Chapter 7: Crossing a Line
The Hummel's and Hudson's celebrate Burt and Carole's engagement. They invite Shelby and Rachel, making it clear that it's a family celebration and they're both family. The six of them had a nice dinner at a restaurant, then went back to Hummel house to play board games. While playing they talked about when Finn and Carole will move into Hummel house: before or after the wedding. Also, while Kurt was bouncing in his seat excited about planning the wedding, Carole and his dad didn't have a lot of answers. They told him to plan something small and tasteful, but said they didn't have a date yet.
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Rachel leans against her Uncle Burt while he reads the pamphlet her mom handed him.
"So they'll insert a semi-permanent port into her chest?" He asks, frowning down at the paper in his hand.
Kurt is looking over his own. "It'll always be in her chest?"
"Yes. At least for a few months. She'll keep it covered when she showers. It just….it'll make it easier for both her and the doctors. Since she'll be getting IV medication and blood transfusions two times a week, rather than insert a needle into her arm twice a week, they can just connect the IV tubing to the port in her chest. They can also pull blood draws from it. Since she needs one IV for blood and one for medication, she'll get the port with two IV access."
"Less needles is a good thing." Rachel smiles. She rolls up her sleeves, revealing multiple bruises and red dots on her arms. The result of months of weekly transfusions and blood draws.
"When will they perform the procedure to put it in?" Uncle Burt asks.
"Next week. It'll take 30 to 45 minutes."
"Will she be awake for it?" Kurt asks.
"Yes, but they'll numb the area and give her something to keep her calm and make her drowsy. So she might end up falling asleep."
"There's a strong possibility." Rachel admits, grinning a little.
"Will she still be able to do everything?"
"Not for a few days. She'll stay home two days, resting. For the rest of the week she's not allowed to do anything strenuous, so no dancing and I'm even going to limit her singing and stair climbing."
"What about gym class?"
"I haven't really participated this year." Rachel reminds him.
"I know that, Tink, but you do some exercises with Coach Sue every week."
That's true. Though that's been slowing down as well. Last year she and Sue would jog, use medicine balls, jump rope, and other actual exercises. This year started with her jogging, but a few weeks ago Rachel had to tell Sue that it was just too tiring. Sue had thanked her for her honesty. Jogging is out. They walk, mostly. If she really feels up to it, they still do some minor workouts, but only light exercises. And that's on the days she's actually in school during their scheduled workouts. Her mom is shaking her head.
"I've already talked to Sue. No more physical activity. I'll allow her to return to Glee after next week. But even that needs to be on a limited basis."
She sighs. Sometimes, life really sucks.
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Shelby eyes Rachel, watching her push her cereal around without actually eating any. She knows her kid has a lot of stress right now, a lot to be upset about, but Rachel seems especially downtrodden now. She thinks she knows why. Whether she's right or not, she has a plan for tonight.
"I've moved your treatment to tomorrow."
"Why?"
"So we can have all of tonight to do something."
"Do what?"
Shelby gives her a bittersweet smile. "To celebrate knowing each other for one year." From the look on Rachel's face, her suspicions were correct. "I know it's also just about a year since you were diagnosed, but—"
"But I was sick longer than that. Technically I've been sick for over a year, since my symptoms started September of last year."
"True," Painfully true, "but you were diagnosed the first week of November. This week. Just a few days after meeting me."
Rachel thinks about it and nods. "So we're….celebrating?"
Shelby smiles bigger. "Yes. I know thinking about how you've been sick for a year now is…..hard. It upsets me, too. But I'm thrilled that I've had you in my life for a year."
Rachel gives her a tentative smile. She knows her daughter has mixed feelings about it. She understands. But she wants to focus on the positive.
"So tonight, we celebrate."
"How?"
"We're going to order our favorites from our favorite Chinese place. The rest of the night is ours. We can go into the basement to sing. We can watch a movie. We can play a game. Whatever we feel like."
Rachel grins sardonically. "Whatever I feel up to, you mean."
Shelby sighs. "That too, yeah."
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Her friends are confused about the port being implanted in her chest. Once she explains more about it, they understand how helpful it'll be.
"Don't worry," Tina tells her "we'll make sure our costumes for Sectionals cover the port."
That hadn't even crossed her mind, so she appreciates that Tina thought of it. She thanks her friend with a hug.
"Is that why you've been a little more…..morose today?" Mercedes asks.
"No. While I'm not thrilled with the idea of having tubes sticking out of my chest for months on end, it'll actually be a relief. Less pain." They smile at her. Anything that reduces her pain is a good thing in their books. "I've just been thinking. It's been a year. Officially. One year of knowing I'm sick and getting treatment. A year of slowly getting worse. But on the other hand, one year of getting to know my mom and getting closer to her."
"Didn't you tell me that two extremes cancel each other out, creating a balance?" Finn asks.
"There you go, throwing my own words back at me." At first Finn looks alarmed, but when he realizes she's not actually mad, just teasing, he grins and kisses her.
