Welcome To Mario Kart, Part 2

Slippery When Wet and Falling Rocks

Mushroom Kingdom Weather:  A very nice 78 degree high, 59 degree low

Sunset: About six-ish, Princess time, About twelve-midday Koopa time

Kalimari Desert: Extreme heat

Koopa Troopa Beach: Sunny, warm

Frappe Snowland: Snow

Sherbet Land: Ice

Choco Mountain: Dry, falling rocks

Yoshi Valley: Breezy

Traffic:

Toad's Turnpike: Heavy, Lot's of big rigs, school buses, compact cars

Rainbow Road: The usual flashing neon sign distractions

In other news....the Mushroom Kingdom Council meets for the second time this quarter to discuss the possibility of annexing the small tourist isle called DK Jungle....

            "Wow," Luigi said from the opposite side of the Mushroom Daily News that Yoshi had been reading. "A lot more money for the Mushroom Kingdom could be made off that tourist site."

            Yoshi lowered the paper to see Luigi. "We should be happy about that, huh? Well, anyway, have you seen this yet?"

            Then Yoshi showed the page he had been reading to Luigi and to Toad who both sat across from him at a small table in the Eats section at the new Portobello Mall. On that page was a heading that read: Gentlemen, Start Your Engines! It's Mario Kart 64! Below that were small photos of Mario, Luigi, Peach, Toad, and Yoshi with the names in caption below each one. Then were snapshots of two courses, Rainbow Road and the ominous Banshee Boardwalk.

            "Mama mia...I still can't believe we are going to be racing on that thing," said Luigi shaking his head despairingly. "There's bound to be some injuries from this."

            "Did you know Mario's even thinking of racing against the traffic on the turnpike?" Toad added.

            "What?"

            "That's right. He says he wants to add more drama to the event this time around."

            Yoshi couldn't help but to make a comment, "Well, if it's drama he wants then he'll sure get it when someone loses all their teeth on a car bumper or maybe a few kneecaps get busted on the front of one of those big rigs or we get double-smooshed between the lightning and a truck wheel..."

            "Ok, ok. Enough already. " Luigi moaned. "Now that it's in the paper there's no way out. People will come just to see who gets killed first."

            Toad suddenly rolled over toward Yoshi and tried grabbing a piece of the chocolate rainbow donut with extra candy sprinkles that Yoshi was saving for last, but Yoshi quickly snatched it up and devoured it with a big swooshing sound that went something like....yo.yoyo yoshi!

            "I don't know how you eat like that." said Luigi.

            Yoshi shrugged. "And I don't know how you can sit there with a plate full of spaghetti and hardly eat it. You're so much different than Mario."

            "...thank goodness." Luigi mumbled.

            "Unless he wins the whole thing again like he did last time. I wonder what the big prize will be for this one?"

            Luigi took his fork and finally spun some strings of pasta around it. "Peach." he answered. "That is really why he's doing this, to impress her. That's why he does everything even though he doesn't admit it."

            "Really?" Yoshi lit up. "So that's why he does everything? You mean all that stuff? Saving the kingdom from ruin? The buildings he's designed for us and the streets he's paved and all the enemies he's fought, including Bowser and Wario, has all been because of....Peach? And all this time I thought it was his love for all of us here in Mushroom Kingdom....and now you're saying--"

            "I think you're jealous." said Toad.

            "I am not!" Luigi insisted. "I'm-a Luigi! Number one! Mario will be jealous of me when I win the championship!"

            Toad and Yoshi, stunned by Luigi's very emotional reaction, gobbled up the rest of their food and scooted away from the table at the same time.

            "Hey! Where are you going? I haven't even finished my spaghetti—"

            "Uh...yeah," said Toad. "We know. And if we waited for you to finish it we'd probably be here for the next two weeks. Anyway, Yoshi has to go see his cousin and I...well, I have to get back to the castle to help the princess get ready for the big event."

            "Her? Get ready?" Luigi replied. "She doesn't even have to win. People will come just to see her."

            "That's where you're wrong." said Toad. "This time the princess is going to be ready for you guys. She's going for the gold in each level."

            "Oh really? That's very funny."

            "I wasn't joking. In case you didn't already know, the princess is a pretty fierce competitor...or she can be...and just wait 'til we team up. You and your brother won' t have a chance."

            Luigi stood up and poked little Toad in the chest several times. "You-a challenge me? Luigi? Number One? Well, little polka-dot head, you just try!"

             "In case you didn't already know," Toad boasted. "I'm the best!"

            "I'll believe that when I see it,"

            "Oh yeah?"

            "Yeah." said Luigi.

            "I'm the best! I'll be in first place more than you!" Toad shouted.

            "You'll be no better than fourth." snapped Luigi. "And you know what the person in fourth place gets?"

            Toad looked at Yoshi, and Yoshi shrugged.

            "They take you over the hill in front of the castle and set off a big bomb beneath you, kart and all," Luigi explained. "And in case you didn't already know, you will get some very bad loser music too."

