Disclaimer: I do not own The Chronicles of Narnia.

Chapter 3

The crowd exploded in chaos as former slavers and prisoners alike ran out of the marketplace. Our men formed a line in front of us.

"Get them back to the palace," Caspian ordered.

"I'm not going anywhere with her!" Eustace cried. "She just murdered—"

I ignored him and kept walking.

"Everyone okay?" I asked.

There were nods all around even as Edmund kept looking from me to Pug's body behind me. Rhea would not look at me, but Lucy stared at me intently before walking past me and onto the platform to speak to Caspian.

We made it back to the palace where I had found Caspian. The duke's residence was almost as chaotic as the marketplace had been as people moved things out and took them in and servants rushed about. I had only just dismounted when Caspian rode up beside me. I waited for the questions that he was bound to have, but they did not come. He simply squeezed my shoulder reassuringly as he passed me and led us all into the palace. A midday meal was laid out in the great hall where I finally caught an explanation of what Caspian had been up to—and why the palace was in such an uproar.

The man who had bought him had turned out to be the Lord Bern. They had signaled the Dawn Treader and managed to convince the former governor of the island that they had a whole fleet at the ready.

"We knew we could not attack the slave ship directly," Bern said. "There were too many other ships who would have come to his aide."

"So, as of this morning, I deposed the governor of the island and placed the title of Duke on Lord Bern, here," Caspian said.

"We are delighted to find you in such good health!" Reepicheep said to Bern. "But I must ask, where are your comrades?"

"I don't know," Bern admitted. "I came this far with them and felt I'd had enough of the sea. There was no point in going back to Narnia while Miraz controlled it. I fell in love with a woman of the island and never left. They sailed on. I have not seen them since."

After the meal, our men coordinated with Bern's guards and set up a round-the-clock watch on the palace as the last of the old governor's men and possessions were turned out.

"Expect trouble?" Drinian asked Caspian.

"I always do," he responded.

But that did not stop Bern from announcing a grand feast to be put on that night in Caspian's honor. I was just about to follow the housekeeper to my room to ready myself for the party when Rynelf came rushing down the hall toward me.

"Your Majesty, there's a man at the gate," he said. "He claims to know you and insists upon speaking with you."

I grinned.

"About time," I said.

Caspian followed me outside. From there, I could see Lander standing at the gate, his expression neutral even as he was surrounded by three men and Reepicheep, each with their swords drawn.

"You asked me how I got away," I said to Caspian. "There's your answer."

"Rather rough looking answer," Caspian muttered.

He was not wrong. Lander looked like a Telmarine pirate in his leather cuffs and loose, worn clothes. His dark hair was a curly mess that almost touched his shoulders.

"It's okay, Reepicheep," I said. "You can let him pass."

Lander looked around as he approached me, taking in the sight of the palace.

"Your situation has changed since I saw you last," Lander said. "I must say I'm impressed."

"As has yours," I said. "I believe we stripped you of your job today."

"Not exactly a loss, is it?" Lander said, then looked past me to Caspian.

"I told you the king was coming, didn't I?" I said.

"You did," he said. "Though I did not expect this one."

Caspian lowered his head slightly.

"I understand that I am in your debt for your service to the queen," Caspian said.

"Queen?" Lander echoed.

"One title out of many," I said. "But I must thank you. You took a great personal risk coming to my aide."

I wondered if my new, formal tone was what made his eyebrows raise.

"Right," he said.

There was an awkward moment of silence. Lander held my gaze for so long that I looked away and drew the cloak I wore closer, feeling almost as vulnerable as I had that morning.

"You must let me reward you from the royal treasury," Caspian said.

"Not necessary," Lander said, still looking at me as he addressed Caspian.

He first bowed to me, then Caspian.

"An honor to meet your royal highnesses," he said.

Lander turned to leave, but I walked after him.

"Wait," I said. "Come to the feast tonight. As our guest. It's…it's the least I can do."

He hesitated.

"I insist," I said.

"As the queen?" he asked.

"If that would sway you, yes," I said.

"It doesn't," he said, then cocked his head to the side. "But all right."

Then he strode back through the gate.