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Her friends decided to do their own "celebration". For the first time they invite Sam with them to their spot in the woods. Blaine joins them, as usual, and meets Sam. They're celebrating Rachel still being alive; surviving the hell she's been through this past year. They dance around the fire, sing, talk, cry, and laugh. Rachel's mild attack occurred while dancing with Sam. She was impressed with him; he simply brought them to a gentle sway and held her closer until it passed. Once it did she thanked him, just before Finn cut in, taking back his dance partner.
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"Stop."
Rachel sighs and drops her hand. Her mom gives her a look. "I stopped."
"Don't do it again."
"It's just….weird."
"You'll get used to it. Leave it alone."
Rachel looks down at her chest. The port is inserted two inches under her collar bone on the right side of her chest. It is currently covered by medical gauze. It feels weird. And looks weird. It's not very obvious, but if you look closely, you can see the slight bulge under her shirt. She and her mom are sitting in the backseat of her grandparent's car. They'd come, even though it wasn't necessary. They insisted on driving them both so she and her mom could sit in the back together. Rachel feels fine. Fine for her, anyway. She'd dozed during the procedure, then sat in recovery for an hour before they let her go. Grandpa parks in the driveway and they all climb out. Rachel waves to Mrs. Johnson, who is tending to her garden. The kindly woman waves back. Her mom goes over to chat with her, so Rachel heads inside with her grandparents. She likes that they come to visit periodically. She's gotten to know them better and feels more comfortable around them. Which was probably the whole point of them visiting once in a while, she realizes.
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They're rehearsing on the stage for Sectionals. Sam and Quinn are singing "I've Had the Time of My Life" as a duet. It's….sweet. But Rachel knows if she were at full health, she'd be fussing about being able to do it better. Quinn has a very pretty voice. It just lacks the strength and power Rachel feels is necessary to win a competition. The second song is "Valerie" where Santana gets to shine with a solo and Brittany and Mike get to spotlight their dancing. Despite her reservations, Santana rocks it. And watching their star dancers perform is always a joy. She truly thinks its great that their dance skills are finally being highlighted. Rachel also understands why she's not getting a solo. They have a song she's rehearsing, to be sung sitting on a stool (her mother's insistence). But it's just a possibility. The three groups competing were told to only prepare 2 songs. The third song would be sprung on them at the competition. Since Rachel is their best chance of giving an awesome performance on the fly, they're reserving her for that. Blaine had told them about how nervous the Warblers are about doing an unrehearsed number. Rachel and Kurt had discussed it and are positive Blaine will be able to pull it off just fine. In fact, Kurt told her that she's probably the only one who could out perform Blaine in that situation.
Mid-song, Rachel feels the floor tilt under her feet. She kneels down just as the needles begin stabbing in. Well, it was less like kneeling and more like a graceless fall where she landed on her knees. After a year of dealing with these, she still doesn't have a better way of explaining the pain. But she knows better how to deal with them. Kneel. Hold on to whoever is holding her. Try to curl up (it helps a little). Focus on getting in air. She's so tired of dealing with these. Not that she really has a choice. Arms wrap around her and she feels herself being pulled back against a chest. She's pretty sure it's Kurt. All of her friends have gotten very good at helping with these in the past year. They know to curl with her as much as possible. So while he has pulled her back against his chest, he has his arms around her torso and bends forward with her. He presses his head against hers. She has never said anything, but she really appreciates when people do that. She feels less alone, somehow.
"Passing two minutes." Holly announces quietly.
Shit. She really hopes it doesn't get to five. She really really doesn't want to have to go to the hospital. She blocks out everything else and focuses on her breathing. The phantom needles are piercing endlessly and it feels like the air from her lungs is leaking out of the holes they're making.
"Hmmm." She groans, then gasps. Kurt tightens his grip.
"You're alright, Tink. It'll end soon."
"Three minutes."
Instead of trying to fill her lungs, she tries to take quick short bursts of air. The pain fades and she is left panting.
"Three minutes and thirty-four seconds."
Sue puts the nasal cannula on her. "You alright, mini-Streisand?"
Rachel opens her eyes and looks up at the cheerleading coach. "Y-yeah."
"Good. Now move your ass off this stage so we can keep rehearsing without tripping over you."
"Sue!"
"Oh relax, Sponge-Hair Square Jaw."
Mr. Schue rolls his eyes. "I was actually going to have them take a break after that song anyway. They can just relax for a few minutes, then we'll do it again."
The rest of the kids grab water bottles and sit wherever on the stage. Mike hands Rachel her water bottle and she smiles.
"Thanks, Mi—"
With no warning whatsoever, claws stab into her chest. The water bottle drops to the stage and rolls away. All air is sucked from her lungs, not that there was much left after the moderate attack that had just ended. She goes absolutely rigid with shock and pain.
"Rachel?" Kurt's voice is scared.
"Rachel!" Finn shouts. He grabs her hands. She can't even squeeze them back.
