Chapter 11: It's a Cold Road

She shuts the trunk and frowns at the finger marks on the edge of it. She'll need to wash her car soon. An automated car wash, since it is far too cold to be outside washing a vehicle. Shelby pulls her scarf tighter to block the icy wind from nipping at her neck. It may be fall, but Ohio weather has decided on an early winter.

"We'll be heading out soon as well." Her sister tells her. "I expect we won't be far behind you two."

Shelby nods. Her niece and nephew both have plans that night and want to get home soon. They'd been chatting happily about it. Tyler was planning on meeting up with his high school buddies for an all night video game marathon. Abby was similarly meeting with high school friends, but they would be going ice skating.

"Plus you know how Mom gets when we stay long enough."

Shelby laughs. "You mean how she starts making mildly sarcastic comments about how nice it is that her daughters are willing to actually spend time with her?"

"Or making comments about how she does all the cooking when we visit and 'can either of you actually cook?'."

They hug goodbye. They'll see each other soon; the Winter's want to see the New Directions perform at Sectionals. Well, mostly they want to see Rachel. But they understand that she might not be performing. Everyone is hoping that their presence will be a comfort to Rachel and a sign of their support either way. The sisters watch Rachel come out of the house smiling and waving over her shoulder. Neither are surprised that she's carrying a little lunch bag. They can guess what's inside; sweet potato casserole and brownies. Kelly wraps Rachel in a tight hug and kisses her cheek.

"Get in the car, sweet pea. It's freezing out here!"

"I'd be in the car already if I weren't waylaid in the process." Rachel remarks, smirking.

While the sisters laugh at her sass, Rachel kisses her aunt's cheek and climbs into the car. Shelby follows a moment later. By the time they ease onto the interstate Rachel is already focused on texting with her friends. Every once in a while she chuckles and shares something funny one of her friends said or did. Shelby smiles. She wonders how she ever could have thought that singing along to the radio, alone, was the best way to make this drive. That wasn't the best. This is the best way to spend the hour drive. Or maybe if they both sing along to the radio, like they did last year. They didn't on the way there this year because Rachel slept for most of the ride. And now, on the way home, Rachel seems more interested in texting her friends. That's fine. Shelby knows Rachel considers the Glee club to be another family. She also knows that Rachel isn't the only one who has benefitted from the "family" Glee club created. Over the past year, Shelby has overheard, inferred, or been told directly about how much the love and support from Glee "family" has helped the rest of the kids. And even some of their families. Apparently, seeing the results of alcoholism and abuse (on a child) first hand made Russell Fabray straighten up his act. Debra Puckerman saw the effects of neglect and started spending more time with her teenage son, as well as her younger daughter.

Rachel drops her phone. Shelby sees it from the corner of her eye. She initially thought that Rachel was leaning down to pick it up, but now she sees that her daughter has her hands pressed against her chest and her face is a portrait of pain. Shelby's heart leaps into her throat and her thoughts race. Moderate or severe? She flips on her turn signal and moves over to the shoulder as quickly as she safely can.

"Hold on, Rach. I'm pulling over. You're alright, just keep breathing."

Rachel curls forward more, her seatbelt stopping her from bending over completely. A whimper slips from between her tightly pressed lips. The sound of it seems amplified in the small confines of the car. By the time Shelby pulls onto the shoulder and hits her emergency lights, she's pretty sure it's a moderate attack and not a severe. She jumps out of the drivers seat and runs around to the passenger side, yanking the door open.

"Breathe, baby girl."

Shelby quickly unbuckles her daughter with shaking hands, but then panics when she realizes it's caught on her arm. She grasps her right hand, pulling it away from her chest so that she can get the seatbelt from around it. Once the seatbelt is completely off of her, Shelby wraps her arms around Rachel and pulls her from the car. The attack is still going. Rachel is still in pain. She can't walk or even stand. Shelby is grateful for her strength training as she is able to back up a couple steps from the car while holding her daughter against her. Rachel's feet aren't touching the ground. Shelby sits, arranging Rachel in her lap as best she can. She keeps her arms around her and her head against Rachel's.

