Don't Make Me Leave

Chapter 3 – Time Apart

"I'm… I'm sorry?" Katherine stuttered. She had to have misheard, right? Willaim was a common name, after all. Perhaps she had heard "Murdoch" because she had just been thinking about him. Surely, that was it.

The man cleared his throat and straightened his posture. He pulled his shoulders back, and his expression turned gravely serious. He seemed even taller and somehow more intimidating than before. Katherine instinctively drew back slightly.

"Allow me to introduce myself properly, Lieutenant William McMaster Murdoch," he stated confidently.

Katherine's mind reeled. What were the odds? How was this possible? And an even more troubling question was why had he suddenly become so severe? Was he angry? Disappointed that his soon-to-be wife was foolish enough to travel alone, dine, and spend considerable time with a man unchaperoned? In fact, the more Katherine thought about the last few hours, the more dread and regret filled her stomach. I mean, what respectable man, let alone a naval officer, would find her behavior acceptable.

Katherine's breath began to quicken. Between her embarrassment and regret and his sudden seriousness, Katherine's anxiety was getting the best of her,

"It is very nice to meet you, Mr. Murdoch," Katherine stammered, trying to keep her composure, "but if you'll excuse me, I think I need some air."

Her excuse was ridiculous. They were on a ferry, surrounded by the cool sea breeze, and she needed air. With her last shred of composure, Katherine slid the overcoat off her shoulders and passed it back to William. She couldn't bear to look him in the eye, so the moment she was free from the weight of the heavy wool coat, she turned on her heels and walked toward the far end of the deck.

With each step, her pace quickened until she was all but running. She rounded the corner of the staircase wall and pressed her back against the rough wood. She rested her head against the wall. Her thoughts raced as she overanalyzed the past 4 hours.

Were his intentions pure? She told him she had a fiancé. Did he care? Was he only nice to her because he thought she was a helpless woman? Easily taken advantage of? And why the sudden change in demeanor? She'd admit that in her limited experience, he always seemed to be a little serious and closed off. He smiled and was a good conversationalist but never really opened up. He never told her why he was going to Belfast, never mentioned a job, family, anything! But he seemed to withdraw and close himself off even more, when he realized who she was.

Her hand covered her mouth. She didn't know whether to scream or sob. Her emotions were in complete disarray. She felt a warm tear run down her cold cheek. He hadn't followed her. A small part of her wished that he had. It would have shown her that the kind-hearted stranger that tried to calm her fears about sea travel and offered her his coat was still available to her. She was exhausted, both physically and emotionally, but she told herself she would make the best of this situation.

She didn't know how long she had been hiding there, but she took a few more moments to calm herself. She stood up straight, smoothed her skirt, and walked back toward William. He was sitting on the bench near their handbags. He was resting his elbows on his knees and looking out at the water. He hadn't followed her, but he stayed and watched her luggage. Admittedly, she had completely forgotten about it. Was this just another showcase of her foolishness? She didn't have time to think about it as she sat beside him.

"Thank you for looking after my bag," she said, studying his face.

"It's no trouble. I think we both needed a moment to collect our thoughts," he replied. He didn't turn to look at her; the lighting was dim, but she thought she saw a small smile tugging at his lips.

Katherine noticed that they were quickly closing in on the docks. The ferry was slowing down, and she saw a few scattered people make their way down to the lower deck to get ready to disembark.

William and Katherine both stood and grabbed their bags. Once they were safely off the ferry, William once again carried both suitcases to the taxi and then further onto their last train. Neither of them spoke. William only broke his silence to direct the taxi and purchase their train tickets.

This time Katherine sat near the window. The sun was starting to rise, and she hoped the last leg of her trip would pass quickly. She desperately wanted to sleep, or at the very least freshen up. Just as they were the first time they sat beside each other on a train, they were silent. This time, however, Katherine couldn't bring herself to read her book, and William hadn't attempted to read his newspaper. They simply sat beside each other, staring out the train car window, trying to get used to each other's presence.

Katherine thought it was strange. They had spent hours together, she thought they felt at least somewhat comfortable around each other, but now, it was as if she was sitting next to a total stranger again.

Somewhere along the taxi route, she realized that William held all the cards in their situation. He could call off this arrangement, resulting in Katherine's social ruin. She would basically have to publicly prove that he had been unfaithful or committed a serious crime to be able to break off the engagement. She imagined both of those situations to be highly unlikely. Her thoughts continued along this same theme for the remainder of the train ride. Over and over, she analyzed their conversations, his actions, and his expressions, but she felt like she couldn't decipher any of it! She needed to bathe, sleep, and eat a real meal before she could even begin to process everything that had just happened.

"Goodnight, Mister Murdoch."

"Goodnight, Miss Lofthouse."

Katherine replayed their last exchange over and over as she sat on the sofa in her hotel room. She managed to freshen up and rest, but her thoughts and dreams were plagued by the night before, but those thoughts would have to wait. According to James's last letter, the plan was to have dinner with him and the rest of the officers at the hotel's restaurant and then move her into a cabin on Titanic.

Katherine chose a dark blue tone-on-tone silk satin dinner dress with an embroidered chest yolk. Her hair was curled and pinned at the top of her head – a style she could easily do alone. She finally felt that she looked like herself. Upon arriving at her room earlier that day, after over 12 hours of travel, Katherine could hardly recognize herself in the mirror – pale skin, dark circles under her eyes, and her hair was falling out of the pins.

With a final pinch of her cheeks, Katherine walked out of her room to wait for James in the lobby.

