Chapter 6

Tru sat in a trance like state on the couch. Carisi sat in front of her on the coffee table; his eyes fixed on her, analyzing every aspect of her. Checking for any hair out of place. His brow furrowed with worry as he tried to pry words out of her.

"Tru, what happened?" He asked again. "Will you just answer me?"

Tru took a deep breath and forced the words out of her mouth, "I saw him again."

"What?" He shot to his feet, "Just now? He was in our house? What happened?"

"Not in our house, downstairs." Tru said.

"That's twice in one day, that's not a coincidence," Carisi was talking a mile a minute as he began to pace the floor. The newspaper he had been holding in his hands was being twisted so tightly Tru thought it might rip in two. "I'm gonna call his parole officers and get him sent back to Rikers."

Tru didn't respond, she wanted to, though. She wanted to tell him everything Carson had said, and the threatening way he said it. But she didn't want to get Sonny any more worked up than he was. Or even worse, get his hopes up about a baby that was probably all just a figment of Carson's imagination. But still, as she sat there doing the mental math, she realized it had been a while since her last menstrual cycle. How could she not have known that? Carisi looked over at her, noticing her silence—the worry across her face.

"What is it? What happened?" Carisi was rambling now, "Did he do something to you? If he laid one hand on you, I will kill him."

She felt like the room was spinning, Sonny blurred in and out of focus. She blinked a few times, forcing herself to focus on him, "It was nothing." She stood to her feet, abruptly, too abruptly and she felt like she could just fall back onto the couch. "I'm going to bed."

Sonny creased his brow in confusion, "Tru, what's goin on here?" He asked, "What aren't you telling me?"

She turned back to face him, physically and mentally exhausted. She didn't have it in her to have this conversation right now. "Look, Sonny, I've had a very long, hard day. I just want to go to sleep." She said, then quickly added, "No, scratch that. I need a shower…then sleep."

"Tru—" Sonny started, but she held her hand up in protest and continued to walk away.

A million questions plagued Sonny's mind, he wanted to know what happened. What was wrong? He wanted her to open up to him like she always did, and why she felt like she couldn't right now. But he didn't do any of those things. He just watched her walk away. He threw the newspaper that he was holding in his hands across the room, and it scattered into a dozen pieces. He sunk into the chair, balling his hands into his fists. He heard the squeaking of the water pipes turn on as Tru started her shower.

Every time they talked about Carson, Tru felt the need to submerge herself into a shower, or cleaning, or organizing. Something, anything that made her feel like she had some control over life. She thought he didn't notice, but he did. He noticed it all, and he felt powerless to help her right now. He wanted to help her regain her sense of control, that is what it all boils down to. She feels like her world has spun out of control. He just didn't know how to help her right now.

Men like Carson Goldberg didn't change. Sonny had been on the job long enough to know that. When Carson raped Tru, it wasn't about sex. It was about power, control and obsession. He was obviously still obsessed with Tru, he made it a point to "accidentally run into her." The power struggle was this there over the control of Tru's thoughts, happiness—her life. They were right back to where they started.

Rain pounded on the pavement of the sidewalk as Sonny helped Tru out of the front seat of his squad car and into the wheelchair. Her hands clutched her stomach as more pain shot through her abdomen in a fiery surge.The rain slapped against her body, making her hair stick to her face as he pushed her into the emergency room of Mercy General Hospital.

She could hear Sonny call out for help as they entered through the sliding doors. The bright white lights blinded her, they were so bright compared to the darkness they had just left, and it made her snap her eyes shut. But when she tried to open her eyes again, even to squint, it felt like her eyelids weighed a thousand pounds. She could feel herself getting weaker and weaker. Sonny's voice sounded father and farther away.

"Sonny," she called out. "I'm gonna pass out."

She clutched her stomach even tighter as she felt blood trickle down her legs. Sonny called out for help again as a nurse rushed toward her with a bed. She drifted in and out of consciousness for the next several minutes. She had no idea how she had gotten onto the hospital bed. Her eyes opening and shutting, counting the lights on the ceilings as they wheeled her down the hallway. Each of their voices sounding so far away.

"How far…is she…?" A woman at the head of the gurney asked.

Tru was only catching bits and pieces of the conversation. She couldn't find the strength to speak. Why was this happening to her? This couldn't be happening. It had to be a bad dream. No, a terrible dream, a nightmare, the worst kind. But she knew it wasn't. She brought a hand to cover her eyes from the brightness of the florescent glow of the lights. Her hand also weighed a thousand pounds, she struggled so hard to raise it only to feel someone else push her hand back down. Sonny held her hand tightly.

"25 weeks," she knew that voice, she didn't have to see him to know he was there. Sonny was always there for her no matter what.

She felt nausea rising from her stomach, and her tongue began to sweat. She was going to puke but she couldn't find the words to let anyone know. Her mind was slipping away again. She didn't know if she was going to vomit or faint. Pain seared through her stomach like she was being stabbed with a dozen hot pokers. Branding irons, Tru thought. She struggled so hard to even say one word, and all she found the strength to say was "Sonny," And with that she was out again.

