Chapter 2: Distance

"Would he make you clean the house?"

"No."

"Would he ban you from Glee?"

"No."

Her mother has been trying to guess Uncle Burt's punishments for the past few minutes. The line of questioning is amusing not only for the two of them, but for Nurse Jen when she comes to check on Rachel. The nurse knows what the punishments were. A few months ago she'd been a part of a conversation between Rachel, Kurt, and Uncle Burt where they talked about it. She'd been amused. And now, she knows that it is highly unlikely that her mother will guess correctly. Nurse Jen gives Rachel a wink before leaving her little cubicle. She still has about another hour of her treatment left. Rachel shifts in the chemo chair to get more comfortable. Her side effects are fairly mild today, thankfully. She feels woozy and tired, but that's all.

Her mom crosses her legs and bounces her foot, lost in thought. "Hmmm…..I already know he wouldn't put his hands on you, so you didn't get a spanking from him."

Rachel gives a firm nod of agreement. Nope, no way in hell would Uncle Burt lay a hand on her in punishment.

"Okay, I'm out of ideas. Give me a hint, princess."

Rachel grins. "He believes that the best punishments don't cause pain but teach you something new."

"Teach you something?" Rachel gives her a nod. Amused realization spreads across her face. "He'd teach you something car related, wouldn't he?"

Rachel erupts like a champagne bottle whose cork has popped. "Do you have any idea how boring it is to learn how to change the cabin filter in a sedan?" Her mom starts laughing. "Or how dirty I'd get when he'd make me help change the oil of some old truck? It is so hard to stay awake and alert when he's explaining the difference between all these different tools that look exactly the same! And why do I need to know about the different types of oil and what's best for each type of car?! He'd bring me to tears, Mom. Tears of absolute boredom."

Her mom's laughter grows. Rachel breaks character and smiles. It's nice to see her mom laughing and happy.

Wiping away tears of mirth, the older brunette continues her questions. "So you know how to change the oil in a car?"

"Yes. And I know how to change a tire. And I know the names of some of the tools. I know more about cars than I ever cared to learn."

Her mom pats her arm in mock sympathy. "Sounds like a good punishment. You were bored and unhappy, and yet you learned something new."

Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

The kids showed Mr. Schuester Kurt and Rachel's Broadway performance. He got just emotional as they had been. He raved about their incredible performance. When they then told him about April Rhodes playing Glinda, he'd been dumbfounded. He told them a few stories about April, then showed them a video of his Glee Nationals performance with April.

Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

She bites her lip, her eyes taking in the other girl carefully. Rachel doesn't recognize her, but she's pretty. And her eyes are on Finn, a flirty smile on her face, and her hand lightly grazing his arm. Finn smiles politely at the girl, shuts his locker, and turns away without even saying goodbye. The red-headed girl blinks, her mouth falling open slightly at the unintended slight. Rachel grins slightly. Finn sees her and his face lights up, his polite smile transforming into a big grin.

"Hey, Rach!"

He wraps an arm around her and she leans into him happily. "Hi, Finn. Who was that?"

He looks around, confused. "Who?"

Smile growing, she jerks her head back in the direction of his locker. "The redhead you were talking to."

"Oh, uh, Julia. Or Julie. I think." He gives a disinterested half-shrug. "Doesn't matter. She's in my math class and she wanted to complain about the teacher or something. I don't know. I wasn't really listening."

Rachel's smile becomes a smirk. "Okay. I was just curious because I didn't recognize her."

Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Thursday was odd. Her dad insisted on picking her up from school, taking her to an early dinner, then joining her for her treatment that night. It wasn't hard for her mom to reschedule her treatment for a little later to give them time to eat, but she obviously wasn't comfortable with it. Rachel knows her dad is trying to be more involved in her life, which she loves. She also knows he's still struggling to deal with her diagnosis. But she's had it about ten months now and her dad has only visited her in the hospital once, has never spoken to her about it, avoids any mention of it, and has never come to a treatment. Every one of her friends and many of her extended family have all been with her at least once during a treatment. Everyone she loves most. Everyone except her dad.

She saw more of him over the summer, but still not much. Every time they meet up she thinks it'll be less awkward and they'll fall back into their normal comfortable relationship. But it never happens. She realizes their "normal, comfortable" relationship hasn't existed in years. Sue Sylvester sat in the office with her until her dad arrived. When he did, she stood staring coldly at him, not speaking. Her dad was clearly unnerved, but ignored it and focused on her, hugging her hello.

"Ready to go?"

