Welcome To Mario Kart, Part 3
Eenie, Meanie, Wario"It hasn't been easy living in Mushroom World with the constant reminder that Mario lives among us. Mario, Mario… Everybody loves Mario! I hate Mario! He goes around beating everybody up and they think he's a hero! Well, his days are numbered, and very soon! The hero will soon be me! I, Wario, will be the one and only favorite mascot of our great Nintendo Universe! …And of course Prince of the Mushroom Kingdom alongside that pretty little Princess Toadstool… First though, I must prove that I am just as much a winner as Mario and even better! I'm Wario! I'm-a gonna win! Eh hehehehe!"
Wario, lifetime member of the elite Troop of Latte Guardsmen, had great skills in moving quickly through forests, over mountains, and he possessed a great knowledge of technical devices and could concoct just about any type of weapon from nothing more than a tree branch and a bunch of nuts. As a matter of fact, he stole Koopa Troopa's kart by carving a branch into a key and scattered nuts on the path in front of Koopa's dwelling, so when Koopa came running after the kart, the spinning tires would kick up dirt full of nutty pellets into Koopa's face.
Despite Wario's superior fighting skills, for some reason not even he could explain, he has been beaten time and time again by the one and only ruthless Mario Mario, that plumber born in a small town in Italy and raised in Brooklyn, New York.
….Mario…Mario…..Mario….
The thought of that name made Wario chew his cap.
"Excuse me, Mister….um…Wario, is it?"
He quickly shook off his earlier thoughts and realized the little floating guy in front of him.
"I'm ready when you are." said Lakitu.
"Oh yes….yes….of course. Wario is always ready!"
"Good. Now you can do one lap to warm up, then we'll start the time trial."
"Alright! Here I go!" Wario proclaimed with his loud raspy voice as he started off on Luigi Raceway and was confident he'd pass the time trials because he had been at the top of his class with the Latte Guardsmen driver's education course.
"I'm impressed. One minute, fifty-four seconds." said Lakitu when Wario came back around. "Now, the real thing."
While waiting for Lakitu to give the go signal at the starting line, Wario punched a gray button on the steering wheel and noticed three blinking mushrooms on the display panel, and on the blue he punched the button again, getting a sharp burst of turbo that significantly increased his speed.
Two mushrooms blinked.
He pushed the button on the second sharp curve and bolted forward with another burst of speed. Then he used the third one at the curve near the end.
Qualifying time: 1'52".
"First course complete." said Lakitu who flew around in his fluffy smiling cloud and waved a checkered flag.
Wario went on to qualify in all sixteen courses. Lakitu then presented him with a entrance pass for the race along with a map to the courses in battle mode.
"And now I am ready to show them all that I'm gonna win!" said Wario very selfssuredly.
"Well good." Lakitu replied. "But I think you should stay here for just a minute and hear the rules of the race."
"Rules.. Fools… I make my own rules!"
"But what about how to use the weapons? Don't you want to hear about those?"
Wario's brows rose with intrigue. "Weapons? So I can use weapons in the race?"
"The item boxes." said Lakitu as he floated around Wario then stopped in front of him again. "They are rotating question marks at selected spots in each course. You load your kart by running over these item boxes and you use them by pressing that gray "Z" button on the steering column. You can also use that yellow button on the right but the gray one's quicker."
"Mm hm." said Wario as he was thinking. "So, Lakitu, of all the weapons, which one would you say is the most deadly….I mean…. effective?"
"That would depend on the situation. But I'd say you'd probably appreciate the power of the spiky blue shell that goes after the person in first place…of course it hits anyone in its path along the way..."
"That's a perfect weapon! And how about the others?"
"Well, there's the triple red shells, and the lightning bolt that shrinks everyone else, the slippery banana peels, and the single red and green shells that you can fire off like little grenades…"
"This is my kind of race!" Wario grinned. "And I'm gonna win! There is just one other thing, Lakitu. So, what is the prize for all this?"
"Winner takes all."
"Winner takes all?" Wario perked up. "Gold? Diamonds? Pearls?…"
"Wario?"
He stiffened at the sound of a familiar voice, then turned around. "My, my, if it isn't the lovely Princess Toadstool," He removed his cap at once and bowed to her. "Your Highness, what a wonderful surprise to see you here!"
"And you," Peach said kindly. "Mario didn't mention anything to me about you being in the race."
"Oh well…Your Highness, it was…last minute decision."
"And your kart. Isn't that the one Mario sold to Koopa Troopa?"
"No…no." Wario replied quickly. "It just looks the same. This is my kart. I built it with my own two hands!"
The princess seemed to believe it. "Oh, that's very nice." she said.
Then Wario noticed a sparkling pink kart beside the princess.
"And what do you have there?"
"This? It's my kart. Mario had it custom built just for me."
"Just for you? Oh really? He custom built one just for you? That is good, Princess Toadstool. So now you can ride around and keep the audiences entertained between the races."
Wario didn't notice how Lakitu and his floating cloud were both stunned.
"What?" went Princess hastily. "Keep the audience entertained? I'll have you to know that I am racing too! And I was the fastest in the time trials so I'll get first position when we start!"
Wario slouched with embarrassment. "My apology, Princess Toadstool….I just…well…I didn't think that a young lady such as yourself would participate in such a dangerous sport…"
"So you think only men can play this game, right?"
