TITLE: The White Mouse 5/7
AUTHOR: Tony McD
DISCLAIMER: All characters belong to Joss Whendon, Mutant Enemy, WB and others. This is for fun, not profit.
SUMMARY: In an effort to save Buffy (again), Buffy and Xander find themselves fighting the greatest evil ever while trying to find a way home.
SPOILERS: Season 5 but set before The Gift.
RATING: PG 13 (for now)
The White Mouse 5/7
Buffy took her time washing herself. As she wiped the grime of the past day away, she thought about Xander. She remembered how she felt when she saw him earlier, and it puzzled her. In all these years she had known him, she had never (love spells gone wrong aside) been physically attracted to Xander.
Sure, there had been times when she had looked at Xander in a less than friend way, most notable was when Xander got on the swim team. At the time, she saw Xander in that red Speedo and noted that he wasn't a hairy man (she hated hairy men) and that he wasn't the ugliest guy ever to wear tiny swimmers. But she wasn't attracted to him then.
But others have been. Ampata the Inca Mummy, Miss French the Prey Mantis, Willow, Cordelia, Kendra, Faith, and Anya had all at one time or another been attracted Xander. Sure, half of them had tried to kill him, but of her two boyfriends to date (she tried very hard to forget Parker), half of them tried to kill her too. Why could they see that Xander was attractive but she could not?
Angel.
She had always looked at the world through Angel shaped glasses. They made Xander look like her Xander shaped friend, rather than the eye candy he actually was.
But those glasses had fallen off somehow, and she was faced with the predicament of lusting over a friend who was already taken. She could sympathise with Willow now.
But could she really?
Willow loved Xander. Big time. She still did, but Willow had realised that that ship had sailed. There would be moments when Willow would give Xander a wistful glance, but their lives had taken a different turn and there was little chance of going back.
Buffy felt lust towards Xander. She accepted that now, although it still spun her a bit. But could lust turn into love? Could she love him? What kind of man was he? The real Xander Harris, not the Angel shaped distortion she had always seen.
Buffy gave a bitter laugh. Xander had fought by her side for years, saved her life, shared moments of joy and grief, hung out with her, and just generally be one of the key figures in her screwed up life, and she didn't know jack squat about him.
Well, she was going to find out.
=======================
She found him talking to Nancy in what passed for a kitchen. He was telling her a story about one of his experiences at work. He was quite animated as he got to the dramatic conclusion, and his chocolate eyes sparkled with mischief. Nancy was bent double with laughter.
"All that trouble, and it turns out to be the wrong house!" Nancy exclaimed between fits of laughter. Xander saw Buffy and motioned for her to sit at the table.
"Here you go Buff, breakfast." he said as he placed a plate before her. She looked at it suspiciously.
"What is it?" she asked Xander as he sat across from her.
"Well, look at it this way. If someone said I'd be having breakfast with you in France, I'd be hoping for springtime, and eating croissants in a nice little cafe. Instead, I get wartime, and eating fried spam in a sewer. Real romantic." he said with a roll of his eyes. Buffy's heart gave a little flutter.
"Romantic?" she asked. Xander back peddled a bit.
"In a strictly platonic, just good friends, not wanting to incur the wrath of an 1100 year old former vengeance demon, kind of way." he said trying to extricate himself out of (what he thought was) a hole with Buffy.
Nothing was further from the truth. As Xander stammered and spluttered his way out of a non-existent hole, Buffy looked at his face. Smiling, she tilted her head to the side a little.
"You know, when you're falling to pieces, your mouth does the sweetest thing." she said, not knowing that Willow had said that exact same thing just after Homecoming.
This was too much for Xander who quickly excused himself and left, clearly distressed.
Buffy was left sitting there wondering what had gone wrong so quickly.
===================
Xander wandered the tunnels a bit in search of a quiet spot to sit and think. He flopped down on a tea chest and thought through the previous exchange.
Ever since Buffy arrived at Sunnydale, she had made it clear that she saw Xander as nothing more than friends. But yet for years, Xander held onto the remote impossible possibility that she would wake up and smell the Xander. She never did and this hurt him in ways he could hardly describe. It had affected him and his relationship with Willow. If it weren't for Buffy, who knows what might have happened.
After a seconds thought, he realised he did know. They would have become the Xander/Willow version of Spike/Dru. Except that Willow looked way sexier in tight leather pants and corset. He had a fleeting mental picture of Willow dressed up as VampWillow with a riding crop and evil little smile as she advanced towards Tara.
He shook his head in an effort to rid his mind to the picture. Ever since that First Slayer induced dream with Wills and Tara in the back of the ice cream truck, he would occasionally get mental pictures like that.
