed to be waking up.
"Oy... What happened?" He moaned.
"Oh, just a small incident involving you and several muggle sweets." George said innocently.
"...And why are there panties on my head?" Seamus added.
Fred and George looked at each other and held back their laughter.
Rather badly.
And they burst into very loud laughter.
And Seamus went to the bathroom to see what was wro--
"AAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Hermione walked into the common room "Hey, what's all this yelling about?"
"You'll see."
Seamus walked into the room, and both Hermione and the Every Flavour Bean disguised as a student burst
into laughter.
"Hey, waitaminute. You're just a giant Every Flavour Bean." Hermione said, amidst her girlish giggles.
"Yes, the narrator just pointed that out." George replied.
"I don't care, I'm pointing it out again!" It yelled again.
"Pointing what out?" Fred asked.
That's it! I'm nipping this in the bud!
A 15 year-old girl with long brown hair and blue eyes popped into the room wearing black robes. She
brandished her wand.
"Silentium!"
The twins didn't make a sound.
"There!" The girl, who is actually me said proudly.
"Who are you?" Hermione said in her better-than-you way.
"I'll teach you to talk to me in the better-than-you way!" I replied.
"Mortem!" I said, pointing my wand at Hermione.
Hermione then fell to the ground dead, before dissolving into the air.
"How did you do that?!" Seamus screamed.
"I'm an author. I can do anything! Watch."
"Markerus Vanisium!"
Seamus felt his face and ran into the bathroom for a few seconds before running out and hugging me
around the waist.
"OMIGOD! How can I thank you?!" He squealed.
"Hmmmm, you can be a groupie. Can never have too many groupies I say..."
"Okay, what do I do?"
"Just follow me around all day and do what I tell you to. If you're good, you'll be rewarded." I winked.
"Oy! Did you just say something suggestively?" Ron said as he ran into the room.
"OOH! Ron, someone else I can use as a groupie!"
"Are the groupies rewarded?" Ron asked.
"Of course!"
Fred and George tapped me on the shoulder.
"What is it?"
They pointed to their mouths and my wand.
"Fine, Vox!"
"I thought this fic was supposed to be about Seamus." Fred shouted.
"But, now it's just about you." George added.
"So... I'm the author, it can be about whoever I want it to be about!"
"The title says it's about Seamus."
"I'm getting to that!"
"Oy, do this mean Ah'm not a groupie no more?" Seamus asked.
"No, just because you're the star doesn't mean you can'-- ahhh!!!" The author screamed as she burst into
flame and disappeared.
"What"
"Was"
"That?" Fred and George queried.
"I think she's gone!" Seamus replied.
"But where?"
"Aw, I was going to be rewarded..." Ron sulked.
Harry, replacing Hermione in the wits department, as he is a foil, after all, took a deep breath.
"She went to the catacombs of the labyrinths of insanity within the realm of chaos which burns with the fire
of eternal darkness at the altar of incredulity within the rule of the gods of favour and inspiration."
"What the...? How did you know that, Harry?"
"I'm the star. I know a lot of things for no reason."
"But the author said Seamus was the star!" George reasoned.
"Yeah, but where's the author now?" Fred countered.
"I'm right here!" A misty voice from beyond yelled.
"But where's 'here'?" George asked.
"The catacombs of the labyrinths of madness within the realm of chaos which burns with the fire of eternal
darkness at the altar of incredulity within the rule of the gods of favour and inspiration." The misty voice
called out again.
"Ha! Harry was wrong!" Ron laughed.
"But I cannot be wrong! I am the star!"
The author groaned mistily... "We went over this Potter!"
"But it's the 'Harry Potter Series', how can I not be the star?"
"Because the title is 'Seamus' Sugar High!! Part 2!'. Not 'Harry Argues With the Author'!"
"Then why is Seamus not sugar high, and I'm arguing with the author?"
"Do you want me to do to you the same thing I did to Hermione?" The misty voice threatened mistily.
"I'll be good."
Harry sulked back to his dorm room, clutching his scar from the danger inherent in the author's misty voice.
"So Seamus, are ye ready for THE MAGNIFICENT MID YEAR FEAST?" George asked.