"Breathe. Just breathe. It'll be over soon." Cold wind whips her hair into her face. She presses her head firmly against her daughter's.

Rachel's feet scrabble weakly on the ground, her hands now clenching Shelby's arm, and her eyes squeezed shut. She sucks in a shallow breath and moans. Shelby sits on the frozen ground, in the waning light of the day, holding her daughter on the side of the interstate, her heart hammering, and tears streaming down her face.

If this attack lasts longer than 5 minutes, she'll need a hospital.

If she gets a double attack, she probably won't survive.

This is the first moderate attack since her last double attack. The one where her heart stopped. Dr. Reed warned that it could be harder for Rachel to handle or recover from. The double attack severely weakened her. Shelby sends up a prayer, listening to her daughter struggle to breathe through the pain. She needs her oxygen tank. She needs her phone. She doesn't think she'll be able to lift Rachel back into the car. Her thoughts run frantic, though she tries to focus on getting Rachel through this attack.

"Is everything okay?" She looks up at a couple standing a few feet away, their car parked behind hers. "Do you need help?"

Feeling Rachel take a shuddering breath that can't have provided her with much air, she nods. "In—in m-my trunk. Her oxygen tank. Please."

For just a second, the couple seems frozen. Though they assumed something was wrong and offered help, they didn't seem to expect an actual medical emergency. The wife snaps out of it faster and hurries to the back of Shelby's SUV. It doesn't take her long to find the oxygen tank. Shelby purposely moved it so that it'd be easily visible and accessible, in case of an emergency. The woman jogs over to them and sets it down.

"I don't know how to…." She sounds apologetic.

Shelby turns on the tank, then holds the nasal cannula against Rachel's nose. "Can you…wrap the tube around her ears so it stays?"

The woman nods and does as asked. Once it's on, Shelby goes back to holding her with both arms, rocking her. The attack ends. Rachel slumps against her, taking in ragged breaths.

"Should we call an ambulance?" The man asks, staring at Rachel in concern.

"Not yet. She might not need one." God, she prays with everything in her that an ambulance isn't needed. At this point, if an ambulance ends up needing to be called it wouldn't get here in time. That thought breaks down the defenses she'd kept up since the attack began and she cries harder. "She….she'll be fine." She chokes out. Then her eyes widen. "Can you check the time? Last time she had an attack, she had a second attack three minutes later. If she doesn't get a second attack, she'll be fine. But if she does…." She can't speak more. Can't finish the sentence. She holds her daughter closer, still rocking her, and ignores the tears pouring down her face unchecked. Please please please please….

She didn't realize she was whispering her chant out loud until the woman placed her hand on her shoulder. "Are you sure? If not an ambulance, is there someone else we can call? Or somewhere we can take you two?"

Call someone. "Can you grab my phone? I can call my sister and brother-in-law. They're nearby."

The husband nods and hurries to her car. Another car pulls up behind them and two police officers walk over.

"Everything okay here?"

The woman looks uncertain how to explain. Shelby's not sure she can talk. She takes a deep breath to calm herself.

"My daughter is sick." She swallows. "Part of her condition is that she gets these attacks of intense pain that make it hard for her to breathe. She just needs rest and oxygen afterwards."

The officers nod, frowning down at Rachel. The man returns with her phone and she takes it gratefully.

"Last time….she had two attacks back to back…..and her heart stopped." The other four adults go rigid. "In about a minute, as long as she doesn't get another attack….she should be fine." She presses her hand against Rachel's exposed cheek, hoping to keep her warm. "I'm just…panicking more than usual because of what did happen…..and what still might."

One of the officers kneels down next to them. The other goes back to the car. "Okay. I just want to make sure I understand. She's sick, she had an attack. Last time she had two attacks close together and it stopped her heart. As long as she doesn't get a second attack she'll be fine?"

"Yes." Shelby keeps rocking Rachel, hand on her chest to monitor her breathing. Please don't let her get a second attack. Please. She pulls in a shaky breath, trying not to sob out of fear. "Just another minute. Just another minute."