She tries desperately to pull in any air at all. It takes a lot of effort, but she finally manages to inhale one haggard breath. And then the claws in her chest tear. Her jaw snaps shut. Coppery blood fills her mouth but she can't unclench her jaw to release whatever she's biting on. It is but a dandelion compared to a great Redwood tree. The claws drag across again and she begins to convulse and choke. She's convinced her chest is in jagged tatters.
"Oh, God!"
She's turned on her side and the blood streams out of her mouth, down her jaw and cheek, and onto someone's hand. She wheezes in a thin breath, still tensed up, still writhing, still only vaguely aware of her surroundings. Hands on her. Noise. What was bright white is now turning black. The pain is so fucking bad. She has never felt agony to this degree before. Please please please God please. She just wants it to end. Needs it to end. Her lungs refuse to inhale. The sounds are starting to become more distant, muffled, and distorted. Rachel uses the last of her strength to pry her mouth open just a little, but instead of allowing air in, she releases a faint, hoarse cry that echoes in her head. Agony.
Agony. Suffering. Torture.
Dr. Reed forgot to mention the terror that goes with it.
The darkness takes over as her senses fade. Oddly, she swears she can almost hear the lapping of moving water. The pain is fading now. As Rachel drifts off, her final conscious thought is to send an apology to her loved ones.
I'm sorry.
I tried.
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Finn's bloody hands still cradle his girlfriend's head. He stares, horrified. Kurt is still holding her and sobbing. Brittany and Mercedes are holding her legs, both of them looking terrified. Holly is already on the phone with the paramedics. As soon as the severe attack began, she grabbed her phone. Mr. Schue and Coach Sylvester had pushed everyone else back and are kneeling next to Rachel.
Kurt looks up, hysterical. "I-I think sh-she stopped breathing."
Finn looks down at her. Her chest isn't rising. The way she lays there in Kurt's arms…..something…there's something about the stillness…..nothing about this is right, but there's something more. Something very, very wrong. Something he feels deep in his soul.
"She's dead."
The words slip out before his brain can stop him. Finn pulls her from Kurt's arms. Mr. Schue and Coach Sylvester help lay her flat on her back.
"What?"
"Her heart stopped." He presses his fingers against her neck while each of the teachers grab a hand and feel inside her wrists. Nothing.
"No pulse." Coach Sue confirms in an expressionless voice.
Dead.
Rachel is dead.
His body moves before his brain does. Normally this is a problem. Right now, he's incredibly grateful for it. He bends over her, pinches her nose, and places his mouth over her bloody one. He blows a strong breath into her, trying desperately to fill her with life. Then again. He immediately begins chest compressions. Mr. Schuester leaps over Rachel, pushes a stunned Kurt out of the way, and takes over chest compressions. Finn goes back to breathing for her. They work as a team. After almost a minute, they pause to check. She's still not breathing. Her heart still isn't beating.
Dead.
They continue until Coach Sylvester pushes him aside and takes over breathing. Kurt pushes Mr. Schue aside and takes over compressions. Finn runs his hand over his face and realizes he's shaking. Quinn and Sam grab him from either side, holding him up. Every minute or so, the current team is swapped out with two others. Every minute. She hasn't had a pulse in several minutes.
"I think I feel something!" Mike shouts, fingers pressed against her carotid artery on the side of her neck.
Mr. Schuester takes over. "Her heart is beating, but it's faint and inconsistent. It's struggling."
Running feet pull his attention. A team of paramedics bolt onto the stage. One even leaps up onto the edge, ignoring the stairs. The paramedics take over. They'll help. They'll help her. They'll save her. Finn can't help but flinch when they tear her shirt. Her torso is black, blue, purple, and green. He winces. He watches as they place pads on her torso and attach wires. A defibrillator. For some reason, his eyes are drawn to her hand. It lies on the stage, limp. He can't stop staring at it.
"Clear!"
Rachel's body jerks. One of the paramedics immediately places his stethoscope against her chest and shakes his head, pulling back again.
"Again!"
She jerks again. Stethoscope, head shake.
"Again!"
Finn is aware of the sounds of sobbing around him. But he can't. He can't break. Not yet.
"We've got a pulse!"
He breathes a little easier.
"She's still not breathing. Rachel, can you hear us? Rachel squeeze my hand."
There's nothing. No reaction. They connect an IV to one of her port tubes. Another pushes a tube down her throat, then connects the end of it to a bag. They squeeze it, forcing air into her lungs. One of them leaps from the stage, only to return a moment later with a stretcher. Finn watches them slide it under her then strap her to it. Once she's secure, they lift her. One of them continues to squeeze the bag, keeping her breathing. Her shirt is still open, chest still revealed. She wouldn't like that. He feels the ridiculous urge to cover her up. They place her on the gurney and take off at a run. Ms. Holliday jogs after them.
For a minute, everyone sits frozen. Then the sobbing renews. Finn grabs Kurt by the upper arms and yanks him to his feet.
"Let's go." His voice is harsh.
They scramble to gather necessities; phones, keys, wallets.
"Wait!" They pause, turning to their teacher. Mr. Schuester is crying along with everyone else. "You're in no state to drive. It's not safe."