"Well, how do you prepare fer such a thing... aye?"
"Well, first you need a date..." Fred explained.
"I call the author!" Ron yelled.
Seamus, Fred and George look suspiciously at Ron.
"Thought you liked Hermione..." Fred said.
"Well, I thought that I'd like to be on the good side of the person who's controlling us... and you know,
HERMIONE DIED LESS THAN 5 MINUTES AGO!" Ron explained.
Seamus pondered... "Way to state the obvious Weasley... Too bad there aren't any other free girls in
Gryffindor except for Lav and Pav."
A strange girl in Gryffindor colours taps Seamus on the shoulder. "Funny you should say so Irish boy."
Seamus snorted. "Yeah, well... you sound all, western... yeah! Aye! uh... achhhhhhh!"
"Being as I'm sorta, Canadian..." The strange girl countered.
"Oh, in that case..."
At that moment, Dean Thomas ran in. "Ooh, a girl! I call her for the FEAST!"
Seamus pushed her aside, "No way Thomas! She's mine! I'm the star!"
"But I called her!"
The strange girl shook her head... "I kinda wanted to go with George..."
George smiled... "Well then, isn't that just too sad for our little 5th years..."
Dean and Seamus hung their heads in shame.
The strange girl wrapped her arms around George. "You Shame us, Seamus."
"How so?" Seamus said while still hanging his head in shame.
"You're not red-headed." The girl flipped back her luxurious red hair.
"Those redheads always stick together." Dean whispered to Seamus while shaking his fist.
The author pops up and now has red hair...
"Ooh, I've always wanted red hair." She said, flipping back her voluminous red hair.
"Me too," cried Neville.
"When did you get here?" Fred asked.
"I dunno, I guess I just popped up..." Neville shrugged... "But I learned a new spell!"
Neville took out his wand. "L'orealus!!" And as the poof of spelly smoke dissipated, we notice that Neville
now has neon green hair.
"Aw damnit!" Neville cursed.
"No, Longbottom! You've done it all wrong!" Said the newly red-haired Draco Malfoy.
"How did you get in here?" Demanded Ron.
"There's a giant hole in the roof if you haven't noticed, I was flying up there to spy on Potter, but I fell off
when Neville startled me with that stupid spell. Now look at him... He looks completely ridiculous!"
"Why don't you look in a mirror then?" Seamus snickered... Your hair's gone all red! And a bright shade
from all the bleach already in it!"
"At least I'm not the only one, Finnigan! Why don't you and Thomas have a look for yourselves! Your
hair's gone red too!"
"Excellent!" Dean crowed. A new strange girl, we'll call her Amanda for lack of confusion, sidled up to
Dean, "Redheads turn me on..." She said while brushing back her long red hair.
"Good Lord!" Neville moaned, "Is everyone in this school a redhead but me?!"
"I'm not!" Cried Harry proudly...
"Yes you are!" Amanda laughed.
"And when did you re-enter the room?" Fred questioned.
Harry shrugged. "I heard Draco was here, so I came to save you all."
Everyone laughed hysterically.
"What? What's so funny about that?" Draco demanded. "I demand to know! Ah, screw this..." Draco then
left on his broom through the large hole in the Gryffindor roof.
"To THE MAGNIFICENT MID YEAR FEAST!" Hermione yelled.
"I thought you were dead." George frowned.
"So."
Everyone shrugged, for they could not defy her logic.
"I call Hermione!" Seamus yelled.
Harry looked confused. "Call her for what?"
"Uh, nothing Harry, why don't you go back to your room and clutch your scar some more..." Ron said
suspiciously.
"Sounds like a plan!" Harry said, prancing to his bed.
"Waitaminute, didn't Harry die in the first chapter?" Fred wondered.
"And didn't Snape reveal that Neville was the true Voldemort?" George added.
"Don't expect the rules of continuity to apply here!" The misty author voice said. "This is a humorous
fanfiction, there shouldn't even be a second chapter!"
With that the author materialized.
"Hey." The author said coolly.
"Not necessarily." The strange girl was pondering. "Chaptered humour fics are often done in script form or
as a series of vignettes, though truly, continuity is never really achieved."
