A.N.: Thanks for the encouragement, Keiko-chan... more of the same would be nice! This bit gets surrealer - maybe it's real, maybe it's figurative, it's up to the reader to decide because I just put what they told me to put! Definite 1+2 shounen-ai in here. And if the boys were mine, there would be no Relena-beast, so I think that means that they're someone else's property...but I do claim this fic as my own work. Hn.
.2
"What is it you want?"
You trail off, halt in your frantic orbit around my body, let your waggling little arms slowly drift down to your waist. I glare enough to scare you, or at least temporarily startle you out of your idiocy. Enough to convince you I meant the question, anyway.
Or maybe not. "Gee, Heero, I was just, you know, letting off a bit of steam -"
I grab you by the shoulders and pull you up to meet my gaze. "What is it you want, baka?" My eyes narrow, but yours widen and you wriggle convulsively in my grip, squirming around like a cobra.
You escape me and back up a step, and a hard slant sets on your face. "That - hurt!" Are you angry with me, or just upset? I can't tell, and I don't care either! I want an answer.
"Tell me," I grate.
You shift, twitching sore shoulders round in circles. "You getting all philosophical on me, man?"
What's the use? I slam down onto the sofa, feeling the edge of a headache crawling in at the back of my skull. I can't understand you, and you don't understand me, so why can't I just ignore you? I ought to ignore you…No, don't, Duo. It's no good perching next to me, or grabbing my hand like that. It doesn't change anything; you'll never get what you want because it isn't there. I pull the hand back and study your little creased-up brow, the smooth skin on your cheeks, the purple light in the depths of your eyes… you don't know, do you? I like looking at you. There's nothing in the world I'd rather look at, but it doesn't mean anything to me! It wouldn't mean anything if you were as beautiful as, as, kuso I can't think of any beautiful things except you…
"Hey." Your voice is soft now. That - it's gentle, kind, you - "I only want to talk to you, Heero."
Really? What do you want to do that for? Why can't I make you stop? "Hn," I reply, staring coldly at my own knees. Trying to feel something… I'm tingling all over now, the entire left side of my body reverberating in the electric sensation that only comes from being this close to you. Will it still be there if I close my eyes?
Yes, it's worse, now it's creeping under my skin. No. Away. I don't want this… Get off my hand. Get off me, you know I never said you could do that and I - can't - move - away…
"You don't want to talk to me? Is that it?"
…talk to you? When did I ever talk to you? Stop doing that to my fingers… no, you always talk to me, like you come to me, like you look at me, like you touch me - no - "When did I ever do anything to you?" Kuso, I didn't mean to say that aloud! Get out of my thoughts, Duo, I never invited you in!
"You looked at me just now. You do that a lot, and you never do it to anyone else." There's no need to sound so happy about it, it means nothing, do you understand that, nothing! Nothing… "Why, Heero?" My eyes, what's happened to my eyes? I can't see anything. "Now you tell me, why?"
"I - I don't know!" There's fire curling on the top of my hand. What are you doing to me?
"You don't know? C'mon, I bet you do, tell me!" Not my arm! That's worse, it's burning me. I have to move, I have to. I force myself to jerk my shoulder - no, that's not right! I didn't mean to touch you braid like that, will you stop your damned chuckling because it doesn't mean anything…
"I knew it! You did know why! Hey, if you're doing that then I can do it too, right?" A ragged breath hisses out of my throat; white light cascades across my vision as your hand ruffles up my hair. I can't think I can't think I can't think, you're too close to my mind damn you, let go of me damn you…
Thank you. I can breathe now. It's gone dark again, I need to open up my eyes.
Heero?" Don't say my name like that! Please, it hurts, you make it sound so special and musical and it's not supposed to be like that at all! "Do you… You like me, don't you?"
My eyes snap open at long last; you're there in front of me, filling my vision now as well as my mind. You kneel on the floor, knees splayed and arms trailing, gazing up at me beseechingly as if you're awaiting an oracle. What…? I can't say anything, I don't know what you mean, what I'm meant to say to you, I don't know what I want you to mean to me…
"'Cause I…I like you, you know that?" Don't - you can't - let go of my knee! I can't - I need more control than this - you're killing me -
"H - hnn," I manage, willing your hand still, not wanting you to slide it up any further - please.
"And…if you didn't like me, I think you'd have killed me four times already this morning, right? Tell me I'm right, Heero. I want to be right. Will you let me be right, Heero?" Don't say it like that! Don't croon my name out like a prayer, Duo, it's not right, just say it or spit it or snap it out like it should be, don't use my name like it means something… "I liked you when we met, you know. I made a mistake then, I should have let you shoot Relena, but how could I know she was going to be a bitch? But I know you don't like her. You're always kicking her off you. But I figured you liked me when you never did that to me…Heero." I'm sorry Duo I couldn't I couldn't do it I meant to tell you but I couldn't why couldn't I just make you go away I want you to like me I shouldn't I mustn't -
"Heero." Now I'm sinking, I'm falling into your eyes and your hand's nearly touching my - "Heero, I want you to say something other than 'hn' this time…please…" Your hand moves upward and I finally slip over the edge.
Eyes. Huge violet eyes and fire pouring out of them, boiling over me and rolling off like a wave…heat and ice and a hole inside me…where is it all coming from where is it going…it's seeping in…I'm falling, falling, I'm swimming closer to the light every second…the edge, I need to hold on to the edge…
"You - you only need to try, you know."
You…
The first touch feels like salvation.
"ie!," you squeak, or something similar, and the second touch feels like invasion, hot and damp and tasting of rainwater, you, you… Are you always so soft, did I not see this when I looked at you, did you always have such smooth hair or is it just for me? Did you know your nose fit so well next to mine, is that why you wanted this, is everything about you as perfect as that or am I dreaming your lips and your hands on my neck… Duo…
No, don't pull away, I can't bear it… "Fuck, Heero." What is it about your voice today? It sounds like it's only for me to hear, so low and dark and warm… "Do you do that to everyone you like, or is it just for me?" You're breathing too fast and I like it that way…
"It's for you," I whisper. I want to hold you, I think, I want your fire to encircle me completely. Will you hold me if I hold you? I - I need to try that, don't I…?
"Hey." You're like a flame, light and fiery and soft as shadow, arms curling round me and eyes cutting into me like talons. "You're warmer than I thought you'd be, you know." So carefree…so alive I almost don't feel dead right now. Is this real? Is it a dream of the night, or another of your mad pranks? Can I really be feeling like this…?
I sway back and look at you again, taking in the glow in your eyes. "Duo," I whisper, rolling your name around my mouth, trying to decipher what it means to me. "What is this?"
"It's me, Heero. Me and you." You're smiling again, when did you stop smiling? I know you weren't smiling when we -
"Duo." Yes, please, keep smiling, I don't know what to do if you don't. "Tell me."
"Tell you what?" You're looking right through me now, making my mind throb in strangely welcome torment. How will I ever keep your eyes on me when I have nothing to offer you in return?
"Why?" I can't see what you're seeing, I need to know why not… "Why is it all so easy for you? I have to know."
The sofa shakes as you fall beside me, rocking in time to your soft laughter. "Because I want it to be, why else? It's not like the world's any better for me than for you. I just ride it all, you know?"
"No. I don't know." Our hands touch again, and I feel you flow into me, relighting whatever part of me it is that responds to you, pulling you deeper into my mind. "Tell me, please."
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