"Is anyone?" Finn snaps, turning once more to leave.
Mr. Schuester grabs his shoulder, stopping him again. "I'm calmer than you. I will drive." He looks around. "I can take 4."
Coach Sylvester already has her coat and keys. "I can take 6."
"I'm okay to drive, Mr. Schue." Puck says. His face is stricken, but dry. "I can take Artie and his wheelchair in my truck."
Their teacher nods at him. "Fine."
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Shelby jogs into the hospital emergency department, Scott keeping pace beside her. They'd finished their training session and were just chatting when she got the text from Holly, telling her to come to the hospital. Something about an attack. Holly didn't go into detail. Scott insisted on driving her. Not wanting to waste time arguing, she'd instantly accepted. Her heart is pounding. Her eyes sweep the waiting room and she is startled to see no one she recognizes. She'd assumed the gleeks would all be here. Then Nurse Hunter appears before her like a saving grace.
"Shelby. Dr. Morgan is waiting for you back here." He leads her through a set of double doors and into a hallway.
She doesn't bother contemplating the oddity of the situation. She simply follows, aware that Scott is remaining at her side. Burt Hummel and Carole Hudson are standing with Dr. Morgan. The good doctor turns to her as she hurries up to the group.
"Shelby."
"What happened? Is she okay?"
"Rachel had a moderate attack during Glee rehearsal."
Shelby frowns. Just a moderate? "Why—"
Dr. Morgan holds up a hand. "Three minutes after the moderate attack ended, she had a severe attack."
Shelby blinks. What? She's not aware of Burt and Carole positioning themselves closer to her.
"Shelby," Dr. Morgan's eyes are somber. "The combination of a moderate and severe attack was simply too much for her body to handle. Her heart stopped."
Her knees buckle. Burt and Scott catch her, holding her up.
"Sh-she….her…..is…"
Dr. Morgan takes her hand. "She's alive."
Shelby releases a sob. "Alive."
The mocha skinned woman nods. "She's alive, but she's in the ICU. Rachel is on life support."
Shelby crumbles.
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Rachel's face is ashen. A tube is in her mouth, surgical tape holding it in place. She's on a mechanical ventilator. Her body is too weak to breathe on its own, Dr. Morgan had explained to her. IV tubes go under the front of her gown. Shelby is aware they're connected to the port in her chest. She sits next to her daughter's hospital bed, staring at her child. On top of the normal beeping she's used to, there's also the rhythmic whooshing of the ventilator. Shelby watches, hypnotized, as her daughter's chest rises in time with the sound.
After a few minutes of sitting still, she leans forward. Shelby gently grasps Rachel's hand. It's cold. She slowly rubs it, trying to warm it despite feeling frozen herself.
"Stay with me, baby girl."
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Burt joins her, sitting on the other side of the bed, and holding Rachel's other hand. Since Rachel is in the ICU, she can only have two visitors at a time and they're supposed to be family only.
"Shelby." With herculean effort, she pulls her eyes off of her child. Burt's eyes are soft. "I'm going to switch with Kurt in a minute, give him a few minutes in here with her."
She nods and looks back at Rachel.
"He's going to be a wreck. Are you okay with that? Or…" he sighs. "I know you don't want to step away from her side, but….Kurt really needs to see her. Finn, too. But they're going to be wrecks and I don't want to put that on you."
Shelby takes a shaky breath. "It must have been hard for them, seeing that."
It was devastating for her just being told about it. She can't imagine what they went through watching it. Burt is shaking his head.
"It's more than that. She died in Kurt's arms."
Her stomach plummets and her entire chest hollows out.
"Yeah. He was uh…" Burt wipes his mouth with a shaking hand, "…he was holding her upper body. Finn was holding her head. Kurt noticed the moment she stopped breathing. Finn could tell that it was more than that. He said that….something deep in his soul told him it was worse than that. That her heart had stopped."
Shelby presses a hand over her mouth, eyes on her child, but listening to Burt.
"Finn pulled Rachel out of Kurt's arms and laid her on the stage. He checked for a pulse and couldn't find one. Neither could the adults. Finn's the one who started CPR and Kurt quickly jumped in. So…..both boys need to see her. And they're both going to be in bad shape."
Tears cascade down her face and over her hand. She remembers the terror of Rachel's first severe attack. The horror of seeing her in that much pain and not being sure if she was breathing right after it ended. She can't imagine how terrifying it was for them to watch her suffer a severe attack right after a moderate attack, to feel when she stopped breathing, to see her body lifeless with no pulse. To hold her and know she was…..dead. Shelby takes in a shuddering breath. She knows how much those boys love her, each in their own way. She dries her hand on her shirt, then picks up Rachel's hand again, pressing it against her mouth. She slowly releases a breath.
"Okay. They need to see her. But I can't…..I can't walk away from her. I can't."
"I get it. I do. After I bring Kurt in, do you…want me to call anyone?"
Oh, God. She has to inform her family. "That shouldn't fall on you."