Without waiting for a reply, he picks up her bag and tugs her out of the office. He asks how the new school year is going and lets her ramble, a small smile on his face. Maybe this time….maybe this time will go better. Less awkward. When she stops, he tells her about how his work is going and about some of the places he's been while on business trips. She decides she'd like to visit Alaska. She's used to being cold and it sounds beautiful. She'd love to be pulled on a dog sled. It sounds like a cool experience. They're walking down the sidewalk to the restaurant they'd chosen when Rachel feels the pinpricks begin to pierce her chest. She halts, grabbing her dad's arm. He stops as well, alarmed.

"Rachel?"

She can't answer, but squeezes his arm a bit more. She's only had one mild attack in front of him before. He'd freaked out. She hopes he doesn't again. She'll be fine once it ends.

"Rachel?" He calls again.

She's a little irritated but brushes it off. He's not used to them. It's not his fault that everyone else knows how to handle these calmly. Her loved ones have gotten good at acting like they're not happening (when they occur in public) while still supporting and comforting her. They're pros. Her dad is a novice. He wraps an arm around her waist just as it ends. She takes in an easier breath.

"It's over." He stares at her worriedly. It makes her wonder how he'd react to a severe attack. She points to the building two doors down. "There's the restaurant. You made us reservations, right?"

"It's early, Rach," he responds distractedly, his eyes still examining her, "you don't need reservations."

"If you say so." She loops her arm through his. He chuckles and lets her start guiding them on.

Their early dinner was nice, but the levity from before was gone. The mild attack was the unwanted reminder her dad needed that she's sick and that he's not around often enough to know how to help her through it. Rachel does her best to steer the conversation to lighter topics, but her illness has become entwined with so many aspects of her life that dealing with it really is just a part of her daily life now. It's hard not to mention any part of it in conversation. Each little reference to it causes the lines on her dad's face to deepen, his mouth tensing. Same with any mention of her mother. He loves her. She knows this. But her Daddy was always the stronger one. He was the one who comforted her and kept her calm when she'd needed stitches in her head. Her Dad had been nearly as hysterical as she had been. When her Daddy died, its like he took the last of her Dad's strength. He no longer has any left to face the hard things in life. Like his daughter's life threatening illness. He lingers over his dessert and coffee. She tries to be inconspicuous as she checks the time, but he sighs irritably.

"Relax, Rachel. It's not that far, we have time."

"Well….they don't really like when I'm late."

"It's fine."

Rachel squirms uncomfortably, but forces herself to press on. "Dad…they prepare the treatment half an hour ahead of time. It has a short shelf life once they do that. If I'm late, the—"

"Rachel." Her dad snaps. "We'll get there."

Rachel clenches her teeth and looks down at her lap. Her mom would have had them leave ten minutes ago so they could walk at a leisurely pace to get there and still be there on time if not early. Actually, her mom probably wouldn't let her walk that far. Even Uncle Burt would….she shakes these thoughts away. Her dad is here. He's trying. Once he finally pays the bill, they start their trek. On the one hand, it's only a couple blocks away. On the other hand, it's a couple blocks away and she was at school all day. She's tired. She lags behind her father and he turns to her with a frown. He opens his mouth to speak, but something on her face halts him. He appears uncertain now. Again, he goes to speak. Again, he decides not to. This time when he snaps his mouth shut, his jaw and shoulders tense. His current behavior is disturbingly similar to the start of…bad days…..in the past. Rachel looks down as she walks, trying to force herself to move faster. Experience has taught her to keep quiet and out of the way. When that's not possible, just do what he wants and don't argue. It's been a long time, but clearly some instincts are harder to unlearn than others. Despite his apparent irritation, her dad slows his pace. He sets his hand on her back, trying to help. This change eases her nerves and restores her calm.

When they finally arrive at the clinic, Nurse Jen is waiting in the lobby. At first she looks relieved. As her eyes examine Rachel closer, her expression closes off. With a professional demeanor that is much less friendly than Rachel is used to, the nurse introduces herself to her dad. She then grabs hold of Rachel's other arm and together they guide her to her assigned cubicle and hook her up. Her dad goes a little green watching them insert the needle. He turns away. Nurse Jen had started telling her dad about the treatment procedure, but tapered off when it was clear her dad wasn't really comfortable with it. Instead, the nurse squeezes Rachel's hand and walks off. Her dad sits awkwardly in the chair beside hers, twisting the hem of his shirt. She grins internally. So that's where she gets it from.

"This is the boring part." Rachel informs him with a small grin.

His returning smile is weak, his eyes distant. Rachel's smile falls and she looks at the ceiling, uncertain what to say. Nurse Jen returns and places a cup of ice water next to her. Rachel smiles her thanks. After a few minutes of silence, she can't take it anymore.

"I'm glad you could come. And I enjoyed dinner."

Her dad's head dips down. Something uncomfortable coils in her stomach. Even as he lifts his head to meet her gaze she knows she's not going to like what he says.