OoOoO

The housekeeper showed me to a clean, simple bedroom. The maids had already brought up a tub and filled it with warm water. As soon as she left the room, I pulled my torn shirt off. I reached down to untie my breeches and stopped. Dark bruises encircled my wrists and traced down the entire right side of my torso. I glanced at the small mirror on the wall and saw similar marks dotting one side of my neck. I could finally produce a small flame at the tips of my fingers again, but I had not regained enough strength to heal myself.

I let out a breath and double checked that the door was locked before I unlaced my pants and climbed into the water. I rushed through the bath as quickly as I could, then decided to leave my hair down to cover the bruises on my neck.

Someone had already brought my trunk of clothes from the ship. I had only packed two formal dresses, thinking I would likely have no need of them on our voyage. Neither of them had long enough sleeves to hide the marks on my wrists. I decided on the pink gown overlaid with white flowers and leaves embroidered on it. I could lace this one up myself. I stood there, cursing myself for not bringing gloves or a shawl, then my eyes landed on the cloak Lander had put on me. It was not really formal enough to be worn with my dress, but it was clean and big enough to keep my arms covered if I kept my movements in check.

I might have stood there even longer trying to decide on what to do if I had not heard Rhea's voice coming down the hall. I quickly tied the cloak on and opened the door before she could knock. She stood there with Lucy, both of them already dressed and looking much better than they had that morning.

"Oh! There you are!" Rhea said. "We were coming to see if you needed help dressing."

"Is it going to get cold?" Lucy asked, eyeing my cloak.

"Oh, I don't think so," I said. "I've just had a bit of a chill since that stupid poisoned dart. Haven't you, Rhea?"

"A bit," Rhea said. "Though it's mostly passed, now."

"You look beautiful," Lucy said.

"Look at you two!" I said.

Rhea wore a light blue gown with tiers of white lace down the skirt. The color looked perfect with her strawberry blonde hair. Lucy wore a soft yellow dress with billowing sleeves with her brown hair in a braid down her back that Rhea must have done.

"Come on, then, let's go get the boys!" Lucy said.

"Go ahead," Rhea said. "I was going to ask Emma about borrowing a necklace."

Lucy practically skipped away as Rhea came into my room. I opened my trunk again and dug out my small jewelry box.

"I can see what I have, but I didn't really bring much—" I began.

"I don't really need anything," Rhea said. "I just…can I talk to you?"

I looked up at her when I caught the change in her tone. She was looking away from me and twisting her dress in her hands.

"I wanted to say I'm sorry," she said. "I know I let you down."

"Let me down?" I asked.

"You made a mistake," she said, still not meeting my eyes. "You shouldn't have brought me. I told the others I would protect you. I must have told Cassia a hundred times that I would. And the second we get in trouble, I…I freeze."

"Rhea," I said. "I'm not upset with you. I'm not disappointed."

I waited, hoping she would raise her her head, but she didn't.

"Look," I said. "We all did what we had to do to get out of there alive. Sometimes, that's all we can do."

Rhea let out a breath and looked up at me.

"You promise you're not angry with me?" she asked.

I let out a light laugh.

"Honestly, when have you ever seen me angry?" I asked.

"Well—"

"Okay, don't answer that, you cheeky thing," I said, pretending to be offended.

Rhea grinned at me.

"Let's go enjoy the party, yes?" I asked.

She nodded then hesitated as she turned toward the door.

"Do you feel guilty for killing Pug?" Rhea asked suddenly.

"Excuse me?"

"Do you?" she pressed.

"Well, taking a life is not something I do lightly," I said. "But it is sometimes necessary."

"That's not what I asked," she said.

I set my shoulders back.

"Not at all."

"Good," she said.

I felt like I was watching her age before my eyes as she raised her head higher than before. I could only hope that this meant she was gaining something, not that something was being stripped away.

We joined the others downstairs. Reepicheep had put a crimson feather through the golden circlet on his head. Caspian and Edmund were dressed in matching white tunics and brown pants, Edmund probably having borrowed his tunic from Caspian. Caspian wore his crown, and I wondered briefly if I should have put mine on, then thought better of it.

"How beastly one feels in these barbarian clothes," Eustace said, coming down the stairs behind me.

He was fussing with a light blue tunic and white pants that actually fit him quite well considering he must have borrowed them from someone.

"I think you look nice, Eustace," Lucy said.

Eustace was not watching where he was walking and smacked into me. He looked horribly startled when he looked up at me.

"For goodness' sake, Eustace, she's not going to light you on fire," said Edmund.