Tru's eyes sprang open, her heart thudded in her chest, her body covered in a cold sweat as she gasped for air. A shaky hand flew to her stomach, remembering the pain she felt. She blinked a few times and looked around the room. Calming herself as she realized it was all just a dream. It felt so real. The pain, the nausea, the lights. She felt like she was right back in that hospital. But she wasn't, she was safely in the room she shared with Sonny, in fact nearly two years had passed. She looked at Sonny, who was sleeping next to her, and sat up. She thought about calling out his name, waking him up and telling him about her nightmare. She decided against it, he had been dealing with so much lately she wanted to let him get some rest while he could. After all what good would it do? The nightmare was over.

She let out a groan as she climbed out of bed. Her legs felt weak beneath the weight of her body. She made her way to the kitchen, grabbed a glass from the cabinet and filled it with water. She took a long drink from it, letting the coolness wash down her dry, scratchy throat as she stared out the window at the dark city.

The lights from the streetlight lit up enough for her to see out. The building across the way was dark, except for one light near the top. The streets were mostly empty, a few cars passed by, but it was mostly quiet, peaceful. Her cell phone began to ring from the its charging spot on the counter. Tru instinctively reached for it, then paused, looking at the clock on the stove. It was nearly three a.m. Who was calling her this late? It was a local number, but not one she recognized. Then she remembered giving her number to Abby and wondered if it was her and if something was wrong. She brought the phone to her ear.

"Hello?" She said cautiously.

Nothing.

Tru cleared her throat as an uneasy feeling rose through her gut. "Hello?" She asked again.

still nothing.

"Abby is that you?" Tru asked. "Hello?"

The line clicked off. Tru held the phone for a minute, the uneasy feeling lingering in her gut. She tried to shrug it off and plugged her phone back in. She took another sip of water and set the cup down. She turned around to go back to bed. Just then she caught a glimpse of a tall figure in the doorway. She jumped instinctively; a small gasp escaped her mouth.

Sonny stepped out of the shadows, coming in to focus. He ran a hand through his hair,scratching his head and trying to blink himself awake.

"What time is it?" He asked sleepily.

"After 3," Tru replied.

"Who was on the phone?"

Tru glanced back at the phone, "Must have been a wrong number."

Sonny yawned, "Let's go back to bed," he put his hand on her lower back and led her back into the bedroom. He stopped after a few steps, looked toward the sink and then back to Tru and said, "You go ahead, I'll be there in a minute."

He walked up to the kitchen sink and glanced out the window. Taking a good look around outside, looking for Carson. But he didn't see anything out of the ordinary. He pulled the blinds down, shutting out the city, just in case.

The next morning, Sonny stood at the kitchen counter, pouring his morning coffee into a thermos. Tru came rushing out of the bedroom, throwing her hair into a ponytail. She began looking around the living room, picking up the pillows on the couch, moving her nick nacks around the consol table.

"What's wrong?" Sonny asked.

"Have you seen my keys?" She asked, she found her purse and began rummaging through it.

"No, I haven't. Where's the last place you had them?"

"Um," Tru tried to think but her mind went completely blank. "I know I had them when I got home, otherwise I wouldn't have been able to get in the apartment."

She checked her watch, "I'm gonna be late."

"What are you talking about? You have plenty of time before work." Sonny said checking his watch as well.

"I just have an errand to run before work is all." Tru said.

Sonny narrowed his eyes on her, "What errand?"

"Just an errand," Tru sighed, a hint of annoyance was in her tone. "My keys?"

"I don't know, honey." Sonny said.

Tru sighed, "I guess I'll just have to get a hold of you after work and you can let me back in."

"Okay," Sonny nodded. He sighed; for the first time in a long time, he didn't know what to say to her. He didn't know what was going on inside her head. She'd almost bit his head of twice in the last 24 hours and it wasn't like her to be so short tempered. "Is there anything else you need?"

"No, I'll just see you later." Tru started for the door, then stopped, turned around and gave him a peck on the cheek before whispering, "I love you." With that she was out the door and, on her way, to wherever she was going.

Tru stood infront of the family planning isle at the drug store. She stared at all the different kinds of pregnancy tests. First Response, Accuclear, E.P.T, so many choices, she picked up one of the boxes. Turning it over to read the back, she chuckled, This one showed a smiley face or frowny face. Another one sent the results to your phone. Really? She thought. That's a thing now? You cant take a second to look at a stick, how are you gonna have time for a baby?

Then she got a sickening feeling, how was she gonna have time for a baby? How was she sure she would even get to have the baby this time around. A chill crept down her spine, and she forced the memories of her last pregnancy away.

She grabbed the Clear Blue one and headed for the register.

Tru walked into the morgue and headed into her office. She shoved the bag from the drugstore into her purse and hung her purse on the coat rack as she walked into the office. She pulled on her white lab coat and straightened it out. She checked the log for the day and started to head out of the office when she caught a glimpse of something out of the corner of her eye. She walked towards her desk and saw her keys, lying in plain sight on top of a stack of papers.

She was so confused; she knew she had those keys when she got home. She had to have had them. Carson was playing games with her. It had to be him.