"MSTs!" Hermione added with a shudder.
"What?" Seamus was highly confused.
"You don't want to know." Ron told him, being an experienced MSTer.
The author sidled up to Ron and patted him on the back, "Aww. Poor Ron." She consoled.
Neville groaned, "Good Lord, I have to go to the loo..."
"I think that's the first time a washroom has been used for what it was built for in the entire series."
Amanda exclaimed.
Neville stroked his chin thoughtfully, "Well, I haven't gotten there yet, I could always be killed or
otherwise incapacitated by death eaters on the way."
"Yeah, that will probably happen." Hermione nodded.
"Are we EVER going to go to the MAGNIFICENT MID YEAR FEAST?" Seamus groaned.
"Who needs a feast? We're MAGICAL!!!" Cried Dean Thomas in a fit of insanity,
Thousands of bags of marshmallows appeared around him. Whilst everyone in the room glared at Dean.
"What?" Dean asked with a mouthful of sugary goodness, "Someone needed to have a burst of insanity, and
I wasn't doing anything."
"You're never doing anything, Dean." Hermione said with a sigh. "You're just here to say things when
everyone else is busy."
Dean shrugged, "Why do you think I have to drown my sorrows in marshmallows?"
"I like marshmallows!" George said defensively, grabbing as many bags as he could off the floor. The
strange girl patted him. "Yes George, we all love marshmallows.."
"I have an idea!" Seamus cried, "let's have a bonfire!"
"Maybe we shouldn't add any further damage to the common room, Seamus." Hermione countered.
"What damage?" Seamus asked innocently. "I added a sunroof! Thus saving the school hundreds of dollars
from hiring a contractor."
"What's a dollar?" Asked Ron.
"It's like a Galleon, but they use it in muggle North America." Hermione explained.
"Why are we talking about North America?" Seamus asked.
"I don't know, you brought it up!" Amanda reasoned.
Hermione rolled her eyes, "You should know by now that the author is Canadian, by her spelling and use of
words. Remember how she controls us all?"
The author grinned.
"We need an elevator in here!" Fred yelled randomly.
"What's an elevator?" Asked Ron.
Hermione rolled her eyes again, "The Canadian word for a lift."
"What's a 'lift'?" Asked Ron.
Everyone groaned at his muggle ignorance.
"I can play chess!" Ron yelled randomly.
A coterie of red headed girls came to Ron. "Oohh... Chess!"
They attempted to get closer to Ron.
"Back off whores! Ron's mine!" The author yelled, banishing them to the catacombs of the labyrinths of
madness within the realm of chaos which burns with the fire of eternal darkness at the altar of incredulity
within the rule of the gods of favour and inspiration.
"And George is mine!" Yelled the strange girl randomly. Or was it the random girl strangely? Ah the
mysteries of life.
"Ah, the mysteries of life." Dean sighed.
"I already said that!" The author said indignantly.
"I was just accentuating the point..." Dean explained.
"That's my job!"
Or so she thought.
"But I'm the author! I know! It's not 'or so she thought'! Why would I write this?"
But you're not writing it!
"But, who could be writing it then, if I am not?"
It was I, Harry Potter, The Boy Who Lived!
And in a fearful chorus, (blinking all the while) they screamed, "NOOOOOOOO!!!!"
"It's just Harry," Said Ron.
"Then why did you join the fearful chorus?" Fred queried.
"It said 'they screamed,'" Seamus pointed out, "they didn't indicate who 'they' was."
"So who is 'they'?" Questioned George.
"The first 'they' or the second 'they'?" Said Dean.
I'm confused.
Hermione snorted. "I don't know how you manage without me, Harry Potter, now move over, it's my turn
now."
Or so she thought!
"Shuttup Harry!" Hermione yelled, whilst dissaparating.
"Hey! She couldn't have taken her apparation test yet!" Fred shouted.
"Wait, you can't apparate on Hogwarts property!" Ron yelled.
It took you that long to find out?
Suddenly, a hologram of Hermione appeared in the middle of the common room.
"Wow, Hermione, you look so hot today." Said Ron.
"That's not something you would say, Ron." Seamus looked concerned.
