The Revelation ~ Confronting Neil

It was a long ride home that night! I wanted things to be so much different then they had turned out to be. I was so glad that Opal, Tom, Izaak, Vincent, Toot and Iris had a place to stay, but I had so hoped to get a chance to tell Neil how I felt today! I was prepared. I knew exactly what I wanted to say to him. But now I was left just 'thinking' about my plans again.

As I lay in my bed that night I realized that tomorrow would have been David's and my wedding if all had gone as planned. But I was eternally grateful that Neil had come to confess his love for me.

Exhaustion took over tonight and I slept sound. I awoke early. I got dressed and went out to the barn. I saddled Buttons. If I couldn't speak to Neil any other way I'd head out to his cabin and meet him head-on!

When I saw Neil's cabin in the distance my heart leaped for joy! I tethered Buttons on the rail outside. I knocked on the door. There was no answer. I tried the door, it opened easily. I called Neil but there was no answer. I looked around the cabin, it looked deserted. I knew I shouldn't, but I went into Neil's bedroom. All of his clothes were gone! I heard a horse outside and I looked out the window and noticed Neil coming out of the barn! I raced down the stairs as I heard him riding away. I ran outside to see him riding down the road! I ran to the center of the road calling his name. He paused and looked back as he did three months ago. I yelled, "I need to talk to you Neil!"

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As he trotted down the road Neil thought he had heard Christy calling his name. He hated to turn around! So often lately he had thought he heard her calling, but turned to find no one there! But he couldn't resist. This time Christy was standing in the road looking at him. His heart thrilled, but sank suddenly as he remembered that today was her wedding day. She had probably come to say good-bye! He couldn't handle that right now! He also had his train ticket to Baltimore and he had just enough time to make his connection in El Pano.

He shook his head. "All I want is for you to be happy Mrs. Grantland." Neil called. As difficult as it was, he turned Duke around and headed off down the road leaving the woman he dearly loved standing in the road staring after him.

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He road quickly away I had no time to mount Buttons and catch up to him! I ran down the road away and called, "I love you Neil!" But he kept on riding.

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He had hoped after his confession that they would be traveling back to Baltimore together. But that was not to be. He silently hoped that by the time he was finished with his research in Baltimore that the Grantland's would have moved on from Cutter Gap to a church, or another mission.

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I felt stunned! Rejected! Confused. What was he doing? He had called me 'Mrs. Grantland'. Of course he thought today was our wedding, that by tonight I would be Mrs. Grantland. How could I let him know that I had no intention of doing that! I wanted to become Mrs. *MacNeill*!!

I mounted Buttons and headed off down the road. As I cantered down the road I pondered going to El Pano to catch the train before it left. It was worth a try. I headed toward El Pano!

The way my luck had been running lately did not change today! I reached El Pano as the train was leaving! I dismounted Buttons to give her a rest. I walked to Mrs. Tatum's Boarding house. I thought I would be allowed to rest on the porch for a while and gather my thoughts. I tethered Buttons out front. I sat in a wicker rocker on the porch. My mind was racing a thousand miles an hour! I had to stop it so I could think clearly! I put my head in my hands. I felt tears sting my eyes! Maybe a good cry would clear my head, it often did. I was alone out here except for Buttons, so I allowed myself a good cleansing cry!

I was soon startled by a man's voice speaking to me. I looked up to see Dr. Wade. "I'm sorry!" I sniffed. "What did you say?" As I tried to dry the tears on my face.

"I asked if everything was alright?" Dr. Wade repeated.

"Actually, no, it's not! Neil won't give me a chance to talk. Although I don't blame him for feeling as he does. Today is the day I was to marry Rev. Grantland. But I called it off. Neil doesn't know that I did, apparently. He left just now on the train, for Baltimore."

"I know. I'm taking the next train back myself. Dr. Davis can handle things from here . . . Is there anything I can do for you?"

"I don't know what can be done! He's gone now for maybe two years!!"

"I'm sorry Miss Huddleston. I know how Neil feels about you, but he's also very insecure where you're concerned. So I'm sure that's why he left without speaking to you today. To be totally honest with you, Neil had a ticket on the train for this afternoon and I was supposed to leave this morning, but he begged me to trade with him, because he said he wanted to be as far away from here as he could possibly go by this afternoon! When he was sure your wedding would be taking place. I don't know how much information you wanted me to give him, so I kept quiet. I hope that's all right? I told him you wanted to speak to him, and that he wanted to hear what you had to say, but he would have nothing to do with it."

"I didn't want you to say anything more. That's fine Dr. Wade. I want to tell Neil in my own way. I'll just have to find a way to speak to him face to face! That's the difficult part!" I said with a sigh. "I need to get back to the Mission. Thank-you for telling me what is going on."