"They need to be told. You're understandably not in the greatest place to do that right now. And I get that you don't want to step away from her long enough to call anyone. So I can do it for you. I can just tell them she's in the hospital, if you'd like. Or I can tell them everything I know. That way you can focus on staying with Rachel."
She nods slowly. "Thank you, Burt. You can call them. Start by just telling them she's in the hospital. If that's enough, I'll tell them the rest when they get here. If they ask for more information, you can give it."
"Alright. I'll do that. I'm gonna go get Kurt."
He pauses by her side. She thinks he was going to hug her, but stops. She's glad. If she's hugged right now, she'll break down. Instead, he places a hand on her shoulder and squeezes. She puts a hand on top of his in thanks. A few minutes later the door opens again. She looks up as Kurt walks in. The boy is pale and shaking, his eyes locked on the girl on the bed. He doesn't look at Shelby until he's sitting across from her. She tries to smile at him, but can't get her lips to cooperate. He nods and looks down at Rachel again. Slowly, carefully, he takes her hand.
"She's cold." He whispers. "She's always cold after an attack, but…."
She nods slowly. "I noticed the same thing. I was going to ask for another blanket for her, but…" her eyes rove over her child, "….I forgot."
"Do you…think she can feel us? If she can feel us, she can probably feel how cold her arms are."
Shelby presses her lips together tightly before managing to answer. "Dr. Morgan said she's deeply unconscious. She's not aware of anything at the moment. Holding her hand is for our comfort right now, not hers."
They both watch Rachel's face. A hint of red catches Shelby's attention. She stands and leans over her daughter, looking carefully at her mouth.
"Oh, the blood."
She looks at the teenage boy before her. "What blood?"
He looks momentarily startled. "They…didn't tell you?"
She shakes her head. "Kurt, all they told me is that she had a moderate attack. That three minutes later she had a severe attack. That it was too much for her body to handle and her…heart….stopped." She has to force the words out. "That she's too weak to breathe on her own, so she's on a mechanical ventilator. And that she's practically in a coma at the moment. Your dad told me minutes ago that…..she…died in your arms."
He flinches, his face falling, but nods. "Yeah. Okay, um…" His eyes flit between her and Rachel nervously. "When the severe attack began, her mouth snapped shut and she bit down on…something. Not sure what. But she bit hard. Her mouth filled with blood. She was choking on it. Ms. H and Mr. Schue helped turn her on her side so the blood could….pour out of her mouth instead of down her throat. Finn was holding her head, so a lot of the blood went on his hands."
Shelby shudders. She peers closer at the hint of red on Rachel's lips. Shelby presses a gentle kiss to Rachel's forehead, then sits again. They sit in silence, staring at the girl in the bed, who has taken up such a large part of their hearts. The fact that her heart stopped, even for just a short while, shatters theirs. She's not ready for this. Shelby's not ready. Not ready for her daughter to be at the point in her illness when having her heart stop is a possibility. Not ready for this level of fear. Not ready to lose her. One year was not enough time.
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Burt returns and stands by his son, hands on his shoulders. "You okay, Kurt?"
"No." His voice is a hoarse whisper. The boy sniffles and wipes his face. "How can I be?"
Shelby waits for Burt's response. Frankly she has the same question.
Burt sighs. "She's alive."
"She wasn't."
"She's alive, Kurt. She survived because all of you performed CPR and saved her."
"Rachel died, Dad."
Shelby closes her eyes and breathes in deep through her nose, trying not to vomit.
"Her heart stopped for a little while. Then it started again." His eyes jump to her and his expression changes slightly before returning to his attention to son. "She'll be fine, Kurt."
They stop talking and she's glad of it. She doesn't want to hear anymore of it right now. Can't handle it right now. Burt leads Kurt out of the room. The boy whispers something into Rachel's ear and kisses her cheek before leaving. Finn walks in a moment later, eyes dull and face pale. Whereas Kurt looked like a scared little boy walking into this room, Finn looks older. Haunted. He shuffles closer, eyes jumping between the bed and the floor. When he reaches her bedside, he takes a shaky breath and lifts his head, finally looking directly at Rachel. He looks haggard. Shelby watches him take her hand and sit.
"Finn."
He looks up at her. "Sorry. I'm sorry, Ms. C."
She shakes her head. "Sorry? You were the first to realize that….and then you immediately started CPR. You saved her, Finn. You and the others, but you led it. Thank you."
He nods, eyes lightening a little. They both go back to staring at the unconscious girl clinging to life.
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ICU stands for Intensive Care Unit. It means the people here need a lot of care to get better. To stay alive. It means the patients are constantly being checked on by doctors and nurses. So there are lots of windows. Brittany stands before one such window, looking into Rachel's room. Seeing her friend like this is scary and upsetting. Santana squeezes her hand.
