Video Game follies:
Maka Maka- Worst RPG EVER!
By Karasuhato, the "Raven Dove"
(karasuhato@ecmail.i-p.com)
***
All games copyright of previous owners. Don't take Serously!
NOTE: My Engrlish is not the greatest, so please take it easy ;_;
***
Narator: It is the year 1991, a Japanese company by the name of "Sigma" is planning to come up with an RPG of the year to compete with other RPG making companies.
Sigma Head Honcho: Okey folks, it is time to come up with a game that would be hip and cool for our generation! Something fresh and in your face, and something that will attract our generation of gamers.
Sigma Director: I know I know!!!
Sigma Head Honcho: *looking rather pleased* Okey, what is it?
Sigma Director: We have hired an ultra-hip comedian! *looks around in the room* ULTRA-HIP COMEDIAN, GET OVER HERE!
*some dorky Japanese Adam Sandler wannabe comes skipping happily through the room with a dorky grin on face*
Ultra-Hip Comedian: Hey guys! I'm here to make this game possible!
Sigma Head Honcho: *appaudes* YAY! I know you'll make this game possible, but first, we need to think up of a title.
Ultra-Hip Comedian: OKEY!
*One hour later, the staff at Sigma co. ltd. "try hard" to think up of a title for this "Mystery RPG". A lightbulb appears over the comedian's head, showing that he had an idea! *
Ultra-Hip Comedian: I GOT IT! I GOT IT! *jumps up and raises his hand*
Producer at Sigma: What is the title?
Ultra-Hip Comedian: It's called "Maka Maka"! World's funniest RPG! HA HA HA HA HA HA!
*everyone in the room starts to laugh*
Sigma Head-Honcho: *LOL* That sounds wonderful my friend!
Producer at Sigma: Sounds wonderful!
Sigma Director: Never would have thought of something better myself!
Sigma Head-Honcho: Okey now, we need to buckel up on this game folks!
Everyone at Sigma: All right!
*The staff at Sigma started to put together some pointless segments together and passing it as "the plot". But that is not all, there is a grating "soundtrack", cliched "gameplay that delivers nothing new and other mesh-mash that would screw up a video game. Now it is 1992 and the "hard work" is over.*
Sigma Head-Honcho: *looking eerily like Baron van Frankenstein* Now, our "Maka Maka" game is done! It's done!
Ultra-Hip Comedian: Oh boy! I hope everyone loves my game, because everyone loves me as a comedian!
Producer at Sigma: Now, let us release the games!
Everyone at Sigma: Hip, hip HOORAH!
*Maka Maka is now out on the Asian video game market, being purchased by misfortunate gamers not know how half-assed the game was. Eventually, the Super Famicoms all over Asia hated "Maka Maka" too, since the "game" would always be glitched and act funny when in the system. *
Angry Gamer: *looking really mad* What the fuck? This is NOT A GAME! IT'S TRASH! *rips Maka Maka out of the SFC and starts to violently stomp up and down on the game and throwing it into the dumpster nearby*
Homasexual Gamer: Hey, that "woman" is really a gay man trying to get other men? And why is he wearing purses and jewelry and talk sissy like all of the time! This offends me greatly!!! *grabs the game out of his system and starts to rpi apart the game*
Casual Gamer: Oh my god, this "game"! It's horrible, so horrible. *throws self onto the floor and cries*
*This was not the last of it though. Millions of copies were being sold in the days of Super Famicom and most of them were being damaged. *
American gamer: Hmmmmm, I wonder how "Maka Maka" is, and I wonder why people here hate this game so much.
European gamer: I donno know chum, let us see!
American gamer: Oh, okey!
*As the American and European gamers went back to their westerner embassy in Japan to try the game out*
European gamer: Let us start the game up my friend!
*As both of the gamers get ready to play "Maka Maka", they start to feel a little un-easy*
European gamer: Ummmm, I don't like the looks of this game........
American gamer: I think this game has "Stink Burger" written all over it!
European gamer: Let us give it a chance first. It may get to be better later.
*Hours later, the Westerners started to get really bored and look like they were going to snap*
European gamer: OH LORD, THEY ARE REPEATING THE BLOODY GAGS OVER AGAIN! *Puts head into hands and blushes*
American gamer: Hello, plot, WHERE ARE YOU!? *starts to knock on the television screen* If this were an ACTUAL video game or RPG game, we would be at least entertained.
European gamer: Wow, this is a great game...............TO TAKE A DUMP ON!
American gamer: No kidding! The hell with "Maka Maka"! *takes game out of Spuer Famicom* Now, what should we do with this "game".
*Light bulb appears over European gamer's head*
European game: I have an idea! Follow me my friend! *American gamer follows European gamer to the rest room. European gamer pulls out a Swiss army kife* BYE BYE MAKA MAKA!
*European gamer starts to chop up and dissect the game into many piece and flushes the remains down the toilet*
American gamer: HOORAY! *applaudes*
European gamer: Now, let us pretend the game never existed!
American gamer: Okey. Fine with me.
*Now, it's the year 1993, and things start to look grim for Sigma co. ltd.*
Sigma Head Honcho: *drops his head* Fellows, I have some bad news to deliver......-_-
Everyone at Sigma : What is it?
Sigma Head Honcho: *shows everyone a game article* Our "Maka Maka" game bombed big time over the years!
Everyone at Sigma : OH NOOOOOOO!!! *everyone starts to sob hard*
Sigma Director: *looking angry* Now where the hell is that "comedian" guy?
Sigma Head Honcho: Well, after finding out the game bombed, he decided not to work for us further on and decided to go back to Television and Movies.
*everyone starts to sigh*
Producer at Sigma: Now what are we going to do? How much Yen do we have left?
Sigma Head Honcho: OVER ¥ 5,845,125,500.89 went down the drain! We are finished!
Everyone at Sigma :NOOOOOOO!!!
Narator:Many years have passed. Sigma went out of business in the gaming world and the Head-Honcho became a hapless door-to-door salesman (When people found out he planned the Maka Maka game, he got a swift punch in the face), the director now was a poultry farmer on Hokkaido, the producer a barkeep at a Chippendale bar and everyone else decided to become waiters and waitresses and forget the Horror, that was "Maka Maka", worst RPG ever.
As for the comedian, like we all said, went back to TV and Movies and denied Maka Maka's existance.
The End!