Video Game follies:
Sitting through Xenogears
By Karasuhato, the "Raven Dove"
(karasuhato@ecmail.i-p.com)
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All games copyright of previous owners. Don't take Serously!
NOTE: My Engrlish is not the greatest, so please take it easy ;_;
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Narator: We are now at some nerdy boy named Eason's house in Hong Kong. He is forcing his cousins Zack, Paula and Shey-Ra and brother Lio to sit down and play a new "game" he has bought.
Cousin Eason: Hey everyone! Look at the wicked cool game I bought yesterday! *flashes a game with the Japanise writing saying "Zenogirusu" or to westerners, Xenogears*
Paula: Eason, this better be good!
Lio: Even if the story is not so great, gameplay could be fun.
Shey-Ra: *sighs* I just don't know. I could only pray.
*Zack looks at everyone and puts his hands on his hips*
Zack: Give the game a chance guys, it might be good.
Paula, Lio, Shey-Ra: Okey........o_0
Cousin Eason: *huge grin on his face* HA HA, now that is more like it ^_^
*Paula, Lio and Shey-Ra look at each other with some discomfort*
Shey-Ra: *thinks to herself* I don't like sound of that!
*Eason inserts the CD in to the Playstation and gets ready to "play" the game, Xenogears.*
Lio: This better be worth it brother!
*When it finally gotten to intro of the "game", The story begins with the main character, Fei, in the town of Rahan. After about an hour of mind-numbing talking, some Gears (Gears being big robots, one of the only cool things in this entire game) come and trash the town. Wow. Fei gets in a Gear and kicks some ass though. The story is basically a mindless jumble after that, not really even existing for awhile. The story literally seems to disappear*
Cousin Eason: Isn't it great guys?! What a lovely plot! *starts to wipe a few tears from his eyes*
Paula: *tries hard to hold laughter* Yeah, heh, what a "great plot".
Shey-Ra: *looks sleepy* The hell is going on here?
Lio: I don't know Shey-Ra, I am as confuesed as you are!
Cousin Eason: It's some classic material going on here!
*After many, many, many hours of dull, slow gameplay that seemed almost non-existant and one cut scene after another, everyone except Eason starts to get bored out of their minds*
Paula: *starts to sob* Oh god, they have been preaching about this fake "Sunday Funday" cult here for four hours!!!! MAKE IT STOP!!!
Zack: *whispers in Paula's ear* Don't worry sister, I am with you too. Luckily, my daughter is taking her daily nap, so she does not have to be tortured with this crap!
Shey-Ra: So what, most RPGs have religious overtones Eason, it's nothing new. Ya know what, if "Xenogears" were all a movie, it would be "Manos: The Hands of Fate"!
Cousin Eason: *starts scoffing* Yeah right guys, this game is da bomb!
*As Eason continues to torture all with the so-called "Video Game", Xenogears suddenly freezes up and the screen goes black*
Cousin Eason: *feels dismayed* Well, at least I saved before it blacked out.
Lio: I even think your Playstation hates this "game" of yours.
Cousin Eason: Nonsense brother, we were going to miss the greatest scene ever! Having to do with more on Elly and Fei, the greatest video game couple ever!
Paula: *uses sarcasm* Yeah Eason, we would all hate to miss out on that!
*Everybody starts to leave Eason's room after many hours of boredom*
Shey-Ra: YAAAAAAAY! FREEDOM!
*Aunt Liang and Uncle Cho-san come up to Zack, Paula, Shey-Ra and Lio and has the look on their face that they might have some bad news to deliver*
Uncle Cho-San: We have bad news. Paula, Shey-Ra, I think your parents' van engine broke down and they need a Tow truck to help them, so it might take them a while to get home.
Paula, Shey-Ra: Oh dear.....*sigh in unison*
Aunt Liang: Zack, your wife told me that one of her dance students sprained her ankle and is in need of some desperate help from some ambulance, so it will take your missus a while to get home.
Zack: *sighs* Oh dear, I just hope her student will be okey and get well soon. That is horrible.
*Cousin Eason comes bursting into the room with his "Xenogears game", having big grin on his face*
Cousin Eason: Hey everybody, guess what, I FIXED XENOGEARS! IT'S TIME TO PLAY MORE OF THIS WONDERFUL GAME!
Zack: *looking horrified* EVERYONE! RUN FOR YOUR LIVES!!!
Paula, Lio, Shey-Ra: AAAAAACK! It's the boring game of doom! HEEEEELP!
Cousin Eason: Well, I don't know, I thought it was great, mabye Zack's tot daughter, Iria would love to watch me play.
Iria: *looks at him with disgust and starts to think the same as everybody else* Oh no you don't! I want nappies, good night!
The End
Notes: This was based loosely on a true story on how boring so-called "games" like Xenogears could be. All the characters were real and if you see them elsewhere outside Asia, it is pure dumb luck!
Remember kids, if you are fans of "Xenogears", please don't flame me, I respect opinions of all, just don't rub it in my face like a certain cousin of mine.