"I don't know what came over me, I don't remember wanting to say that..." Ron thought aloud. But all the
while he had been walking closer to the hologram and eventually grabbed the Hermione look-alike around
the waist.
"I'm madly in love with you!" Ron shouted, the emotion in his voice, but the look of utter confusion on his
face.
MWAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!
"That's it! No more of this!" The author growled while dissaparating.
"There, that's better," The author said while Hermione was seen falling to the ground, before falling
through the floor and splattering on the cement bean below.
"The cement bean?" Fred wondered.
"Don't ask." Said Harry, clutching his scar, blinking, and shaking his head. (Harry is and excellent
multitasker.) "I've seen what goes on up there, it's not very sane."
"Compared to you?" Hermione's hologram sneered.
"There are leaps of insanity, even HARRY POTTER cannot reach!" Voldemort cried.
"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" They screamed.
But then it turned out that Voldemort was another bean. Troll bogey flavoured. (Because they were both
very nasty.)
"Hey, when did you two appear in the common room?" Dean demanded.
"YOU WILL NEVER KNOW!" The Voldemort bean yelled while flying out of the room.
"MWAHAA!" Harry yelled, while flying out of the skylight.
"How can he fly without his broom?" The Hermione hologram inquired.
"YOU WILL NEVER KNOW!" Fred cried, while also running out of the room.
"HuH?"
"He had a tiny broomstick in his pants." The author explained.
Amanda giggled loudly. "The broomstick in his pants is tiny!"
The strange girl smiled suggestively. "Can I see your Firebolt George?"
"Actually, I have a Cle-- Ohhhhhhhh....." George grinned. The two of them left for the Broom closet.
THE MAGNIFICENT BROOM CLOSET!!!
And now, for a diversion, (preventing us from the quadruple entendre) we present...
THE MAGNIFICENT TOP 5 WAYS TO GET RON INTO THE MAGNIFICENT
BROOM CLOSET WITH YOU.
OH THE MAGNIFICENCE!!!!
5. Announce that the first person to get into THE MAGNIFICENT BROOM CLOSET is
automatically given a position on the CHUDLEY CANNONS quidditch team (OH THE
MAGNIFICENCE)
4. Whisper to him that a winning lottery ticket is hidden somewhere in your bra.
3. Declare that the school is becoming overrun by spiders, and the only safe place to hide is in THE
MAGNIFICENT BROOM CLOSET
2. IMPERIO!
1. Say "Hey Ron, wanna go into this broom closet with me?"
NOW BACK TO THE MAGNIFICENT STORY!!!!
During that diversion, Ron and the author had taken the time to go to the OTHER MAGNIFICENT
BROOM CLOSET.
Also, the hologram of Hermione disappeared.
So all we're left with is Seamus and Dean.
(P.S. Harry had died of severe forehead pains, and Neville had died due to an exploded bladder, and
Amanda left, 'cause she felt like it.)
"So... Seamus..." said Dean.
"So... Dean..." Said Seamus.
"I have a feeling this fic is over." Dean replied.
"Nah... I think it'll la--"
The End
THE MAGNIFICENT END!!!!
Oh the MAGNIFICENCE!!!
It's Seamus's Sugar high: The sequel!!
The next day.
A random student walked into the Gryffindor common room this morning, as the clouds shone brightly
through the sun.
Random student: That makes less sense than the last chapter!
Quiet you! Do I have to go through this again?
Random Student: Go through what?
Oh, you weren't there... hmmm... okay... then I'll just turn you into a Bertie Botts Every Flavour Bean!
Random Student: But why?
And so the student became a bean. A purple bean. Frog wart flavoured.
And the bean said, in its non-existent, but still misty voice, "Isn't this supposed to be about Seamus?"
I'm getting to that!
So the sun shone brightly through the clouds again, casting their cloudy rays onto a young Irish lad lying on
the Gryffindor common room floor.
Ah the benefits of skylights.
"Moan" Seamus moaned.
"So Seamus, how are you this fine morning?" Fred asked.
Seamus noticed that Fred and George were reclining in the chairs, getting a strange tan from the sunlight
shining through the clouds. It made their freckles stand out.
"Morning?" Seamus said groggily.