With a sigh, he rested his head back on a pipe and thought of Buffy.
He had thought he had gotten over his feelings for Buffy. He thought he had moved on with Anya and Buffy had moved on with Riley. But it wasn't the case.
The cracks in Buffy and Riley's relationship had come to light after Xander's little trip into Twin Land. For the first time ever, Xander was relaxed about Buffy's choice of boyfriend. Riley had seemed to be a great guy who cared deeply about Buffy and who could give Buffy that bit of normality she had always craved.
But Riley couldn't handle the combination of her calling and the shadow of Angel.
After the disaster with Willow and Oz, Xander had resolved never to give relationship advice to his friends ever again. But when Buffy and Riley's relationship imploded, he felt an urge to speak out. Their conversation wasn't pleasant, and had touched more than one raw nerve. Looking back now, he saw that what he said to Buffy wasn't to do with Buffy and Riley. It was all about Buffy and him.
What Buffy had said to him this morning had hurt him? His love for her had never really died and her words filled him with hope for them. False hope. Buffy would never love him while the shadow of Angel fell across him.
He knew who his heart belonged to, but he also knew the harsh reality. Now he had to find out where that left him and Anya.
=================
The next time Buffy saw Xander was later that day in the radio room talking to Nancy and Sharon. Xander and Nancy were discussing the war and the Nazis while Sharon looked on. Looking at Sharon, Buffy saw something that aroused an unexpected feeling. Sharon was checking Xander out.
'Oh no you don't.' Buffy said in her mind to Sharon. 'Not my Xander.'
This pulled Buffy up short. Since when was he her Xander? Possessiveness and jealousy weren't feelings she normally had in regard to Xander. But neither was lust, but she felt it. Buffy wanted what Cordy, Willow, Faith, and Anya all had at one point or another.
A bit of Xander loving.
Xander noticed Buffy out of the corner of his eye.
"Hey Buff." He said a little awkwardly. Buffy decided to pretend everything was fine and act cheerful.
"Hey Xand. How goes the war?" she asked cheerfully.
"Well, the Nazis do what Nazis do. But I'm consoled by the fact they'll get their evil butts kicked in due course." he told her. Nancy expressed a little doubt.
"I'm not so sure about that. Hitler has conquered almost all of Europe and looks all set to knock Russia out of the war. As soon as they've done that then they'll turn on England with full force." Xander gave Nancy a confident smile.
"Trust me on this. The good guys are going to win this war."
Nancy shrugged her shoulders.
"Well, you must excuse me. I need to go do my bit to ensure your confidence is well placed." Nancy said as she and Sharon left the little room. Buffy and Xander looked awkwardly at each other for a minute or two.
"Look, Xander, I'm sorry about earlier...." Buffy started but Xander just waved her off.
"No need to apologise. I'm not a morning person and I shouldn't have snapped at you like that. I'm a bad Xander." Buffy grabbed his hand and reassured him.
"We're cool Xander. Water under the bridge and all that."
Buffy held onto his hand, relishing the feeling of physical contact. Reluctantly she let go.
"So. What are we going to do with our time?" Buffy asked. Xander said nothing but produced a deck of cards with a little flourish.
"Cool. What do you want to play Xand?" asked Buffy. Xander had a mischievous glint in his eye.
"How about strip poker?" he asked. Buffy rolled her eyes a little.
"Xander, every time you get a deck of cards you ask me that question. What would you do if I said yes?" Xander thought for a moment.
"Cheat."
=========================
The next few days saw Buffy and Xander get into a routine of playing cards and listening to the radio. The tension between them was gone and they used the opportunity to get to know each other better. They had become the closest of friends. They told stories about their lives and revealed secrets that they had never told anyone before.
Buffy wept at the story of Xander's childhood. The abuse; physical, mental and sexual. Buffy could see why he and Willow were so close. Willow had literally been the one good thing in his life for so long. Willow knew of his parents physical and mental abuse. But until now, he had told no one about the sexual abuse. Xander's haunted look when he told her would forever remain etched in her mind.
Now, as the two of them sat and listened to the gentle music of the radio, Buffy could hardly believe someone who had gone through the nightmare of Xander's childhood could turn out to be so loving, so brave, so sane as he was. Standing, Buffy held out her hand to Xander.
"Dance with me."
The two of them held each other close. They moved slowly to the gentle music from the radio. Xander closed his eyes and savoured the moment and the feel of Buffy as they danced. Buffy rested her head against his chest and inhaled the warm, comforting scent that was Xander.
They danced to the music, and when the song was over, Buffy looked into Xander's eyes. At that very moment, Buffy had her answer. Her search of "The One" was over. Buffy had fallen in love with her Xander shaped friend.
