SCENE 2 - DRUSILLA'S LAMENT
(Gunn is driving his truck, with Angel sitting in the passengers seat and Angel sitting between them. Wesley and Cordelia are jammed in the backseat. Lorne stayed with Connor at the hotel. Slowly, they begin to realize what they were doing earlier.)
FRED: Correct me if I'm wrong, but weren't we, um, singing, back there?
GUNN: Oh good! So I'm not going crazy after all.
CORDELIA: Yeah, at least Angel didn't sing a lot, thank the Powers That Be.
ANGEL: Hey! I'm not that bad, am I?
(Everyone looks at him and nods)
ANGEL: (pouting) Well, I thought Cordelia's solo was badly written.
(They pull up outside of Caritas to see a female vampire with long black hair fighting a man in a suit. The fight that they're having looks almost like a dance, again like West Side Story. They hear an upbeat, sort of edgy song, and they begin to sing.)
WESLEY: Cordelia's vision was a sign,
We raced over here in the knick of time.
But it looks like Bob is doing good on his own.
Well, that's settled! Anyone want a scone!
CORDELIA: Wait a second! I think I know her.
Didn't I see Angel throw her?
That vamp isn't only a psycho killa!
That's the loony know as. . .
DRUSILLA: (turns away from Bob, looking normal) Drusilla!
(Bob runs away. Hell, he was only a story device in the first place. The music changes to a melancholy gothic melody with a harp in the background.)
DRUSILLA: Look what you did, he's gone for good!
And I wanted to drain his blood.
ANGEL: Drusilla, you have to leave LA!
DRUSILLA: No. Spike shunned me. I'd rather stay.
WESLEY: Maybe we should make her dead.
She's more crazier than Fred!
FRED: Hey, you jerk! I'm not insane!
Spend five years in Pylea, then check YOUR brain!
DRUSILLA: My Spike, my precious Will the Bloody
His bleach-blond head has gone all muddy
Could his thoughts get any more fluffy?
He's fallen in love with none other than Buffy!
ANGEL: That cretin! That punk! That absolute swine!
Doesn't he know that Buffy is mine!
DRUSILLA: He's fallen in love with the Slayer
Last time I looked, he was trying to lay her.
And Grandmother's dead, and Daddy's a soul
See how fate made my life so cold?
GUNN: First Darla, now Drusilla?
This is getting to be quite a plot filler.
What is it about these undead bimbos
That makes me want to throw them out windows?
(Drusilla puts on her game face and snarls.)
DRUSILLA: Quite, boy! Or I'll bite your neck!
CORDELIA: Should I or shouldn't I? Oh, what the heck!
What on earth can possibly go wrong?
(She lunges at Drusilla with a stake, but Drusilla grabs her by the neck and lifts her off the ground, staring deep into her eyes.)
DRUSILLA: You cannot kill me now, this is my song!
(The music slows and becomes more hypnotic.)
DRUSILLA: Be in my eyes
See what I want you to.
I'll give you part of my insanity. . .
(Drusilla gets knocked over by Wesley, as Cordelia comes out of the trance)
WESLEY: (speaking) Run to the truck!
ANGEL: (singing again, as the tempo of the song picks up) I'll set you on fire!
DRUSILLA: Will not, you liar!
You tried that already, and it didn't work.
GUNN: Yeah, she left town and Darla went berserk!
DRUSILLA: Quiet. The stars are whispering to me.
Something is making this story all loony.
It sings and it dances, it excites and it thrills,
It laughs and it cries, and then it just kills.
(She smirks, the music pausing.)
DRUSILLA: (Speaking) Well then, my work is done here. . . Now, if you'll excuse me, I've got the most terrible craving for some B positive. (She runs away)
(The music picks back up, and Angel starts singing)
ANGEL: What was going through my brain,
When I decided to make her insane?
I shouldn't have made her, back all those years. . .
EVERYONE ELSE: DAMNIT, MAN! YOU'RE KILLING OUR EARS!
