Video Game follies:
Bastardization of "Parasite Eve"
By Karasuhato, the "Raven Dove"
(karasuhato@ecmail.i-p.com)
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All games copyright of previous owners. Don't take Serously!
NOTE: My Engrlish is not the greatest, so please take it easy ;_;
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Original Japanese movie and novel plot: The theory of PARASITE EVE is that mitochondria are very much a species with their own intentions. And all those years since evolution spat out the first humans, they were waiting for the day when they could finally break free. This day is NOW, and their outbreak of the human bodies would surely mean the end of all human life on earth. It's up to one lonely and desperate Japanese scientist to stop them after his beloved wife was killed as it was long-term planned by the mitochondria.
Narator: Good movie and novel for those whom like their sci-fi movies with soft, erotic overtones (non-pornographic-wise!). Now, let us look at Square's version of "Parasite Eve".
Squaresoft plot: It all began on December 24th, 1997. At Carnegie Hall, a massacre ensued, leaving only a lone New York police detective and a mysterious actress alive. For Aya Brea, the five days that followed were a nightmare from which only she could awaken the world.
*We switch to the bloodstream of living beings, zooming in on a couple of cells.*
MITOCHONDRION #1: What a chore to make energy for our cells here, don't yuo boys agree?
MITOCHONDRION #2: Yea!
MITOCHONDRION #3: I am with you brother!
MITOCHONDRION #4: I have idea!
MITOCHONDRION #1, #2 and #3: What is it?
MITOCHONDRION #4: My idea is to defy scientific biology and we could mutate living beings into super beasts!
MITOCHONDRION #1: OH YES! You are brilliant!
*The Mitochondrion cackle and spread out all over the bodies of living things. We now cut to a Carnegei Hall sequence*
Mellisa Pierce: Mee Mee Mee Mee! *starts to do vocal opera "singing"* Ohhh.....oh oh oh...ho! Oh, oh ho ho ho oh ho......AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAACK!!!!!!
*Loud screech makes everyone except Aya suffer from "Sponatnious Human Combustions*
Aya: I shall shoot ya down whore!
Mellisa: Nyah nyah, come and catch me skank!
*Aya chases Eve around for a while, then Eve dissapears and the animal mutations begin*
Aya: Damn pests. I though New York had no major Rat problems, until now!
*Aya shoots at some rats and they all die, so she appears at some Police Station*
Aya: Here we are, more ammo! Since this is America and we have the right to bear arms, more ammo may help me allong the way!
*Aya Brea runs into Mellisa perched on Statue of Liberty. Mellisa turns into Eve, a freaky mutation woman with big claws and funky ass hairdo and they get into a bitch fight again. Melissa LOSES again and slaps many CGI scenes on Aya Brea to run away, as well as the gamers themselves*
Gamer: Yeesh, how many more cut sequences are there? *shakes head in frustration*
*More stuff happens. Aya gets re-inforcement from cops, more cops, a Japanese scientist and a little boy caught in the middle, figuring out a way to get rid of the Mitochondrion problem in New York, followed by yet more FMVS*
Aya: *looking bored* Okey Eve, come out wherever you are! You will meet your worst nightmare ever!
*Aya approaches what appears to be a gigantic Eve mutation, naked and knocked-up.
Eve: I shall breed a supreme race that shall take over the world! You may never stop me.
Aya: Damn right I will!
*So Aya shoots away at Eve, destroying her, but not her horribly deformed offspring, which after a long tedious battle, Aya destroys and saves NY after all*
Aya: *entering back into the theatre* Eh, something does not feel right here. *her eyes glow. Game left open for another sequel*
Gamer: Well, I guess I don't need to hold my breath for a Parasite Eve 2, which I KNOW that Square will definetly make *sigh* I think I'll read novel again, to rid this pain!
The End!