Of Lost Ships and Old Friends
Author's note: Yay! I finally managed to write again! Someone suggested that I skip lines between paragraphs, so I'm doing that from now on. Notepad isn't the easiest thing to work with though, but my Dad accidentaly deleted Microsoft Word, so this is all we have.
Chapter 5: Someone Who Understands
At 4 AM, T'Kaia slipped quietly out of Spock's room and made her way down the corridor in search of solitude. She had many reasons for this. For one thing, she had only slept for a few hours because her head was still full of unbearable pain from her wound. For another, Spock (the Vulcan, the cat had fallen asleep hours ago and hasn't moved since) had finally fallen asleep and began to snore (something that just made the headache worse). And for another, she needed to cry. And needed to do it alone.
Pride and perfection were everything to T'Kaia. She had been beating herself up for letting her calm slip on the bridge. As long as everyone else thought she was perfect, she didn't care what the truth inside was. She hadn't cried in the last seven years because doing so would shatter the veneer of bravery she needed to survive Captain Ghol. Also, she didn't want her friends and crewmates to think of her as weak. She hadn't taken more rest for her wound because she didn't want it to look like a simple severe head wound could keep T'Kaia Jackson down. So she wandered through the Enterprise, guided only by severly dimmed lights, searching for a place where she could let her feelings out. Alone. For the first time in seven years.
She found that all of the rooms were full of sleeping colonists, from the briefing rooms to the rec rooms, right down to a few places along the corridor. T'Kaia found this out the hard way by tripping over one. She hurriedly whispered an apology then moved on. She came to one of the briefing rooms and noticed that only two colonists were inside asleep. T'Kaia thought that this would have to do.
T'Kaia walked to the furthest corner in the room, away from both the door and the colonists. She felt herself step on something on the way, but disregarded it. T'Kaia wondered at first where to start, but as soon as she let down her natural Vulcan guards against emotion, the tears and pain came back to her on thier own. She spent hours in that corner. She would latch on to a terrible memory, cry about it for the time that was due, then let the memory go and never think of it again. T'Kaia did this every ten years; that way it looked like she never cried. Her Vulcan mother had taught her to do it when the strict doctrines of Vulcan society got to her too much. It typically lasted thirty minutes at most, but this time around it was different.
At presicely 06:00 hours, an alarm went off next to the two sleeping colonists.T'Kaia still hadn't finished crying when one of them walked up to her and knelt down beside her. She looked up into the face of Lieutenant Commander Staitaka. T'Kaia quickly turned her face away again in shame. "Promise to tell no one that you saw me like this," T'Kaia demanded a bit more sharply than she'd intended.
"I promise," Staitaka whispered. "I had intended to find you today anyway. I needed to tell you that..." the words caught in his mouth and a bitter look crossed his face for a moment. "...I'm sorry, Commander Jackson. I feel terribly for the way I acted on the bridge yesterday. I intend to find Captain Kirk and tell him the same."
T'Kaia studied him for a moment. "I can see in your eyes that you mean it. I accept the apology." She reached up and wiped her eyes with her sleeves.
"What's wrong?" Staitaka asked. Then, realizing the obvious, he said "Well, I mean, more than usual."
T'Kaia gave him a rueful smile. "Nothing you don't know. I only let myself cry once every ten years."
"Looks like you needed it this time around," Staitaka commented. Then he changed the subject. "I really do feel sorry for the way that I've acted. I mean all day yesterday too, before they even pulled you aboard. I don't know what made me be so downright annoying. It's just..."
Staitaka shivered for a moment. Images of the colony that they had abandoned exploding into thousands of tiny particles flashed through his mind. He flinched as the memory of his home's death sank in again. "You can never know what it is like to be the leader of a group who has just lost everything, Commander Jackson."
T'Kaia stopped herself from saying 'Oh yes I can' and instead said "You feel like the whole thing is your fault. Like there was something you could have and should have done to save your home. Like everyone's blood was on your hands..." she trailed off with a faraway look. Yes, she knew the feeling all too well.
"That's about the size of it," Staitaka said in wonder, "But no one died on my colony. Commander Jackson? Commander?"
T'Kaia seemed lost for a moment, remembering the home that she'd lost. "Four survivors..." she whispered, shaking her head. Staitaka reached out and shook her for a moment. She gave a start and then said "Forgive me, Staitaka. Bad memories, things of the past." She looked straight up into his eyes. "Just try to remember, it wasn't your fault. There was absolutely nothing you could have done."
Staitaka nodded. "Yes, I shall certainly keep that in mind. You might want to be going now, Commander. It's 06:10, the Captain might be wondering where you are." T'Kaia nodded in agreement. She slowly got up. "By the way, Staitaka, please call me T'Kaia. I'm sorry I've been so sharp with you, I'm not myself either."
Staitaka smiled. "And call me Ryan."
T'Kaia walked towards the door, stepping deftly over the colonist woman who was still sleeping. As she opened the door, she turned around. "Remember, you never saw me crying."
"Saw you doing what?" Staitaka replied innocently. T'Kaia laughed and sauntered out of the room.
The colonist woman yawned and sat up. "Who was that, dear?" she asked Staitaka.
"Marjorie, I think it was someone who understands. But I'm not sure." Marjorie Staitaka rolled over and went back to sleep as Ryan Staitaka shook his head in amazement that his wife had missed the entire exchange.
"You never cease to amaze me, Marjie."