"There you are! Glad to see you made it safe and sound!" To Katherine's surprise, James was already waiting for her in the lobby. She greeted him with a smile and a kiss on the cheek.

"It was quite the journey," was all she said of it. She had decided it would be best not to tell James about meeting William on the train. "It has been ages since I had a proper meal; let's get on with it!" Katherine exclaimed, looping her arm through her cousin's.

"Before we go in," James began, "all the other officers are here, including Murdoch. I just want you to be ready. I will be there the whole time, and I do mean here at dinner and here during the entire voyage." Katherine took a deep breath and nodded. James gave her hand a reassuring squeeze before the pair walked into the dining room of the Grand Metropole Hotel.

The restaurant was beautiful and reminded her of home. The blue and gold carpet would have fit perfectly in Aunt Mary's drawing room, while the chandeliers were eerily similar to the one in the foyer of St. James House.

As they approached the table, Katherine locked eyes with William. She saw his jaw clench and noticed the man sitting next to William give him a sly look before the rest of the table turned to greet them. Katherine had never considered whether the rest of the officers knew about the arrangement. She figured it would be best to assume they did not, but the three of them, Katherine, James, and William, had not set up a formal cover story, so she would have to improvise.

A waiter helped them into their seats, and then the introductions began, "Alright, gentlemen, allow me to introduce my cousin, Miss Katherine Lofthouse. She will be joining us on Titanic from this evening to New York and back." James's words were endearing and enthusiastic. There was a chorus of polite greetings as the officers took turns introducing themselves. James was on her right, 5th Officer Lowe on her left, and William was seated directly across from her.

"So, Miss Lofthouse, do you enjoy the sea?" Officer Lightoller, the man seated next to William, asked as the plates from the first course were being cleared away. William abruptly coughed into his napkin Katherine figured he was surprised by Lightoller's question, considering he knew her fears about sea travel.

"I do not, Officer Lightoller. In fact, the first time I had ever been on a boat at all was on the ferry ride over here!" she explained with a laugh. Her eyes moved to watch William's reaction. His eyes locked with hers for a brief moment before Katherine looked back at Lightoller. "In fact, that is why I asked to accompany James here in Belfast. I figured it would give me more time to ease into the idea of ships and sea travel before crossing the Atlantic."

"You'll know the ship so well that we'll make you an honorary officer by the time we return to Southampton," Officer Lowe jested, and the entire joined in for a good laugh.

The rest of the meal was generally uneventful. They each talked about their previous posts and then discussed their first impressions of Titanic. There was a consensus that getting used to Titanic would take at least a week. They discussed what still needed to be done before the sea trials could begin.

Katherine was captivated by the conversation. She understood little, but their passion was contagious. She found herself stealing glances at William, observing the way he ate, drank, and chatted with his fellow officers. He was perfectly professional but also appeared totally at ease. Could he ever be that at ease around her again? She felt they had shared something before the big reveal and desperately hoped it wasn't lost forever. She couldn't bear the thought of a married life condemned to rigidity and coarseness from William.

"Well, gentlemen, I must be off. It is getting quite late, and I still need to get settled on the ship. I bid you all good evening," Katherine explained as she prepared to leave the table. James stood up with her, said goodbye to his crewmates, and escorted Katherine back to her room.

"Now that seemed to go rather well," James mused as they left the Grand Metropole Hotel and entered the taxi.

"Well, it could have gone worse," Katherine chuckled. "They all seem like lovely gentlemen." James nodded in agreement,

"We'll plan a formal introduction with Mr. Murdoch tomorrow once you've had a chance to settle in." Katherine nodded, distracted; the taxi had just rounded a corner, and the most magnificent structure Katherine had ever seen came into view. In the darkness of the night, it was foreboding and maybe a little ominous, but the gleaming white paint and golden smokestacks of Titanic in the moonlight enchanted her. She could hardly take her eyes away as they stopped near the dock.

"It's beautiful," she sighed, staring up the long gangway.

"Wait until you see inside. She's the grandest ship I've ever seen!" James exclaimed quite excitedly.

They made their way up the gangway and through the winding halls. James wasn't wrong; every detail of the ship was perfection, all the way down to the perfectly polished floors. She was hopelessly lost and vowed to fully explore the ship in the coming days.

Finally, they arrived on the boat deck, "Here are the officers' quarters. My cabin is right here," they stopped in front of a plain wooden door on the port side of the ship. As for the rest of the officers, we have Lowe, Pitman, Blair, Lightoller, and Murdoch all along this corridor," James explained, pointing down the hallway towards the front of the ship. James led Katherine towards the starboard corridor, "Boxhall and the captain will be set up in this hallway, and you will be through this door." In the starboard corridor of the officers' quarters was a door leading to a few first-class cabins. They made their way back to the port-side to a short hall that ended with first-class stateroom 'SR X.' "Here we are."

James handed her the key to the room. It was modest in size, but the furnishings were beautiful. Immediately inside the door was a wardrobe, a dressing table, a heater, and washstand in the center, and a single bed with a luxurious red duvet, "This is beautiful, James. I shall be quite comfortable here."

"Well, then, I shall leave you to it. Get some rest; you've got a big day of exploring tomorrow." And with that, he was gone, and Katherine was all alone in a strange room, on a strange ship, in a strange city.

She organized her clothes in the wardrobe and placed her jewelry, hair accessories, and books on the dressing table. The ship was eerily quiet. No voices rang through the halls, and no engine noises to break the silence. The only sound was the creaking of the ship's hull as Katherine tried to get some sleep.

A/N: On the ship and trying to figure out where they stand. Where will Katherine and William go from here? What do you want to see? Let me know!

~Moonless