"Yes. Saturday morning." George added, smearing some wizard sun block on himself.
"Oh good, weekend... no class today."
"No, but it is the day of the MAGNIFICENT MID YEAR FEAST!!" Fred stole the sun block. "I
burn easily George, come on..."
A random student then walked into the Gryffindor common room. However it wasn't really a student, but
an omnipotent Every Flavour Bean! A purple one at that.
"I am an Every Flavour Bean!!!" It yelled.
"Yeah, the narrator just pointed that out." George replied.
"I don't care, I'm pointing it out again!" It yelled again.
"Pointing what out?" Fred asked.
"I am an Every Flavour Bean!!!" It yelled.
"Yeah, the narrator just pointed that out." George replied.
ENOUGH!
Fred, George, the Bean, and Seamus stood perfectly still and quiet.
"Isn't this supposed to be about Seamus?" Fred asked.
I'm getting to that!
So the sun shone brightly through the clouds still, casting their cloudy rays upon the bean, the twins, and
Seamus, who seemed to be waking up.
"Oy... What happened?" He moaned.
"Oh, just a small incident involving you and several muggle sweets." George said innocently.
"...And why are there panties on my head?" Seamus added.
Fred and George looked at each other and held back their laughter.
Rather badly.
And they burst into very loud laughter.
And Seamus went to the bathroom to see what was wro--
"AAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Hermione walked into the common room "Hey, what's all this yelling about?"
"You'll see."
Seamus walked into the room, and both Hermione and the Every Flavour Bean disguised as a student burst
into laughter.
"Hey, waitaminute. You're just a giant Every Flavour Bean." Hermione said, amidst her girlish giggles.
"Yes, the narrator just pointed that out." George replied.
"I don't care, I'm pointing it out again!" It yelled again.
"Pointing what out?" Fred asked.
That's it! I'm nipping this in the bud!
A 15 year-old girl with long brown hair and blue eyes popped into the room wearing black robes. She
brandished her wand.
"Silentium!"
The twins didn't make a sound.
"There!" The girl, who is actually me said proudly.
"Who are you?" Hermione said in her better-than-you way.
"I'll teach you to talk to me in the better-than-you way!" I replied.
"Mortem!" I said, pointing my wand at Hermione.
Hermione then fell to the ground dead, before dissolving into the air.
"How did you do that?!" Seamus screamed.
"I'm an author. I can do anything! Watch."
"Markerus Vanisium!"
Seamus felt his face and ran into the bathroom for a few seconds before running out and hugging me
around the waist.
"OMIGOD! How can I thank you?!" He squealed.
"Hmmmm, you can be a groupie. Can never have too many groupies I say..."
"Okay, what do I do?"
"Just follow me around all day and do what I tell you to. If you're good, you'll be rewarded." I winked.
"Oy! Did you just say something suggestively?" Ron said as he ran into the room.
"OOH! Ron, someone else I can use as a groupie!"
"Are the groupies rewarded?" Ron asked.
"Of course!"
Fred and George tapped me on the shoulder.
"What is it?"
They pointed to their mouths and my wand.
"Fine, Vox!"
"I thought this fic was supposed to be about Seamus." Fred shouted.
"But, now it's just about you." George added.
"So... I'm the author, it can be about whoever I want it to be about!"
"The title says it's about Seamus."
"I'm getting to that!"
"Oy, do this mean Ah'm not a groupie no more?" Seamus asked.
"No, just because you're the star doesn't mean you can'-- ahhh!!!" The author screamed as she burst into
flame and disappeared.
"What"
"Was"
"That?" Fred and George queried.
"I think she's gone!" Seamus replied.
"But where?"
"Aw, I was going to be rewarded..." Ron sulked.
Harry, replacing Hermione in the wits department, as he is a foil, after all, took a deep breath.
"She went to the catacombs of the labyrinths of insanity within the realm of chaos which burns with the fire
of eternal darkness at the altar of incredulity within the rule of the gods of favour and inspiration."
"What the...? How did you know that, Harry?"
"I'm the star. I know a lot of things for no reason."
"But the author said Seamus was the star!" George reasoned.