From his exasperated tone, I could tell this was not the first time he'd had to say it.

"You can't know that!" Eustace cried. "She threw a ball of fire right at my head! If I had not been so quick witted and reacted so well, who knows what could have—"

"Ah, my honored guests!" Bern said as he strode in. "King Caspian, your subjects await you."

We followed Bern through the house back to the Great Hall which was now packed with people and tables laden with food. A group of musicians struck up a song, and the banquet began. Though the hall was filled with music, laughter, and talk, it felt stiff, more formal than the gatherings we held at Cair Paravel. Then again, perhaps I was the only one who felt that way. Everyone else talked and laughed with each other as they enjoyed their dinner. I started to excuse myself when I stood from the table, but no one was watching me, so I simply slipped away.

I walked into the courtyard where only a few people milled about. The sun had just set. I stood there until darkness had fully settled over the island, the stars slowly blinking to life in the sky.

"That is too lovely of a dress to be covered in that old cloak."

I whirled around to see Lander standing several feet behind me.

"You came," I said. "Please help yourself to dinner, and—"

"I was actually just leaving," he said. "I've been inside for a while."

"Oh," I said. "Well, thank you for coming. I was not sure you would."

"I'm sure you weren't," he said.

He cleared his throat.

"Listen, I wanted to apologize," he said. "I know my methods of helping you escape were…"

"You did what you had to," I said quickly.

"Still, I'm sorry," Lander said. "I know what Pug put you through, and—"

I could practically feel my pulse in my cheeks.

"It's fine," I snapped.

Once again, there was a strange moment of silence in which Lander watched me. He did not seem uncomfortable at all. Finally, I took off the cloak, hoping it was dark enough for him not to see my arms clearly.

"Thank you for everything," I said.

I held it out to him, but he made no move to take it.

"How about you give it back to me later?" he asked.

"Later?"

"Your king just hired me on as a crew member," Lander said. "I'll see you in the morning, Your Majesty."

Then he walked away before I could say another word. He kept doing that.

I tied the cloak back on and went back inside. The dancing had already started. Caspian was twirling Lucy around while Edmund talked animatedly with several strangers. I wondered if he noticed Rhea's gaze from the other side of the dance floor. I did not see Eustace anywhere and thought that he had probably gone back to his room.

"Would you care to dance, Your Highness?" Drinian asked, coming up to me and extending his hand.

I smiled and almost took it before hiding my arm back in my cloak.

"I'm afraid I must retire, my lord," I said. "It's been…a long day."

"It has, indeed," he said with a soft smile. "Rest well."

Drinian bowed graciously to me before I went up the stairs and back to my room. I changed into my night clothes and carefully put my dress back into the trunk, the cloak folded and sitting on top. I stood beside the bed for a moment, then put a pair of breeches on underneath my nightgown. I blew out the candle and climbed onto the bed, but instead of lying down, I sat against the wall. There was not enough moonlight coming in from the window to truly illuminate anything, but there was enough to cast long, dark shadows around the room. I sat there for what might have been a few minutes or a few hours.

The knock on my door was so soft, I almost thought I had imagined it, but then I heard the shuffle of feet in the hall. I opened the door just enough to peek through the opening.

"Did I wake you?" Caspian whispered.

"No, is everything okay?" I asked.

"Can I…?"

I opened the door fully and stepped to the side. The lamp he was holding lit up the whole room as he came in and set it on the bedside table.

"Why do you look so serious?" I asked.

His gaze moved to my bruised wrists.

"Not serious," he said lightly. "Just concerned."

"It's fine," I said. "I should be able to heal myself by tomorrow and—"

"That's not what I meant," Caspian said. "Lucy told me what happened on the ship."

"Ah," I said.

"You can talk about it if you—"

"I don't," I said.

He regarded me carefully.

"I'm sorry," he said. "I'm so sorry that I couldn't get all of you off that ship last night. We had to—"

"Everyone keeps apologizing to me," I said. "Everyone feels so guilty."

"And you?" he asked. "How do you feel?"

My nose prickled, and my throat felt hot.

"Tired," I said, my voice hoarse. "I'm so tired, but I can't…"

The lamplight went blurry from the tears I was holding back. I bit down painfully on my lip and shook my head.

"Emma," Caspian said softly.

"Don't," I said. "There's nothing you can say to make this any better."

"I know," he said.

