A.N.: Okaaay, time for a Duo POV bit. Back to pure monologue again. Did he really say this? Up to you, the reader, to decide what's real and what's just a metaphor... One thing I will say to you, though; writing this was fun, and very easy. Duo is a complete gift as a character, writes all his own lines - I just took notes for this. So try Duo monologue sometime, please, it's so much fun you won't believe...!

Thanks oh so much for all the kind reviews. I write because, well, because, but it's really sweet to know that I make other people happy on the way.  I love you all!

.3

You got me wrong. Don't feel bad about it, everyone else does it too. See the grin, hear the cackle, yeah, go draw your conclusions from all that. Did you forget that I call me Shinigami? Wasn't it even a slight clue? Pilots aren't happy people, Heero. Ever. But I am, so how about you go and work that one out?

I guess everyone's complicated, not just me. But I flaunt it - all of it. I take my extremes and parade them all over my face, my name, my body - but I think everyone's like that inside. Difference is, I'm not scared of myself.

Trowa, now, he's a tough one. He never speaks above a whisper, but put him on a stage and he just flies. There's way more to that than he ever lets on. I wonder what he's scared of, sometimes; is that maestro swathed in coloured silk the real him, that he can only let out when he's acting? It's not logical, but people never are. Why doesn't he just tell us anyway? - does he thinks we won't like him or what? I don't relate to that, I like everyone and, well, they either like me or they don't and I like me and that's the main thing, isn't it? If you're happy with who you are, it doesn't matter much about anything else. Are you? I really wonder sometimes; you never seem to be happy, but you don't go off striving for more like Wu Fei's always doing.

Wu Fei? Oh yeah, I like him, I do like him, but he drives me nuts sometimes. I think it's all that meditating shit - all the cross-your-legs-and-think-yourself-perfect stuff, it pisses me off 'cause…well, I just don't agree with it. Who's perfect? Everyone's great, and everyone's different (I think that's what makes them great, personally) so what's 'perfect' going to be? Like he's trying to climb inside a giant jelly-mould and fill it - I just want to shake him and say "Look, Wu Fei, you're a great guy - why the hell are you trying to change that?" That's, like, totally stupid. He definitely isn't happy with himself. I wonder why not? He's cool, really smart and mouthy. I love his attitude; if I wasn't me I could be like that. I guess it's not my business about the monk stuff, it's what he wants to do, and I'll just have to…hm…carry on ribbing him about it, what's wrong with a bit of fun?

Quatre's completely the opposite of that. I think he can't take it that he has two sides to himself so tried to hide one. It's not right, lying to yourself like that, pretending you're never angry because you don't like what happens when you are, but I can understand why. I guess a sweet kid like him'd find it hard to handle the fact that he has serious homicidal tendencies, but he'd be better off if he could. He's not happy. He shouldn't be a Gundam pilot, really - he ought to be a regular boy, I think he'd be happy if he didn't have to kill people. Thing is, he's good. That makes a lot of things harder for him. Not a lot of people are good, which is why we have to fight this stupid war in the first place.

I don't really care that much either way. Why not have a war? If you look back, you know, history like, you'll see lots of people have been in wars, and lots of people have died in wars, but I'm still alive so I'm already doing better than all those other folks. Things happen. If I was in charge I wouldn't have decided to have a war, I guess, but someone did so I've got to go out and win it. Deal. Who cares if it's 'wrong' to fight? I know you don't. I…I guess I do care, but I can't change it, so I'd better just skip my deadly way through it all…

Yeah, I guess I could just fall back on God, couldn't I, but I think that's unfair. Do you believe in God? Nah, should've known…I'm not sure why I do. I just like to feel that someone else knows what it's like. I talk to Him sometimes, I think Quatre does too but he's all pious so does it facing the right way and all, I've never cared about that stuff. Anyway, I don't think God makes wars, He just put us people here and lets us thrash the rest out ourselves. I've not had an easy ride, Heero, but I can't blame God for that, can I? Growing up at Maxwell Church and all, I'd rather thank Him I'm still here. But…I know He won't catch me if I fall. I'm not going to pray not to die or anything. And the day something goes wrong, the only god I'm gonna have grab onto me is Shinigami.

Shinigami. It's who I am, right? I chose that name for, well, too many reasons. Mainly out of honesty; I was sick of people thinking I was just a cheerful little soul, so I thought I should wear something to tell them I'm a paid murderer too. Oooh, raised eyebrows! I thought you'd figured out what we do for a living - oh, I get it, you thought I couldn't deal with it, right? No, I told you, I know I'm Shinigami. God of Death, et cetera, I never lied about that one either. I want revenge, pure and simple. If there wasn't a war I'd probably be doing this anyway. Oh, I know what you're thinking, but it's not like that at all - I really can smile, and laugh, and swagger my legs off and still want certain people very painfully dead, at my hand for preference, and I'm as sane as the next guy (or saner if it's Wu Fei, but we won't go into that…). Hahahaha, that's okay, because I don't understand me either. Why try to? I know who I am and I love it, and I'm not ashamed of any of it, even the bits that make no sense at all.

You know what really, totally does not make sense? I love you. Yeah, seriously. Don't look so guilty about it, it's all my own fault I assure you, and I do not know how that happened at all. You're pretty, yeah - in fact, you're beautiful, especially when you're thinking about something important, you look so young and innocent like that… But there's lots of good-looking guys out there, and it was you I fell for, not anybody else. Maybe it started off as simple fascination before it got to be more serious (or before I realised it was more serious, it feels sometimes like I've felt this way forever). I couldn't work you out the way I can usually work people out. You aren't - I don't know, you just don't fit the picture. You're cold, real cold, but…it's not the usual kind of cold. You're not malicious like all the other cold guys I know…you just do what you got to. Even Wu Fei's malicious sometimes - no disrespect to him, I guess if you're pushing for Shangri-La or whatever you're allowed to shit on people every so often - but you're just…empty. You never let on about what you're feeling, you make out like you aren't feeling anything, and I don't know what to make of that at all. I don't know how you do it, for one thing; I can't feel anything without wanting to scream it out. Maybe you really don't feel anything…that's too scary, I won't believe it! I live for my feelings, the thrills, the fun, even the lows and the pain - it's all sensation, all intensity, and I want to feel all of it. I'm not going to lie and pretend that life is only the good bits; I'm just going to ride the storm and enjoy every second I'm alive. I could die any day, so what else should I do? And when I look at your cold, empty face, Heero Yuy, I so want to take you with me. I want to show you just how good life can get. I want to prove to you how wonderful you really are, because I know you don't see it yourself…

Don't, please. Don't turn away from me. Or do you really think you don't want to be alive? You do, believe me. You need to come with me, Heero, I have a lot to show you, and if you're scared of it so much…you know I'll be there to hold your hand. No. Not 'hn', I already told you to cut that out. Try something more, tell me what you're thinking in there for once. Who was it who told you that you weren't allowed to feel? I'll add them to my list…oh, freeze the shot! You nearly smiled then! Can you feel it now? I love you, see, and maybe no-one's loved you before, so I think now would be a good time to start feeling something. I'm not going to deny it, whatever it is. If you hated me, I'd let you. Anything that comes from inside you is good and right, Heero, don't you believe that? I believe it. Now talk to me. Tell me anything. I'm going to listen to it whatever it is. Come on. Come on. I know there's something in there…

**********