Her question was now if he still loved her.
AUTHOR: Tony McD
DISCLAIMER: All characters belong to Joss Whendon, Mutant Enemy, WB and others. This is for fun, not profit.
SUMMARY: In an effort to save Buffy (again), Buffy and Xander find themselves fighting the greatest evil ever while trying to find a way home.
SPOILERS: Season 5 but set before The Gift.
RATING: PG 13 (for now)
The White Mouse 5/7
Buffy took her time washing herself. As she wiped the grime of the past day away, she thought about Xander. She remembered how she felt when she saw him earlier, and it puzzled her. In all these years she had known him, she had never (love spells gone wrong aside) been physically attracted to Xander.
Sure, there had been times when she had looked at Xander in a less than friend way, most notable was when Xander got on the swim team. At the time, she saw Xander in that red Speedo and noted that he wasn't a hairy man (she hated hairy men) and that he wasn't the ugliest guy ever to wear tiny swimmers. But she wasn't attracted to him then.
But others have been. Ampata the Inca Mummy, Miss French the Prey Mantis, Willow, Cordelia, Kendra, Faith, and Anya had all at one time or another been attracted Xander. Sure, half of them had tried to kill him, but of her two boyfriends to date (she tried very hard to forget Parker), half of them tried to kill her too. Why could they see that Xander was attractive but she could not?
Angel.
She had always looked at the world through Angel shaped glasses. They made Xander look like her Xander shaped friend, rather than the eye candy he actually was.
But those glasses had fallen off somehow, and she was faced with the predicament of lusting over a friend who was already taken. She could sympathise with Willow now.
But could she really?
Willow loved Xander. Big time. She still did, but Willow had realised that that ship had sailed. There would be moments when Willow would give Xander a wistful glance, but their lives had taken a different turn and there was little chance of going back.
Buffy felt lust towards Xander. She accepted that now, although it still spun her a bit. But could lust turn into love? Could she love him? What kind of man was he? The real Xander Harris, not the Angel shaped distortion she had always seen.
Buffy gave a bitter laugh. Xander had fought by her side for years, saved her life, shared moments of joy and grief, hung out with her, and just generally be one of the key figures in her screwed up life, and she didn't know jack squat about him.
Well, she was going to find out.
=======================
She found him talking to Nancy in what passed for a kitchen. He was telling her a story about one of his experiences at work. He was quite animated as he got to the dramatic conclusion, and his chocolate eyes sparkled with mischief. Nancy was bent double with laughter.
"All that trouble, and it turns out to be the wrong house!" Nancy exclaimed between fits of laughter. Xander saw Buffy and motioned for her to sit at the table.
"Here you go Buff, breakfast." he said as he placed a plate before her. She looked at it suspiciously.
"What is it?" she asked Xander as he sat across from her.
"Well, look at it this way. If someone said I'd be having breakfast with you in France, I'd be hoping for springtime, and eating croissants in a nice little cafe. Instead, I get wartime, and eating fried spam in a sewer. Real romantic." he said with a roll of his eyes. Buffy's heart gave a little flutter.
"Romantic?" she asked. Xander back peddled a bit.
"In a strictly platonic, just good friends, not wanting to incur the wrath of an 1100 year old former vengeance demon, kind of way." he said trying to extricate himself out of (what he thought was) a hole with Buffy.
Nothing was further from the truth. As Xander stammered and spluttered his way out of a non-existent hole, Buffy looked at his face. Smiling, she tilted her head to the side a little.
"You know, when you're falling to pieces, your mouth does the sweetest thing." she said, not knowing that Willow had said that exact same thing just after Homecoming.
This was too much for Xander who quickly excused himself and left, clearly distressed.
Buffy was left sitting there wondering what had gone wrong so quickly.
===================
Xander wandered the tunnels a bit in search of a quiet spot to sit and think. He flopped down on a tea chest and thought through the previous exchange.
Ever since Buffy arrived at Sunnydale, she had made it clear that she saw Xander as nothing more than friends. But yet for years, Xander held onto the remote impossible possibility that she would wake up and smell the Xander. She never did and this hurt him in ways he could hardly describe. It had affected him and his relationship with Willow. If it weren't for Buffy, who knows what might have happened.
After a seconds thought, he realised he did know. They would have become the Xander/Willow version of Spike/Dru. Except that Willow looked way sexier in tight leather pants and corset. He had a fleeting mental picture of Willow dressed up as VampWillow with a riding crop and evil little smile as she advanced towards Tara.
He shook his head in an effort to rid his mind to the picture. Ever since that First Slayer induced dream with Wills and Tara in the back of the ice cream truck, he would occasionally get mental pictures like that.
With a sigh, he rested his head back on a pipe and thought of Buffy.