"Yeah, but where's the author now?" Fred countered.
"I'm right here!" A misty voice from beyond yelled.
"But where's 'here'?" George asked.
"The catacombs of the labyrinths of madness within the realm of chaos which burns with the fire of eternal
darkness at the altar of incredulity within the rule of the gods of favour and inspiration." The misty voice
called out again.
"Ha! Harry was wrong!" Ron laughed.
"But I cannot be wrong! I am the star!"
The author groaned mistily... "We went over this Potter!"
"But it's the 'Harry Potter Series', how can I not be the star?"
"Because the title is 'Seamus' Sugar High!! Part 2!'. Not 'Harry Argues With the Author'!"
"Then why is Seamus not sugar high, and I'm arguing with the author?"
"Do you want me to do to you the same thing I did to Hermione?" The misty voice threatened mistily.
"I'll be good."
Harry sulked back to his dorm room, clutching his scar from the danger inherent in the author's misty voice.
"So Seamus, are ye ready for THE MAGNIFICENT MID YEAR FEAST?" George asked.
"Well, how do you prepare fer such a thing... aye?"
"Well, first you need a date..." Fred explained.
"I call the author!" Ron yelled.
Seamus, Fred and George look suspiciously at Ron.
"Thought you liked Hermione..." Fred said.
"Well, I thought that I'd like to be on the good side of the person who's controlling us... and you know,
HERMIONE DIED LESS THAN 5 MINUTES AGO!" Ron explained.
Seamus pondered... "Way to state the obvious Weasley... Too bad there aren't any other free girls in
Gryffindor except for Lav and Pav."
A strange girl in Gryffindor colours taps Seamus on the shoulder. "Funny you should say so Irish boy."
Seamus snorted. "Yeah, well... you sound all, western... yeah! Aye! uh... achhhhhhh!"
"Being as I'm sorta, Canadian..." The strange girl countered.
"Oh, in that case..."
At that moment, Dean Thomas ran in. "Ooh, a girl! I call her for the FEAST!"
Seamus pushed her aside, "No way Thomas! She's mine! I'm the star!"
"But I called her!"
The strange girl shook her head... "I kinda wanted to go with George..."
George smiled... "Well then, isn't that just too sad for our little 5th years..."
Dean and Seamus hung their heads in shame.
The strange girl wrapped her arms around George. "You Shame us, Seamus."
"How so?" Seamus said while still hanging his head in shame.
"You're not red-headed." The girl flipped back her luxurious red hair.
"Those redheads always stick together." Dean whispered to Seamus while shaking his fist.
The author pops up and now has red hair...
"Ooh, I've always wanted red hair." She said, flipping back her voluminous red hair.
"Me too," cried Neville.
"When did you get here?" Fred asked.
"I dunno, I guess I just popped up..." Neville shrugged... "But I learned a new spell!"
Neville took out his wand. "L'orealus!!" And as the poof of spelly smoke dissipated, we notice that Neville
now has neon green hair.
"Aw damnit!" Neville cursed.
"No, Longbottom! You've done it all wrong!" Said the newly red-haired Draco Malfoy.
"How did you get in here?" Demanded Ron.
"There's a giant hole in the roof if you haven't noticed, I was flying up there to spy on Potter, but I fell off
when Neville startled me with that stupid spell. Now look at him... He looks completely ridiculous!"
"Why don't you look in a mirror then?" Seamus snickered... Your hair's gone all red! And a bright shade
from all the bleach already in it!"
"At least I'm not the only one, Finnigan! Why don't you and Thomas have a look for yourselves! Your
hair's gone red too!"
"Excellent!" Dean crowed. A new strange girl, we'll call her Amanda for lack of confusion, sidled up to
Dean, "Redheads turn me on..." She said while brushing back her long red hair.
"Good Lord!" Neville moaned, "Is everyone in this school a redhead but me?!"
"I'm not!" Cried Harry proudly...
"Yes you are!" Amanda laughed.
"And when did you re-enter the room?" Fred questioned.
Harry shrugged. "I heard Draco was here, so I came to save you all."
Everyone laughed hysterically.
"What? What's so funny about that?" Draco demanded. "I demand to know! Ah, screw this..." Draco then
left on his broom through the large hole in the Gryffindor roof.