She's aware that she probably sounds hysterical to these complete strangers. She doesn't care. She is hysterical. She is terrified of Rachel getting a second attack. One of the officers gets a blanket out of their car and drapes it over them. Rachel is conscious, but too tired to move or talk. When a minute passes, then two, the officers tentatively point out that it doesn't look like she'll be getting a second attack. Shelby starts sobbing. This time out of relief.

"Do you need help getting home? I don't like the idea of you driving while this upset. Or of her not being monitored while you're driving."

Shelby holds up her phone and forces herself to calm down. "I'm going to call my sister. Her husband can carry Rachel and one of them can drive us."

"While you're making your call, can I check her vitals?"

Shelby nods. Kelly answers on the second ring. "Shel? Is something wrong?"

Of course Kelly instantly knew. She wouldn't call barely half an hour after separating, and while she's still supposed to be driving, if there wasn't a problem. "Rachel had an attack."

"Did you call an ambulance?"

"No. It's a moderate. And….it seems….just a moderate."

"Where are you?" Shelby gives her sister their location; what exit they'd just passed and about how far past it they're currently sitting. "Sit tight. We'll be there in about five minutes, okay? Ten at most."

The officer checking Rachel's vitals is frowning. "Her pulse is a little uneven."

Shelby's own heart stutters. "What?"

He shakes his head. "Not much, and you said she was just in a lot of pain. Chances are it'll ease back to normal in a matter of minutes. If not, I'd suggest taking her to the hospital."

Shelby nods. She slides her hand under Rachel's coat to get a better feel for her breathing. Also uneven. Rachel opens her eyes and looks up at her.

"'M…okay…..mom." She whispers.

"I know, baby." She assures her, kissing her head.

Rachel shivers hard.

"How about we get her into the back of your car? It's still running, so your heat is still going."

The officer crouches in front of them. "Alright, kiddo. I'm going to pick you up, okay?"

He takes her from Shelby's arms and places her in the back of the SUV. The other officer helps Shelby stand. She didn't realize she'd started shaking. Whether from nerves or cold is undetermined. Shelby thanks the couple that initially stopped to help them. They wish her well and leave. She climbs into the back next to Rachel and holds her once again. While they wait for the Winter's to arrive, Shelby answers their questions about Rachel's condition. By the time they arrive, the officers completely understand why she was so upset and panicked during (and after) this moderate attack.

"Shelby?"

She looks over Officer John's shoulder to see her sister. Andy steps up next to the car as well. Shelby has never been so grateful to see them.

"She's okay."

Officer Shaun nods his head. "I checked her vitals a moment ago. Her pulse was uneven a few minutes ago, but now it's steady and normal. Her breathing has evened out as well. It looks like she just needs to sleep. And stay warm."

"Shel, you stay back there with her, I'll drive your car. Okay?"

She looks at her brother-in-law. "Okay. Thanks, Andy."

"And Shelby….we're taking you both back to our house. That way we can get Rachel into a warm bed faster. She'll have more people around to monitor her. And we can crack open a bottle of wine to help you settle your nerves. You two will spend the night and head home tomorrow. Got it?"

She smiles shakily. "Got it."

"So I understand that Rachel's fine and probably not going to get a second attack at this point." Officer John begins. "However, Shaun and I would feel better if we made sure you folks got where you were going safely. We're going to follow you. If God forbid something happens and you end up needing to head to the hospital, just turn on your emergency lights. We'll turn on our siren, move in front of you, and you can follow us to the closest hospital. We can get you there faster."

Shelby's eyes water in gratitude. "Thank you. For everything. Thank you."

They nod, eyes flicking over to Rachel. "You're welcome. Just take care of your little girl."

They get in their car. Andy climbs into the driver's seat of Shelby's SUV. Shelby is surprised when Abby climbs into the passenger seat. Her niece smiles over at them.

"I was going to sit in the back with you two, but figured it might be best if I was in control of the music, not Dad."

"Hey!" Andy argues. "My musical selections are just fine."

