Disclaimer: yeah ,yeah, you all know the routine. I own nothing and no one.
Denial's a River in Egypt
Mary Sue wasted several minutes staring around in shock. Her brain simply refused to accept the reality of her situation, if "reality" was the right word for it. She was inclined to believe "acid flashback" was closer to the truth, but since she'd never done acid, that let that out. Furthermore, this dump was simply too detailed, too cohesive to be drug-induced. Impossible as it was, she was obviously stuck firmly in the middle of that overused fanfic standard, "modern person transported to Middle-Earth". There was nothing to do now but make the best of a bad (and absurd!) situation.
She took a few moments to clear her head (HAH!) and logically assess the situation. Given the ugliness and stench of her surroundings, she had to be in or near Mordor. From what she remembered of the book's descriptions, she was in either Emyn Muil or on the Plain of Gorgoroth. Every fiber in Mary Sue's being hoped for Gorgoroth on the grounds of 1)being nearer the end of the story and therefore closer to home, 2) avoiding the Dead Marshes and3) not having to interact with Gollum. "I just can't deal with that little weasel when I'm hungover!" she thought aloud.
Thinking of her hangover and the accompanying dehydration brought her mind to more practical matters. She had no food, no water and only the vaguest idea where to find some. On the upside, since she'd passed out at the party last night rather than going properly to bed, she was still fully clothed. While cargo pants and a Batman T-shirt might not be the height of Middle-Earth fashion, they were decidedly better than nudity. Mary Sue was even fortunate enough to be wearing her favorite ugly battered "hanging around the house" sweater, so just maybe she could avoid freezing to death once night fell. Becoming a Mordor-cicle was NOT her idea of a good time.
Bending down to tighten her boots, Mary Sue was for the first time glad her friends were a bunch of lazy slobs who left passed-out drunks the way they were, instead of making them comfortable like considerate people. Otherwise, her feet would be shredded in minutes by the stony ground. She knew she'd be doing a lot of walking before she was done, if she truly was stuck in cheesy fanfiction, which sure as hell seemed to be the case. She was certain the only way out of this mess was to find the heroes and perform her Mary Sue-ly duties by saving their sorry asses. "But there is NO WAY I'm falling in love with a hobbit, big blue eyes or not!" she informed the Powers That Be in no uncertain terms. Her only goal was to get this disaster over with ASAP and get the hell home, preferably in time for this afternoon's yoga class. Mary Sue squared her shoulders and set off in the general direction of Mt. Doom, muttering obscenities the entire way.
*Ok, that's Chapter Two. As before, R/R, flame only if it's supremely vulgar and dripping in obscenities. BTW, I promise in the next chapter there will be gasp, ACTUAL TOLKIEN CHARACTERS in this nominally Tolkien fanfic.
Denial's a River in Egypt
Mary Sue wasted several minutes staring around in shock. Her brain simply refused to accept the reality of her situation, if "reality" was the right word for it. She was inclined to believe "acid flashback" was closer to the truth, but since she'd never done acid, that let that out. Furthermore, this dump was simply too detailed, too cohesive to be drug-induced. Impossible as it was, she was obviously stuck firmly in the middle of that overused fanfic standard, "modern person transported to Middle-Earth". There was nothing to do now but make the best of a bad (and absurd!) situation.
She took a few moments to clear her head (HAH!) and logically assess the situation. Given the ugliness and stench of her surroundings, she had to be in or near Mordor. From what she remembered of the book's descriptions, she was in either Emyn Muil or on the Plain of Gorgoroth. Every fiber in Mary Sue's being hoped for Gorgoroth on the grounds of 1)being nearer the end of the story and therefore closer to home, 2) avoiding the Dead Marshes and3) not having to interact with Gollum. "I just can't deal with that little weasel when I'm hungover!" she thought aloud.
Thinking of her hangover and the accompanying dehydration brought her mind to more practical matters. She had no food, no water and only the vaguest idea where to find some. On the upside, since she'd passed out at the party last night rather than going properly to bed, she was still fully clothed. While cargo pants and a Batman T-shirt might not be the height of Middle-Earth fashion, they were decidedly better than nudity. Mary Sue was even fortunate enough to be wearing her favorite ugly battered "hanging around the house" sweater, so just maybe she could avoid freezing to death once night fell. Becoming a Mordor-cicle was NOT her idea of a good time.
Bending down to tighten her boots, Mary Sue was for the first time glad her friends were a bunch of lazy slobs who left passed-out drunks the way they were, instead of making them comfortable like considerate people. Otherwise, her feet would be shredded in minutes by the stony ground. She knew she'd be doing a lot of walking before she was done, if she truly was stuck in cheesy fanfiction, which sure as hell seemed to be the case. She was certain the only way out of this mess was to find the heroes and perform her Mary Sue-ly duties by saving their sorry asses. "But there is NO WAY I'm falling in love with a hobbit, big blue eyes or not!" she informed the Powers That Be in no uncertain terms. Her only goal was to get this disaster over with ASAP and get the hell home, preferably in time for this afternoon's yoga class. Mary Sue squared her shoulders and set off in the general direction of Mt. Doom, muttering obscenities the entire way.
*Ok, that's Chapter Two. As before, R/R, flame only if it's supremely vulgar and dripping in obscenities. BTW, I promise in the next chapter there will be gasp, ACTUAL TOLKIEN CHARACTERS in this nominally Tolkien fanfic.