Video Game follies:

Valkyrie Profile

By Karasuhato, the "Raven Dove"

(karasuhato@ecmail.i-p.com)

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All games copyright of previous owners. Don't take Serously!

NOTE: My Engrlish is not the greatest, so please take it easy ;_;

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NOTE: This is based on Japanese version on "Valkyrie Profile", so names cou;ld be different.

Narator: Before the actual game starts, we go to scene of silver-blue haired girl named Platinum fetching some water for her family.

Platinum: Oh dear, must hurry. Don't want mother to scold me like every other day of my life! *sighs* Oh well, what do I know besides chores and serving.

*Platinum tries to balance the buckets all the way until she was home. Mother comes out and talks to two Men in Black suits.

Man #1: You sure you want to sell your daughter.

Mother: HELL YES! She causes nothing but trouble, just like most girls in the village. So that is why we sell girls here!

Man #2: Okey, very well. We will give you a load of money and food!

Mother: Thank you very much! Tomarrow, you may take that girl!

Both Men in Black: Very well then.

*Platinum trips over her undone shoe laces and "accidentally" splashed water on the men*

Platinum: *blushes* Eh, sorry, them damn shoelaces. Your suits okay?

*The men leave. Mother comes up to Platinum and punches her across the face.*

Mother: Hey bitch, you blind or something?

Platinum: Eh, sorry. *looks at the men* Mama, who were those people?

Mother: *sighs angrily* Do you ever mind your own business? Anyways, tget to work AND QUIT SLACKING OFF!

Platinum: Y.......yes ma'am!

Mother: *thinking to herself* Why didn't I get lucky and have miscarriage?

Narator: Late at night, as poor little Platinum tries to sleep, Rucio, a male friend of hers, come to rescue her. She feel reluctant, after mother tries to chase him away, but they both escape into the forest. Will they make it?

Rucio: Platinum, I keep telling you that your mother does NOT love you! Why do you miss her so damn much?

Platinum: Well......she could get worried about me.

Rucio: *starts to lose patience with her* LISTEN PLATINUM! YOUR MOTHER WAS GOING TO SELL YOU INTO SLAVERY! DOES THAT SOUND LOVING AND CARING?

Platinum: Duh, no.....

Rucio: Plus, because of those men your mother were making a deal with, they were the same ones that sold my sister to slavery, since one day, when they came, sister dissapeared.

Platinum: Oh, she must have been sick or something.

Rucio: *face turns red in anger* Platinum, there are no diseases that make people dissapear. Didn't you know that.? Plus, we all live in town full of cheap white trash that do anything for a little penny or pence.

Platinum: Why are you doing this for me.

Rucio: Because Platinum, I care for you, I love you!

Platinum: Then, let's go, oh dearest hero!

*Now, we find them Rucio and Platinum in the field of Death Orchids. Platinum eventually finds out that Mom never loves her, feel depressed, gets high off death pollen and dies. Rucio screams, Yaddi Yaddi Yada!*

Narator: Now, to the actual game. We see a woman in a field full of flowers in world of God beings.

Valkyrie: Ahhhhh, what a nice day! *starts to march to the Valhalla palace, feeling content with things* La La La La La La La La La La...........

*As Valkyrie finally makes it to the palace, she is greeted by an annoying goddess, teenage in appearance*

Freya: Welcome to Valhalla!

*Valkyrie comes to her senses*

Valkyrie: Oh, hi Freya. Did not see you here! Did you miss me?

*both hug*

Freya: YESSSSS!

Valkyrie: Okey Freya, I missed you too, but you don't see me shouting in your ears!

Freya: *blushes* Heh heh, sorry. Well, Odin and Fray are waiting for you.

Valkyrie: *rolls her eyes* Is it urgent?

Freya: Yes.

Valkyrie: Is that all you can say is "Yes"?

Freya: *laughs* Yes!

Valkyrie: *thinking* Oh well, got to do what I have to do.

*Gates open. Valkyrie enters and greets Odin and Fray*

Odin: Thank you for coming Valkyrie! A war is going to break out all over the worlds, due to the Vanir acting up in Asgard.

Valkyrie: *thinks to herself* When don't they act up?

Fray: Just kneel Leneth!

*They tell her about what duties are needed to be done and give her armor*

Fray: Now, let us go to Midgard!

*Fray and Leneth fly down to Midgard and Fray decided to tell Leneth of her purpose*

Fray: Okey Leneth, your quest here is to collect the souls of the dead and dying here on Midgard. Release them from their flesh and blood cages and send them to Asgard to become divine heroes and defeat the Vanir! Okey?

Valkyrie: *looking emotionless as usual* Yes Ma'am.

*Both Fray and Leneth fly up into the air and Fray teaches Leneth to use her powers to contact the dead, living dead and the dying*

Fray: Concentrate!

*Leneth starts to hear voices in her head, telling her that people are dying*

Valkyrie: What the......?

Fray: Those are the cries of the ones whom are near death.

Valkyrie: Figures enough.

Narator: So Leneth appears on land, meets up with a swordman with a huge sword and a demon, which is actually a princess named Jerad being possessed. So, Leneth kills the demon/princess , Jerad tells that Aryuse (the swordsman) is in great danger and wants Valkyrie to take his soul with her. Fray comes into the scene and congradulates Leneth.

Fray: Very good Leneth! Concentrate again, to eliminate the undead that haunts the dungeons and various places of the world.

*So, Leneth concentrates again and hears strange noise*

Valkyrie: Coming from the Altoria ruins over there!

Fray: Good, now that is what your quest is ALL ABOUT! We don't have all year, since Ragnarok, or end of the world is to come. So just collect the souls of the dying (or as we Aesir call them, Einheriyar), destroy the undead, so they may rest in peace and send your well trained Einheriyars and magick users to Valhalla !

Narator: So that is all what happens. Leneth Valkyrie collects souls of a bunch of Mages and Warriors with almost no re-deeming qualities, destroy the undead, hunt for treasure and sends her "best Einheriyars" to Asgard to fight the Vanir. If that was not enough, We get some sub plots about Leneth Valkyrie and Rucio here and there.

*cuts back to the gamers playing "Valkyrie Profile"*

Gamer #1: That is all to this game! Yeesh! I want my life back!

Gamer #2: I know what you mean! All there is to this game is Angst, Angst and more ANGST! It is like nothing good ever happens in this game!

Gamer #1: I know, but I could just give a damn about just about everyone in this game. In fact "Valkyrie Profile" is as much fun as going to a funeral to a stranger you don't even know or care about.

*Gamer #2 reads that there are three ending to the game*

Gamer #2: WHAT?! There are three endings to game?

Gamer #1: AUGH! Screw this! Hey, we could just read some manga and forget this game was ever made!

Gamer #2: Okey, I fine with that!

The End!