He looked at me so gently that my breath caught in my throat. I covered my mouth as tears spilled down my cheeks and my shoulders began to shake. My breathing was so fast I started to feel dizzy.

"Hey," he said, his voice low and soft. "It's okay."

He pressed his left hand into my chest, over my heart while covering my left hand with his right and placing it on his chest.

"Breathe with me, okay?" he said. "You're safe. You're safe here."

The pressure helped slow my breathing, and eventually, I matched his slow, deep breaths.

"I'm sorry," Caspian said. "We don't have to talk about it."

Caspian had done this for me once before, but I still felt a wave of embarrassment as the panic began to subside. I covered my face and sighed.

"I'm so tired," I said.

My entire body felt numb, and I could barely support my own weight, but I walked over to the bed and collapsed onto it. Caspian pulled the blankets over me, then turned out his lamp. I tensed when I thought he was going to walk out, but instead, he sat on the ground by the foot of the bed and leaned against it.

"Just until you're asleep," he said.

"You don't have to," I said softly.

He did not answer, just grabbed an extra blanket and pulled it over himself. When he laid his head back, I felt the weight of it against my ankle. I was asleep moments after closing my eyes. When I awoke the next morning, Caspian was gone, but Lucy sat in his place.

"Good morning," she said softly when she saw my open eyes.

"Morning, Lu," I said as I stretched.

"Drinian had to move the ship around the point to better anchorage," Lucy said. "Caspian needed to go with him to oversee the preparations. He didn't want you to wake up to find everyone and the ship gone."

She smiled at me.

"Are we ready to make way?" I asked.

"Soon," Lucy said. "No later than noon."

"Good," I said. "I'm ready to get on with it."

Lucy had been right. It was just before midday when the newly refurbished and restocked Dawn Treader left Narrowhaven behind. I stayed on deck until the sun began to set, relishing the salty air and the cries of the gulls as Doorn shrank into the distance. I saw Lander working alongside Rynelf almost at once, but he did not glance my way.

"You hired a slaver?" Edmund asked that night in Drinian's cabin.

I was glad the cabin was so big or else it would have felt a bit crowded with me, both the Pevensies, Caspian, Drinian, Rhea, and Reepicheep circled around the table.

"A former slaver who spent years smuggling prisoners off the ships," Caspian answered. "He tried to save Emma with no idea who she was or that the trade would be ending. I'd say that's the mark of a good man. He knows how to sail, and with my leaving some of the men behind to help Lord Bern…it seemed like a good idea."

Edmund was nodding.

"You'd be hard pressed to find anyone who could prove himself with more certainty, my king," Reepicheep said.

"Now, onto other business," Drinian said, unrolling a map on the table. "Now that we have passed Avara, we are beyond the Lone Islands."

"Then now, the adventure really begins!" Reepicheep declared.

"As does the uncertainty," Rhea said. "We have no way of knowing what's coming, do we?"

"Not really," Drinian said.

"Speaking of what's coming…" Lucy began, looking to me. "Do we have a plan for when we find your mother?"

I glanced at Rhea and Caspian before speaking.

"Well, we did," I said. "We spent three years training and refining different battle plans to prepare to face her. Then Aslan sort of…upended all of that."

Lucy's brows knitted together in confusion.

"I expected to come with an army," I said. "He told me not to bring them."

"So, we don't have a plan?" Edmund asked, some alarm in his voice.

"We have a few different strategies," Caspian said. "We'll be ready when the time comes."

I hoped Caspian was right. We had talked over a few ideas, but without a legion of Eshwen behind me…

"I just want to make sure we're all on the same page," Edmund said. "That we don't do anything rash again."

"Again?" Caspian asked.

Edmund's gaze cut to me if only for a second. My eyes narrowed.

"Please," I said. "If you have something to say…"

Edmund sighed uncomfortably before looking up.

"I think we should discuss Pug's death," he said.

Everyone in the room shifted. My cheeks burned as I tried to keep my expression neutral.

"Go on," I said stiffly.

"I know he was a bad person, and he hurt a lot of people, but—" Edmund began.

"A lot of people," I emphasized.

"—but you killed an unarmed man," Edmund said. "There was no trial or discussion about it, you just killed him. In front of a huge crowd of people, too."

"I understand your concern," I said. "But you don't know the half of his crimes."

"Maybe not, but—" Edmund started.