"You're welcome. Good luck in speaking to Neil! Here is my address and where you can reach me. If I can do anything to help you, please tell me." Dr. Wade added.

"Thank-you! I appreciate this!" I said. "Good-bye, Dr. Wade." I mounted Buttons and prepared to leave.

"Good-bye Miss Huddleston."

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Neil sat back in the train seat. He put his head back and closed his eyes. It was no use! Everything he told Christy at Ingle's Cove was true! Every time he closed his eyes, he saw her face!! It wasn't getting better! He had placed their lives in God's hands and God had brought her back. But for David Grantland and not Neil MacNeill!! How long would it be before he would clear his mind of Christy? How could he go on picturing another man's wife in his mind all the time? It wasn't right! He desperately prayed that God would clear his mind of all thoughts of Christy! Christy Grantland . . .

The tears stung his eyes as he thought about what day today was! He no longer wanted to hear her call his name on every breeze or see her face every time he closed his eyes!!! These thoughts had to end soon!!

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I laid down that night but I was anything but tired! I got back up and paced the floor. I walked on the balcony. I wanted to take a walk by the river, but I knew it was too dangerous especially at night.

I got on my knees and prayed for the answer.

Two weeks went by and no one had heard a word from Neil. Finally I couldn't stand it any longer and I called Dr. Wade.

"Hello!"

"Hello Dr. Wade? This is Christy Huddleston." I paused.

"Yes, Miss Huddleston. What can I do for you?"

"First of all, how is Neil? No one has heard anything from him and we're worried about him."

"He's downhearted. He doesn't say much of anything to anyone. He's been working late into the night. He's the first one at work in the morning. Some days I have my doubts as to whether of not he even went home. I've only known him for a short time. Does he always shut himself off from everyone when he's hurting?"

"Yes, I'm afraid so. I hope when we're married I'll be able to change that a little, if not completely!"

"I think it would do him a world of good to have you come for a visit and tell him what you have to say to him. He needs to know that you love him. He needs to hear that more than anything else right now."

"I could come this week. As soon as possible, but I don't know where to meet him?"

"I'll speak to the Landlord in his apartment building. I'll tell him you're coming from out of town and you may need to get into Dr. MacNeill's apartment when he's at work. Let me know what day you will be arriving. I'll do my best to get Neil out of the laboratory on time! Maybe I'll tell everyone else what's going on that day, if you don't mind? Then we'll all work together to shoo him out of the building as early as possible."

"Tell whom ever you'd like. Just as long as no one shows up at Neil's apartment to see who I am, or how things are going!"

"I'll do my best to dissuade them from doing any of that!"

"Thank-you Dr. Wade. I'll ride to El Pano tomorrow to get my ticket. I'll call you and let you know which date I will be arriving."

"Then I'll speak with you tomorrow, Miss Huddleston."

"Good-bye Dr. Wade."

Well, at least I had the beginning of a plan!! Tomorrow I would find out the date!

Once again I couldn't sleep well. I dozed occasionally. But not a sound sleep at all.

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Neil stayed most nights at the hospital. He had brought most of his clothes here and changed here everyday to make it look as if he had gone home . . .

'Home'? What was that? Where was it? He didn't have a home anymore! He could never go back to Cutter Gap! How could he live that close to Christy *and her husband*? That would be expecting too much!! But yet, his apartment here wasn't his home either. He had picked it out, because he thought it would make a nice little apartment for just Christy and himself while he was here conducting his research. But living there alone was not what he had planned!

He pictured her face as they descended the mountain that day, how she had looked back at him with longing. He had been so sure that she would change her mind, but that hadn't happened.

Now he was left with no hopes or dreams, no home . . . Where did he belong? Where was he to go from here? Maybe he should move far away and begin a new life somewhere else, but the only other place that felt like home was Scotland!

He had made a commitment to the Typhoid Research here so this would have to come first! Although thinking of face another year or more in this miserable existence did not sound the least bit appealing!!

Maybe with time the visions of Christy would end. He prayed continually that they would . . .and *soon*!! He couldn't stand much more of it!

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I traveled to El Pano the following day and bought my train ticket. I would be arriving in Baltimore on Wednesday at 7:00 A.M.!! I would probably get to Neil's apartment before he left for work! That would pose a whole new problem. Should I approach him immediately or should I wait until he gets home that evening? Nothing was going to go easily, I could see that, it hadn't so far!! But I loved Neil too much to allow anything get in the way of my telling him that and letting him know that I wanted to marry him.

In the evening I called Dr. Wade to tell him when I would be arriving and which day I would be there. He said it would be difficult to keep from telling Neil that I was coming, but he promised to keep it a secret!

Tuesday I would be on the train for Baltimore! Facing Neil in his apartment would make it very difficult for him to ignore me or to run away from me! It was the only chance I had left! I prayed that this plan would work! PLEASE GOD!!

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