"Me too, little star. I'm glad we could do this. I….I need you to know that even though I'm not around much….I still love you just as much as I always have. I may not be able to be here physically, but I enjoy our talks. I also keep in touch with Shelby so that I'm kept informed of your health."

Rachel doesn't bother saying anything. She's aware that he's building up to something. Nurse Jen comes in to check her vitals. Interestingly, Rachel notices that Jen moves in a way that blocks her dad's view of her. In that moment, she makes eye contact and wordlessly asks if she's okay. Frankly, she's not sure. But she needs to hear whatever her dad is getting at, so she nods a little. Nurse Jen nods back and leaves. Her dad takes her hand.

"After your Daddy died, I felt like I was in hell. And I brought you there with me. I'm so sorry. And I know that with your illness, you're going through a whole new brand of hell. I wish I could take it away, little star. I wish I could make it all better. Make you better. Your mother is doing a wonderful job making you feel better, isn't she?"

He sounds almost desperate. And he's right, so she nods. "Yes. She is."

His smile is bitter. "Good. I'm glad."

Is he?

"I'm doing better, Rachel. I'm sober. I see a psychologist now. I talk to you more. But…..I don't think I can…..do more. Not that I don't want to, but I'm afraid that…if I were to become more involved in your life and your treatment," he waves his hand around them "then I wouldn't stay sober. I'd go back to drinking. I love you and it hurts seeing you go through this. And it wouldn't be fair on you. To be in and out so much. The uncertainty. I can't do anything about your health, but I can do something about that." He takes a deep, steadying breath. "I was offered a position in Dallas."

"Texas?" Her voice is small.

He nods. "Yes. And…..and I've accepted it."

Her stomach plummets. She's not sure why. She doubts it'll change anything, really. She hardly sees him as it is. And with him on the other side of the country, maybe she won't keep waking up in the hospital wondering why he isn't there. But it feels like he's leaving her behind. Running away.

Abandoned.

That's how she feels. Which is weird. He abandoned her years ago, if she's honest with herself. Reason doesn't always have a place in emotions. Her mind is telling her nothing will change, it's no big deal. Her heart is telling her she's losing her Dad. Tears fill her eyes.

He pulls her into a hug, mindful of the IV in her arm. "I love you, Rachel. Me staying around would only hurt you more."

The tears flow freely. "That's what you said in fifth grade. When you started taking business trips."

He tenses but doesn't release her. He kisses her head in the same spot he always did. "You're right. The difference is, this time I'm not leaving you alone."

The guilt makes his voice crack as he admits it. It makes her hold on to him tighter. "I love you, Dad."

Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

She keeps her face stoic and her breathing even. Fury bubbles in her chest but she buries it. This is neither the time nor the place. Thinking over the nurse's words when she arrived make it harder to keep her fury buried.

He made her walk six blocks.

His daughter is in fucking stage 3 and tires easily, and he made her walk the entire way. They arrived late, with Rachel clearly fatigued. Since Shelby knows where they had dinner, she knows exactly how far they walked. She has to force herself to unclench her jaw. He may not be familiar with her illness, but common sense should indicate that you don't make someone as sick as Rachel walk that far. Especially when it could have easily been avoided. Noting the time and Rachel's physical state, the nurses knew right away what had happened. Needless to say, the staff here are not impressed with Leroy Berry.

Rachel is asleep when she walks in. Leroy is holding her hand and staring at her. The look on his face calms the fury a little. He loves her. She's always known that, but seeing the look on his face really drives it home. He's hurting. He's scared. But he stares at her like she's the most precious thing in the world. She knows how he feels.

"Leroy." She'd attempted to sound sympathetic, but the lingering fury only allows it to come out casual.

He looks up. "Shelby."

"How was dinner? Did she eat much?"

He smiles slightly. "We had a good talk. She ate about half of her plate."

Not bad, she concedes. "Speaking of good talks, do you still want to come over this weekend to tell her about Texas?:

He sighs and looks down. "I already told her."

The fury billows back up. "What? Here?" She has to work keep her volume down. She glances at Rachel to make sure she's still asleep. "We agreed you'd tell her in private, in the comfort of her own home, and with me near by just in case."

"The opportunity to bring it up arose. She handled it pretty well."

This fucking moron. "If you actually think she handled it well, then she's either an incredible actress or you truly don't know your daughter very well."

"And you do?" He snaps. "You've known her less than a year. I've raised her for 15-"

"Try 10."

He glares at her.

"Are you seriously going to say you were still 'raising' her after Hiram died? You stopped being her parent when she was 10 years old."

"Well, you—"

"Enough."

Both parents turn. The head nurse is looking at them sternly. "Even if you don't care about disturbing the other patients who are going through treatment right now, you should care that your daughter is asleep not a foot away from you."