            Again Yoshi and Toad looked at each other, but this time both were a little shaken up by the thought of "bad loser music," and without any further challenges, they both left Luigi who sat back down to finish his plate of saucy spaghetti which he thought he could do without further interruption until the presence of a very rotten smell,

            "AAAAAH AAAAAGH!"

            The taste in Luigi's mouth turned sour as he looked up...and up....and up...

            "YOU TRIED TO TRICK ME! AAAAAAH AAAAGH!"

            Bowser's voice carried like aftershocks from a volcano(fiery breath and all), and the whole Eats section cleared like pepper runs from a bar of soap in water.

            "But no…no...." Luigi stuttered.  "Trick you? Would we do that?"

            "AAAAGH AAAAAH!"

            "Well, sure we have slot for you in the race....." said Luigi, voice trembling. "Because of course we couldn't fathom the thought of you and all the koopas boycotting the Mushroom Kingdom. You're in. Don't-a worry. I tell my brother and he will make sure to reserve a kart for you....all you will need is to complete the time trials..."

            "AAAAAGH!" went Bowser. "I'm not doing any time trials! I'm in the race or the Mushroom Kingdom will suffer! And on top of that, the Koopa kids won't be in this year's Mushroom Kingdom Nintendo Power Rainbow Parade!"

            "….the Koopa kids are always the worst in the parade…" Luigi said under his breath.

            "AAAAGH AAAAAH!"

            "Nothing…I said nothing at all.  You're in okay? All you have to do is purchase the kart from Mario."

            "HA! Buy something from him?" Bowser laughed. "…I'd never trust him to sell me anything worthy! I choose my own kart! You tell that little runt brother of yours that he'll see me at the races!  AAAAGH AAAAAAAGH!"

            There was a sigh of relief when Bowser finally left, and the people who had scattered finally flooded back in so they wouldn't miss the day's special, Butternut ice cream floats topped with chocolate syrup and huge red and green maraschino cherries.

            Alas, Luigi devoured his spaghetti then afterwards he ordered one special butternut ice cream float for himself.

Not-a So Bad, Not-a So Good

            When Luigi went to visit Mario the next day, there were several karts parked in the driveway in front of Mario's house all lined up like it was some kind of car show or something. They were polished and all the tires were scrubbed, and passersby pointed and whispered among themselves and a few car buffs went up to check out the engines.

"This one's gonna be big!" said a voice from within the gathering that Luigi immediately recognized.

            He walked into the crowd, pushing aside a few strange looking characters, and when he got to the center he found Mario there, sitting in a sparkling brand new red kart—the same one he had test-driven around Robotnik's lot.

            "Hello-a, Luigi!" Mario called out with a smile. "Everyone, here is my brother! Next to me is his perfectly-tuned lime green kart, and he's ready to race!  Believe me, Mario Kart 64 is going to be a huge success!"

            "…uh…Mario…" Luigi leaned over and spoke quietly, but Mario just kept showing off to the crowd.

            "We are ready for anything!" He bragged, flexing his muscles and gripping the steering wheel on his kart.

            "….uh..Mario…" said Luigi once more. "I saw Bowser at the Portobello mall, he thinks we are trying to keep him out of the race…"

            "Oh really?" Mario smirked. "So, he took my bait, eh? I'm sure you tell him that we have a very, very nice kart all ready for-a him—"

            "Actually….no,"

            "What?"

            "He is purchasing his own kart. Apparently he doesn't trust you, Mario. He thinks you had his rigged the last time so you would win."

            Mario rose from his seat. "That's ridiculous! I won the title fair and square! That big oaf!"

            "Well, I don't think calling him names is going to help—"

            "We will cream him! You and me, Luigi, we have to work as a team…."

            "Mama mia, how do we work as a team if only one person can win the race?"

            "Let me see…..I guess one of us takes first place, the other takes second."

            "Oh no you don't!"

            The small crowd got larger and hung around just to listen.

            "What? What's the matter?" Mario shrugged.

            "You just want someone to pave the way for you so that you can take first prize again! Not this time, brother. I am on my own! I don't need you or anyone else to help me win."

            "Ah, suit yourself." Mario said confidently. "I can beat you and Bowser with my hands tied behind my back!"

            "….I'm sure Bowser would like your hands to be tied behind your back… …and I would like your big mouth wrapped up with duct tape…" Luigi mumbled.

            "What?"

            "Nothing. I said nothing. I guess I should just take my kart and get going."

            Luigi stepped over to his green kart but Mario stepped in front of it and held out his hand.

            "That will be three hundred dollars. Gold coins only. I don't accept personal checks."

            Luigi tried acting dumbfounded. "Well, you take-a I.O.U.?"

            "No."

            "Down payment?"

            "Umm… No."

            Knowing it was useless trying to stall Mario any further, Luigi finally reached into his wallet and handed over the three hundred dollars worth of gold coins with a very bitter frown on his face.

            "There," he said as he slapped the gold into the palm of his brother's hand. "Are you satisfied now?"

            "Okie-dokie." said Mario with a sly grin. "It's all yours, Luigi. Until we meet again at Mario Kart 64!"