The entire Glee club is still here. They've been in the waiting room down the hall. For a long while they were silent and just holding each other. Then the nice doctor came and talked to them. She explained that between their good work doing CPR and the paramedics using the defibrillator, they were able to get her heart beating. At the hospital, they gave her special medicine to help keep her heart going. Since she can't breathe on her own, the doctor explained how she's on a mechanical ventilator. Brittany didn't really understand it, but she knows that it's helping her friend stay alive, and that's really all she needs to know. The doctor also said they could stay there, but only family could visit with Rachel. They were making an exception for Finn. The rest could take turns looking through the window into her room. So that's what they were doing. Once she's out of ICU they'll be allowed to visit her. Of course, the doctor has no way of understanding that they are all family.
Brittany turns her head to watch Kurt's approach. He stands on her other side. She likes being sandwiched between people she loves. So does Rachel. Blaine stands on Kurt's other side, holding his hand. The Warbler had come running as soon as he'd gotten the news. Both of their faces are still wet with tears.
"How….how is she?" Santana asks quietly. "Like….what….God, I don't even know what I'm asking."
Kurt bobs his head. "I get it. She's….the ventilator is breathing for her which is so weird. And seems wrong. That girl has incredible lung capacity and breath support. And right now she can't breathe on her own."
"It's temporary, Kurt." Blaine says softly. "She'll be breathing on her own soon enough. She just needs a little help right now."
"She's just very tired. That's what Dr. Morgan said." Brittany informs them. "The two attacks took all of her energy and her body is too tired to do anything on its own. She just needs rest."
They nod.
"She's cold."
They look over at the fashionably dressed boy.
"Cold?"
He nods. "She's always cold after an attack. But this seems….more. Her hands. And arms. They're like ice."
"Well," Blaine begins hesitantly, "uh, part of what keeps you warm is as you move your heart beats faster. That pushes warm blood through your body faster, warming you up. Her heart….stopped….for a few minutes. And now she's…..it's beating, but she's not moving. So it makes sense that she's colder than usual."
Kurt squeezes his eyes shut, a few tears leaking out. He wipes them away irritably.
"Plus add on her low red blood cell count and low iron levels. That makes her cold, too." Santana adds.
"They can give her more blankets, right?" Brittany asks.
"Yeah, they can. I'm sure they will." Santana squeezes her hand again.
Brittany looks back through the window. Ms. Corcoran and Finn are both holding Rachel's hands. Everyone who goes in holds her hands. Brittany frowns, thinking hard. After her thoughts finally come together, she releases Santana's hand and walks away.
"Britt?"
She doesn't look back. The blonde hurries back into the waiting room where Mr. Schue and Coach Sylvester are handing out pizza.
"Hey, Brittany, are you okay?" Their teacher asks.
"Uh, yeah, I just….had an idea." Brittany responds vaguely. She can't be distracted. She'll forget.
She keeps digging in her bag. With a victorious grin she pulls out what she was looking for and scampers out of the room. Santana had followed her, watching curiously. She keeps pace with her now as Brittany heads to the nurse's station. Dr. Morgan is leaning against the counter looking over a file. The woman looks up at their approach.
"Kurt said Rachel's cold." Brittany begins without any preamble.
"She is, yes. A nurse has gone to get her a heated blanket. She'll warm up soon, don't worry."
"But not her arms."
The doctor pauses. "What do you mean?"
"Everyone who goes in to see her holds her hands. If everyone is holding her hands, then they won't be putting a blanket over her arms to keep them warm. Kurt specifically said her arms are cold."
"You're right. We might be able to—"
Brittany holds up the item in her hands. "I had an idea. Do you think these would help?"
Dr. Morgan smiles.
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Shelby looks up when the door opens. Finn had left moments ago. Dr. Morgan, Brittany, and Santana enter, much to her surprise.
Dr. Morgan smiles at her. "Brittany found a solution for Rachel's cold arms."
Her gaze moves to the teenage girls standing behind the doctor. Each girl is holding a leg warmer in their hands. At Dr. Morgan's nod, they slowly move closer to the bed. They move very carefully and gently, sliding the leg warmers onto Rachel's arms. Shelby feels her lips turn up a little. She can't fully smile. Not until Rachel is awake or at least breathing on her own. But….she's happy Rachel will be a little more comfortable when she wakes up now. When the two girls finish, they each kiss Rachel's cheek.
"Thank you, girls."
They nod at her and quietly walk out. When Shelby realizes the doctor remained behind, she looks up at her.
"I know it doesn't look like it, but Rachel is already doing better. We've been able to reduce the amount of assistance the ventilator provides."
"Meaning?"
"Meaning she's starting to breathe on her own a little. She still needs support, but she's starting to regain the strength to breathe on her own."
Tears fill her eyes. Her baby is getting better. "Will she….do you think she'll wake up soon?"
"I can't say. It'd probably be better if she didn't." At Shelby's look, she continues. "Not only is Rachel very weak and in need of rest, but we don't know if she'll be in pain if she wakes up soon. Chances are, the sooner she wakes up the more likely it'll be that she'll still be feeling some pain. And we don't know what kind of strain that'll put on her already overtaxed body."
Shelby covers her mouth with her hand. How had she not thought of that? This was a severe attack, so of course there will be lingering pain. Adding in the moderate attack may make the pain linger longer. Or be worse. Or both.
"We've been giving her a low dose of pain medication since she arrived to take the worst of it away. We can quickly and easily increase the dose and rate of transmission if we need to." Dr. Morgan sits. "No matter when she wakes up, she will be in pain."
Shelby frowns. "But it has already been a couple hours. if she doesn't wake up for another hour or two after, you think she'll still have lingering pain?"
"She might. We can't know for sure. What I do know for sure is that she has a bruised bone. While her friends and teachers were doing CPR, they nearly broke one of her upper ribs. It's not quite broken because only the surface area of the bone is damaged. Technically her rib bone is bruised. As long as she avoids anything strenuous or sudden movement, it'll heal with no problems. It is very common for people performing CPR to accidentally break a rib. It happens all the time and its okay. When we know CPR was performed, we specifically check the ribcage for breaks. A broken rib is preferable to the alternative."
Shelby closes her eyes. More pain. She was lost in thought when she felt a hand on her shoulder. Looking up at her parents was enough to nearly break her. Their expressions match how she feels. She inhales deeply and looks away, back at her child. Her father squeezes her shoulder and lets go. She's grateful that they don't try to hug her or even talk. She watches as each of them kisses Rachel's forehead. Her mom brushes Rachel's hair back softly. Her dad sits on Rachel's other side, taking her hand. Her mom sits beside Shelby and lays her hands over Shelby's, which are holding Rachel's. After a few minutes of silence, her mom looks at her.
"Kelly and Andy are in the waiting room with her friends. Mark and Amy are at home with the kids, but they're expecting regular updates and are ready to come if you need them."
Shelby gives a wobbly smile. She really loves her family. "Thanks." Something her mother said clicks. "Wait, her friends are still here? All of them?"
Her dad nods. "And their parents."
"They're good kids. Good friends." Her mom says with a smile.
"They really are. They can't even visit with her but they're still here."
"Some of the parents said they'll be leaving soon. I think….the kids were hoping Rachel would be moved out of ICU soon, so they could visit her before leaving."
Shelby sighs. She wishes that, too. "She's doing better. They've started reducing the amount of assistance she gets from the ventilator. Her lungs are starting to work a little more, taking in a little air on their own."
"So they're weaning her off the ventilator?"
Shelby nods.
"That's a very good sign, Shelly." Her mom kisses her cheek.
She ignores the tear rolling down her cheek.
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Her parents had swapped with Kelly and Andy after a while. Her sister let her know that the parents made the rest of the kids go home, after eliciting promises that they can return tomorrow after school. Burt and Carole took Kurt and Finn home to eat dinner and get out of the hospital for a while. The newly engaged couple admitted that they don't expect their boys to be able to stay away all night, but they'd try to keep them home.
Shelby is leaning forward, elbows on the bed and her chin on her hands. Her family had tried to get her to step out for a while. They'd fought. She'd won. Dr. Morgan told them that they were able to reduce the use of the ventilator even more, so she's mostly breathing on her own now. The ventilator is just offering a little support. Shelby is startled to realize that Rachel's eyes are open. She's staring straight up at the ceiling. Shelby leans closer.
"Rachel? Honey?"
The others in the room snap to attention, coming closer as well. Rachel doesn't react. She just stares up at the ceiling. Her fingers don't move, nothing has changed on the monitors, but her eyes are open.
"Rach?"
Again, no reaction. Shelby stands and tries to move into her daughter's field of vision. It's odd, but her eyes are blank. She's not "looking" or even recognizing her surroundings. She's just staring blankly. Shelby sighs and strokes her daughter's cheek. Nurse Hunter walks in, Andy behind him, and quickly checks Rachel over. He smiles a little sadly at Shelby.
"She's not really awake. Sometimes patients open their eyes, but they're still unconscious. However, it could be a sign that she'll wake soon." He squeezes her arm and walks out.
Shelby sighs and sits.
"I'm sorry, Shel."
"She'll wake soon. I know she will. The longer she's out, the more rest she's getting. And the less likely it'll be that she'll still be in pain from the attacks. I've just….never had her be unconscious for this long before. I think 2 or 3 hours was the longest so far. This is going on, what, 6 hours?" She looks for a clock.
"Focus on the positives that you said. She's not awake to be in pain. She's resting."
Shelby nods. "Yeah." Then she leans close and whispers in her daughter's ear. "Just in case you're starting to wake up and can hear me, I love you. Wake up when you're ready. We'll be here, baby girl."
After a minute, Rachel closes her eyes.
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The next time Rachel opens her eyes, she blinks first. It seemed more natural than the sudden open eyes from earlier, but Shelby still watched silently first to see if her kid was actually awake or not. After a moment, Rachel's brow furrows and she lifts her hand. The relief, knowing she's finally awake, forces a quiet gust of air from Shelby. She blinks to clear her vision. Rachel's hand lands on the tube going into her mouth. Her fingers are starting to wrap around it when Shelby grasps her hand, gently pulling it away.