They turn as one. Shelby relaxes a little to see Rachel is still asleep. Well, until—

"Stop faking, Rachel. I know your tricks and tells."

Rachel sighs and opens her eyes. "Can you blame me for trying?"

Guilt creeps through Shelby. "I'm sorry, baby."

Rachel shrugs. "It's okay. I should be done soon anyway."

"True."

They sit in a tense silence for a few minutes until they remove the IV from her arm and she is released. In the parking lot she hugs Leroy tight.

"Will I see you before you move?"

"Of course, Star."

She smiles up at him. He kisses her forehead and walks away. Once he's around the corner, Rachel leans more heavily against her.

"You don't have to pretend to feel better than you actually do. Not around anyone. Not even your Dad, okay?"

"Okay."

Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

He tugs at the collar of his shirt, regretting his choice of clothing. He thought it'd be a tad cooler today. Class was almost over, which he was glad about. It's not that he thinks Rachel isn't feeling well, but something was definitely off with her. Santana noticed it as well, he knows. She kept giving Rachel sideways looks. Rachel didn't participate much in class and spent long portions of the class either looking out the window or down at her blank notebook page. Kurt is worried about her. Stage 3 is no joke. And he knows her dad took her out last night. He's not sure which thing is upsetting her. Maybe both. When the bell finally rings, Rachel doesn't even notice. Kurt glances at Santana. They share a look while gathering their stuff. Their teacher is also looking at Rachel with a frown. He knows all of Rachel's teachers this year have been briefed on her condition and given the same training as the teachers last year. Every teacher that looks at her tends to give the same look that's a combination of concern and wariness. Santana gives the teacher a nod. Mrs. Minovrich sighs and walks out, leaving the room to them. Kurt places a hand on Rachel's arm. She raises her eyes to him and blinks, only now becoming aware of her surroundings.

"Oh. Crap." She starts gathering her stuff.

"Rach? What's going on?"

"What do you mean?" Her eyes shift around the room. Anywhere but on him or Santana.

"Oh, drop it Berry. We know somethings bothering you. You're supposed to tell us."

Rachel frowns, finally looking at them. "It's not…..I'm…I'm fine. I'm just…..thinking about my Dad."

That bastard better not have done or said anything last night. "Yeah, I was wondering how it went with him yesterday."

Rachel looks down. Shit. "He's leaving. He accepted a job in Texas."

Santana seems pleased. Ignoring his own opinion on that fact, he focuses on his sister. "And? What do you think about that?"

She shrugs. "I don't know. On the one hand, I guess nothing will really change. Except when I wake up in the hospital I'll stop wondering why he's not there."

Hurt, for her, and fury mixed with disgust flow through him. Oh, Rachel. Santana's expression has closed off but he caught the murderous look she'd let slip before covering it. He wonders if she's feeling the same way he is.

"Berry…"

Rachel shakes her head. "It's fine. It's better, right? I mean, he hasn't been here with me through this. You all have. He doesn't know….how to help. He freaked when I had a mild, then made me walk like 6 blocks and seemed irritated when I got tired and started lagging behind. Not because he doesn't love me, he just….doesn't know…..how to help."

"And it's not like he's really been a big part of your life in a few years, right?" Santana asks.

"San!" Kurt snaps. The Latina shrugs. While she's not wrong, it was a bit blunt.

Rachel seems to shrink. "Yeah. True."

Kurt glares at Santana. In her defense, she looks regretful.

"I just…" Rachel begins, "….I'd like to move past this feeling. Put it behind me. Put him behind me."

"That's what Renee is for, right? You'll talk to her about it?" Santana asks, trying to be helpful.

"Yeah, but….it's not enough. I need…."

"To sing." Kurt finishes.

Rachel looks at him, relief at being understood apparent on her face. "Yes. Maybe after school?"

"Sure. You can sing it for Glee. The others would love to hear whatever song you have in mind."

"Um….I know I can't really be alone, but…I kind of want to do this alone. Or as alone as I can get."

Santana opens her mouth, to object, no doubt, but Kurt cuts her off. "We'll work something out."

Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Unfortunately, by the time the day ended Rachel was asleep in Sue Sylvester's office. She'd gotten more and more tired as the day went on. Remembering her promise from last school year, she did not try to hide or deny it. Rachel leaned on Kurt as they walked down the hall between classes, hating that her body was demanding that she rest. Her brother kept an arm around her waist and helped keep her moving. He was asking her if she wanted to go to the nurse for a nap when she saw the cheerleading coach down the hall and pointed her out to Kurt. Kurt quickly got Sue's attention and Rachel quietly asked for a break. The tall woman had immediately led her to the comfortable chair in her office. Rachel had curled up and fallen asleep, knowing Sue was doing paperwork a few feet away.

Her song therapy would have to wait for another day.

Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx