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As he watched her walk out of the classroom, Snape shuddered with anger.
How dare she? How dare she invade his personal space? How dare she kiss
him? He didn't like to be touched by her any more than he liked being
touched by anyone else. If his skin touched anyone else's it would be on
his own conditions. And having a student disrupt his control was not one of
them.
Not that she had noticed though. Outward his persona was as it always had been in her presence. Cold. Rejecting. As it should be. As it must.
He sighed and looked down at the parchments lying on the desk before him. Why had he given her this assignment? Why not scrub cauldrons until her fingers bled? Why not make her handle vile substances? Why not hand her over to Finch? Why had he given her tests to grade? He knew she had enjoyed the task, he had seen her smiling. It wasn't really a punishment to her at all. More of an interesting pastime. He had given her that task simply because he didn't want to do it himself. He was no fool. He knew Granger was the most intelligent student to pass trough Hogwards in years. She was the only one he could give such a task to without having to worry about her grading it wrong, having to ask him for the right answers or hurry trough it just to get it done. It wasn't much of a punishment for her, more a relief for him, which he welcomed gladly.
Picking up the parchments he eyed through them. She had done a good job. Just as he expected her to. He might let her grade all of the younger years exams as extra credit. Then he remembered what she had done. Damn that girl. Why had she gone and done that? To her teacher. To him. He fled the potions classroom for his chambers and a glass of Merlot.
Sitting in front of the fire the wine was soon forgotten in his hand. Instead his mind did circles trying to figure out the reason for Grangers action.
A dare?
No, Potter and Weasley wouldn't want their precious Granger near him. He had seen the looks on their faces when he handed out her detention. They wouldn't dare her and she would never accept.
Pity?
No, Granger wasn't one to pity. It was obvious that she held strongly onto the beliefs that you make your own bed.
A charm or potion?
No, he surely would have noticed any such behaviour.
What was it then? A crush?
Could she be so deranged? To fall for a teacher? He pondered this for a moment. She was intellectually advanced for her age. None of the other students measured up to her. Perhaps in her quest for mental stimulation she had confused her desire for companionship with desire of the flesh? But why him? That was an easy question. He was the youngest, male faculty member.
Still. It was so out of character for Granger to do what she did. Granted she had the "Gryffindor courage" but that wasn't it. When he had discovered her lack of concentration her eyes had been heavy and glazed over, her mouth slightly open and her breath ragged. Then when he had caught her attention she had been very flustered and embarrassed, but then her attention shifted again just before she had. kissed him. It certainty was strange to think about. Could it really have been so that she had been fantasizing about him? Them? Doing.. that? It seemed so highly unlikely, but yet.she had kissed him. And seemingly liked it. Her soft moan rang in his ears. She had been so close he could feel her heat through both their robes. Her breath was sweet and heavy. Her lips so soft and gentle.
As he realized what he was thinking about, Snape bolted from his chair and started pacing the sitting room. She's a confused student and not someone you are allowed to fantasize about.
But. how could she kiss him? He's intimidating. Mean. Cold. Unyielding. Repulsive.
She is so. Everything he's not.
The thoughts of her touch and closeness eventually brought back the old memories that originally made him loath touch from women.
The first girl he raped.
Granger's touch brought back memories from his time as a Death Eater and the fear and self-loathing that came with them.
He would never forget the fear in that innocent girls face. Her screams as he used her. Her tears as her skin ripped. Her slack face after he killed her.
His pleasure.
The one thing he would never let himself forget was how much he enjoyed it.
Granger had brought these memories up to the surface. She had made him, if only for a split second, want her. That scared him. It scared him that her touch made him want to touch her back.
His first time was a rape, as was his last.
If he touched her, he would hurt her.
He hoped to god these thoughts were banished from her mind after his cold rejection. If she pushed harder she would make him remember more. Make him hate her more. Maybe even touch her. Images of her bleeding and broken, screaming beneath him flashed through his mind.
In hurried steps he walked to a cabinet filled with small flasks and vials. Searching through them he found a small white vial and poured its milky contents into his wine glass. Swirling the now light red liquid around he walked back through the sitting room and into his bedroom. There he stripped for the night, not bothering with anything else, and swallowed the contents of the glass before sliding under the covers. Slipping into a deep, dreamless sleep he was free from the vile images in his mind. At least for a while.
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Not that she had noticed though. Outward his persona was as it always had been in her presence. Cold. Rejecting. As it should be. As it must.
He sighed and looked down at the parchments lying on the desk before him. Why had he given her this assignment? Why not scrub cauldrons until her fingers bled? Why not make her handle vile substances? Why not hand her over to Finch? Why had he given her tests to grade? He knew she had enjoyed the task, he had seen her smiling. It wasn't really a punishment to her at all. More of an interesting pastime. He had given her that task simply because he didn't want to do it himself. He was no fool. He knew Granger was the most intelligent student to pass trough Hogwards in years. She was the only one he could give such a task to without having to worry about her grading it wrong, having to ask him for the right answers or hurry trough it just to get it done. It wasn't much of a punishment for her, more a relief for him, which he welcomed gladly.
Picking up the parchments he eyed through them. She had done a good job. Just as he expected her to. He might let her grade all of the younger years exams as extra credit. Then he remembered what she had done. Damn that girl. Why had she gone and done that? To her teacher. To him. He fled the potions classroom for his chambers and a glass of Merlot.
Sitting in front of the fire the wine was soon forgotten in his hand. Instead his mind did circles trying to figure out the reason for Grangers action.
A dare?
No, Potter and Weasley wouldn't want their precious Granger near him. He had seen the looks on their faces when he handed out her detention. They wouldn't dare her and she would never accept.
Pity?
No, Granger wasn't one to pity. It was obvious that she held strongly onto the beliefs that you make your own bed.
A charm or potion?
No, he surely would have noticed any such behaviour.
What was it then? A crush?
Could she be so deranged? To fall for a teacher? He pondered this for a moment. She was intellectually advanced for her age. None of the other students measured up to her. Perhaps in her quest for mental stimulation she had confused her desire for companionship with desire of the flesh? But why him? That was an easy question. He was the youngest, male faculty member.
Still. It was so out of character for Granger to do what she did. Granted she had the "Gryffindor courage" but that wasn't it. When he had discovered her lack of concentration her eyes had been heavy and glazed over, her mouth slightly open and her breath ragged. Then when he had caught her attention she had been very flustered and embarrassed, but then her attention shifted again just before she had. kissed him. It certainty was strange to think about. Could it really have been so that she had been fantasizing about him? Them? Doing.. that? It seemed so highly unlikely, but yet.she had kissed him. And seemingly liked it. Her soft moan rang in his ears. She had been so close he could feel her heat through both their robes. Her breath was sweet and heavy. Her lips so soft and gentle.
As he realized what he was thinking about, Snape bolted from his chair and started pacing the sitting room. She's a confused student and not someone you are allowed to fantasize about.
But. how could she kiss him? He's intimidating. Mean. Cold. Unyielding. Repulsive.
She is so. Everything he's not.
The thoughts of her touch and closeness eventually brought back the old memories that originally made him loath touch from women.
The first girl he raped.
Granger's touch brought back memories from his time as a Death Eater and the fear and self-loathing that came with them.
He would never forget the fear in that innocent girls face. Her screams as he used her. Her tears as her skin ripped. Her slack face after he killed her.
His pleasure.
The one thing he would never let himself forget was how much he enjoyed it.
Granger had brought these memories up to the surface. She had made him, if only for a split second, want her. That scared him. It scared him that her touch made him want to touch her back.
His first time was a rape, as was his last.
If he touched her, he would hurt her.
He hoped to god these thoughts were banished from her mind after his cold rejection. If she pushed harder she would make him remember more. Make him hate her more. Maybe even touch her. Images of her bleeding and broken, screaming beneath him flashed through his mind.
In hurried steps he walked to a cabinet filled with small flasks and vials. Searching through them he found a small white vial and poured its milky contents into his wine glass. Swirling the now light red liquid around he walked back through the sitting room and into his bedroom. There he stripped for the night, not bothering with anything else, and swallowed the contents of the glass before sliding under the covers. Slipping into a deep, dreamless sleep he was free from the vile images in his mind. At least for a while.
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Thank you for reading! Please review!