Shelby smiles. Her frayed nerves are finally starting to calm down. She listens to father and daughter argue over music and stares down at the sleeping girl in her arms. She's pulled out of her thoughts when Abby finds Rachel's phone.

"Um….was Rachel in the middle of talking to someone when she got the attack?"

Oh. Oh. "Yes, she was. I don't know who, though. She was definitely texting someone. She dropped her phone when the attack began. Are there multiple panicked messages?"

Abby holds Rachel's phone up, screen to Shelby. On the wake screen, she scrolls, revealing a long string of text messages from multiple people begging her to respond and four missed calls. Shelby sighs deeply. Those poor kids.

"Can you check if she was in a group text at the time?"

"It looks like she was, yes."

"Good. Can you send a message letting them know she had a moderate attack but she's okay?"

"Sure." A minute later. "Okay, they've asked that she text them whenever she wakes up and is feeling up to it. And to let her know that she can call any of them at any time." Abby looks over at her father. "I wonder if my friends would be this awesome if I were sick or something. Of course, I don't have a group of friends this big, either."

Shelby smiles softly. They really are wonderful kids. She spends the rest of the trip trying to think of something she can do for the Glee kids. Something to show how much she appreciates what wonderful friends they are to her daughter.

Xxxxxxxxxxx

Thanksgiving Take 2 went just as well the second year as it did the first. In fact, Rachel felt it went better. Finn and his mother joined them this time. An odd but wonderful family. She'd woken at her aunt's house the night before, sent a reassuring message to her friends, then curled on the couch between her mother and aunt to watch a movie. They'd returned home on Saturday, but had gone straight to Uncle Burt's for Thanksgiving Take 2. They'd played games, sung, talked, laughed, and ate delicious food. The Hummel's and Hudson's had had a good laugh over the food fight story.

She was able to convince her mom to let her stay over Saturday night. On Sunday, all of the Glee kids, plus Blaine, got together at the Hummel-Hudson house. She knows her mom was spending that same time with Glee kid's parents. The kids all met up at one house, the parents met up at Carole's house. They were chatting, but also helping Carole and Burt pack it up for the final move and sale. When her friends saw the pictures from the food fight on Thanksgiving, they laughed and insisted they had to be printed and framed. They also ended up eating a big feast. After that, discussion began over whether this was Thanksgiving Take 3 or something else. Blaine suggested calling it "Friends-giving" and they all agreed. As much fun as they had, no one brought up doing it again next year. And they all knew why. Rachel hopes they do it again next year. With or without her.

School resumed and Rachel was back to attending for a few hours at a time about two days a week; three days at most. She attended Glee rehearsals as much as she could. When she did, she generally spent her time helping Finn with his dancing or helping a couple kids with their singing. She felt good to still be contributing, even if it wasn't what she wanted. Or needed. Mr. Schue and Holly also worked with her on singing a couple different styles of song to prepare her (quite unnecessarily in her opinion) for whatever song they toss at her. Her coach reminded her that she still might not sing it, but she appreciated that he was still letting her prepare as though she may. Especially since they won't be doing a holiday show this year, either. She didn't bother questioning why. The one time she'd asked about it, her teacher had given a flimsy excuse while not making eye contact with her. No one else spoke up about it either. So no holiday performance.

Xxxxxxxx

The ivory keys of the piano glide under her fingers. She hears the tune in her head and attempts to recreate it. Shelby smiles contentedly when she figures it out. Sometimes she likes creating new songs. Sometimes she likes playing some of her favorites. Creating something new is exciting and invigorating. Playing something familiar is comforting and relaxing. She enjoys her therapy sessions largely because of how much more relaxed and in control she feels when she leaves. It's hard, voicing her fears and stresses. She hates acknowledging how much stress Rachel causes her. It's not Rachel's fault. It's Aplastic Anemia's fault. And Leroy's. Some of her stress has lessened now that Rachel has been being open and honest with her about how she feels both physically and emotionally. Then again, her stress has been rising due to the simple fact that Rachel's numbers continue to slowly decline. She's not getting better. Yet.

Yet.

She will. Her body needs just a little more time to respond to the treatment better.

