Disclaimer: I own nothing. Everything belongs to Joss Whedon, etc.
They Gave Me Love
By
Anessa Ramsey
When I sat down in that alley in London, on that night so long ago, I never
imagined that my life would change so drastically. I was devastated about Cecily's
rejection but it was more about humiliation than the fact that I thought I was in love with
her. That's when I saw him. He was leaning against the side of the building watching
me with these dark, turbulent eyes. He had long, dark hair that was pulled back in a
queue. He was big, several inches taller than me and more muscular. He looked like he
could have been a pugilist.
When he started walking toward me I backed up a few steps. He moved like a
predator, stalking me, and he enjoyed it. There was this little smirk on his face, as if he
reveled in my fear. I remember asking him who he was and getting no response. I kept
backing up and he kept advancing until I was backed against a building and he was only
inches from me.
"Someone has hurt you," were the first words he ever said to me. His voice was
warm and smooth like a fine Irish whiskey. When he brushed a tear from my cheek it
was everything I could do not to flinch. I was no longer afraid. I flinched because just
the touch of his thumb made me feel things that I never had before.
"Do you believe in true love William?"
I told him yes, not even questioning him about how he knew my name, and he
asked me if I would like to experience it. He told me that he could show me worlds I
never dreamed of. He offered me pleasures so intense that when they stopped I would
beg to experience just a little bit more. He told me that he would love me forever. He
was the most sensual being I'd ever seen. I had never been attracted to a man before but
there was something about him that just drew me in. He was pure temptation.
"I'm going to make you an offer William. I'm going to offer you eternal life.
You will never grow old and you will never die. You will be part of a family, loved and
cherished forever. Would you like to join my family?"
Angelus was a damn persuasive bastard when he wanted to be and he knew
exactly what to say and do to make me want him. I remember nodding and this little
smile played about his lips just before he kissed me. I'd only been kissed a couple of
times in my life at that point but they were never anything like his. He was all lips and
tongue, devouring me whole. I responded in kind, unable to control the need that coursed
through me. When he pulled back I was too dazed to notice that his face had changed
and when I did it was too late. He buried his fangs in my neck and I felt my life draining
from me. Just before the blackness enveloped me I tasted a thick, bitter substance
running down my throat. It was then that I knew. He was a vampire and I was going to
join him.
It's been nearly a hundred and thirty years since that night and I still remember
everything he said and everything I felt. I fell in love with him. It was stupid and human
but I couldn't help it. He was indifferent to me except when he was in my bed. I
honestly thought that he hated me the majority of the time. I didn't know that the reason
behind his indifference was love.
I look at him now and wonder how we ever got to this point. When he abandoned
us upon the return of his soul I swore that I would hate him forever. I was stuck taking
care of Dru and roaming the world.
When I came to the Hellmouth to heal Dru it hurt me more than words can
express to see him with the Slayer. The love of my life was in love with someone else.
When he lost his soul I thought things would be like they were before but the new
Angelus was only interested in beating me down. I left town, swearing never to return
only to find myself there again a year later and then again the year after that.
The third time I was in town he was gone and I did something completely stupid.
I fell in love with a mortal girl. One who just happened to be best friends with the slayer.
I thought it was hopeless but then I talked to her and she treated me like a man, despite
what I did to her in the past. I never expected her to like me but she did. We kept seeing
each other, finding more in common each time we met. For the first time in years I was
in love and for once I knew that it was returned.
Willow Rosenberg is the most beautiful woman I've ever known. She is smart,
funny, and loves me. I told her once that she was my soul and it was the truth. She
would do anything to make sure that I was happy, even if I didn't think I needed it.
When Peaches came up to make sure that I was behaving I was glad that I had
Willow because the desire to be held by him nearly tore me apart. When Red gave him
the okay to kiss me I wanted to run. I tried to run but he had a solid grip on my shirt. I
didn't want her to see what he could do to me. I didn't want her to know how much I still
loved him.
But he did kiss me and we both ended up lost in it. It was like the first time he
kissed me in that alley. All those feelings came rushing back, drowning me.
Unfortunately things never end good between us and the few minutes after that kiss was
no exception.
A couple days later when Willow got shot by an arrow meant for me, I thought
my world was going to fall apart. When she told me to turn her I didn't want to. I wasn't
going to condemn her to a life in the shadows, but I couldn't let her go either, so I did it.
That night I had Morrigan restore her soul and mine as well. They found a way to
restore it without the clause in the gypsy curse. It was supposed to be a gift for Angel
and he took advantage of it. I thought that when his soul was permanent I would never
have him again. I was certain that he would choose the slayer. I was wrong. That night
he and I re-established a relationship that we had both been missing for years. And we
brought Willow into it as well.
It's been three weeks since then and we are in LA living and working with Angel.
I know that Red is unhappy and I think that she and the cheerleader have managed to
convince Angel to move the business to Sunnydale. I know the Mick with the visions
will be coming too. I've seen the way he looks at Cordelia. I can't say I'm not glad to be
going back. There's something about the Hellmouth that just draws you there. Maybe
when we get back I'll tell them about the promise the slayer extracted from me before I
got my soul.