(Gunn is driving his truck, with Angel sitting in the passengers seat and Angel sitting between them. Wesley and Cordelia are jammed in the backseat. Lorne stayed with Connor at the hotel. Slowly, they begin to realize what they were doing earlier.)
FRED: Correct me if I'm wrong, but weren't we, um, singing, back there?
GUNN: Oh good! So I'm not going crazy after all.
CORDELIA: Yeah, at least Angel didn't sing a lot, thank the Powers That Be.
ANGEL: Hey! I'm not that bad, am I?
(Everyone looks at him and nods)
ANGEL: (pouting) Well, I thought Cordelia's solo was badly written.
(They pull up outside of Caritas to see a female vampire with long black hair fighting a man in a suit. The fight that they're having looks almost like a dance, again like West Side Story. They hear an upbeat, sort of edgy song, and they begin to sing.)
WESLEY: Cordelia's vision was a sign,
We raced over here in the knick of time.
But it looks like Bob is doing good on his own.
Well, that's settled! Anyone want a scone!
CORDELIA: Wait a second! I think I know her.
Didn't I see Angel throw her?
That vamp isn't only a psycho killa!
That's the loony know as. . .
DRUSILLA: (turns away from Bob, looking normal) Drusilla!
(Bob runs away. Hell, he was only a story device in the first place. The music changes to a melancholy gothic melody with a harp in the background.)
DRUSILLA: Look what you did, he's gone for good!
And I wanted to drain his blood.
ANGEL: Drusilla, you have to leave LA!
DRUSILLA: No. Spike shunned me. I'd rather stay.
WESLEY: Maybe we should make her dead.
She's more crazier than Fred!
FRED: Hey, you jerk! I'm not insane!
Spend five years in Pylea, then check YOUR brain!
DRUSILLA: My Spike, my precious Will the Bloody
His bleach-blond head has gone all muddy
Could his thoughts get any more fluffy?
He's fallen in love with none other than Buffy!
ANGEL: That cretin! That punk! That absolute swine!
Doesn't he know that Buffy is mine!
DRUSILLA: He's fallen in love with the Slayer
Last time I looked, he was trying to lay her.
And Grandmother's dead, and Daddy's a soul
See how fate made my life so cold?
GUNN: First Darla, now Drusilla?
This is getting to be quite a plot filler.
What is it about these undead bimbos
That makes me want to throw them out windows?
(Drusilla puts on her game face and snarls.)
DRUSILLA: Quite, boy! Or I'll bite your neck!
CORDELIA: Should I or shouldn't I? Oh, what the heck!
What on earth can possibly go wrong?
(She lunges at Drusilla with a stake, but Drusilla grabs her by the neck and lifts her off the ground, staring deep into her eyes.)
DRUSILLA: You cannot kill me now, this is my song!
(The music slows and becomes more hypnotic.)
DRUSILLA: Be in my eyes
See what I want you to.
I'll give you part of my insanity. . .
(Drusilla gets knocked over by Wesley, as Cordelia comes out of the trance)
WESLEY: (speaking) Run to the truck!
ANGEL: (singing again, as the tempo of the song picks up) I'll set you on fire!
DRUSILLA: Will not, you liar!
You tried that already, and it didn't work.
GUNN: Yeah, she left town and Darla went berserk!
DRUSILLA: Quiet. The stars are whispering to me.
Something is making this story all loony.
It sings and it dances, it excites and it thrills,
It laughs and it cries, and then it just kills.
(She smirks, the music pausing.)
DRUSILLA: (Speaking) Well then, my work is done here. . . Now, if you'll excuse me, I've got the most terrible craving for some B positive. (She runs away)
(The music picks back up, and Angel starts singing)
ANGEL: What was going through my brain,
When I decided to make her insane?
I shouldn't have made her, back all those years. . .
EVERYONE ELSE: DAMNIT, MAN! YOU'RE KILLING OUR EARS!