She takes a deep breath and holds it, her fingers pressing down on the keys creating a dissonant sound that mirrors her inner feelings. Shelby releases the breath but continues holding the keys down. She listens to the notes slowly fade out. As she does, she lets the stress from things she can't control fade away with them. Temporarily, at least. She loves spending time with her daughter, but she also loves having an hour to herself at night to sing and play the piano. Music soothes her. This time, she holds a chord down and lets the beautiful sound wash over her.

Just a little more time.

xxxxxxxxxxxxx

Shelby speared another piece of chicken while listening to Rachel talk about Glee rehearsal that day. She was as amused as her daughter was about them rescheduling Sectionals. It was supposed to be this Saturday, December 4th. However, the sudden and unexpected freeze caused the old pipes in the building to burst. Therefore, the venue had to be changed and the next available spot is next Saturday, December 11th. Rachel was amused that it was working out the same way as it had the previous year; Sectionals would fall days after Hanukah ends and a week before her birthday. That works out quite well for the extended Corcoran's, who want to celebrate all three events with her. Of course, Rachel doesn't know that her extended family will only be celebrating Hanukah and Sectionals with her. They'll be returning the following weekend for a surprise party for her 'sweet 16'.

Sweet 16.

Shelby is torn on that term at the moment. On the one hand, it is indeed sweet to get to celebrate her daughter's 16th birthday with her. On the other hand…..on the other hand…there's the other hand. The one she can't think about. What she can think about is the year of hell her child has been through. Absolute hell. Fear, anguish, stress, heartbreak, pain, all of it. Even if Rachel had already gone into remission, Shelby would want to do something extra special for her to acknowledge what she went through. But she's not in remission. She's still very very sick. Shelby (and the rest of Rachel's family and friends) want desperately to do something wonderful for Rachel for her 16th birthday. But with Rachel still so sick, there's not a whole lot she can do.

There's also another element to this birthday. Last year, she'd only known her daughter for a month by the time her birthday rolled around. It was great, but slightly awkward. It had been nice of Rachel not to acknowledge the awkwardness of it. This year, she has known her for a year. And similar to what Rachel told her cousins, Shelby sometimes feels like she has always had Rachel. Sometimes. At the very least, she feels like she has had her for more than a year. It'll be wonderful to celebrate a birthday with her now that she actually knows her.

She's a little startled when Rachel mentions having homework, but then realizes what she's talking about. She does, but she doesn't. Rachel has work to do, but it's not traditional "homework" and there's no official due date from her teachers. More of a "do it when you can". So far, Rachel has been really good about getting her assignments done in a timely fashion and turning them in. If she doesn't turn them in and get new ones herself, Holly does it for her. While she does a lot of it with Holly and some of it on her own, Shelby has enjoyed getting to help her a few times as well. Sitting at their kitchen table doing "homework" together seemed to make them both feel…..normal.

"….just some math tonight. I don't think it'll be too hard, but it is a new strategy. I know Holly can help me tomorrow, but Quinn offered to Skype with me to help me get started tonight."

"Okay, are you finished eating?"

Rachel nods, putting her fork down.

"Then why don't you call her now, before it gets too late. Or you get too tired." She gives Rachel a pointed look. Rachel has been very honest about admitting when she's tiring, but it is still second nature for Shelby. "I'll clean up."

"Thanks, Mom!" Rachel kisses her cheek and heads upstairs.

Shelby shakes her head and smiles. Mom. It still gives her a little thrill. She's about to scrape the remaining food off of Rachel's plate and into the garbage disposal, when her smile fades. Rachel talked all through dinner, then made sure to bring up doing homework with a friend, thus ensuring that Shelby would send her off to do that before she got too tired. Her kid distracted her from the fact that she wasn't actually eating anything, then beat a hasty retreat with her ready-made escape route. With a heavy sigh, Shelby sets the plate down. Instead, she gets out a plastic storage container and puts the food in there. It can be lunch for one of them tomorrow. For a moment she leans on the counter, her head in her hands. Once she has pulled herself back together, she finishes cleaning up.