"To THE MAGNIFICENT MID YEAR FEAST!" Hermione yelled.
"I thought you were dead." George frowned.
"So."
Everyone shrugged, for they could not defy her logic.
"I call Hermione!" Seamus yelled.
Harry looked confused. "Call her for what?"
"Uh, nothing Harry, why don't you go back to your room and clutch your scar some more..." Ron said
suspiciously.
"Sounds like a plan!" Harry said, prancing to his bed.
"Waitaminute, didn't Harry die in the first chapter?" Fred wondered.
"And didn't Snape reveal that Neville was the true Voldemort?" George added.
"Don't expect the rules of continuity to apply here!" The misty author voice said. "This is a humorous
fanfiction, there shouldn't even be a second chapter!"
With that the author materialized.
"Hey." The author said coolly.
"Not necessarily." The strange girl was pondering. "Chaptered humour fics are often done in script form or
as a series of vignettes, though truly, continuity is never really achieved."
"MSTs!" Hermione added with a shudder.
"What?" Seamus was highly confused.
"You don't want to know." Ron told him, being an experienced MSTer.
The author sidled up to Ron and patted him on the back, "Aww. Poor Ron." She consoled.
Neville groaned, "Good Lord, I have to go to the loo..."
"I think that's the first time a washroom has been used for what it was built for in the entire series."
Amanda exclaimed.
Neville stroked his chin thoughtfully, "Well, I haven't gotten there yet, I could always be killed or
otherwise incapacitated by death eaters on the way."
"Yeah, that will probably happen." Hermione nodded.
"Are we EVER going to go to the MAGNIFICENT MID YEAR FEAST?" Seamus groaned.
"Who needs a feast? We're MAGICAL!!!" Cried Dean Thomas in a fit of insanity,
Thousands of bags of marshmallows appeared around him. Whilst everyone in the room glared at Dean.
"What?" Dean asked with a mouthful of sugary goodness, "Someone needed to have a burst of insanity, and
I wasn't doing anything."
"You're never doing anything, Dean." Hermione said with a sigh. "You're just here to say things when
everyone else is busy."
Dean shrugged, "Why do you think I have to drown my sorrows in marshmallows?"
"I like marshmallows!" George said defensively, grabbing as many bags as he could off the floor. The
strange girl patted him. "Yes George, we all love marshmallows.."
"I have an idea!" Seamus cried, "let's have a bonfire!"
"Maybe we shouldn't add any further damage to the common room, Seamus." Hermione countered.
"What damage?" Seamus asked innocently. "I added a sunroof! Thus saving the school hundreds of dollars
from hiring a contractor."
"What's a dollar?" Asked Ron.
"It's like a Galleon, but they use it in muggle North America." Hermione explained.
"Why are we talking about North America?" Seamus asked.
"I don't know, you brought it up!" Amanda reasoned.
Hermione rolled her eyes, "You should know by now that the author is Canadian, by her spelling and use of
words. Remember how she controls us all?"
The author grinned.
"We need an elevator in here!" Fred yelled randomly.
"What's an elevator?" Asked Ron.
Hermione rolled her eyes again, "The Canadian word for a lift."
"What's a 'lift'?" Asked Ron.
Everyone groaned at his muggle ignorance.
"I can play chess!" Ron yelled randomly.
A coterie of red headed girls came to Ron. "Oohh... Chess!"
They attempted to get closer to Ron.
"Back off whores! Ron's mine!" The author yelled, banishing them to the catacombs of the labyrinths of
madness within the realm of chaos which burns with the fire of eternal darkness at the altar of incredulity
within the rule of the gods of favour and inspiration.
"And George is mine!" Yelled the strange girl randomly. Or was it the random girl strangely? Ah the
mysteries of life.
"Ah, the mysteries of life." Dean sighed.
"I already said that!" The author said indignantly.
"I was just accentuating the point..." Dean explained.
"That's my job!"
Or so she thought.
"But I'm the author! I know! It's not 'or so she thought'! Why would I write this?"
But you're not writing it!
"But, who could be writing it then, if I am not?"