He had thought he had gotten over his feelings for Buffy. He thought he had moved on with Anya and Buffy had moved on with Riley. But it wasn't the case.
The cracks in Buffy and Riley's relationship had come to light after Xander's little trip into Twin Land. For the first time ever, Xander was relaxed about Buffy's choice of boyfriend. Riley had seemed to be a great guy who cared deeply about Buffy and who could give Buffy that bit of normality she had always craved.
But Riley couldn't handle the combination of her calling and the shadow of Angel.
After the disaster with Willow and Oz, Xander had resolved never to give relationship advice to his friends ever again. But when Buffy and Riley's relationship imploded, he felt an urge to speak out. Their conversation wasn't pleasant, and had touched more than one raw nerve. Looking back now, he saw that what he said to Buffy wasn't to do with Buffy and Riley. It was all about Buffy and him.
What Buffy had said to him this morning had hurt him? His love for her had never really died and her words filled him with hope for them. False hope. Buffy would never love him while the shadow of Angel fell across him.
He knew who his heart belonged to, but he also knew the harsh reality. Now he had to find out where that left him and Anya.
=================
The next time Buffy saw Xander was later that day in the radio room talking to Nancy and Sharon. Xander and Nancy were discussing the war and the Nazis while Sharon looked on. Looking at Sharon, Buffy saw something that aroused an unexpected feeling. Sharon was checking Xander out.
'Oh no you don't.' Buffy said in her mind to Sharon. 'Not my Xander.'
This pulled Buffy up short. Since when was he her Xander? Possessiveness and jealousy weren't feelings she normally had in regard to Xander. But neither was lust, but she felt it. Buffy wanted what Cordy, Willow, Faith, and Anya all had at one point or another.
A bit of Xander loving.
Xander noticed Buffy out of the corner of his eye.
"Hey Buff." He said a little awkwardly. Buffy decided to pretend everything was fine and act cheerful.
"Hey Xand. How goes the war?" she asked cheerfully.
"Well, the Nazis do what Nazis do. But I'm consoled by the fact they'll get their evil butts kicked in due course." he told her. Nancy expressed a little doubt.
"I'm not so sure about that. Hitler has conquered almost all of Europe and looks all set to knock Russia out of the war. As soon as they've done that then they'll turn on England with full force." Xander gave Nancy a confident smile.
"Trust me on this. The good guys are going to win this war."
Nancy shrugged her shoulders.
"Well, you must excuse me. I need to go do my bit to ensure your confidence is well placed." Nancy said as she and Sharon left the little room. Buffy and Xander looked awkwardly at each other for a minute or two.
"Look, Xander, I'm sorry about earlier...." Buffy started but Xander just waved her off.
"No need to apologise. I'm not a morning person and I shouldn't have snapped at you like that. I'm a bad Xander." Buffy grabbed his hand and reassured him.
"We're cool Xander. Water under the bridge and all that."
Buffy held onto his hand, relishing the feeling of physical contact. Reluctantly she let go.
"So. What are we going to do with our time?" Buffy asked. Xander said nothing but produced a deck of cards with a little flourish.
"Cool. What do you want to play Xand?" asked Buffy. Xander had a mischievous glint in his eye.
"How about strip poker?" he asked. Buffy rolled her eyes a little.
"Xander, every time you get a deck of cards you ask me that question. What would you do if I said yes?" Xander thought for a moment.
"Cheat."
=========================
The next few days saw Buffy and Xander get into a routine of playing cards and listening to the radio. The tension between them was gone and they used the opportunity to get to know each other better. They had become the closest of friends. They told stories about their lives and revealed secrets that they had never told anyone before.
Buffy wept at the story of Xander's childhood. The abuse; physical, mental and sexual. Buffy could see why he and Willow were so close. Willow had literally been the one good thing in his life for so long. Willow knew of his parents physical and mental abuse. But until now, he had told no one about the sexual abuse. Xander's haunted look when he told her would forever remain etched in her mind.
Now, as the two of them sat and listened to the gentle music of the radio, Buffy could hardly believe someone who had gone through the nightmare of Xander's childhood could turn out to be so loving, so brave, so sane as he was. Standing, Buffy held out her hand to Xander.
"Dance with me."
The two of them held each other close. They moved slowly to the gentle music from the radio. Xander closed his eyes and savoured the moment and the feel of Buffy as they danced. Buffy rested her head against his chest and inhaled the warm, comforting scent that was Xander.
They danced to the music, and when the song was over, Buffy looked into Xander's eyes. At that very moment, Buffy had her answer. Her search of "The One" was over. Buffy had fallen in love with her Xander shaped friend.
Her question was now if he still loved her.