Shelby decides to give Rachel time to work with Quinn uninterrupted. Dinner done and child upstairs doing homework, she picks up her phone and is a little embarrassed to realize that her first thought is to call Scott. It started out with just him teaching her how to safely lift weights. As they talked through their sessions they became friends. Since what they were talking about was often deeper topics than most "dates" start with, they quickly became close. They get along really well, they have great conversations, she's not only comfortable around him but excited to see him, and it helps that he's easy on the eyes. They've met up outside of a gym a few times since last school year let out. She wouldn't call them dates simply because she can't date right now. Her focus very much needs to be on Rachel. Scott understands and supports that. But maybe, just maybe, after Rachel is in remission, they'll go on an actual date. For now, they are friends. Her thumb hovers over his name. She presses it.

"Hey, Shelby. How's it going?"

Something about his voice causes her body to relax. She sinks back into the cushions of the couch. "Hi, Scott."

Xxxxxxxxxxxxx

Once her call with Scott ends, she grabs a protein shake from the fridge and heads upstairs. Rachel's laptop is open and displaying the video screen with Quinn's face taking up most of it. Rachel sits at her desk, a notebook and worksheet pushed to the side. Coming closer, she sees that the page is nearly complete. That explains why the girls are now talking about a tv show.

"Hi Ms. Corcoran!" Quinn waves from the screen.

"Hi, Quinn. How are you doing?"

"I'm good."

"Good." Shelby sets the protein shake down on the desk. Rachel looks up at her guiltily. "You really thought I wouldn't notice?"

Her daughter looks down at the desk and fiddles with the pen sitting there. Shelby kisses her cheek. As she walks out, she hears Quinn questioning Rachel about what she'd meant by that.

Xxxxxxxxx

Rachel sits next to her mother on the couch, but not close enough to snuggle. Her mom turns off the tv and faces her, waiting.

"Umm, so, Saturday is Sectionals."

Her mother's face doesn't betray any particular emotion about that fact. "It is."

She twists the hem of her sweater. "Can…um…..if I have a hard time waking up," which is extremely likely considering how her mornings have been going "can you wake me in time to go?"

Her mother breathes out hard and looks away. Rachel's heart sinks. "Rachel….."

"Please, Mom."

Her mom looks back at her. "Last year at Sectionals, I said I'd keep you home if you were too tired or couldn't wake up. You were stage 1 then. Now you're stage 3. I'm sorry, Rachel, but I'm not going to try to wake you. In case you haven't noticed, I haven't tried to wake you in the morning in months."

Rachel feels tears fill her eyes and does her best to blink them back. "This is different."

"How?"

"It's Sectionals! It's important."

"It's really not."

"To me it is."

"I know." Her mom sighs. "I get that its important to you. But your health—"

Rachel stands with an aggravated sound. "My health is why this matters so much to me!"

Her mother blinks. "What do you mean?"

"We don't know if I'm going to get better or not. If I do, great. And I'll perform at other competitions. But if I don't, then this is my last chance. I don't want to miss out."

Her mother stares at her hard, her pale face tense. "I need you to rest and do what is best for your body and your health. This won't be your last competition."

"You don't know that." The tears spill over. Her mother swallows hard.

"No, but I'm confident I'm right. You're stage 3. It's bad, but it's not stage 4. You can start getting better at any time and go into remission. And that's more likely to happen if you rest."

"Mom…..I need this. I need to perform."

Her mom's look is sad. "No, you don't. You want to perform. You need to rest."

"Mom, please." She's begging now.

"I'm sorry, Rachel. But no. Saturday morning, you will wake up whenever your body decides it is ready to."

Rachel wraps her arms around herself and cries. When her mom reaches for her, she pulls away and hurries up to her room.

Xxxxxxxxxxxxxx

At school on Friday, Rachel brings it up with her friends.

"I get why she said no, but…..that means I need one of you to call and wake me tomorrow."

Her friends share looks that she doesn't like.

"Rachel….we're with your mom on this." Kurt tells her.

