TITLE: The White Mouse 6/7
AUTHOR: Tony McD
DISCLAIMER: All characters belong to Joss Whendon, Mutant Enemy, WB and others. This is for fun, not profit.
SUMMARY: In an effort to save Buffy (again), Buffy and Xander find themselves fighting the greatest evil ever while trying to find a way home.
SPOILERS: Season 5 but set before The Gift.
RATING: PG 13 (for now)
The White Mouse 6/7
"Xander?"
"Yeah Buff."
"Do you think that Sharon might be related to Willow?" Buffy asked Xander as they lay on their beds in the little alcove that had become there home away from home. Xander thought for a moment then shook his head.
"No, if I remember correctly Willow's great grandmother was named Mia and lived in Belgium. She fought the Nazis with the Belgium underground before fleeing to Spain. She fell for some American GI or something, fell pregnant to the GI who went missing soon there after, and immigrated to America to search for him after the war. Thus is the story of the Rosenburg clan."
Buffy resisted the urge to ask about what Xander's family did during the war. The subject of his family was something best avoided. The Scooby Gang was his family now. He would protect them with his life, and they would do the same.
How many times had Xander jumped into the fray to save them? He always put himself between them and danger. The very reason that he was here with her was because he tried to take the magic blast for Buffy. He was an ordinary guy in extraordinary times.
He wasn't perfect and there were times when Buffy could have happily killed him. But looking back she could see that he was trying to look after Buffy as best he could. Buffy felt a little annoyed; she was an adult and the Slayer and really didn't need someone to try to nanny her. However she was grateful that he was here to watch her back.
Buffy hoped that occasionally when he watched her back, he also checked out her butt.
With the thoughts of Xander and her slow dancing together, Buffy pulled her privacy blanket across and went to sleep.
====================
Buffy awoke with a start, her senses alert. Someone had entered their alcove. Peeking around a corner of the privacy blanket, she saw Xander was fast asleep, naked other than the thin sheet that prevented good viewing becoming great viewing.
Reluctantly, she took her eyes off Xander's sleeping form and looked at the intruder.
It was Sharon.
Sharon moved to the side of Xander's bed and gently shook him awake. Xander awoke in confusion and was about to ask Sharon what was going on but was silenced by Sharon's finger over his lips. Xander's eyes boggled when Sharon quickly undressed and pulled the sheet off Xander.
Buffy couldn't help but to watch Sharon make love to a totally stunned Xander. Buffy felt hurt in a way she could hardly describe.
Afterwards, Sharon quietly left, leaving a bewildered Xander, and a devastated Buffy.
====================
The next day Buffy and Xander hardly said a word to each other. Xander was quiet, lost in deep and troubling thoughts. Buffy sat nursing her hurt and not a small amount of anger.
When Xander got up for a walk, Buffy quietly followed him. She hid as Xander found Sharon and pulled her into a storage area to talk. Xander spent a few uncomfortable moments getting himself together before speaking.
"I know you can't understand what I'm saying, but I really need to say it anyway.
"Last night was nice. Unexpected, definately. But nice. I guess the story of my entire love life could be described as unexpected.
"But back home I've got a girlfriend waiting, and if you knew Anya then you would know that she isn't one to be kept waiting. I care for Anya, I really do, but last night made me think about everything.
"All my life, all I wanted was someone to love me and for me to love them. Willow loved me, but I guess I was afraid to love her the way she wanted because if things went bad I would be totally alone. I needed her to be best friend Willow, not girlfriend Willow.
"With Anya it's different. I want to love her, and I want her to love me. She needs someone to help her navigate through her new mortal life. But she doesn't really understand what love is. I know that she occasionally sleeps with other guys. Before me she hadn't had all that much experience with men. Well, in a good intimate way that is. And I can understand her feeling
constrained sometime, feeling the need to broaden her experience, so to speak.
"I know that Anya really cares for me a lot. But she doesn't love me. I'm not really sure she knows exactly what love is. I always hoped I could be patient and teach her what love is. That one day she would come to love me and I would love her and we'd live happily ever after. But after thinking about it, I would be living a lie.
"No matter how much I try to deny it, or delude myself, or bury it, I've ever only loved one girl in my silly life. She has always made it clear that she doesn't think of me that way. To her, I'm her Xander shaped friend. I'm the Puffy Xander she can take her frustrations out on or get comfort from.
"I would do anything she wants, be anything she wants. She wants me to be her friend then I can do that, no matter how hard it is to be so close to her and not tell her how much I love her. To me, she isn't just a pretty girl or the Slayer. She's just Buffy.
"Riley couldn't hack that, and in his own way Deadboy had his own problems with it too. Buffy has a calling and any man that wants to be in her life has to cope with that. For the last five years I've coped with it. Over the years her calling has become mine in a way. Even if Buffy wasn't around anymore I'd still fight the good fight. I may not be able to do much, but at least I'm doing something.
"When all this is over and I get back home, I'm going to have to talk to Anya and explain how I feel. It's not going to be easy but I have to be honest with her. I owe her that much. Then after that, I'm going back to being Buffy's Xander shaped friend. I might not be able to tell her I lover her, but I'll show her how much I love her by being whatever she needs me to be."
Xander stood up and pulled a gold heart shaped locket from his pocket and gave it to Sharon.
"I was going to give that to Anya before all this happened, but I want you to have it. You helped me see things clearly. My purpose in life is to look after Buffy in any way she needs me to. Thank you for helping me see that." Xander gently caressed Sharon's face before leaving.
Hidden in the shadows, Buffy wept silently with sadness and joy. He truly loved her.