"Well…" Wario shrugged nervously, sweat on his brow. "…It's just that you would have to race with dress and crown…and high heels. Princess, it's just… well…I think that would be…well…difficult, if not impossible—"
"EEEEUUW!" The Princess snarled and balled her fists. "How dare you! Forget waiting for the grand prix! I challenge you to a race right now!"
"You mean…me? Versus you?"
Hands on her hips. "Yes!"
"Eh hehehehe…" Wario laughed. "I would not think of that. I would not want you to lose so badly, Your Highness."
Princess Peach turned flaming mad. "Lakitu! Send the sky shuttle to take us to Royal Raceway!" Then she looked directly into Wario's eyes with a frown. "If you lose, you'll have to promise me to do everything in your power to mend fences with Mario and explain to the kingdom why you are his enemy."
Wario agreed. "And if you lose, Princess?"
"I won't lose!" she replied. "But if that happens, you can take the gold royal crown atop the stadium seats—"
"Really?" This time he grinned huge and already had visions of the mounds of cash he could get from that crown.
"Don't even think about it." Peach warned as she prepared her kart for transport to Royal Raceway.
Versus"….Hello, Daisy? I am sorry I cannot make it to the play tonight. I will have to go with my brother to the tracks…he wants to check them out before the races just to be certain they are all in good condition. I should be back later this evening. Bye for now, my darling Daisy…"
(later the same day)
There was a zip in Mario's step as he went from track to track checking with the crews who worked to get the tracks up to par for the races.
"My, I have never seen my raceway look better!" he said enthusiastically. "What do you think, Luigi?"
"Yes, of course." Luigi nodded but was still somewhat preoccupied with his phone message to Daisy.
"I don't think you hear anything I'm saying." said Mario on the way to the Royal Raceway entrance. "You don't hear it because you are too caught up with Daisy. You worry too much. You should be more like me, brother. Do you see me worrying about Peach? Never. I know she can take care of herself, so I don't have any reason to….. Hey, what's this?"
Luigi cleared the fog from his brain and saw a crowd of people lined up in front of the Royal Raceway ticket booth.
"Is there something going on here?" asked Mario. "Today? No one told me about anything…..Wait! Look at the billing! Wario versus….PRINCESS PEACH TOADSTOOL! No! It can't be!…."
Mario went running into the crowd and Luigi followed him, squeezing around people to get to the head of the line where Mario quickly paid the fourteen dollar a piece ticket price and rushed into the stadium where apparently the race had already begun because people in the seats were cheering, and down on the tracks were two karts, one purple and the other pink with engines revving, also was Lakitu holding out the signal that went from red to blue as he counted…3…2…1…
Mario slapped his hands over his eyes. "I can't look…"
"And they're off!" Luigi yelled. "Peach got a good head start! She's taking the lead, Mario! She's doing good!"
Mario slowly uncovered his eyes to see just as Peach picked up an item box that gave her a single power mushroom which she used immediately to thrust herself ahead. He then caught a breath and felt his heart just to make sure it was still beating and it was, but then Wario picked up an item box and in a fraction of second three red shells circled the kart and shot off one after the other, then Mario thought he'd faint—
"Oooh," said Luigi. "She is in trouble…."
BAM BAM BAM The shells triple-clobbered Peach with her kart and she went tumbling high in the air as many times, "AAAEEEE… AAAEEEEE…. ..AAAAEEEE!"
"EH HEHEHEHE!" Wario's laugh echoed throughout he stadium.
"Mario?" went Luigi. "Are you alright?"
Luigi then looked over and noticed Mario's fixed gaze.
"Hey…brother!" Luigi reached out and shook him. "It's alright, she recovered. You see them over there…they are almost to the jump and she's got a star so she's sure to make it! Hey, don't worry…just like you told me, right?…..Hey…Mario?"
Turned out Mario sat like that during the entire race. He never once responded when Peach knocked Wario around with her triple green shells or shrunk him with lightning, and he was stone-faced even when Wario bumped her around and pounded her good with the shells.
Yet and still, by the end Princess Peach came out ahead and won the race.
"Peachy!" she said as she whooshed by Wario at the finish line.
"Mario…?" Luigi looked at his brother with wonder. "She won! And she didn't even lose her crown! Look at her, she is waving and blowing kisses! Perhaps you were right after all. I should not worry about Daisy, I guess. She is capable of taking care of herself just like Peach."
Strange thing was that Mario didn't have another word to say all the way from the stadium or back at home. He just sat there and wallowing in silence so badly that Luigi stuck around out of concern.
Around five-thirty, there was a knock on the front door.
"Hello Luigi."
"Peach? Well, how wonderful it is to see you. And congratulations on your big win today."
"Thank you, Luigi." she said kindly. "Have you seen Mario?"
"Please, come in. Yes, he's upstairs…well, actually I can't say that I've seen him very much. He's been up there since we got back."
"Oh really? I was just wondering, because he's left about ten messages on my answering machine at the castle in the past hour…is he alright?"
"Messages, on your answering machine? I see…"
"He says from now on he wants to make sure we keep in touch at all times. Is he feeling well? I mean, this just isn't like Mario." said Peach.
Luigi nodded and smiled contently. "It is baffling indeed." he admitted. "But just between you and me, Peach. Finally….I think my brother has come to his senses."