Her jaw drops slightly. She was not expecting this. "But….it's Sectionals. You know how much it means to me."

Kurt nods slowly. "Yes, but…you mean more to us than some competition. You need to rest."

Rachel opens her mouth, but finds she has no words. She looks around at the rest of her friends. No one speaks up.

"I appreciate the sentiment, but…I really, really want this." This whole time she has been sick, she has never pressed her friends for anything. Never tried to guilt them into giving in or shoved her illness in their faces. But now, now she'll do whatever it takes.

"Berry, it's not even certain that you'll be singing even if you do go. You might as well just see what time you wake up tomorrow and go from there. We've go this covered." Santana tells her.

The others nod.

"I know you've got it covered, but….."

"Stop arguing, Rachel." Quinn snaps. "Just….look, we know how badly you want this. We're not brushing that off. But you need to just accept that you might not go tomorrow."

Rachel tries to hide the flinch. She knows she might not sing tomorrow, but she wants to at least be there.

"Don't you trust us to win without you?" Artie asks her.

"Of course I do," Rachel begins, speaking carefully "but I also know that our odds of winning increase if I sing the surprise song they'll be throwing at us."

"You're not the only one who can sing a song on the fly." Mercedes reminds her with an edge to her tone.

"I know that, but—"

"Then stop arguing."

Rachel's chin trembles. "I just—"

"No." Despite looking sympathetic, Kurt is unyielding. "If you wake up tomorrow and are able to join us, we'd love that. If you're also feeling well enough to perform by the time we have to, that's even better. But if you're not, that's fine too. We'd rather you be home resting than be with us, possibly pushing yourself too hard."

Rachel looks down, tears slipping down her cheeks. She hates this. She hates it so much. Realizing that no one is going to support her and that there's no point in her staying for rehearsal, she stands to leave. They don't need her. They don't need her. Her face crumples as she hurries out of the room, ignoring the calls from her friends. She knows Holly is following her. The blonde woman follows her to the auditorium, where they sit in the seats looking up at the stage.

"They're right, Rachel. No matter how much it sucks." Holly says softly.

"I know. I just…I realized that…..they don't need me."

"That's not true." Her heads snaps over to see her boyfriend standing in the aisle. Finn takes the seat next to her. "We definitely need you, Rach. We need you to get better. We need you around. So, we need you to rest and take care of yourself."

He takes her hand and she plays with his fingers. "Do you guys not think I want to get better?"

"Of course we know you do. But we also know that you're stubborn and don't like not getting what you want. And right now, what you want is to perform. You're willing to push yourself past your limits to get what you want. We're trying to tell you that even though we want you there, we need you to not…overtax yourself."

"I don't want to overtax myself!"

"But you'd rather risk overtaxing yourself than risk missing out on performing." He says knowingly.

She smiles slightly, caught. "Yeah."

"Why does singing mean so much to you? I don't mean just this performance, I mean….all."

"It's the only time I…let myself feel so deeply, sharing my heart and soul with anyone listening. And at the same time, I feel safe and happy. Even if it's a sad or angry song, I'm just so happy to be singing. At peace. No matter what I'm singing or what's going on around me."

Finn sighs. "Okay." She looks at him, frowning. "I'll call you tomorrow morning. But, only once. If my one call isn't enough to wake you, I'm not calling a second time."

Her smile stretches across her face and she hugs him tight. "Thank you, Finn."

"Oh, Hudson." Holly groans from Rachel's other side.

Before Holly can say anything to try to talk Finn out of it, Rachel strikes up a new conversation with him. "I wasn't sure anyone would be willing to follow me if I came here."

Finn looks around the auditorium, his face mildly distressed. "Yeah. It's….been hard, coming here for rehearsals. Standing on the stage for the first time last week was…..painful."

Rachel squeezes his hand. "I can't imagine."

"No, you really can't." Finn reaffirms softly. "We watched you die here."

"You also brought me to life here."

He looks at her for a moment, then his face relaxes and his eyes shine. A small grin pulls at the corners of his mouth. "You're right."

"My hero." She kisses him.

Xxxxxxxxxx