Note (Again): I know that was way too short, but I was so glad that I finally wrote something that I had to put it up. Tell me whatcha think, and be honest. The much more eventful chapter six will go up probably on the weekend of June 8th (the 7th is my last day of school)
Author's note: Yay! I finally managed to write again! Someone suggested that I skip lines between paragraphs, so I'm doing that from now on. Notepad isn't the easiest thing to work with though, but my Dad accidentaly deleted Microsoft Word, so this is all we have.
Chapter 5: Someone Who Understands
At 4 AM, T'Kaia slipped quietly out of Spock's room and made her way down the corridor in search of solitude. She had many reasons for this. For one thing, she had only slept for a few hours because her head was still full of unbearable pain from her wound. For another, Spock (the Vulcan, the cat had fallen asleep hours ago and hasn't moved since) had finally fallen asleep and began to snore (something that just made the headache worse). And for another, she needed to cry. And needed to do it alone.
Pride and perfection were everything to T'Kaia. She had been beating herself up for letting her calm slip on the bridge. As long as everyone else thought she was perfect, she didn't care what the truth inside was. She hadn't cried in the last seven years because doing so would shatter the veneer of bravery she needed to survive Captain Ghol. Also, she didn't want her friends and crewmates to think of her as weak. She hadn't taken more rest for her wound because she didn't want it to look like a simple severe head wound could keep T'Kaia Jackson down. So she wandered through the Enterprise, guided only by severly dimmed lights, searching for a place where she could let her feelings out. Alone. For the first time in seven years.
She found that all of the rooms were full of sleeping colonists, from the briefing rooms to the rec rooms, right down to a few places along the corridor. T'Kaia found this out the hard way by tripping over one. She hurriedly whispered an apology then moved on. She came to one of the briefing rooms and noticed that only two colonists were inside asleep. T'Kaia thought that this would have to do.
T'Kaia walked to the furthest corner in the room, away from both the door and the colonists. She felt herself step on something on the way, but disregarded it. T'Kaia wondered at first where to start, but as soon as she let down her natural Vulcan guards against emotion, the tears and pain came back to her on thier own. She spent hours in that corner. She would latch on to a terrible memory, cry about it for the time that was due, then let the memory go and never think of it again. T'Kaia did this every ten years; that way it looked like she never cried. Her Vulcan mother had taught her to do it when the strict doctrines of Vulcan society got to her too much. It typically lasted thirty minutes at most, but this time around it was different.
At presicely 06:00 hours, an alarm went off next to the two sleeping colonists.T'Kaia still hadn't finished crying when one of them walked up to her and knelt down beside her. She looked up into the face of Lieutenant Commander Staitaka. T'Kaia quickly turned her face away again in shame. "Promise to tell no one that you saw me like this," T'Kaia demanded a bit more sharply than she'd intended.
"I promise," Staitaka whispered. "I had intended to find you today anyway. I needed to tell you that..." the words caught in his mouth and a bitter look crossed his face for a moment. "...I'm sorry, Commander Jackson. I feel terribly for the way I acted on the bridge yesterday. I intend to find Captain Kirk and tell him the same."
T'Kaia studied him for a moment. "I can see in your eyes that you mean it. I accept the apology." She reached up and wiped her eyes with her sleeves.
"What's wrong?" Staitaka asked. Then, realizing the obvious, he said "Well, I mean, more than usual."
T'Kaia gave him a rueful smile. "Nothing you don't know. I only let myself cry once every ten years."
"Looks like you needed it this time around," Staitaka commented. Then he changed the subject. "I really do feel sorry for the way that I've acted. I mean all day yesterday too, before they even pulled you aboard. I don't know what made me be so downright annoying. It's just..."
Staitaka shivered for a moment. Images of the colony that they had abandoned exploding into thousands of tiny particles flashed through his mind. He flinched as the memory of his home's death sank in again. "You can never know what it is like to be the leader of a group who has just lost everything, Commander Jackson."
T'Kaia stopped herself from saying 'Oh yes I can' and instead said "You feel like the whole thing is your fault. Like there was something you could have and should have done to save your home. Like everyone's blood was on your hands..." she trailed off with a faraway look. Yes, she knew the feeling all too well.
"That's about the size of it," Staitaka said in wonder, "But no one died on my colony. Commander Jackson? Commander?"
T'Kaia seemed lost for a moment, remembering the home that she'd lost. "Four survivors..." she whispered, shaking her head. Staitaka reached out and shook her for a moment. She gave a start and then said "Forgive me, Staitaka. Bad memories, things of the past." She looked straight up into his eyes. "Just try to remember, it wasn't your fault. There was absolutely nothing you could have done."
Staitaka nodded. "Yes, I shall certainly keep that in mind. You might want to be going now, Commander. It's 06:10, the Captain might be wondering where you are." T'Kaia nodded in agreement. She slowly got up. "By the way, Staitaka, please call me T'Kaia. I'm sorry I've been so sharp with you, I'm not myself either."
Staitaka smiled. "And call me Ryan."
T'Kaia walked towards the door, stepping deftly over the colonist woman who was still sleeping. As she opened the door, she turned around. "Remember, you never saw me crying."
"Saw you doing what?" Staitaka replied innocently. T'Kaia laughed and sauntered out of the room.
The colonist woman yawned and sat up. "Who was that, dear?" she asked Staitaka.
"Marjorie, I think it was someone who understands. But I'm not sure." Marjorie Staitaka rolled over and went back to sleep as Ryan Staitaka shook his head in amazement that his wife had missed the entire exchange.
"You never cease to amaze me, Marjie."
Note (Again): I know that was way too short, but I was so glad that I finally wrote something that I had to put it up. Tell me whatcha think, and be honest. The much more eventful chapter six will go up probably on the weekend of June 8th (the 7th is my last day of school)