"No, honey. Leave it in. It's helping you."
Rachel's brow furrows even more, deep lines forming on her forehead. Her mouth is forming a frown around the tube. She tries to pull her hand from Shelby's, but as soon as the mother realizes she's reaching for the tube again, she takes her hand back firmly. On her other side, her mother is holding tight to Rachel's other hand.
"No, Rachel. Leave it in."
The monitors start beating faster. Rachel continues to try to pull her hands away, but is too weak. She moves her head and feet slightly, shifting on the bed as much as she's able, squirming. When tears fill her eyes, a lump forms in Shelby's throat. She sits on the edge of the bed and presses her face against her daughters.
"Honey, its okay, its okay, relax. You're safe, you're alright. It's a ventilator, it's helping you breathe."
Rachel stops struggling. Shelby pulls back enough to look her in the eye. She can see her daughter is scared and confused. She kisses her forehead softly.
"Just relax, baby girl."
The beeping slows and Rachel passes out just as a nurse comes in to check on her.
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Shelby is prepared this time. Rachel's eyes flutter open and Shelby and her father each grab a hand. Shelby kisses the hand she holds and sits on the edge of the bed. Rachel's eyes meet hers and the mother smiles gently.
"Hi, baby girl."
Rachel's eyes sweep over her, then move to look at her grandfather. He smiles too, but doesn't speak. He just leans forward to kiss her cheek. She seems calmer this time, thankfully. Rachel looks back at Shelby and gently, slowly, tries to tug her hand away. Shelby squeezes it, refusing to let go. With her other hand, she taps the tube in Rachel's mouth.
"You asking about this?" Rachel moves her head in a semblance of a nod. "Okay. This is a mechanical ventilator. It is helping you breathe. The good news is that they should be able to remove it very soon."
"How about right now?"
Shelby turns to see Dr. Morgan standing behind her and smiling at Rachel.
"Really?"
"Sure. It's best to do when the patient is awake." Two nurses follow the doctor to Rachel's bed. They roll her on her side and hold her steady. The doctor peels off the tape and takes hold of the tube. "Alright Rachel, this is going to feel weird. It's not going to be comfortable, but I need you to cough. It'll help loosen the tube. Ready? Okay, go ahead and cough."
Shelby watches worriedly from her father's arms. Rachel coughs, weakly, and they remove the tube. Her coughs turn into ragged breaths, gasping for air. Shelby gasps right along with her. Her father squeezes tighter. Dr. Morgan sets an oxygen mask on Rachel, then uses her stethoscope to listen to her breathe. Nurse Lauren talks to Rachel softly, trying to calm her. They continue to hold her on her side so the doctor can listen from both her chest and back. As Rachel's breathing becomes a little easier, a little calmer, the doctor nods and they carefully place her on her back again. She's still not breathing normally; her breaths are coming in slightly labored. Dr. Morgan comes over to Shelby while the nurses tuck Rachel in.
"It's out. We have her on the highest level on the oxygen tank and we'll continue to monitor her breathing. If it doesn't improve, or if it worsens, there is an alternative. Right now, she just needs rest. I'll also temporarily increase her pain medication. All this strained breathing is probably hurting her bruised rib. And we still don't know if she has any lingering pain from the combined attacks."
They all look over at the child asleep on the bed.
"Do you think its likely at this point?" Shelby questions.
"No. But I also didn't think two back to back attacks were likely. We're in uncharted territory here."
"No one else ever got two attacks like her?"
Dr. Morgan's body language changes subtly. "A few cases were documented, but most were mild attacks coming before or after either a moderate or severe."
Shelby nods, but her father's brow furrows. 'Wait. You said most were milds. So there were some documented cases of this happening?"
Dr. Morgan stares at him for a moment, then concedes. "Yes."
"And in those cases…."
"They died."
Shelby and her father struggle to absorb this. When she can speak again, she continues her questions.
"Did any survive?"
"Three survived. The first time."
Once again, it feels like the world is dropping out from beneath her feet. Her dad is there to steady her. "F-first time?"
Dr. Morgan sighs. "Most patients who had either two moderates or a moderate and a severe did not survive the experience. They died immediately after, or during, the second attack. Of the three that survived the first time it happened, two did not survive the second time."
"A-a-and the third?"
"Never had a second double-attack."
Shelby squeezes her eyes shut. Warm tears slip down her cheeks. "So….she might not get this again?"
"She might not, no."
"But she might."
"She might." The doctor confirms just as softly.
"And if she did….she….probably wouldn't survive."
"Probably not, but Rachel is young and strong. She might survive it."
"Might."
"I'm sorry, Shelby. I wish I had better news." As if trying to make up for the information she just shared, Dr. Morgan adds "Now that she's on normal oxygen, you can hold her. Just try to be careful not to jostle her ribs."
Shelby nods. She and her father return to the bedside. Shelby desperately wants to climb onto the bed and hold her child. But the fear of causing her more pain holds her back. She'll wait. In the meantime, she will content herself with holding her hand.
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