"Caspian, do you support my actions?" I asked curtly.

"I do," Caspian said. "Under the circumstances, his execution would have been ordered."

"But it wasn't!" Edmund protested. "The Lone Islanders don't know us at all, and they all just saw a man murdered in front of them."

He looked around the room for support.

"Lucy?" he asked.

"It's more complicated than that, Edmund," she said, then looked up at me. "But…he's not wrong."

I stared at Lucy, anger rising in the back of my throat.

"This looks bad," Edmund said. "And Eshwen don't exactly have the best reputation to begin with. Aren't you concerned about—"

"I executed a slave trader for treason," I said.

"Even Eustace is terrified of you now," Edmund argued.

"Eustace is an idiot," I said with a humorless chuckle.

"Yes, but it shows my point."

He started to argue further, but I spoke again.

"I acted with the support of the seated king of Narnia," I said. "I am both a queen of old and a duchess under Caspian, named to take the throne if he should die without an heir."

I leaned on the table.

"I outrank you," I said. "This topic is closed for discussion."

Edmund stared at me, too shocked to say anything. There was a beat of intense silence.

"Then that…uh concludes this council," Drinian said.

I strode out of the room before anyone could say anything to me. I went to the mostly empty deck, hoping the night air would cool me. I heard Edmund coming long before he spoke.

"What was that?" he demanded.

"I could ask you the same," I said, turning to face him. "Why are you defending such a vile man?"

"I'm not defending him!" he said. "Not at all. I'm not saying he didn't deserve it. I'm saying this wasn't justice. I—"

"Are you going to pretend you've never killed anyone?" I asked. "I've seen you in too many battles for you to act so far above me."

"But this wasn't a battle, was it?" he asked. "No one was in danger. He was unarmed. Why did—"

"He was a rapist," I said.

Edmund blinked.

"He tried to take Lucy. Lucy, Ed. I was able to…." My voice trailed off as I shook my head. "I kept her safe, but it was close. And she wasn't the first. This was normal for him. He was a rapist and a slaver, and I will not apologize for killing him in the public way possible."

"I'm sorry. I didn't know," Edmund said, the truth of it clear in his eyes. "That…that does change things."

He sighed.

"But it still looks horrible," Edmund said. "And I'm not just worried about that. I'm worried about you," he said.

"Me?"

"Do you want people to be afraid of you?" he asked.

"Men like Pug should be terrified of me," I said, my voice low.

"What about me?" he asked. "I remember the first time you killed someone, and now…you don't care at all. Do you not see why that scares me?"

"You've been gone a long time, Ed," I said softly. "I had to grow up."

"I've seen you grow up before," he said. "But not like this."

He shook his head slowly and took a step back, disappointment shining in his eyes.

"I've never seen you like this," he said.

He turned and walked off the deck. I went to the rail, clutching at the wood and staring into the black sea. I waited for guilt to rise over Pug's death, but none did. All I could picture was the look on Lucy's face when she had agreed with Edmund.

"For what it's worth," came a voice to the left. "I'm on your side."

I had not seen Lander climbing down from the crow's nest until he was stepping onto the deck.

"I can stand by myself, thanks," I snapped.

"Oh, I've no doubt of that," Lander said.

I closed my eyes and shook my head, even more angry with myself now, though Lander did not seem offended.

"I've wanted to do that for years," he said. "Kill Pug, I mean."

"Why didn't you?" I asked.

"Another would've taken his place, and I would be dead," Lander said. "I could save more lives by blending in."

He shrugged.

"At least, that's what I told myself," he said.

I nodded, looking at the water again.

"Probably," I said.

We stood in silence for a moment.

"Emma," Caspian called from the other side of the deck.

Lander bowed his head then climbed back into the crow's nest. I walked to Caspian and saw Drinian standing beside him.

"We're headed into a storm," Caspian said.

"We may be able to skirt around the edges of it, but we'll have rough sailing for at least the next few days," Drinian said.

"A few days?" I asked. "Quite a storm."

Drinian nodded.

"I can only hope it isn't a hurricane," he said.

At first, it was only a little rain, but the wind picked up until everyone but the most essential crew had to go below deck. Then everything went very, very still. I looked out the small window in our room and knew Drinian's hope was futile. This was a hurricane. It felt as though the sky was holding its breath.

Then it exhaled with a scream.