It was I, Harry Potter, The Boy Who Lived!
And in a fearful chorus, (blinking all the while) they screamed, "NOOOOOOOO!!!!"
"It's just Harry," Said Ron.
"Then why did you join the fearful chorus?" Fred queried.
"It said 'they screamed,'" Seamus pointed out, "they didn't indicate who 'they' was."
"So who is 'they'?" Questioned George.
"The first 'they' or the second 'they'?" Said Dean.
I'm confused.
Hermione snorted. "I don't know how you manage without me, Harry Potter, now move over, it's my turn
now."
Or so she thought!
"Shuttup Harry!" Hermione yelled, whilst dissaparating.
"Hey! She couldn't have taken her apparation test yet!" Fred shouted.
"Wait, you can't apparate on Hogwarts property!" Ron yelled.
It took you that long to find out?
Suddenly, a hologram of Hermione appeared in the middle of the common room.
"Wow, Hermione, you look so hot today." Said Ron.
"That's not something you would say, Ron." Seamus looked concerned.
"I don't know what came over me, I don't remember wanting to say that..." Ron thought aloud. But all the
while he had been walking closer to the hologram and eventually grabbed the Hermione look-alike around
the waist.
"I'm madly in love with you!" Ron shouted, the emotion in his voice, but the look of utter confusion on his
face.
MWAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!
"That's it! No more of this!" The author growled while dissaparating.
"There, that's better," The author said while Hermione was seen falling to the ground, before falling
through the floor and splattering on the cement bean below.
"The cement bean?" Fred wondered.
"Don't ask." Said Harry, clutching his scar, blinking, and shaking his head. (Harry is and excellent
multitasker.) "I've seen what goes on up there, it's not very sane."
"Compared to you?" Hermione's hologram sneered.
"There are leaps of insanity, even HARRY POTTER cannot reach!" Voldemort cried.
"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" They screamed.
But then it turned out that Voldemort was another bean. Troll bogey flavoured. (Because they were both
very nasty.)
"Hey, when did you two appear in the common room?" Dean demanded.
"YOU WILL NEVER KNOW!" The Voldemort bean yelled while flying out of the room.
"MWAHAA!" Harry yelled, while flying out of the skylight.
"How can he fly without his broom?" The Hermione hologram inquired.
"YOU WILL NEVER KNOW!" Fred cried, while also running out of the room.
"HuH?"
"He had a tiny broomstick in his pants." The author explained.
Amanda giggled loudly. "The broomstick in his pants is tiny!"
The strange girl smiled suggestively. "Can I see your Firebolt George?"
"Actually, I have a Cle-- Ohhhhhhhh....." George grinned. The two of them left for the Broom closet.
THE MAGNIFICENT BROOM CLOSET!!!
And now, for a diversion, (preventing us from the quadruple entendre) we present...
THE MAGNIFICENT TOP 5 WAYS TO GET RON INTO THE MAGNIFICENT
BROOM CLOSET WITH YOU.
OH THE MAGNIFICENCE!!!!
5. Announce that the first person to get into THE MAGNIFICENT BROOM CLOSET is
automatically given a position on the CHUDLEY CANNONS quidditch team (OH THE
MAGNIFICENCE)
4. Whisper to him that a winning lottery ticket is hidden somewhere in your bra.
3. Declare that the school is becoming overrun by spiders, and the only safe place to hide is in THE
MAGNIFICENT BROOM CLOSET
2. IMPERIO!
1. Say "Hey Ron, wanna go into this broom closet with me?"
NOW BACK TO THE MAGNIFICENT STORY!!!!
During that diversion, Ron and the author had taken the time to go to the OTHER MAGNIFICENT
BROOM CLOSET.
Also, the hologram of Hermione disappeared.
So all we're left with is Seamus and Dean.
(P.S. Harry had died of severe forehead pains, and Neville had died due to an exploded bladder, and
Amanda left, 'cause she felt like it.)
"So... Seamus..." said Dean.
"So... Dean..." Said Seamus.
"I have a feeling this fic is over." Dean replied.
"Nah... I think it'll la--"
The End
THE MAGNIFICENT END!!!!
Oh the MAGNIFICENCE!!!