AUTHOR: Tony McD
DISCLAIMER: All characters belong to Joss Whendon, Mutant Enemy, WB and others. This is for fun, not profit.
SUMMARY: In an effort to save Buffy (again), Buffy and Xander find themselves fighting the greatest evil ever while trying to find a way home.
SPOILERS: Season 5 but set before The Gift.
RATING: PG 13 (for now)
The White Mouse 6/7
"Xander?"
"Yeah Buff."
"Do you think that Sharon might be related to Willow?" Buffy asked Xander as they lay on their beds in the little alcove that had become there home away from home. Xander thought for a moment then shook his head.
"No, if I remember correctly Willow's great grandmother was named Mia and lived in Belgium. She fought the Nazis with the Belgium underground before fleeing to Spain. She fell for some American GI or something, fell pregnant to the GI who went missing soon there after, and immigrated to America to search for him after the war. Thus is the story of the Rosenburg clan."
Buffy resisted the urge to ask about what Xander's family did during the war. The subject of his family was something best avoided. The Scooby Gang was his family now. He would protect them with his life, and they would do the same.
How many times had Xander jumped into the fray to save them? He always put himself between them and danger. The very reason that he was here with her was because he tried to take the magic blast for Buffy. He was an ordinary guy in extraordinary times.
He wasn't perfect and there were times when Buffy could have happily killed him. But looking back she could see that he was trying to look after Buffy as best he could. Buffy felt a little annoyed; she was an adult and the Slayer and really didn't need someone to try to nanny her. However she was grateful that he was here to watch her back.
Buffy hoped that occasionally when he watched her back, he also checked out her butt.
With the thoughts of Xander and her slow dancing together, Buffy pulled her privacy blanket across and went to sleep.
====================
Buffy awoke with a start, her senses alert. Someone had entered their alcove. Peeking around a corner of the privacy blanket, she saw Xander was fast asleep, naked other than the thin sheet that prevented good viewing becoming great viewing.
Reluctantly, she took her eyes off Xander's sleeping form and looked at the intruder.
It was Sharon.
Sharon moved to the side of Xander's bed and gently shook him awake. Xander awoke in confusion and was about to ask Sharon what was going on but was silenced by Sharon's finger over his lips. Xander's eyes boggled when Sharon quickly undressed and pulled the sheet off Xander.
Buffy couldn't help but to watch Sharon make love to a totally stunned Xander. Buffy felt hurt in a way she could hardly describe.
Afterwards, Sharon quietly left, leaving a bewildered Xander, and a devastated Buffy.
====================
The next day Buffy and Xander hardly said a word to each other. Xander was quiet, lost in deep and troubling thoughts. Buffy sat nursing her hurt and not a small amount of anger.
When Xander got up for a walk, Buffy quietly followed him. She hid as Xander found Sharon and pulled her into a storage area to talk. Xander spent a few uncomfortable moments getting himself together before speaking.
"I know you can't understand what I'm saying, but I really need to say it anyway.
"Last night was nice. Unexpected, definately. But nice. I guess the story of my entire love life could be described as unexpected.
"But back home I've got a girlfriend waiting, and if you knew Anya then you would know that she isn't one to be kept waiting. I care for Anya, I really do, but last night made me think about everything.
"All my life, all I wanted was someone to love me and for me to love them. Willow loved me, but I guess I was afraid to love her the way she wanted because if things went bad I would be totally alone. I needed her to be best friend Willow, not girlfriend Willow.
"With Anya it's different. I want to love her, and I want her to love me. She needs someone to help her navigate through her new mortal life. But she doesn't really understand what love is. I know that she occasionally sleeps with other guys. Before me she hadn't had all that much experience with men. Well, in a good intimate way that is. And I can understand her feeling
constrained sometime, feeling the need to broaden her experience, so to speak.
"I know that Anya really cares for me a lot. But she doesn't love me. I'm not really sure she knows exactly what love is. I always hoped I could be patient and teach her what love is. That one day she would come to love me and I would love her and we'd live happily ever after. But after thinking about it, I would be living a lie.
"No matter how much I try to deny it, or delude myself, or bury it, I've ever only loved one girl in my silly life. She has always made it clear that she doesn't think of me that way. To her, I'm her Xander shaped friend. I'm the Puffy Xander she can take her frustrations out on or get comfort from.
"I would do anything she wants, be anything she wants. She wants me to be her friend then I can do that, no matter how hard it is to be so close to her and not tell her how much I love her. To me, she isn't just a pretty girl or the Slayer. She's just Buffy.
"Riley couldn't hack that, and in his own way Deadboy had his own problems with it too. Buffy has a calling and any man that wants to be in her life has to cope with that. For the last five years I've coped with it. Over the years her calling has become mine in a way. Even if Buffy wasn't around anymore I'd still fight the good fight. I may not be able to do much, but at least I'm doing something.
"When all this is over and I get back home, I'm going to have to talk to Anya and explain how I feel. It's not going to be easy but I have to be honest with her. I owe her that much. Then after that, I'm going back to being Buffy's Xander shaped friend. I might not be able to tell her I lover her, but I'll show her how much I love her by being whatever she needs me to be."
Xander stood up and pulled a gold heart shaped locket from his pocket and gave it to Sharon.
"I was going to give that to Anya before all this happened, but I want you to have it. You helped me see things clearly. My purpose in life is to look after Buffy in any way she needs me to. Thank you for helping me see that." Xander gently caressed Sharon's face before leaving.
Hidden in the shadows, Buffy wept silently with sadness and joy. He truly loved her.