CHAPTER 2

Tru hurried through the precinct to the SVU squad room. In the hour since she had gotten the letter she had went through a whirlwind of emotions; panic, hysteria, crying, determined to stop it and back to panic. She entered the squad room and right away saw his team members. Amanda was at her desk typing something on her computer, she looked up for a second when Tru entered and then looked right back to the computer. Fin was coming out of the break room opening a bottle of water.

"Tru, everything okay?" Fin asked.

"Is Sonny here?" She asked.

"Yeah, he's in interrogation right now." Fin answered, just then they heard the door open. Sonny came out, shaking his head at something the guy in interrogation had said.

"Some people, man," He noticed Tru right away, her rapid breath, the puffy red eyes, "what's wrong?"

"Sonny, we need to talk," Tru said.

Sonny put his hand on her back and led her into the break room where he shut the door behind them. "What's going on?"

"He's up for parole." Tru said.

Sonny narrowed his eyes, "He who?" He asked cautiously.

"Carson Goldberg," Tru spoke his name with utter distain and hatred.

"What?" Sonny exclaimed, "How? Its not time yet."

"Something about prison over crowding and good behavior. They've been talking with his doctors who seem to think he's ok, and not a threat to society."

"He's a threat to you," Carisi said.

"The hearing is in two days, they said I have the right to speak at it." Tru said. "How could you have not known? I thought they kept you in the loop on things like that."

"Ever since Stone left, we have been short an ADA," Carisi said, "They've been pulling in ones from other districts to handle the cases we have now…I'm sure it just slipped through the cracks."

A silence fell between them, Tru stared at Carisi but she barely even saw him she was so lost in her own thoughts.

Carisi sighed, "It's hard but you absolutely need to testify at this hearing. Goldberg is so good at manipulation and if you don't, he's gonna be able to paint himself anyway he pleases." He said.

"He wants to meet with me before his hearing." Tru bit her bottom lip.

"What? No, absolutely not." Carisi said. Tru was quiet for a minute, and Carisi looked her over. "Are you actually considering this?"

"No…I don't know." Tru said. "Part of me never wants to see him ever again…but the other part is telling me that I need to find a way to forgive him, so I can move on."

"I hear what you're saying but…Forgive? What he did to you is unforgivable." Carisi said.

Tru nodded, Carisi pulled her into a hug, gripping her tight. "It's okay, we'll figure this out, okay? It's gonna be okay," He soothed.

Tru sat at the desk she and Carisi shared. It was tucked into a corner in their living room. Her own police file spread out in front of her. The pictures of her bruises, case notes from the detectives—from Sonny, and Carson's arrest picture. She nervously bit the end of a pen in between twirling it.

Sonny appeared behind her, "Hey, there you are," he set a cup of tea down on the desk next to her, "I brought you some tea."

"Thank you," she said as she took a sip. "It's late, where have you been?"

"Work…you know…" Carisi shoved his hands in his pocked as he eyed the desk, noticing the file and the papers. "You're not gonna stay up all night with this stuff are you?"

"No, of course not." She said, "I'll come to bed in a little bit."

He hesitated for a moment, he didn't want to accept that answer. He didn't want her going down this memory lane, but the can was open, and the worms were spilled; there was no stopping it now. He sighed, deciding not to fight this battle, "Ok, I'm beat," he leaned down and kissed her on the forehead.

And while she loved it when he kissed her there, or anywhere; now all she could feel was Carson. It sent her back to her attack when he had her locked in that basement. She could feel his breath on her neck and her own breath began to accelerate. She closed her eyes, trying desperately to push the memory down before Carisi could tell. He whispered in her ear, "Goodnight, I love you."

It was meant to be sweet; it was meant to show his affection. But all she could think of, all she could feel was Carson. And that made her hate him even more.

She cleared her throat, trying to bury her racing thoughts and fears. "I love you too."

She stared at the images in front of her, her pen twirling in her hand. Nervously clicking it open and shut. She sipped her tea, chamomile—with a hint of honey—just how she liked it. Not even that could help her relax. Minutes turned into an hour, and then one hour turned into two, two to three. Before she knew it, it was four o'clock in the morning.

She staggered to the bed out of pure exhaustion. Carisi was sound asleep, she envied that. Sleep, she needed sleep. She climbed into bed and kissed him on the cheek, whispering apologies for not joining him in bed sooner. She collapsed onto her pillow and pulled the covers around her. She took deep, even breaths, telling herself it was all okay, she was safe now. She wanted to believe it, and she did believe it. She just didn't know how long it would last.

The next morning, Carisi watched himself in the mirror as he straightened and tightened his tie. He looked past his own reflection in the mirror and saw Tru's reflection. She was still sleeping; she didn't have to be up for another hour. Usually, she would wake up with him, they would have breakfast together and drink their coffee. But this morning he wanted to let her sleep.

When he got up this morning, he noticed that she had left her file open on the desk, so he knew she had been up later than she planned. He tucked the files back into the manila folder and hid the file on a closet shelf underneath a pile of blankets. She had enough going on; she didn't need to beat herself up with this. He wanted to protect her from the memories—from herself.

He finished with the tie and pulled his jacket on; he was almost out the door when he heard Tru scream from the bedroom. He rushed back into the bedroom to check on her. She shot up in bed, breathless and shaky. The nightmares were starting again.

"Hey, hey, it's okay," he sat down next to her on the bed.

"Oh my God, Sonny," Tru's voice trembled as she struggled to calm herself. "It felt so real."

"Do you want to talk about it?" Sonny put his hand on her shoulder.

"No," Tru said, she let out a groan, "I feel so stupid."

"Stupid? Why?"

"I was doing good, I thought I was, and then that stupid letter and I'm back to having nightmares and flashbacks."

"Flashbacks?" Carisi asked, he removed his hand from her shoulder, thinking it would probably be best if he didn't touch her.

She pulled her knees to her chest and wrapped her arms around them, laying her head on top. "I have to face him," she said finally. "You know? He kidnapped me…I was just trying to get away from him, and then he took that plea…I never really got to face him."

"That's my fault," Carisi said.

"What do you mean?"

"I pushed for Stone to offer a plea…I was trying to save you from a trial, I thought it would be easier…better." Carisi said. "I'm sorry."

"I don't blame you," Tru said, "But I have to go there…I have to face him…I just have to."

"No," Carisi said, Tru narrowed her eyes on him. "Not 'I', we, we'll both go."

"Ok," Tru nodded, wiping away the few tears that had escaped her eyes.

"What all do you have to do today?"

"I don't have to work, but I have to go to the center for a little while."

"Okay, good. Just try not to think about it, I know its hard. We'll go over your testimony when I get home tonight." Carisi rose to his feet. "I'll talk to Benson and which ever A.D.A is assigned for the hearing while I'm at work today. We'll figure out a way to keep him in, okay?"

He kissed her on the forehead and began to leave the room.

"Sonny, wait." Tru called after him, he turned around and saw her coming towards him, arms outstretched. She threw his arms around him and hugged him tight. He reciprocated, wrapping his arms tightly around her in return.

Carisi knocked twice before walking into Captain Benson's office. She looked up from her papers and when she saw him, she took her black rimmed glasses off.

"Carisi, I heard about the hearing." She said.

"Yeah, how can we stop it?" Carisi asked. "5 years? That's not long enough for what he did to her."

"I know how you feel," Benson said, "I don't like it either. You know as well as I do that the results of the hearing hinges on Tru's testimony."

"I don't know if she's up for that." Carisi said. "Just hearing about the hearing set her back three years of recovery."

Benson sighed, "If I were you, I'd place a call to your friend A.D.A Holmes," she said.

"Brooklyn? What's he got to do with this." Carisi asked.

"He's next on rotation to fill in for Stone's replacement." Benson said. "He might have some insight."

Carisi nodded and started to leave the room.

"Oh and Carisi," Benson said, Carisi turned back around to look at his boss. "I know this is hard, but the process has to play it's self out. All we can do is be prepared for the fall out."

"Copy that, Captain," Carisi sighed.

The sun was bright once Tru finally stepped outside her apartment building, she squinted from the brightness as she fumbled to receive her sunglasses from her purse. She slipped them on and stepped forward to the curb, holding her hand up to wave down a cab, one stopped almost immediately. Tru reached for the door handle but a sickening thought stopped her. It was a cab ride that had got her into this mess in the first place. She looked to the driver, an older man who was looking back at her, waiting for her to get in. She pulled her hand back.

"You know, on second thought I'll just walk." Tru forced a smile, trying not to be rude. "It's such a nice day."

"Suit yourself lady," he returned, before taking off.

The walk to work seemed to take forever and no time all at once. Before she knew it she was walking into the women's center. She said her polite hello's to the receptionist as she avoided eye contact and slipped into her office.

The room was small, and she shared it with two other counselors who were there on other days of the week, after all she was just a volunteer. She took a seat at the desk and turned the computer on. She needed to make some notes about her sessions from yesterday and print out her schedule for the rest of the week. She also needed to reschedule some appointments for tomorrow so she could go to the parole hearing. And there it was, it didn't take long for her train of thought to lead back to the hearing.

She leaned forward on the desk and rubbed her temples in an attempt to ease the headache that was brewing.

Carisi walked down the hallway of the Brooklyn District Attorney's Office to find Isiah Holmes. He knocked twice on the door, and Isiah waved him in.

"Detective Carisi," Isiah greeted him, "How've you been?"

"I've been better." Carisi said.

"I imagine so," Isiah said. "How can I help?"

Carisi shook his head and took a seat in front of Isiah's desk. "We can't let this guy out."

Isiah opened a file that lay on his desk. "He's checked all the boxes for good behavior. No fights or incidents, he's participated and led several recovery groups for other inmates, he faithfully attends church services, he appears to be a model inmate."

"It's all part of his game, he's dangerous." Carisi said.

"He's pulled 5 years for what he did to your girlfriend, you really think if he gets out he'll come after her?" Isiah asked.

Carisi sighed, "If it's not her than its gonna be some other girl. These guys don't change."

"Unfortunately, there is not much I can do," Isiah said, "the weight of this burden lies on Tru, she needs to convince the board how dangerous he is. I can be there for support and in case things go badly."

Carisi nodded, "Thanks, I appreciate it."

Back at their apartment, Tru and Sonny sat at the kitchen table. "Whatever you do, don't let him get inside your head." Carisi was saying, "And just remind the parole board of how violent his crimes were."

Tru nodded, taking it all in as Sonny ran through what to do and not to do.

"I know you're trying to help," she said finally. "But I don't want to think about this anymore tonight. Can we just hang out and watch a movie or something?"

"I'm just trying to make sure you're ready for the hearing." Carisi said, tilting his head in confusion.

"I know you are, and I love you for it. But I just want to relax with you," she grabbed his hand and squeezed it. "Can we sit on the couch and you hold me?"

Carisi smiled, "Of course."

The took a seat on the couch and Tru nestled against Sonny's chest. He wrapped his arm around her and held her tight. She forced herself to forget about Carson, forget about the hearing, forget about the worry of it all, and just enjoy being with Sonny.